Should the 3 month rule be longer?

AriaLuz · 2021-02-28T20:22:35+00:00

I don’t do the 3 month rule. It’s bullshit. It was made by men spewed to women because that’s the longest they can truly wait before they start getting itchy to have sex with you. I wait as long as I need to.

I don’t trust anyone in general (men and women) and that’s friendships with women and relationships with men. I have three rings of trust. The first and outer ring is for everyone I don’t know and acquaintances. Second and middle ring is for coworkers I like and general friends and people I’m considering dating and boyfriends. The third and closest ring is for my immediate family, best friend (👈🏾as you can see it is singular), and husband (if that ever happens). It will take me at least 1 to 2 years before I would even consider having you in my second ring. So good luck to any man who thinks I live by the 3 month rule in relationships. They will be quite jarred.

randomgirlimok · 2021-02-28T21:00:50+00:00

I don’t think you should have sex during the honeymoon phase, it clouds your vision. After the phase wears off, you’re like “ew why did I ever have sex with him?”

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2021-02-28T18:40:19+00:00

Well you can wait however long you want personally. We just recommend at least three months to weed out most of the weirdos, sexists and fuckboys. You could also use a strategy of waiting longer, like four or five months, and then only occasionally have sex with him when you meet up. Make him take you out on five dates before having sex with him again. Or you can wait 9 months. It's whatever you think is good for you.

Personally I would have serious reservations about waiting 9 months for example, because you might wait through that 9 months only to realize he's got a micro penis or he is a premature ejaculator, he's terrible in bed, doesn't care about your pleasure and orgasm etc. By then you would have built up so much of a relationship you might be tempted to stay regardless. And that's just a recipe for disaster. That won't be a successful relationship.

For myself I think I would choose the strategy of waiting for 3 months and testing him out slowly. Testing skills first and then full sex. And from there on the out for an extended period of time only give him sex occasionally when the date is really amazing and he's waited patiently. That would require an amazing amount of self-control but I think it would be best. That way you're maintaining control of sexual access and testing his respect for you. Making sure he knows you aren't just there existing for sex on tap, that he has to work for it and respect you. That it's a privilege and not his right to get to make love to you.

I would make sure he puts in a ton of effort when he finally gets a chance. I would expect a thoughtful wonderful special evening out, music, candles, incense, massage, tons of foreplay and conversation and then amazing sex. I've had quality long-term lovers that have done this much for me every time we ever had sex. Why expect less from a serious partner who is supposed to love you?

LevellingUpTime · 2021-03-01T02:39:53+00:00

3 months is bare minimum and usually good advice for the Pickmes-in-recovery who sleep with dates the first night because they feel they have to, or were bought dinner so they feel guilt, or any other such nonsense... when they start with the 3 month restriction they can start having dinner dates without fear and pressure and they will learn what a solid NO looks like and how HVM/LVM respond to that NO

I waited about 10 months of serious, monogamous dating with my current HVM before we went to bed together (although we had been having "sleepovers" for many months before then - all clothes on). I waited until I trusted him explicitly and more importantly, genuinely wanted to have sex with him instead of "we've been going out X amount of months, I suppose I should sleep with him, ugh this sucks"

ThrowRAanonymouspick · 2021-02-28T18:46:26+00:00

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MagnfiqueMaleficent · 2021-03-01T01:59:38+00:00

Before i had sex with an ex, I vetted for five months of dating and he ended up being a raging narcissistic abuser after all that time. It took a year before I realized it. You have to vet nonstop and be willing to walk away as soon as you realize you’ve been duped, which might not be for a very long time. Some of these sociopaths have more patience than we do. Don’t blame yourselves that it happened, just make sure you are financially set up to walk at any time.

souredskittles · 2021-02-28T23:40:05+00:00

Wait as long as you need or feel like. 3 months is too soon to see anything imo. I’ve held off for 9 months because he was sketchy and clearly not into the relationship. Ended up not having sex at all.

donttextme_k · 2021-03-01T01:49:30+00:00

I waited until I got my ring. I just never told him that was the reason, just let it happen like that. I had to make sure he was actually serious about me

2021-03-01T01:28:41+00:00

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heleninthealps · 2021-03-01T07:12:45+00:00

That the honeymoon phase ends after 6 months is a scam in my opinion made to make women accept less effort and being adored early on. In my experience its waaay longer when the guy loves you and treats you right. Open for counter arguments!

TherulerT · 2021-02-28T22:45:43+00:00

3 months is just a vetting period isn't it?

At some point you can't really extend that period to test more or you'd escalate to "20 years of no sex to see how he deals with me aging".

First off, at some point you'd want to see how he is in bed as well, you're wasting your time on someone if it turns out he sucks in bed. Vetting is also about losing as little time if he doesn't turn out to be someone you want to stay with. Imagine wasting 9 months on someone who turns out to just not do it for you sexually.

Secondly, as you've brought up, at some point you might just want to have sex yourself.

3 months is to weed out the people who can't wait 3 months, but if you want a sexual relationship at some point you can't keep putting it off because you'd risk a disappointment on that area as well. Unless you aren't into sex at all and just leveraging it to keep someone in the relationship (which sounds like a bad way to spend the rest of your life) sex kinda has to start at some point.

2021-03-01T04:57:07+00:00

3 months minimum. I dated a guy for 2 years and we didn't. He just wasn't the one.

Vmwvi · 2021-03-01T09:34:14+00:00

It most definitely should be longer. 3 months is the bare minimum. Even if you're both deeply in love, there isn't a single red flag, he's physically highly attractive to you and every person he's ever interacted with thinks he's the best man that ever lived, you should be waiting longer. Always get a STD test before sex and screen him genetically if you don't think you would 100 percent want to and be able to abort an accidental pregnancy.

Mind-Objective · 2021-03-01T16:50:47+00:00

I’m planning to extend mine a lot longer than three months just because I want to be on the side of caution this time

Title	Should the 3 month rule be longer?
Author	throwaway-rhombus
Upvotes	98
Comments	33
Date	February 28, 2021 4:21 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/lujsrs/should_the_3_month_rule_be_longer/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/should-the-3-month-rule-be-longer.1192093 https://theredarchive.com/post/1192093

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