When a relationship you thought had a real future ends, and the man comes back after the fact realizing how much he messed up, apologizing, etc, how do you ladies keep it moving?

FraidyCat00 · 2020-04-22T19:50:14+00:00

Mistake? Please elaborate. I see women say men made mistakes when what really happened was that a man chose actions that were not excusable. Actions require making choices. The man CHOSE to treat them poorly.

Forgiveness is okay, but it doesn’t have to come with you sacrificing your dignity, boundaries, and standards.

If you chose, or he chose, to end the relationship due to a ‘mistake’ keep it ended. Stay closed.

You can forgive and move on. That’s life. We make mistakes and move on with new knowledge and experience.

popfriday · 2020-04-22T20:35:06+00:00

Here’s the problem, it doesn’t matter if you forgave, it matters that you will never forget.

Your relationship will never be what it was. You’ll be left wondering if you’d be happier with someone else who hasn’t hurt you deeply.

I think that’s what most people (including myself) fail to accept. You go back to the ex and the entire relationship is a struggle to achieve what you once had. In some moments you might have it again, but the undertone of resentment and the lack of trust will haunt the relationship forever.

This is what scares me about marriage honestly. Makes me wonder if relationships with men are designed to last a couple of years...the complacency and ingrained obsession with a variety of sex just makes their entire species feel doomed from the start.

GraveyardH2020 · 2020-04-22T19:48:28+00:00

[deleted]

VikingPug · 2020-04-22T21:24:56+00:00

After many many relationships at the ripe old age of 42, and taking back many LVM I can tell you they never change. They may change for a week and that gives you a false sense of security. But the problem never goes away and it becomes a bigger problem now because you’re on guard..because it will happen again.

Once I took someone back after I knew I didn’t like him because he cried. Oh Jesus, I wasted so much time with that loser!! But I thought, oh he cried...he must CARE so much. I cared more about his feelings than my OWN!

Most relationships fail. The faster it fails the faster you can move on to hopefully a HVM. So don’t be afraid to tell LVM to fuck off...or just block them.

persephones_torch · 2020-04-22T23:08:16+00:00

He says in one of his videos...

"You don't want to be with a man that is driven by regret. You want to be with a man who is driven by appreciating you."

SarcasmSlide · 2020-04-22T21:23:05+00:00

If you had a serious relationship, possibly engagement etc, that falls out after the other person hurts you, and they come back after some time realizing their mistakes, wanting to be better, how do you ladies keep moving forward?

My first question would be, “How did you get around the fact that I blocked your phone number, email, and social media?”

gursky0 · 2020-04-22T21:52:41+00:00

99.99% chance it ended for a good reason. Leave it in the past.

BrooklynBabe33 · 2020-04-23T02:07:31+00:00

Just remember that the girl he dumped you for just dumped him

And now he’s back

Have pride and dignity don’t respond

VulcanSpaceSquirrel · 2020-04-22T20:20:53+00:00

I keep it moving by moving into my future without him

thepastamancer · 2020-04-22T21:51:17+00:00

I'd never take my ex back. Problem was I already excused way to much and accepted way too many apologies for things that always happened again. That's one mistake I wont be repeating.

wildcardwitch · 2020-04-23T00:53:15+00:00

I saw your other comments that went into more detail, and it's definitely a pattern of bad behavior. When its a pattern, apologies mean nothing. See the apology as another offense, another lie, another disrespect. He's a fool for thinking it makes up for anything.

gcthrowaway2019 · 2020-04-22T22:58:59+00:00

How do I keep it moving? With both feet. Think about all the times he was so cavalier and gleeful about pissing you off, making you cry, making you stressed out, hurting you and not giving you orgasms. If he loved you he wouldn't have wanted to see you in those states let alone be the cause.

They "smarten up" bc they have to live with the real consequences of you not being there. He's no longer being rewarded or going unpunished for acting a slap damn fool and has no choice but to lay in the bed he made.

GraveyardH2020 · 2020-04-22T21:29:11+00:00

Woo. That was a lot. Don’t get back with him for any reason. As many have said, you can accept an apology for past wrongs, but that doesn’t mean you have to be in a relationship with that person. You can even love someone, and know that you can’t be in a relationship with or live with that person. I’m sure you’ve heard of “loving from a distance”, especially in relation to toxic relatives. Sometimes it’s helpful to think of it that way as you journey towards full healing, because you’re not denying your emotions. You can love someone and not be with them.

You shouldn’t be with someone who doesn’t respect you (and based on the history y’all had, he doesn’t respect you.) If you had a young niece/daughter, what advice would you give her? Sometimes I play that scenario in my head because I know I would want to do everything humanly possible to spare her from pain.

ButterYourNiceToast · 2020-04-23T19:40:19+00:00

I truly just have no interest in interacting with them again. They blew it and are shitty people. I've leveled up and they'll never be on my level. I'm repulsed by their behavior and persona and therefore no longer attracted.

I had an ex try to contact me a handful of times in like a 5 year span, saying I tried harder than anyone to save him and how he's tried to move on but can't stop thinking about me and is still waiting/hoping for a reconnect blah blah. Dude will be waiting for eternity because it'll never happen.

JenAYE2 · 2020-04-22T22:09:41+00:00

Discuss!!!! Well what do you want for YOU?! Because obviously he has torn you up so many times that it ended. Do you think that will change? My experience is HELL NO it won’t. So do you love yourself enough to keep moving past your past with him and find someone worthy of YOU? Or you want to wake up a year from now going why didn’t I stick to what I knew was best for me?

radical__daphne · 2020-04-23T07:57:18+00:00

He should already blocked so he can never come back.

Ice_Ice_Maybe · 2020-04-22T21:05:15+00:00

That video is scarily accurate. Definitely explains the tearful, 2am "I still love you" texts from exes who used to give you the silent treatment while you sat there paragraphing them after every fight.

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