She speaks our gospel

laffytaggy · 2021-06-03T04:16:55+00:00

I blocked/deleted when my ex started texting me. I now have 0 desire to get back with him but sometimes I feel anger about the stuff I dealt with. Now that I see through everything he said/did (thanks to FDS) I wish I could tell him I know he is a full of shit clown. But theres no point..so he’ll stay blocked. Todays podcast helped when the woman shared her story about winning. My ex’s lasts texts before I blocked him were so pathetic and it does bring me joy that I didn’t even respond. He is so prideful so I know he feels stupid and utterly confused.

awhileagonow · 2021-06-03T07:29:29+00:00

Not sure I agree with the bit that 'they don't value themselves'. In my experience it's the total opposite, LVM way over-value themselves even when they know they are LV. I have had exes admit that they are abusive but persist in saying I should still want to be with them. Similarly lying/cheating ex whose ego was so high that he simply refused to discuss it and joked about my feelings. That came from an immense ego and untouchable self-esteem.

Agree with the pointlessness of seeking closure though. I have been disappointed any time I tried and have felt worse for it afterwards, because it takes energy away from you to enter that discussion (plus you are coming down to their level in order to have it). Worst was ex who just joked in response to what I perceived as a critical conversation. It wasn't like that to him at all, he just didn't give a shit. To explain deepest feelings and articulate pain and then have someone just kinda shrug, is really hurtful. Would not do again.

restlessGal · 2021-06-03T10:09:48+00:00

Closure is a societal hoax and you cannot convince me otherwise. Most times when we say we want closure to “process our feelings” it just means that subconsciously we want to repair things. Healing is done best on your own, you don’t need anyone’s input nor approval to begin healing

candyfox84 · 2021-06-03T05:44:16+00:00

Omg I love this! I choose me every time. Not here to serve.

ButterfliesHurricane · 2021-06-03T06:37:15+00:00

Closure is important. Get your power and emotional independence back and give yourself closure. That’s the only one worth getting (you won’t get anything from the one who treated you bad and that’s why the relationship is over).

kangaskhaniscubones · 2021-06-03T06:29:43+00:00

To me, this is about my ex best friend. Horrible person but fun to be around on the surface.

swatir24 · 2021-06-03T08:39:28+00:00

Yes, walk away and just give yourself some time. I promise the charm of a "closure" will fade away the longer you wait.

myoklife · 2021-06-03T11:43:50+00:00

Closure isn't a thing! A breakup is closure. No one "needs" "closure" from the other person after a breakup!

Here is my version aimed at the men who lurk here and the women who need to hear what a man means when he says he "needs closure" -

Do you need closure or do you want to feel powerful and in control over another person one last time, so you go to the last person who made you feel this way?

Do you need closure or do you want to milk every last drop of empathy and attention out of someone who no longer owes this to you?

Do you need closure or are none of the other women in your life available for emotional labor right now?

Do you need closure or are you unable to accept that you are not actually special, not the center of anyone else's existence, so you need to pull back in the last person who made you feel this way?

Do you need closure or are you unwilling to go to the doctor or see a therapist for your mental health problems?

Do you need closure or do you have a complete lack of boundaries and respect for others personal space such that you think you can show up anywhere at anytime and receive the care you feel entitled to?

Do you need closure or have you romanticized your last relationship so much because nothing at all has happened in your life since, that it has become something else entirely in your head?

Coming back for "closure" is a power play. It has an agenda and that agenda is not to actually bring peace to you or him or anyone. Attempts at "closure" after things have, well, closed will only open up old wounds and undo healing progress.

headforthewarmpeople · 2021-06-03T07:33:04+00:00

I still struggle so much to block someone who says the sweetest things but in reality doesn't make the effort.

Although I know I should just block and walk away. I feel the urge to tell him that I don't accept the way he treats me and then block him etc. Which probably means that I want some more of his attention and see his reaction. Maybe I just need some more time. I don't want to boomerang.

So thankful though for all the content here that helps me to remind me of my worth. ♥️

CMO1313 · 2021-06-03T08:22:46+00:00

That is the absolute truth! 6 months free, from the cheating bastard. What goes around comes around. No regrets. 🙏🏽

CroneRaisedMaiden · 2021-06-03T14:38:03+00:00

Closure is for the dead and dying.

RecentSprinkles5997 · 2021-06-03T14:40:42+00:00

I don't get where this closure thing came from I had never heard of it until I was well into college and then all of the sudden it was everywhere. Same with being friends with your ex/keeping in contact with them

klops_fighter · 2021-06-03T17:28:33+00:00

Somebody here once recommended to write all those paragraphs that you want to text him into your notes app.

I have been doing that for a week and realised that the cathartic thing for me is writing them and not sending them.

It does give me closure i don't need him for that. He never had anything interesting to add anyways

MissGalaxy1986 · 2021-06-03T19:52:49+00:00

I was sexually assaulted (touched when it was clear I didn’t want to be touched there and he said nothing, it was sooo so creepy) and later coerced into sex.

I broke it off with him very diplomatically but saying we just aren’t compatible. And never told him or even suggested the real reason.

I keep playing in my mind whether or not to tell him the truth via a text. But then what will it really do? I mean if he at 43 (or any age really) years old doesn’t realize doing that is wrong or I mean more likely he doesn’t think it’s “that” wrong... like he knows it’s not the right thing but doesn’t think it’s that bad... probably even thinks it’s part of being a woman to deal with that.

I think if anything it might prevent him from doing it in the future to another woman... cause if no woman that went through what k did with him ever told him he’s disgusting he might never know it was actually wrong.

But at the same time it won’t change for me that it happened to me. I do think it will help me though but I will wait some more time till I feel ever stronger. I plan to send that to him then block him immediately after so he can’t reply.

Due_Quantity_4733 · 2021-06-03T07:47:19+00:00

I really need to hear this today. 🙏

alli4202 · 2021-06-03T13:39:13+00:00

This. This is perfect.

KittenWolfFluff · 2021-06-03T07:03:52+00:00

I needed to hear this . Perfect timing . Thank you for posting that

ContinentalWar · 2021-06-03T07:35:04+00:00

It is sad. But I needed to hear that.

Title	She speaks our gospel
Author	AotearoaCanuck
Upvotes	2596
Comments	30
Date	June 3, 2021 2:50 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/nr35bg/she_speaks_our_gospel/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/she-speaks-our-gospel.773063 https://theredarchive.com/post/773063

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