FDS is important because too many men think this is acceptable. My heart breaks for her.

delicateearthbabe · 2020-02-11T07:52:16+00:00

At least she's not looking for excuses for him, she wants to get away from this trash.

AverageToHot · 2020-02-11T08:01:44+00:00

Please tag her in this post so she can get FDS advice.

raindampened · 2020-02-11T09:36:44+00:00

It's scary reading the last paragraph. Most times pickmes make excuses but not her. She knows this was a mistake. In theory I know that being level headed and realistic is better than being denial bc then you can take action to better your life. But it's still hard to read that.

suaveagave · 2020-02-11T09:09:38+00:00

Her life would be so much easier without him. As hard as being a single parent is, at least she would be able to cut off all his dead weight. Tag her here so we can help her!!!

si_vis_amari__ama · 2020-02-11T10:05:50+00:00

Classic story of the Pickmeisha believing love conquers all and transcends time and space, caught in the fantasy relationship of LDR. If we just give and give and give, surely we'll get rewarded? I feel for her; bitter ice cold reality dawned on her.

This is why I don't do LDR. It's only the promise of a relationship, not an actual one. At such a distance you have close to zero opportunity to see how a man treats you, or treats himself and the important things in his life. All interactions through a screen is not real life. Prince charming was a fantasy projection; he's just a crusty stinking toad.

She needs to get over her guilt that he lives in the US because of her. That was his choice, too. He's not a partner, so might as well be alone. Thank goodness this didn't happen the other way around. She could be stuck with a baby a long way from home.

persephones_torch · 2020-02-11T11:07:52+00:00

I felt this story hard because this was me until a year ago.

But we thankfully didn't have children. I didn't feel like having one because I thought taking care of two children (a manchild and a baby) would have been tol fucking much. But I did move for this man based on the promise of a relationship, an LDR for years because of "love". I was young and naive. A total pickme. We broke up so many times because of so many things but he begged me to move here, to at least give us a chance.

I left my friends and family, a career (I was about to get promoted), suitors who were warned me to not do it, and moved for this man. Who couldn't even take care of me. I became the breadwinner. I took action in getting shit done. I was the provider for a manchild. He felt like he could take it easy because I had a (to him) cushy job.

I gained weight, I lost hair, I lost all that beauty I had. Two years after my marriage my parents saw me and were shocked at how I looked like from the misery and stress.

Only five years deep into the marrige that I realized that I was this man's therapist, mommy, cook, maid, sexdoll, and how one sided and toxic this was for me. He gaslit me constantly. Yelled at me. Called me names. Broke things in front of me while arguing. His work ethic was deplorable. He would wash a couple of dishes and "take a break" until he forgot he was doing chores.

When I found myself fantasizing about him getting into an accident and leaving me widowed... I realized that I needed to find my way out of this unhappy situation. I realized my own worth, got the courage to leave him. It was rough but a year later I am so much happier with my life. Lost all the weight. Rediscovered my hobbies. Formed strong friendships. Focused on work and getting more money. I am a much better and a much stronger woman.

But morale of the story, if he doesn't take care of you from the get go... nothing is going to change. Things will just get worse and you'll be stuck in a cycle of misery, resentment, and toxicity until divorce or one of you dies.

aclumsygirl · 2020-02-11T14:00:55+00:00

Nine times out of ten, the red flags were waving well before the baby came.

Don't have kids with low value men.

2020-02-11T10:02:18+00:00

Men are parasites and utterly worthless to women.

Right-Clock · 2020-02-11T12:14:36+00:00

The crazy amounts of naps after sleeping in reminds me of what I used to deal with as recently as 2018. Thankfully my life's changed. Yours can, too.

7_0f_9 · 2020-02-11T13:08:26+00:00

Video games. There's your first red flag. Ladies, if you are into games as a past time, please be aware you are not going to find quality men in that community. Every gamer I've dated was a garbage human being.

cyaneyezz · 2020-02-11T08:36:38+00:00

This is so sad :( I am always curious about marriages where the partners live overseas from eachother for years, especially at the beginning. I would have so much insecurity and trust issues about it, I don't understand why people do it, exactly

Lakersrock111 · 2020-02-11T13:28:26+00:00

What a loser he is.

And they had a kid.

Which sucks for that kid unfortunately. That dad is basically a deadbeat.

pinkyberries · 2020-02-11T08:25:07+00:00

Why would you have a child while your marriage is breaking?
The marriage was doomed to begin with, a child won't save it.

chungkingxbricks · 2020-02-11T17:17:35+00:00

Divorce his sorry ass, sis!

EmergencyShit · 2020-02-11T16:24:17+00:00

[deleted]

Swazee90 · 2020-02-12T13:42:16+00:00

All im hearing is " ive changed my mind but dont want to look like the bad guy so here's a list of excuses why i should leave "

woman the hell up, leave if you want to but dont make excuses to make it seem like hes forcing you out rather than it being your choice

Title	FDS is important because too many men think this is acceptable. My heart breaks for her.
Author	EmergencyShit
Upvotes	212
Comments	35
Date	February 11, 2020 7:19 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/f24xjd/fds_is_important_because_too_many_men_think_this/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/fds-is-important-because-too-many-men-think-this.693910 https://theredarchive.com/post/693910

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