A huge shoutout to Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Barcroft.

A man doesn't necessarily have to be abusive to engage in abusive behaviour is one of the toughest pills I've had to swallow. It is important to set boundaries from the VERY BEGINNING. Some of these red flags can be spotted from when he first starts speaking to you. Don't try to explain to him that what he's doing is wrong. He knows it is wrong, he is just trying to gage how much of his "wrong" behaviour you will tolerate.

Make sure you always assess the safety of a situation first. If you believe it will be dangerous to put him in his place and you're both alone, do your best to just leave the situation first.

If he tries to negs you:

- backhanded compliments such as "you're ___ for a girl/POC/your major/whatever"

- "you're the second/third/eighth prettiest girl I've seen"

ROLL your eyes, sigh, or tell him "oh, you're one of those people." If he tries to continue talking to you, just walk away. He wants your attention, don't give it to him. People that have to try and take you down a peg know that they aren't worth your time.

If he speaks down/condescendingly to you:

- "Just let me help you sweetheart"

- It's actually quite simple...*uses buzzwords/terminology that's too uppity*

If he calls you a pet name which makes you uncomfortable, you have to very firmly (like you're talking to a dog) say "no, don't call me that." Be condescending right back. The tone of voice is a weapon often used against outspoken women in particular (I personally have experienced it). When you show them that their tone of voice won't cause you to waver in your confidence, they'll think twice next time, at least with you. (Unfortunately, some men will just go find another victim).

If he doesn't respect the boundaries you set up:

- I know you said no to that drink, but I got you a soda anyways

Tell him "I told you X times that I don't want it. Your persistence is unneeded./Please respect my wishes."

AVOID THE "that's nice of you but." It takes away from the main goal of the statement, which is to make him feel ashamed for trying

Niceguys do this a lot. The difference between an actual guy who's nice and a niceguy is that a niceguy won't back off after you say no once. They often pull this shit in social situations where you'll look bad if you decline his advances.

If he tries to tell you you're "not like other girls"

Ask him what the other girls in his life did to him to make him feel that way. If he says that they were all crazy you need to run. No explanation for this needed.

If he feels this way towards other girls, you will become other girls when he gets bored of you.

If he says "I'm not worthy of your love/affection/whatever"

Leave him. Don't even bother responding. When men are attracted to women they MAKE themselves worthy. If he's going to wallow in self pity he can do that without going around trying to make women sympathize into fucking him.

If he says "oh so you'll cook/clean/do my laundry for me?"

If his first response to hearing you like to cook is if you'll do it to serve him instead of something that's actually related to your interest in cooking ("what do you like to cook? When did you learn? I cook too! I've been trying to get more into cooking. Tell me about it!") he sees you as something to use, not someone. It's also the lamest line in the book. Ask him if his parents never taught him basic life skills? (Avoid blaming "mommy" because it inadvertently affirms the idea of women being in charge of the kitchen at home.)

These are just some of the common ones. I also lurk this sub a lot so forgive me if I restate something someone else has posted about earlier! Just let me know who said it and where/when and I'll provide credit.

Please feel free to share some patterns in speech you've noticed amongst LVM as well :)