“I hate small talk” = I hate putting in the effort required to have authentic emotional intimacy. So, rather than earning your trust, I intend on acting annoyed by your walls/boundaries and prying into your psyche because I feel entitled to your immediate trust.

VioletRomantic · 2020-08-06T00:27:05+00:00

I want to force you to trauma bond with me, and then dive into a sexual conversation after I've made you vulnerable, so that you confuse my manipulation with intimacy! Because everything is about my dick, and you're not a real person to me.

bearded_dragonlady · 2020-08-06T01:07:07+00:00

This is the sophomoric mindset some of my friends had in their teens, where they believed fast-forwarding into pseudo-deep 'intimate' conversations with their peers was so much more superior to building a real foundation of trust and friendship with someone. Most people I know grow out of that phase, but I'm always unsettled when men who are 22+ still hold these lazy, exploitative, immature ideas about human interaction.

myousername · 2020-08-06T02:08:28+00:00

Whenever a guy says "I hate small talk" what he really means is "I have bad people skills"

Social norms exist for a reason. Understanding and respecting social norms doesn't mean you're dumb, shallow, or a sheep.

If a stranger came up to me demanding "DO U BELIEVE IN ALIENS" I would think they are mentally unhinged and would avoid them. If they start by talking about the weather, they can gauge if I am open to talking to strangers, if I am in the mood to chat, etc. and I can gauge if they are safe to interact with. The conversation can grow organically into other topics from there.

Likewise, if a guy on a dating app immediately hits me up with "tell me your most traumatic childhood memory" I would be like um ok this guy is probably a narcissist trying to create false intimacy, block.

painmakesyoustronger · 2020-08-06T00:18:45+00:00

Most of the things he listed are things he can use to manipulate you with.

Be careful what you tell people. Don’t be an open book unless they’ve earned your trust.

OrchidLion · 2020-08-06T01:16:35+00:00

How about the lies YOU'VE told scrote? How about YOUR insecurities. Oh but of course you don't want to be vulnerable. This is just about you putting zero effort and getting to know a womans weaknesses to use against her later.

zombiessalad · 2020-08-06T01:41:12+00:00

“I hate small talk” AKA “I can either mansplain, talk about myself, or u can let me use u as a fleshlight”

eveninghope · 2020-08-05T23:10:20+00:00

r/iamsmart

nowheyrose · 2020-08-06T00:30:11+00:00

With a side order of "I'm definitely going to air all my dirty laundry on the second date"

elementalvirago · 2020-08-05T23:11:15+00:00

And it's a straight up copy pasta from a meme you'd see on Pinterest. The bar is in hell.

foxybreath · 2020-08-05T23:37:47+00:00

So, essentially, "I want to test your boundaries and use up your free time before getting to know you normally." Nice.

SunflowerinVirgo0903 · 2020-08-06T02:03:51+00:00

I personally don't like small talk either. I have done a lot of administrative work where I was forced to talk about Jimmy's soccer practice more than I would like. So when people say this I'm like yay- me too. lol Welp guess I will not listen to this line anymore.

Invisiblescars_123 · 2020-08-06T04:38:27+00:00

Why would somebody want to know your insecurities and fears if not for the fact that they’re going to utilize them to manipulate you? This scrote can’t even pretend to be normal, or to at least mask his manipulative behavior.

RottingAway90 · 2020-08-06T08:15:45+00:00

I dunno, I hate small talk too so I actually feel this guy. When you’re dissatisfied with your life talking about yourself can be the most depressing thing, while talking about things bigger about yourself can be a nice escape.

Though I get how trauma bonding and fast tracking to intimacy can definitely make you too vulnerable, probably something I need to work on but I don’t know how to stop. :(

Alma00019 · 2020-08-06T03:54:38+00:00

Small talk is low effort.

I hate small talk.

If a man on OLD messages me, be better have something interesting to say not "what are you up to today?" or "how are you hanging in this pandemic?" and when we actually go out, we better talk about some other than the weather or how, wow, yeah, this pandemic is totes crazy, who would have thought...

tamarindoseco · 2020-08-06T10:45:12+00:00

= "I don't know how to be polite and adequate." And these men think it makes them interesting.

FaginRagette · 2020-08-06T12:53:47+00:00

I have terrible small-talk, but I work on it. If I don't know what to say, I'll let the better talker take the lead. If they're uncomfortable, I'll try to bring up something interesting but neutral. I have no interest in going hard and deep into someone's personal life or bringing up sensitive or potentially triggering/uncomfortable topics. Not being good at small talk isn't an excuse for going straight into intimate topics with a stranger.
It's a way to forge a fake connection with someone. It's not empathetic at all and shows that you don't actually value the other person's experience. People will tell you intimaite details when you get to know them and they trust you.

Something which no one tells you is that there is never a need to Overshare private information. If someone seems to be proving you, it's ok to say that you don't feel comfortable discussing that particular topic. If the other person gets offended, you know you made the right decision. Sometimes it's good to be direct. Assert your boundaries. If someone finds it rude, point out that they were the one being rude by asking in the first place and putting you in that position.

UnitedHoney · 2020-08-06T15:47:22+00:00

I hate this so much! Guys expect to see a resume of all your deepest secrets, fears, worries and trauma. Uhm, I’m not opening my box of worms for you to judge if I’m worth or not

uwuawooga · 2020-08-06T14:07:41+00:00

I feel like sometimes this is a way of someone trying to know your vulnerabilities so they can use it against you later, idk but that’s just me

noodleheadnat · 2020-08-06T06:00:52+00:00

Damn this is really true

ChristianGirl93 · 2020-08-06T15:10:52+00:00

Idk but ‘death science sex’ just doesn’t sound appealing to me. If men are so into outer space you think they’d know that people want to talk about a vast variety of subjects and not ones limited to his own ‘planet’

Pretend-Valuable · 2020-08-07T12:57:58+00:00

There's a difference between time wasting small talk, and important small talk. I love that my boyfriend asks me how my day was and what I'm up to etc. It's good to have those times of small talk to keep involved in each other's lives. The deeper discussions are also great, but it takes me a while to open up about things, that's not happening straight away, either with men or with friends, you have to earn my trust and respect.

Charlottecello · 2020-08-06T09:24:34+00:00

Damn, this hits home.

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