After many months of self-reflection, therapy and journaling, I couldn't help but reach the conclusion that I have dated men who were, for lack of a better word, gold diggers. Well, two were house diggers also, but they fit the same category. In my experience, this gold-digging almost always goes hand in hand with being cheap, being a scrooge and being opportunistic in relationships.

And this cheapness and scarcity almost always translate into the emotional, intangible realm, not the material one as well. Don't expect them to be a good listener and a shoulder for you to cry on in your moments of sadness and grief and definitely do not expect them to get you anything unless it's a discounted plastic ring they accidentally found in their new gaming set box, or the occasional wilted flowers from the supermarket that they begrudgingly buy to get back in your good graces.

But let's get to it!

  1. he lets you know from the very beginning that you being financially stable is a prerequisite in the "relationship" (because he isn't financially stable or otherwise - but he will not let you know about this part until much later when he'll expect you to slip into bob-the-builder mode); he depends on your stability to sustain his lifestyle and targets people like you.
  2. he never buys you flowers, chocolates or any appropriate gift for the stage the relationship is at and lets you know early on that he doesn't believe in gifts. He has no problem accepting stuff from you, from freebies to luxury gifts, or spending money on himself, his hobbies and his buddies, though.
  3. he lets you know that his only love language is touch (translated to sex and not necessarily the lovey-dovey, intimacy-driven type that gets you to orgasm but the rough and fast type that conceals his ED) so he expects you to receive the gift of blowing his penis on your anniversary. This touch-thing is never reciprocated though. he is here to take, not give.
  4. he forgets his wallet. and in some situations forgets his phone. or whatever. one can never play this absent-minded card for too long. you discover that he orders a five-course meal and expects you to pay for it. never even motions for his wallet and when he does, he makes a scene out of it in order to paint himself a generous gentleman. he will pay for a lemon popsicle or a small bagel with a small coffee that comes in a smelly paper cup. he will pay but once in a blue moon and will expect you to be very grateful for it. he might even ask you to venmo him for that.
  5. he tells you he wants stuff, he tells you he wants you to buy him stuff with absolutely no shame. he will send links to the thing that he wants and tell you he wants it. he will ask for this but he never gives you stuff or buys you anything. in fact, in most cases (my experience also), he will tell you that he is saving money for something important to him (which excludes you, of course) and that he expects you to be his cash-mommy for a while (indefinitely, if possible).
  6. he always invites himself to your place (for practicality). he has sex there, he can have his free therapy session there, he brings two bags of his dirty clothes for you to put in the washing machine for him, he takes showers and long baths at your place, he eats the food that you cooked from the supplies that you buy. of course, he always comes right after the food is ready and falls asleep or leaves right before it's time to clean the dishes. not only he uses your energy but he uses your resources in a sneaky way. from time to time he might come by with some cheap wine. and about cooking or buying products or the food - do not worry - he either told your from the very beginning he cannot cook and will always buy something bad, extremely cheap or will altogether forget about it, so you'll learn fast enough that he doesn't do stuff like this and you should never ever ask.
  7. he wants to move at your place asap - this is how house-digging starts. not only will he have free access to all your resources, but now he doesn't need to spend a dime on his rent and utilities and even though you ask him to contribute, he will rarely fulfil his own end of the bargain. it's because he wants to be close to you, of course!
  8. or he wants you to move in with him because he needs a buddy to pay half. of course, you'll still be his girlfriend but now you'll be his roommate as well - isn't that fun!?!
  9. or... he wants you to move in with him as his girlfriend and also pay for his mortgage. it's only fair, isn't it? and do the same for the car he needs to pay monthly for! pay for it and also fill it with fuel.
  10. he is constantly asking you about your finances, your assets, your insurance or whatever it is that you will own from your relatives and tries to make a move and trap you into a LTR/ marriage based on that. most likely will try to get you pregnant, trap you into financing his starving-artist/ conman/ trader/ MLM mafioso dream.
  11. will treat you like a slave: your energy will be use to fulfil his dreams, complete his projects, house him, feed him and find him new opportunities. this cuckoo needs a mommy, therapist, bangmaid and bringer of unicorns to his limpdick pornsick self, besides being a 24/7 functioning ATM machine on whom he'll use fear, obligation and guilt remorselessly to have his needs and desires met.

tbc...