I was writing this as a comment on a post here but thought it actually might be helpful as its own post because I don't think it's something I've ever seen discussed on FDS and I want all you Queens to avoid the situation I was in.

I'm going to use my ex husband as the example because he's what I'm familiar with. Everyone likes him, not because he's a charming narcissist, but because he's genuinely warm, funny, passionate about social justice issues, will go above and beyond for his friends, does free computer tech work for seniors and the disabled, and volunteers to help the homeless. I've seen him literally help little old ladies cross the street. What a HVM, right?

Wrong. He was also was a huge slob who would not pick up after himself and made me ask him to take out the overflowing trash and clean up the disasters he made in the kitchen, wanted an open marriage, had mental health issues but didn't get help, played video games all night and had no other hobbies, couldn't hold down a job, couldn't take responsibility for anything, never got me gifts for Christmas or my birthday unless I told him to, etc. Classic LVM.

LVM can still have good personalities and they can still treat others extremely well. They can come across as the best kind of person, selfless even. But don't get fooled. HOW HE TREATS YOU WILL TELL YOU EVERYTHING. At no point should you be crying because you had to tell him for the 50th time to not let trash overflow onto the floor. At no point should you be telling him to get you a gift because Christmas is tomorrow. At no point should you even entertain the idea of an open relationship. At no point should you be wondering why he just got let go from his 4th job in 2 years. At no point should you be begging him to eat right, exercise, and go to bed at a decent time for his own mental and physical health. If you dont feel valued and you aren't getting what you deserve, move on. If you aren't the best version of yourself with him, move on. If he's not the best version of himself with you, move on. You can lead a LVM to water but you can't make them drink. I wish I had known that before I wasted 5 years on him.