And this goes for both an existing dreamgirl or the concept of one.

Exhibit A) My scrote ex had been chasing HIS ex our entire 8+ year relationship. She dumped him, and I was his rebound that he never got rid of. I knew this but stayed because of severe self-confidence issues. Even though his ex had no interest in dating him again, she was very interested in his attention and willingness to sext whenever she was bored. I knew deep down I would always be #2 but was so desperate that I tricked myself into believing he would eventually move on from her. I was wrong and dumped him because I caught him sexting her the day before my birthday. Bet.

Exhibit B) During the fallout of the above-mentioned relationship, I was entertaining the advances of a handsome coworker. But I had seen him around a pretty fellow co-worker six years his junior, though both maintained that it was platonic and at some point, they were even “never speaking to each other” again. During this time he began to subtly make passes at me. Red flags all around, given that his advances were usually when he was intoxicated and then he would suddenly disappear or act like nothing happened. Despite my desperation for attention outside my relationship, I thankfully disengaged fairly quickly because I could smell bullshit. Lo and behold, suddenly they go public with their relationship and a mutual friend informs me that they had been secretly dating for years (there was definitely overlap).

Exhibit C) Absolute disaster of a human male “friend” who was serially cheating on his poor girlfriend for years and emotionally dumping on me in hopes that I would get added to the pile. He allegedly convinced her to open their relationship for a time, but they closed it because she was not actually interested in that (so he claims anyway, though I question if this is true of he was just cheating.) This guy was chasing the imaginary dreamgirl. He loved his girlfriend, so he says, but things were just so vanilla. He wanted her but with a pornsick bangmaid upgrade. He commented on how she gained weight due to stress and depression (that he likely caused) and how sometimes he wishes he could just find a hot someone who would be cool with being open and choking on his dick regularly.

In all three cases, these men were fixated on a woman or idea of one and would not let go, whether they achieved their goal or not. They don’t care about the option in front of them, despite how caring or loving we might be. They don’t care about the potential countless women who they hurt by sleeping with them or giving them false hope knowing damn well they will never be invested because it’s not the dreamgirl. They are so desperate for attention that they will pull countless women along as orbiters to sustain them indefinitely. Whether or not they get the girl they want.

This is why one of my vetting strategies is to casually “befriend” men before considering them as partners. By pretending to be enlisting as an orbiter they will tell on themselves easily about their dreamgirl, directly or indirectly as they let their guard down. The moment you identify her as a real person, exit. If she’s a concept, and you don’t fit the bill, exit.

Otherwise, you're gonna get yourself in a lot of trouble.