INCELS and guys with anger issues need to read this. Your inceldom is not an excuse to unleash your abuse while calling it "the red pill rage"

BabyBlankieieieieie · 2021-01-31T16:26:59+00:00

Seriously tho. Reminds me of dude who got caught screaming at his kid on twitch. I posted in a diff thread here about how a YouTube vlogger was doing a video about the guy. He kept saying “moment of rage” — stop acting like this is just once in a while, out of the ordinary, for these men. It’s simmering right beneath the surface, constantly.

missgirl649 · 2021-01-31T17:03:43+00:00

YUP. My ex used to have fits of rage, lose his temper, slam doors, give the silent treatment, yell, and throw tantrums. When I brought this up as problematic, guess who’s fault it was. I don’t do anger issues with men. I struggle with mental health as well, but that’s not an excuse to terrify people and rage at them. “You made me mad”, “Well I cant help it when you say/do that”, “You know I have a temper”, “If you wouldn’t have done that I wouldn’t have gotten angry” is not an excuse.

File-Own · 2021-01-31T17:46:37+00:00

[deleted]

thinktwiceorelse · 2021-01-31T16:06:01+00:00

Truth has been spoken. I have mental health problems as well, but it only explains some of my behavior, not excuses it.

freerollerskates · 2021-01-31T21:25:39+00:00

This is so true. I actually took my uncle to task over this exact thing. He has borderline personality disorder and really treated my auntie badly towards the end of their marriage and throughout their divorce. He called my house looking for my mother (while I was still living at home) and got me and I told him in no uncertain terms that he needed to own his shit. He can have mental health issues and a shitty childhood, but that does not give him permission to take it out on other people or to not proactively look for the help that he needs. This was a few years ago now and he's doing much better but he knows not to cross me now!

Emergency-Feed8216 · 2021-01-31T18:54:23+00:00

Abusers generally have personality disorders but this isn't the same as "mental illness." A genuinely mentally disabled person might randomly go berserk on an armed officer or their boss in public-- in other words, in situations that will cost them. What makes certain personality disorders more akin to criminality than mental illness is how selective the individual can be in choosing when and to whom to "lose control" and the fact that "losng control" curiously lines up with certain benefits to the individual.

The benefits can be terrorizing a sexual partner through "bully tantrums" into compliance with the abuser's demands; or triangulating with lies and character assassination to isolate and control a sexual target or perceived opponent. Bully tantrums or covert manipulation can be for the purpose of making themselves the center of attention with family or a social group in order to maintain a degree of control. "Losing control" is about getting control of others. It's the equivalent of an alpha chimp dragging branches, baring fangs and pummeling the ground to reassert dominance, but just presented in the guise of a breakdown (because we're smarter than chimps, better at mindfucking and disguising dominance displays).

People with personality disorders are notoriously skilled at conning therapists into giving them diagnostic labels that help with their cover stories and are more likely to garner sympathy (or get the fun drugs) like bipolar, panic disorder, PTSD or even HF-ASD. Psychiatrists get kickbacks from drug companies for precribing on-patent blockbuster drugs and may be more than happy to go along with the ruse of misdiagnosing clients with conditions that correspond to medication algorithms. But individuals who genuinely suffer from the latter conditions have lives marked by tragic and frequent catastrophic social failure, job loss, etc., and tend to be very bad at dissembling, manipulation and deception. Their behavior doesn't consistently manifest as aggression or lead to outcomes that benefit them.

People with malignant personality disorders may also genuinely suffer from periodic social failure as they play themselves out in relationship after relationship, but this is generally due to their compulsive overreach in attempting to assert control, not because they suddenly took off all their clothes at work and began singing Abba, or suddenly couldn't breath and thought they were having a heart attack after a truck backfired.

Just a side note: I think the history of overdiagnosing battered women with "borderline" is a kind of clinical projection because batterers more often fit the borderline profile. The misapplication might be because therapeutic fields have statistically high rates of domestic abusers in their ranks who have built-in motives to discredit victims; or because the survival strategies of victims in response to abusers' manipulative tactics may be misinterpreted by therapists as the victims being gratuitously manipulative. For instance, a battering victim who senses her abuser is in the tension-building phase that preceeds explosion may be unable to tolerate the panic-inducing stress of anticipating the next assault so, like taking the lid off a pressure cooker before it comes to a full boil, may actually provoke a confrontation to "get it over with." A biased or ignorant onlooker or therapist will then ignore the fact that the explosion was inevitable or the fact that the victim did not yet have the resources to escape or protect children, and will deem the victim to be "manipulative," "part of the problem" and "equally disordered."

Also therapists will frequently misinterpret the numb, enotionally flat or conversely panicked and garbled demeanor of victims (especially female victims) emerging from traumas like rape, battering or harassment as symptoms of pre-trauma pathology or fabrication and prevarication. That's not to say that women can't be abusers but, as statistics for intimate abuse and violence show, in general this is vastly less common among women.

Anyway, any discussion of abuse in relationship to cluster B disorders has to acknowledge the blatant historical biases in therapeutic fields. There's a baby in that bathwater in terms of distinguishing "criminal disorders" from mental disability. But look out for that biased bathwater.

Paradox_Blobfish · 2021-01-31T17:38:03+00:00

This is why I have no friends. Don't want to make them worried when depression hits and I disappear and ignore everyone. So I just never kept people around and just cruise life with acquaintances.

ThrowRAanonymouspick · 2021-01-31T19:46:24+00:00

That account was suspended 😭😭 too honest I guess

onefoulowl · 2021-02-01T19:26:55+00:00

I will no longer date men with depression. The last two men I dated both had depression and used it as an excuse to behave horribly towards me and take zero responsibility for their actions. The first (undiagnosed when we were dating) was abusive and gaslit me and made constant 'jokes' about my appearance and body, blaming his abuse of me on his depression and being 'stressed at work'. The second in hindsight love-bombed me for three months then dropped me. I was so used to being ignored by my ex that I was so happy for the attention, for someone who would spend all evening texting me, who actually made plans in advance and wasn't overly sexual, or pushing me too quickly into sex and I could have a conversation with, who said he wanted a relationship with me. However as soon as I became comfortable he went to Germany see his parents for a week and broke up with me via text, saying he realised 'he just wasn't feeling it' with no other explanation.

chorussaurus · 2021-02-01T03:58:18+00:00

Was this my ex? Oh wait, he called my apology for when I wasn't doing so well because of him a "Victim Scam"

Meredeen · 2021-02-01T04:09:31+00:00

I have Borderline Personality Disorder, but like a milder version of it because I have never trashed a room. Mom was also diagnosed (note it's not a misdiagnosis from reacting to an abusive relationship). I have had to work really hard to recognize triggers and stop hurting myself (I self harmed) and others through words. Rarely it slips out and if other people are involved I feel so awful and profusely apologize. Haven't ruined any relationships so far thankfully, my friends and family are really understanding. I have read people on different subreddits who say they'll never allow a person with BPD in their life and it hurts to hear that but totally understandable if it's untreated.

TL;DR: take accountability for yourself and get therapy, lurkers.

Angeli_33 · 2021-01-31T15:40:02+00:00

I had some issues with my mental health. I had a burn-out from work because I had been working like a horse without any breaks for a few years in a row. My job ended right after Covid hit and I hit such a deep level of depression I became suicidal. My sister took me under her wing. She took care of me, cooked for me, did the groceries, she cleaned around the house, while I was in my room all day long doing unproductive shit because I was so demotivated with life. I was never like that before, but I needed time for recovery. During this time I went to therapy. I eventually got out of that darkness and now I can be a productive person again. But if my sister had the same attitude as that guy, I don't know if I'd still be here. Mental health and physical health are pretty similar. If you break your leg, you are bed-bound for at least a couple of months until you start healing again. It's easy to say to the guy who broke his leg "just walk like the rest of us do, you got legs don't ya?"The same goes for the mind. I needed time off to heal, I needed that care for a few months before I got back on my feet. I had to sort things out mentally. It just awful to oversimplify mental health like that.

Title	INCELS and guys with anger issues need to read this. Your inceldom is not an excuse to unleash your abuse while calling it "the red pill rage"
Author	Lilith_Lavender
Upvotes	827
Comments	39
Date	January 31, 2021 3:28 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/l9egl8/incels_and_guys_with_anger_issues_need_to_read/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/incels-and-guys-with-anger-issues-need-to-read.742763 https://theredarchive.com/post/742763

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