my red flags

millennialpink2000 · 2022-04-26T02:37:06+00:00

- watch who they admire

- notice how they treat people who can't help them

- listen for what they joke about / laugh at

- pay attention to the stories they tell about themselves

- watch how they act when they've got the power in a situation

- notice how they react to other people's good news

- take note of their friend circle

Heather619 · 2022-04-26T04:07:54+00:00

Their reaction when I tell them I don't have Snapchat usually tells me everything I need to know 😂 That's my easiest vetting tool.

flowingwater0 · 2022-04-26T01:20:26+00:00

Blames others for things, he gossips

scrotesbemad · 2022-04-26T02:08:42+00:00

I would add • challenges my boundaries It really expands to include so much and says a lot about a person on how they handle your boundaries.

PenelopePitstop21 · 2022-04-26T10:42:56+00:00

i've seen a lot of people on here make these really long, oddly specific red flag lists. so i wanted to put up something simpler.

I really like your approach.

I can understand the long lists of red flags. Any woman who has had a close relationship with a LVM has been made to question her judgement of character, and so oddly specific guidelines from others become a useful tool while the woman levels up her judgement and/or her willingness to trust her instincts and her ability to act on them.

I believe it comes down to very simple traits. Does he have integrity? Do his inner attitudes and beliefs align with yours, and make him a good person? Does he have self-respect? Is he self-validating? FDS codifies ways to identify these things, but they aren't the sort of things we can learn about someone in a short space of time. And the things that indicate whether someone has integrity, for example, are different for a teenager than a man in his thirties - hence the plethora of red flag lists that we see.

But I like going back to basics sometimes, to look at the big picture and remind myself of the timeless characteristics that would make a man high value whether you come across him on Wall St. or a desert island. That's my idea of high value.

nessey96 · 2022-04-26T01:37:55+00:00

For me one of the main ones I watch out for is moves to fast. I've met a lot of guys who after two meetups want to jump into a committed relationship and say 'I love you' within three weeks.

When I was young and naive I thought this was romantic. But now I see it as a sign of low self-esteem and that they'd likely be willing to do this with anyone. I'm not special they just want a relationship.

-25T · 2022-04-26T00:34:49+00:00

Okay fair and you're right but I'm still including "says men and females or men and girls" as a specific thing on my 🚩 list.

cantstuntbikerbitch · 2022-04-26T13:10:01+00:00

How about if you're unsure or questioning it, run lol

CakeSprinklesUnicorn · 2022-04-26T05:54:17+00:00

Adding on to the friends point - if you’re dating him and his close friends are the type of guys who are constantly rating and objectifying women (ex. Celebrities, females they know in real life), you can almost be certain that you will have been one of their conversational topics at one point.

Make certain to vet his friend group and make sure they’re not a bunch of misogynistic creeps who see women as toys to be rated. They aren’t about to change their behavior just because it makes you uncomfortable; if anything, if you try to call them out, they’ll likely try to turn your guy against you (behind your back) in the name of bro loyalty.

hesnotthatgreatNEway · 2022-04-26T00:33:11+00:00

I agree, I'd like to add.

1) always late 2) cursing every other word 3) doesn't look you in the eye

darkenchantress44 · 2022-04-26T02:25:58+00:00

says they like/value loyalty. The most unloyal tricking motherfuckers say this.

*says they don’t like hooking up. He is the king of future faking and will do everything to set up a faux relationship to get sexual access to you for about 2-6 weeks and dump you.

*says or indicates he likes it when women are virtuous, modest, “good” etc etc. never once have I met a man or dealt with a man who wasn’t a complete community dick covered in melted ice cream man whore who has said this. These types always say they admire non makeup wearing, floor length skirt wearing, likes to go hiking and cooking instead of clubbing and shopping types, and they have a carousel of “hot girls” on speed dial. Red red red flag anytime I hear a guy talk like this.

*says he loves dogs and hates cats. Cats have boundaries and you must worship them. Dogs follow you around and stare at your adoringly, even when you go take a shit. He will always want a one sided adoration with you on a leash that he can yank and tighten at any time( I don’t have any problems with dogs, but I always look suspiciously at men who overly brah about how dogs are so unfailingly loyal to people).

uses language like “hit me up”, wyd”, “I feel ya”, “bruh”, “bro”, “yah”, “if you wanna”, “make Whoopi”, “yayer”.
ex is anywhere in the picture or recently involved within the last 1.5 years. If the relationship was over 4 years I round that up to 2.5. I’ve seen men cross continents and oceans for exes. It has to be super done or I’m not entertaining it.
says women are “catty”. Men are always saying this as if nothing they ever do causes drama. They are the main cause of most of the drama, heartache, and confusion. Shut up scrotes.
talks about or focuses on cooking a lot. If I see that a man is into very masculine pursuits but he is always focused on cooking and stuff without there being no substantial proof that he actively cooks as a hobby, I take it as he is trying to groom me to be domestic. I hate cooking and don’t need some guy trying to make me focus on domestic duties just because I have a vagina. I have very well carved out hobbies for myself that give me great joy already.

DivineGoddess1111111 · 2022-04-26T01:10:19+00:00

I'm putting votes right wing and is in a red flag career like the military or police force.

Biracial_tooth_fairy · 2022-04-26T03:50:23+00:00

I will never trust another man who says he hates pizza 🚩🚩🚩

Myr_Lyn · 2022-05-27T18:39:13+00:00

I might add

Feels it is necessary to open carry his gun with him no matter where he is going.
gets angry over things that he cannot control.

nah100 · 2022-05-27T07:51:47+00:00

What do you mean with a close-minded personality?

2022-04-26T00:32:16+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	my red flags
Author	aclownonmainstreet
Upvotes	644
Comments	28
Date	April 25, 2022 9:54 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ubwkys/my_red_flags/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/my-red-flags.1119624 https://theredarchive.com/post/1119624

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