Epic fail.

Cam_Winston21 · 2016-05-06T14:42:08+00:00

Welcome to the world of having standards. You expected her to participate, she didn't participate, it wasn't up to your standards, so you stopped.

I'm interested in the follow up.

il-est-ressuscite · 2016-05-06T14:31:09+00:00

[permanently deleted]

irateMD · 2016-05-06T14:38:26+00:00

Time for a re-read of MMSLP.

That wasn't ED - you were both missing the I and E of DEVI and weren't enjoying yourself. This is why "just go jerk off" is shitty advice. You're not craving orgasm - you want her to desire you. For that to happen, you have to truly desire her and make her feel it. If it's mechanical then you may as well masturbate. If you're gaming her because of your MAP and not because you want her, then there will be no passion from either of you.

A_Rex · 2016-05-06T14:53:48+00:00

You got too far inside your own head during the act. It happened to me a few times at the beginning of the journey too. I'll go against the grain a bit here though, and say that rejecting starfish at your stage is not a good option. You haven't had it in 8 months - gotta start somewhere. In fact, even if she's starfishing, fuck her even harder and get even more into it yourself. When she feels your energy at this point, her body may pick up on this and she may start responding accordingly. My wife did, FWIW.

Here, you allowed her lack of enthusiasm to bring you down, and into HER frame. Don't do this next time. Next time, fuck her into your frame. Fantasize about some other woman if you have to, who cares. Just dominate the performance.

Sadbeary · 2016-05-06T14:59:45+00:00

There's only so much I can try to stay engaged when you aren't. Even my dick seemingly has better things to do than a wife who doesn't give a fuck.

It ain't you with the problem.

KDO3 · 2016-05-06T14:51:45+00:00

This happened to me one time when I was pushing the boundaries of the typical vanilla sessions we have. She refused to let me touch her in a particular way and I just lost all desire. She sensed it and we stopped. In a way, I think it's a good thing. She's feeling a little dread and deep down she knows she isn't satisfying you. You've lost some attraction for her. My advice is to initiate again asap.

PurpleVeteran · 2016-05-06T15:47:02+00:00

Looking good is fine, pictures with co-workers is okay, but what level of dread are you actually on?

As usual, I showered before bed, made myself presentable as I always do to initiate, good little bit of cologne, trim, etc. I've never stopped initiating but after dozens of turn downs, I became complacent, I initiate expecting rejection.

This. You've made it mechanical. You've settled into a place where you want/expect sex N times a week, so much that it might as well be scheduled. At the same time, what you really want isn't just the sex, but the intimacy involved. You don't want her pussy, you want her desire and her presence, and sex is just your way of getting there.

/u/irateMD is right... what you need is to re-read SGM from the sidebar. You need to up your game, not to seduce your wife into sex, but to make her crave the attention that you offer (and want to receive). Own your masculinity, tease her through the day, and make her feel your desire... bring her into your frame, hours before you get to the bedroom.

its-iceman · 2016-05-06T17:40:48+00:00

Putting on "a good bit" of cologne before bed makes you sound desperate. You're the prize. The prize doesn't have to put on cologne. Sure, shower and brush your teeth to make sure you don't smell bad, but don't get dolled up hoping she'll finally notice how special you are.

Get out of your own head. She's turning her head to avoid you, and star fishing, no wonder you don't give a shit about fucking her.

alphabeta49 · 2016-05-06T15:58:03+00:00

Wish I could upvote wmp's comment more than once. You're very critical of himself. You recognize that you wants intimacy, which I don't think is a bad thing. Maybe read the "Rule 6a" that was just recently posted on TRP to get your feet back on the ground.

I'll bet your wife is very aware that you weren't satisfied, even nervous about it, but she's not attracted enough to bring herself to do anything about it. You just can't negotiate those things.

As far as "what to do now" is concerned, that's your signal to up the dread, start withdrawing value from the relationship and investing it somewhere else (hobbies, friendships, career, plates, whatever you want). She's getting past the making-fun-of-her-beta stage and is realizing that you're serious about the change. So she's ignoring you, hoping your improvement will go away. Its making her very nervous. But lord knows she ain't gonna share that with you. That would be admitting you're adding enough value to threaten her sercurity, which would mean she would have to work to keep you.

Heaven forbid.

stonepimpletilists · 2016-05-06T18:59:25+00:00

you're not feeling it, so you left. This time your body made the hard decision you couldn't.

Next time, have more agency than your dick, it's telling you what you need to hear. Stop calling yourself a pussy, and realize, maybe, just maybe, she isn't giving you what you value, and it's time to internalize that while you ponder your future relationship status.

You could replace her if you wanted to, now start signalling that through your frame

MRPCowboy · 2016-05-06T15:02:00+00:00

This happens occasionally with us. If I'm not feeling it anymore and she's not into it, well what's the point of pretending and putting on a show? For some time I felt angry about it, but lately I can just accept that this happens.

I deal with it by having long term sexual goals (certain new positions, getting her to open up about her sexuality). So sometimes we try working out the kinks of a new position (and sometimes things take off again, sometimes they don't). My wife started at a point of not communicating at all about what's working or not, but I've been able to get her to provide some input when we're working out a new position without the goal of orgasm and now she'll be a little less subtle about hints. The working on a position mode sort of has an "eye doctor" angle you can play "do you like it like this or like this?" It's about getting ready for next time. Or we just spoon and talk. Sometimes we masturbate. I try not to get hung up on things but sometimes things do get very weird. Learning to shake it off and moving on is what helps me. The next session is usually much better.

endogenic · 2016-05-06T16:06:52+00:00

I suggest going and approaching many more, other women. Forget about your wife for now. She doesn't respect you much at the moment, and you must have let it get that way for a while. So just focus on fulfilling your own needs and set the condition that you won't engage with her and won't give her what she is extracting out of you – things like comfort/security and your validation of her via your continuous expressions of interest in her – unless she respects you. You don't need to tell her that at first. Just go give your comfort and validation to others who do respect you. She'll wise up pretty quickly.

Have you read No More Mr Nice Guy?

ImprovingMan · 2016-05-06T16:37:11+00:00

It may take more time and you might just need to work harder. Where are your sticking points? If it seems like your wife responds well to preselection, you should look to up that. If I get flirted with by an attractive girl in front of my wife, she almost always initiates in the next day or two. For her, it is a big factor. So I make sure I am encouraging other females to interact with me in front of her.

It seems like a lot of guys experience this after a dead bedroom. The go hard for 8-12 months and stall out. If you had a dead bedroom for 8 months, that is serious. That means you had a long ways to go. You know you have more ground to cover but remember that you are doing it for you - To be the best most interesting version of you.

Also, when you become a better man, the woman doesn't always follow.

openwheelr · 2016-05-09T14:55:33+00:00

The breakthrough for me came after I read MMSLP and stopped giving a shit about her enjoyment. Funny thing happened, she is liking sex more now than in years. I manhandle her now and get the positions I want, and she is as compliant as Gumby. I stopped asking and started taking.

Your brain cramp may have stopped your own breakthrough. Yeah she is going to be surprised when you take charge and flip her over. Thing is she may have been quite pleasantly surprised but you shut down. I'd keep quiet about what happened and go dominant again next time.

In my case at least, everything went starfish after kid #2 and the whole act became a massive chore for her. She stopped feeling desirable to some extent, but she now responds to my desire in kind. Before I flipped the switch it was several years of desperate starfish, with me trying to figure out how to 'satisfy' her. Problem was I gave her nothing to get excited about. Her internal drive was lacking and I wasn't picking up the slack. I brought a weak initiation with almost no show of dominance. Now I go in with guns blazing. I don't know where I'd be without this sub.

Back in the day she had a stronger internal sex drive, but I just had to figure out how to adjust to the new reality. YMMV.

irateMD · 2016-05-06T14:34:18+00:00

At some point.. you have to realize that all of the primping and posing and peacocking is just not worth it. You feel like a dancing monkey waiting for your master to throw you bread crumbs.

She has very real disdain for you, at least physically/sexually. It's tough to swallow.. but it's the truth. We all dive into the WHY part of it and come up with fixes and MAPs and all of that... but at some point you have to set all that aside, shake hands like adults, and agree that it just ain't what it should be. You'll both be happier for it in the long run. Leave, my man. Just fucking leave.

spexer · 2016-05-06T15:51:04+00:00

One possible contributor to this problem is porn. If you are using porn, I recommend you stop asap (and consider NoFap).

Porn can have the effect (especially if it the only sex you have had for 8 months) of creating unrealistic sex that your mate cannot match, and thus your attraction and desire is deflated.

You have a real person with you, not a plastic porn-star with great acting skills, acrobatic abilities, and perfectly timed moaning.

Title	Epic fail.
Author	Icemanwannabe
Upvotes	19
Comments	54
Date	May 6, 2016 1:56 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/4i56io/epic_fail/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/epic-fail.200023 https://theredarchive.com/post/200023

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