~ archived since 2018 ~

I believe that Weaponized Incompetence exists

May 4, 2022

So I was recently on Menslib and carefully read what they had to say about this topic. Here's some of what they said:

"If my tone seems to suggest I have some beef with this topic, let me let it out: There's such a wide range of stories I see that apply "weaponized incompetence." There's absolute batshit insane men who basically do nothing of the household workload, using lack of knowledge and expertise as an excuse for not doing them. Then there's stories men who literally bought the wrong deodorant once and now their partner claims they using weaponized incompetence in their relationship. Or there's men who aren't being the take-charge alpha man (though they are equally sharing the workload), and that's being labeled "weaponized incompetence."

Bottom line for me: I think men should be encouraged to express where they are weak in life. They should -- of course -- be willing to try to learn and improve their skills where possible to commit to maintaining and improving the household. Household chores and life decisions should be equally shared by both partners as much as possible. Men should be involved with things like child rearing as much as women. But men are allowed to be clumsy. Men are allowed to be forgetful. Men are allowed to make mistakes - as long as they are apologetic of these things and aren't implementing them in some kind of abusive fashion. We should encourage men to be open about where their weaknesses are. Otherwise, if we shame men for being honest about their weakness, then we are just keeping us trapped in the same old gender roles. If men are to be an equal partner of household chores, they should also be equal partners in emotional openness and vulnerability.

TL;DR - Weaponized incompetence is a concerning issue in truly abusive relationships. However, frivolously using the term to apply to any situation of male incompetence contributes to toxic masculinity by making men appear to have to be ostensibly flawless and commandeering in a relationship."

There's also people giving testimonies of people accepting this idea.

"My father actually said to me when I was getting married, "If there is something you don't want to do around the house, just do it really wrong the first time they ask and you will never have to do it again."

"my physics teacher said the same to a class with all boys except me and another girl."

Me personally, I think that this is certainly a thing. However, I don't think that this is indeed gendered issue. While men are certainly guilty of acting incompetent when it comes to chores, I've seen women pretend to act incompetent to other things outside of chores. For instance I'm sure we're all familiar with the "Can throw this away for me?" when the trash can is legit across the room. Maybe even the whole notion of a woman pretending to be disabled and not opening her own door and having a man do it in the guise of "chivalry." Or to go even further pretending to not be independent and having the man pay for everything.

So men, wash the dishes. Women you have arms and your own money. Get to it and do it. That is all.

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