Reminder: your exes aren't your friends.

brbulk · 2019-12-30T15:26:09+00:00

The only ex I’m was still friends with was from high-school because well it was a high-school. I really wouldn’t even call relationships that young serious or anything.

However, despite our “friendship” and everything, he still came back around to say he only wanted to be with me and wanted to eventually marry me. The first time this happened I didn’t pay mind but the second time this happened I realized that staying friends with exes no matter how innocent anything was, Just isn’t feasible. They don’t deserve to be part of your life after you break up.

BasieSkanks · 2019-12-30T14:13:05+00:00

Keeping exes as friends is a pointless endeavour. What can they bring you as a friend that they couldn’t give to you in a relationship? It’s a downgrade either way, so better to just get rid. I finally blocked my ex-FWB last week after reading this sub, and I really wish I had done it sooner.

EDIT: Any man who is still “friends” with his ex is a man you should avoid. Like the plague.

WaveTheory1 · 2019-12-30T14:05:38+00:00

Thank you, I needed this. I (23) broke up with him last month after a 5.5 year relationship where I felt like his mum and like I was always the one pushing him forward and making himself better (I even taught him how to clean a bathroom ffs!). He wants to keep me as a friend and says he is madly in love with me. I needed to read this, thank you.

FlamingFeminist · 2019-12-30T14:21:01+00:00

So true. That man used to see you as "his" and he is not thinking in 100% platonic terms believe me. Remain friendly if you can so you can give a quick wave if you see them in public. But keep the friendship slots in your life for women.

BasieSkanks · 2019-12-30T17:16:40+00:00

Yeah, men want to keep you around for two reasons : Eventually use you as a sex objects or get free and cheap emotional labour, ego boost either wat

And also because if they can't find their ideal, they will come back to you, hoping that you will accept them again, until they find what they really want.

Ms_Tilly · 2019-12-30T17:11:32+00:00

Staying in touch with them is so damaging. It impedes healing as well as leveling up. I know. I didn't block his number or social media and he kept reaching out to play mind games. Or he'd block and unblock me on social media for no reason. I could've saved myself months of healing if I had just blocked him everywhere immediately.

ms_monquis · 2019-12-30T21:49:19+00:00

And FFS stop fixating on their social media.

In a moment of strength, give your phone to a friend and let HER delete and block him if you have to.

I mean, what, you’re sad/happy if he fails? So what, he’s not your problem, and you’re above that kind of pettiness. Sad/happy he succeeds? There are a billion other failures who also aren’t your problem, and if he’s doing better that’s just more proof that you shouldn’t have been together.

You are getting zero benefit from keeping track of his life without you. Replace him with something aspirational. Or a puppy feed. Definitely more puppies.

EDIT: I was always one of those people who stayed friendly with exes. We got together for a reason, we liked each other! Just because it didn’t work out romantically, doesn’t mean we can’t be friends! Especially the ones who didn’t do anything WRONG, it just didn’t work out!

Well, after years of collecting flotsam who almost always were the ones who dumped ME, I realized it was like going through life with chewing gum on the soles of my shoes — always there, always vaguely uncomfortable, made me self-conscious and kept me off the good carpet. And the more I had, the grosser it felt. Why do I want to keep a string of men around who essentially rejected me? Didn’t do anything WRONG? They dumped me! I don’t care how “awesome” they are, WTF do I want to keep that around me? It took a long time, but after a woman friend said to me “man, you got a lotta ghosts around you,” I realized what a drag on my person it all was.

Yes, I wanted the friends. But as we’ve said around here, don’t drink poison to slake your thirst.

velocity2ds · 2019-12-30T16:43:48+00:00

Here’s a mistake I won’t be making again

My ex was my ride to the airport and my flight got delayed so we just hung out in my apartment. We were on the couch (two different ones) and he put the pillow over his crotch to hide his boner for pm the whole time. And I know it was a boner cause I’m really physical when I talk with anyone so at one point I took the pillow to hit him and he quickly put both hands over his crotch. Absolutely no moves were made but the whole thing is weird and obviously one part of his boner was at least attraction based and not like some high school kid getting a random erection

Like you said about amicable terms, that’s what we are on but this isn’t healthy for me to retain

o_charlie_o · 2019-12-30T18:34:39+00:00

Dated a sociopath who was friends with 2 of his exes manipulated me into thinking I was controlling and stupid for thinking he shouldn’t be.... he got one of them pregnant behind my back and was also fuckin the other one.... k I’m not crazy. You were doing everything I thought might happen and more. Fuck him

ironymaiden87 · 2019-12-30T19:09:00+00:00

Fuck yes to all of this. I can't understand why anyone would want to be "friends" with exes. All of mine are scum! I block them as soon as the breakup is done.

Funnily enough though I do have a female friend who does stay "friends" with her exes for the reasons listed in the OP - the main one being that she wants backup plans and ego boosts. It's pretty gross and frustrating to watch tbh.

Deep-Blackberry · 2019-12-30T17:24:11+00:00

Exactly. They'll have you thinking one way, when its really another way. You have to let go of them in order to make room for someone else that brings value to your life.

levelupcleverup · 2019-12-30T18:19:12+00:00

I had an ex that I kept as a friend, whom I learned kept all of these women around who still wanted him. One in particular he kept stringing along because he didn’t want her to get an “asshole” boyfriend. Smh.

Queencake504 · 2019-12-30T18:21:31+00:00

They want to keep you around as an ego boost and as a backup plan.

👆

Aigonorus · 2019-12-30T14:03:15+00:00

My senior's ex made her lose her fiancé because he was being shitty.

I'm not defending the fiancé either because he too used her and dumped her

stillcantsee · 2019-12-30T17:37:49+00:00

This right here! If they were meant to be in your life, they wouldn’t be an ex. Happy people don’t break up. Keep it moving!!!

Titibaguette · 2019-12-30T15:50:57+00:00

I think this only works if a long long time has passed and you have both moved on. Like, I could be friends with my HS boyfriend who is now married and has a child, but not with the asshole who broke my heart this summer.

jackiellama · 2019-12-30T17:36:23+00:00

I realized you can’t be friends with your exes when the guy who got together with someone immediately after our break up started being problematic as soon as I got a new boyfriend

levelupcleverup · 2019-12-30T18:18:09+00:00

This times a million.

2019-12-30T19:40:30+00:00

What if they still pay my phone bill tho 🤭🤭🤭

Lakersrock111 · 2019-12-30T16:05:52+00:00

That’s what I do:). No contact.

2019-12-30T19:25:54+00:00

[deleted]

grimreapersdtr · 2019-12-30T18:29:57+00:00

Not easy if you share a child.

😖

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quaintlyspoken · 2019-12-30T22:33:19+00:00

I already stopped talking to all of them/ghosted and now they're blocked. 💁

FormalWheels · 2019-12-31T03:55:25+00:00

Does this also apply to wlw relationships too?

2019-12-31T07:07:29+00:00

[deleted]

Title	Reminder: your exes aren't your friends.
Author	NecessaryCook
Upvotes	250
Comments	52
Date	December 30, 2019 1:44 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ehm7bp/reminder_your_exes_arent_your_friends/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/reminder-your-exes-arent-your-friends.685955 https://theredarchive.com/post/685955

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