Bf used to splitting the bill

Caedere01 · 2020-06-27T10:10:25+00:00

I was the same way with my bf for a long time too (although, not to this extent). He paid one bill, I paid the next, simple as that. Once I discovered FDS I stopped keeping track and he started picking it up more and more and giving me gifts or paying for books that I spot on a trip to the store. It's nothing huge, cause we're both still students, but he does what he can.

Your guy is past that though. It just doesn't seem like he would be willing to spoil you if he keeps reminding you of how much he spends. That's not what a partner is supposed to do.

jayda92 · 2020-06-27T11:20:34+00:00

Break up. Don't be the 50/50 gf. Its unfair to you since you're a full-time student and he works. Of course he likes you, you do not require anything, so he can go and splurge his money around while complaining about his own frivolous spending while you're struggling.

You're not a golddigger; it would be less of a hassle to pay for yourself aka not drag him around, and opening your heart to someone who will help you instead of holding up his hand to you.

There are plenty of guys happy to treat you and offer you the world. Fuck this clown. There is no way you can stay in that relationship and talking things through without hurting his fragile male ego.

Slowly pull back, put your attention on other guys who aren't cheap and he'll get the message 😉

Elegant-Stop · 2020-06-27T09:44:31+00:00

Lol of course it’s one of the things he likes about you because he’s cheap. Unfortunately there’s likely no getting out of it. I know it seems gold digger-y to dump a guy because he won’t pay your half, but it really is a valid reason especially if he makes more.

circescircus · 2020-06-27T13:31:49+00:00

Just dump him and work really hard at school, on your interests and passions. Save and invest your money, build your future. Don't waste your time or money on this guy.

giftofnocondemnation · 2020-06-27T14:56:23+00:00

The fact that he let you pay half the bill is a sign he is a LVM. And for him to say thats why he likes you? He's getting the affection of a beautiful woman essentially for free. He's taking advantage of you. If you are paying for your own meal, what is he there for? To block other potentially HVM from talking to you?

If you are paying for your own meal, eat alone. Its very liberating.

goatismycopilot · 2020-06-27T14:18:51+00:00

Personally I think you canmot undo this dynamic. That is why you need to pay attention in the beginning and act mindfully in the beginning. As for the Disney trip straight up cancel and tell him you cannot afford it.

Jinxhourglass · 2020-06-27T11:27:37+00:00

You can’t

Maisiebr · 2020-06-27T10:27:06+00:00

If you're a student he shouldn't demand half of everything, period. My ex was an utter douchebag, but even he didn't demand me anything more I'm capable of giving. He worked full time and I'm a student with a part-time job that I lost due to covid. He paid on every date (we were together for a year and he paid for dates for the course of our relationship), and when we lived together I only contributed a fair share of rent and utilities based on our incomes and I bought groceries occassionally. When I lost my job, I received a bit of help from my parents and my then bf refused to accept my previous contributions to the household, so I could use the money on things that I needed. What I wrote is not even FDS-y yet, but basic decency. An FDS principle would be that if I had a full time job that paid well, he still should want to compensate for my valuable time and he should prove that he can provide and that he can make an effort.

VikingPug · 2020-06-27T14:37:15+00:00

You cannot. You’re 22 and shouldn’t be spending $$ on a boy. Dump him, use your money for yourself and focus on school.

Blackishcat27 · 2020-06-27T17:26:20+00:00

It's probably too late. Time to start over. He'll only end up resenting the change. Also just saw that last comment about him feeling the need to remind you how much he spends on you. He's score keeping and that never bodes well for a relationship.

tellmesomething11 · 2020-06-27T18:19:24+00:00

You can undo this dynamic but you have to harden your heart. I do this to my ex husband all the time. I tell him I have no money because I’m paying off my debt. He tried bring up splitting costs a few times ( like if we take our daughters to dinner) and I’m just like “I don’t have any money, I told you that.”

You know how in books, a person goes to a police station and the police are questioning them? The police rely on people feeling uncomfortable with silence and then the person feels the need to fill that gap and speak. You don’t have to do that.

The next time you’re getting food just tell him “I don’t have any money, can you pay?” And just keep doing it. If he gets mad or confronts you, just act really shocked and say “ I have so much debt, I dont have any money.” And if he gets nasty, just be like “I just want a man who understands my situation and is generous with me because he can afford a relationship with me.”

Let the awkwardness sit, but don’t fold. I’m doing this to my ex, we aren’t even together, he gets no sex or kisses, we aren’t together at all, just the kids tie us, and I’m like 🤷🏽‍♀️. Sometimes he rants and says “why am I still buying you shit,” and I’m always so gracious and say “thank you, you are so generous to me. I have so much debt and you’re helping me so much.”

Works like a charm. And I have been paying down debt with the money I’ve saved😎

Edit: before my ex and I divorced, I paid for many things, including rent for several years, even though he made more than me. I just wanted to point that out because he was and still is an lvm.

DejaBlue_Chump · 2020-06-27T19:23:54+00:00

Dump this guy, stat. One of the things he likes about you is that you'll pay for things; he will have no desire to change that. Do not bother taking that Disney trip with him.

OrchidLion · 2020-06-27T21:35:15+00:00

I would start over with a new guy. Much easier.

wrytit · 2020-06-27T14:43:01+00:00

And he always reminds me of how much he spends on me.

Um, NO.

nosynobody · 2020-06-27T14:20:40+00:00

I was in a similar situation like you. Both of us are working but from the first date we took turns and that became routine. Then we broke up and got back together. Since he wanted to get back together I did not offer to pay the bills. He was pulling all the stops to impress me so took me to a bunch of new places. Now we are more at 80-20

Champagne_bitch · 2020-06-28T07:08:15+00:00

Please leave him. Never accept a position of 50/50.

sadonionchild · 2020-06-27T10:04:23+00:00

Maybe you could go about it a different way, since he knows you aren’t working and are in college, just be upfront and say you can’t afford your half (even if you could) but offer to maybe buy a souvenir or two in exchange. And start building it up like that, like have him pay for the full meal and you tip and like slowly just “run out of money”. To me, I like paying the bill, but I hate being expected to. And since you haven’t been dating a long time just yet he might just not be ready to spend that much on an experience with someone who might leave. I dunno, just my thoughts.

Title	Bf used to splitting the bill
Author	Aqokneh
Upvotes	31
Comments	29
Date	June 27, 2020 9:40 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/hgqoau/bf_used_to_splitting_the_bill/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/bf-used-to-splitting-the-bill.699594 https://theredarchive.com/post/699594

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