I'm constantly sexualized

BelleCervelle · 2021-08-20T11:32:50+00:00

The more objectively attractive you are, the more you should be wary around men in general.

That’s just how it is, it’s unfortunate but true...

Dnotchtiebd · 2021-08-20T14:23:17+00:00

I come from Brazil where people are always referencing and talking about other people's bodies, and as a child I remember people talking about my butt and talking about my legs bc I was a swimmer. It's so gross. I didn't realize how disturbing this was until I moved to the US. I thought I an attractive, people always talk about my butt, in a positive way, not in the I am a child and this conversation shouldn't exist in the first place. Now that I have boobs too and again I am brazilian, I am constantly fetishized and expected to be freaky or whatever. It's exhausting being a young woman.

sruslywhytho · 2021-08-20T14:14:12+00:00

I felt the same way growing up. But I’ll never forget the time I’d gone out with a group of friends and had purposefully worn baggy jeans and a T-shirt to avoid unwanted attention from the guys. A few of them still made comments about my butt. I remember thinking, I’m literally dimming myself to look homely and still they sexualize me. Something snapped and I realized nothing I did would change that. Literally blocked and deleted those guys and never spoke to them again but finally started to own my femininity in peace. I share that to say you can’t change how ppl behave, only how you respond to it. When ppl make you feel uncomfortable in your own skin they should have no place in your life.

iheartnoodlez · 2021-08-20T13:03:25+00:00

Yep. Welcome to the world. I developed a mild hunch in middle/high school in futile attempt to make my chest stick out less.

There is nothing you can do about people (men) sexualizing you without your consent. But you can control who you spend your time with. Don't hang out with creeps just because they're Good Guys tm, or part of a larger friend group. If those people make you uncomfortable they are NOT your friends. In general I feel a friend group is a red flag if I find out that everyone has or is currently hooking up with each other - bc guess what that means about you? Fresh meat.

If you are worried about protecting yourself - HIGHLY rec some martial arts classes! Get into BJJ or Krav Maga and learn to kick ass. You will feel more confident in your body and less threatened by others.

Good luck and be safe!

huevos_and_whiskey · 2021-08-20T18:50:01+00:00

Whatever you do, do not let your body get out of shape in an attempt to deter objectification. It won’t work. A lot of men see every woman as a sex object: the only difference is whether you are a successful sex object or an unsuccessful one. Overweight, old, or otherwise “nonconforming” women are simply relegated to the unsuccessful category. Still objectified, but instead of come ons and harassment these men will just dump a bunch of hate and unprovoked aggression at women who don’t appear sexually appealing enough to them. Don’t sacrifice your health trying escape the inescapable.

MelancholyMushroom · 2021-08-20T10:39:11+00:00

So gross, I’m sorry they do that and ruin other people’s time! Is it so hard to just have a nice day without pointing at other people’s bits and going oooOOOoohh!!! like a 12 year old? You’d think it was impossible. Keep looking for good people. They definitely should have outgrown that by now.

honeybadgerattitude · 2021-08-20T10:47:55+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Yeah, you need better friends. Are your friends mainly male? If so, they’re not your friends, they’re all predators waiting for an opportunity with you. Do your friends care about you? Or do they care what you can do for them? I think you need to spend time working on your self and figuring out what you want out of life. Don’t just go along with things because it’s what everyone else is doing. You’ve just come out of your childhood where you’re desperate to fit in, you don’t need to do that anymore. Find your individuality and you will find friends who are more suited to what you want and need. Find the courage to say no, to walk away and to have autonomy of yourself. It will be the best thing you ever do. Follow the levelling up tips on here if you need ideas.

dr_mcstuffins · 2021-08-20T14:48:05+00:00

Change friends. Also, I highly recommend getting a one piece swimsuit. I got one that is lace-like over my stomach and lower back, and it’s very pretty but I don’t feel so naked. It also covers my entire ass; I have no clue why swimsuit thongs are so popular right now. I feel beautiful and confident in it, without feeling vulnerable.

Loneliness is better than being around people like that. They are harming you in invisible ways - especially your self esteem. You ARE beautiful, there is nothing to be ashamed of in that. Don’t be around people who make you feel like an object. They aren’t worth your time or kindness. I’m 35, the age when women get their wings, and I wish I could go back in time and love myself so much that I didn’t feel desperate for companionship that I lowered my standards. I would hug young me and say that those people are trash, and better people will come my way. I’d also tell her to get in therapy to start dealing with those emotions I was feeling at the time. I’d tell me to do somatic experiencing therapy because it healed my damaged sense of self worth, self esteem, and my ability to love myself. One day, these people will be forgotten.

When respect is no longer being served, it’s time to leave the table.

Your heart is free. Have the courage to follow it.

fireforestfairy · 2021-08-20T13:13:25+00:00

I'm sorry this happened to you. These people are not true friends and you should find better friends.

frustratedmarxistfem · 2021-08-21T01:23:48+00:00

I get it, sis. Not a lot of people want to hear it. If a woman complains about being attractive she's over confident, narcissistic, etc. It doesn't matter that you're literally saying STOP. I wasn't blessed with large breasts/ass, I was cursed with them like the rest of my family. Every one of us feels the same.

I wasn't allowed to be a child. I had to start defending myself from sexualization in 8th grade. I never had real friends. Both male and female friends would just try to fuck me. Even when I thought I was safe with married couples, they'd ask me for a threesome. Older men who act like a father? Nope, tried to fuck me. Bosses? Lawyers? Professionals? Tried to fuck me.

Its like you can never go anywhere and be viewed as a human being. You will always be ass and tits first and foremost.

Colour_riot · 2021-08-20T15:01:39+00:00

Hun the bad news is that you'll continue to be sexualized - harassed, judged, picked upon etc - for the rest of your life because, men.

Look for better friends, and just take this as a warning as to what kind of people exist in the world.

These guys are dumb enough to openly gawk / sexualize you. When you enter the workforce the ones you meet there won't show it, they'll just gain your trust over time pretending to be your best friend and then brag about seeing your cleavage or worse behind your back

throwawayaway388 · 2021-08-20T15:19:34+00:00

I feel this, and it's so annoying. Sometimes I dress in baggy, androgynous clothing just so men will stop looking at me but that doesn't stop them 🥲 I'll dress as manly as I possibly can but somebody will still be staring at my tits in the check-out line 🙄

youre_a_cat · 2021-08-20T20:28:12+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear this. It's almost a universal female experience, but it definitely should not be. The only advice I have for you is to hang out only with other women. Is it possible for you and your female friends to have a ladies-only pool party in the future, for example?

ferociouslycurious · 2021-08-21T04:37:29+00:00

You will be so much happier with yourself and your entire life if you dump these people who effectively diminish your value by focusing on appearance that you will be grateful when you finally dump these “friends”.

Ironsculpture · 2021-08-22T19:35:52+00:00

Yeah...watch your drinks and don't have male friends...ever.

Title	I'm constantly sexualized
Author	Ollaredegang
Upvotes	288
Comments	32
Date	August 20, 2021 10:16 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/p82dmt/im_constantly_sexualized/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/im-constantly-sexualized.1058964 https://theredarchive.com/post/1058964

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