I've been seeing an increase of posts here responding to abusive incels and other trash men who like to harass women online through private messages. They are often posted under the guise of "owning" said man with clapbacks, but I am telling y'all right now, you should stop doing this.

"But, I have to say something! If I don't, he will win!" No, sis, that's not how this works.

Women are largely socialized to JADE when insulted or confronted. J: Justify, A: Argue, D: Defend, E: Explain. It hurts my soul to see otherwise smart, self-possessed young women try to explain themselves to awful anons.

Every time you explain yourself to anyone about who you are and your life choices, you give away your power. This applies online and in real life.

Incel in DM: You fat ugly c*nt, i bet you'll die alone with cats, you'll never get a man, you're old and used up and no one cares about you, etc.

The "clapback": I am actually a young, beautiful, happily-married size 6 who goes to the gym and is super happy! So fuck off, loser!

You see what happened? She explained herself to this "person" who is so low, he should never even register her attention. Another insidious side to this is that she was tacitly endorsing the incel worldview by claiming that her beauty, relationship and good life makes her worthy. So what if she had been ugly, fat and owned cats? It doesn't mean she is worthy of abuse.

Her response is meaningless anyway, because what these guys are after is any response at all. If they get your attention, they "got" you, they crawled under your skin, they bothered you. That is their goal! Why are you trying to prove you are not the things they call you? They are not concerned with facts and truth about your life situation. They simply hurl out the standard insults to women: fat, ugly, wh*re, crazy cat lady, etc. And they only target you because you post on FDS or other feminist subs.

For the most abusive ones, their ultimate goal is to silence you and get you to go away. They hope that we feel bullied from the abuse and that we quit posting. Our voices are the biggest threat to them, and so they furiously brigade, try to silence, try to shout down.

That's why I say, IGNORE, BLOCK, DELETE. Keep on posting and living your life without them even realizing you ever saw their pathetic messages. This applies to outright disrespectful first messages from men on dating sites, too. Do not respond to their bullshit, IGNORE, BLOCK DELETE (and also report them to the app if possible). I promise you, you will feel a lot better if you stop entertaining these drains of precious energy.