Am I insecure for wanting less sexually experienced partner?

guitarb26 · 2023-11-02T10:42:00+00:00

Not insecure at all & that’s also a pretty shitty thing to say. There are many (valid) reasons why a man would not want to get involved with a woman with a high body count.

princelydeeds · 2023-11-02T11:28:20+00:00

Your therapist is an idiot and probably doesn't have the life experience or wisdom to properly guide you in this arena.

My wife and I went to couples therapy and the first therapist was such a complete shit bag, it was painful. We spent the whole hour arguing because he wouldn't stop saying dumb shit (basically that everything was my fault, including the fact that the zoom call didn't work initially). He was "woman good", "Man bad" on everything. I wasn't having any of that and even my wife thought he was a pompous, argumentative asshole.

We dumped that asshole immediately.

We got another guy who fair and balanced, listenes to me and even when he disagreed, he allowed me to explain my thoughts. Dude was awesome.

My point even some therapists are assholes who don't know shit.

Body count matters a lot for women.

randyoftheinternet · 2023-11-02T09:14:05+00:00

No, you do you mate

Toffly · 2023-11-02T11:08:13+00:00

Well my wife and I were virgins and we both didn't have a clue, the sex was and is still great because we're bonding a ton. You're not insecure for wanting that, fuck that noise.

PUMA-420 · 2023-11-02T11:52:15+00:00

Your therapist is a cuck

mathWizzardd · 2023-11-02T09:18:09+00:00

Knowing how to make one girl finish doesn’t always transfer to the other. Experience can make you worse in that sense because you assume what worked before will work again.

If you openly communicate with your partner and watch / listen as you go to see what she responds to, you guys will be vibing quick enough.

I’ve never worried much about ‘experience’ and I’ve been with a decent amount of girls. But if you want to build something special, it’s about reacting and building it up. not how you made the last few partners finish or how many there were.

masterkey8 · 2023-11-02T09:24:34+00:00

its more of a personal preference, wanting a sexually inexperienced partner doesn’t make you insecure

retardedwhiteknight · 2023-11-02T09:27:29+00:00

therapists are not always to be trusted, you can see it with how they forced jordan peterson to take “online re-education” or strip his title off of him because of what he said online. education is full of feminist ideas and psychology is not exempt of that.

now to the bodycount: many studies show that there is a positive correlation between the number of past sexual partners and infidelity

also higher chances of stds, attachment issues, inability to pair bond, all kinds of mental illnesses and trauma/baggage

also they might view sex as nothing special, valuable or important which can be contrary to your own beliefs or values. you should be on the same page for the relationship to work for long term.

PossibilityNo8765 · 2023-11-02T11:00:21+00:00

There's nothing wrong with having standards, my brother. Find yourself a good girl. She's out there

Biervat2 · 2023-11-02T09:16:52+00:00

well im in a 'relationship' now with an over the wall slut. its fun and all, but the issue is mainly that she cannot be trusted longterm eventhough she claims to be in love. This formed out of a friendship, but her bodycount and history sticks. So yes, id rather have the low bodycount woman who hasnt got a history of monkeybranching every once in a while but i recognise they are all like that in some ways, but with good ones i believe that incentive can be suppressed enough (by her). Or one could state it as not wanting a girl who uses sex as a validation tool. She is not better in bed than other women though, so for the quality of sex her experience doesn't matter at all, id say the enthousiasms is there but its less than a less experienced girl.

mrkpxx · 2023-11-02T11:19:47+00:00

No, you are sensible.

Shreddersaurusrex · 2023-11-02T11:21:10+00:00

No, don’t fall for the SIGN language tactics.

saito200 · 2023-11-02T12:11:00+00:00

You are insecure for wondering whether you are insecure for wanting what you want

Illustrious_Bus9486 · 2023-11-02T09:27:39+00:00

No. She will have fewer men to compare you to. And she will compare you.

heeroena · 2023-11-02T09:52:52+00:00

No it is natural to not want a female that's ran through

KrazyJazz · 2023-11-02T11:34:48+00:00

Your preferences are yours and yours only. As long as you're not doing anything illegal or immoral, nobody has the right to discuss or challenge you on the subject. Live your life on your own terms, man. Last but not least, you should maybe look for a different therapist.

Theo446_Z · 2023-11-02T12:21:18+00:00

No.

Sexual experience is not important, you both can learn together.

ijustdontcare74 · 2023-11-02T09:55:27+00:00

You have nothing to be ashamed about. You are allowed to have preferences no matter what women say or try to shame you into accepting. It’s natural for men to not want a ran through woman. It raises our concerns about infidelity and false paternity.

elebrin · 2023-11-02T12:06:41+00:00

My advice to young men is to stay a virgin and marry a virgin. A person who sleeps around a lot is inviting false accusations, children, and disease. Sex is also intrinsically tied to the sort of pair-bonding that is really only meant to happen in a committed relationship that is leading towards having children.

That said, I'd never stop someone from doing exactly what they want. I wanted a woman who wants to be that way naturally, and isn't choosing it because someone imposed it on her.

mistermiracle69 · 2023-11-02T11:55:19+00:00

No it's not wrong, i myself want a virgin, yes not less experienced or less body counts but a virgin and I'll probably try to save myself too for my partner. It's not wrong to want a virgin or a less experienced women because studies have shown that women with less sexual partners live a happy married life and are less likely to leave a marriage, so cheer up mate everything will be good

toblotron · 2023-11-02T11:55:23+00:00

Not super-great therapisting, there, IMHO: "Yeah, you shouldn't feel what you're feeling, so stop feeling that" (not that I know anything about therapy)

plainoldusernamehere · 2023-11-02T12:19:45+00:00

You are not insecure. It’s a natural and innate thing for men. The more sexual partners a woman has been with the less likely they’ll be able to pair bond with a single man and they’re more likely to be unfaithful. A woman that’sore likely to be unfaithful has a chance of coming home pregnant with another man’s child. This is not an insecurity. It’s a defense mechanism. The info is available from the General Social Survey that shows as sexual partners goes up infidelity rises as well.

Milk--and--honey · 2023-11-02T12:23:19+00:00

I wouldn't date a man that has a body count higher than 5. It's not insecurity, I think it's just not a good idea to sleep around.

UniversityEastern542 · 2023-11-02T12:31:50+00:00

No, not at all. I'll preface this by saying that I don't berate women over a past they can't change, but I appreciate when women are honest about it (most women are not, because they know it matters) so we can both move on quickly.

For one, women judge men over the most minute details of their behavior, looks, and personality. Men having a couple basic criteria, like not having slept with dozens of men and being somewhat interesting to talk to, and having the courage to openly express these in a radical feminist environment, isn't a bad thing and is the sign of a mature dude who knows what he wants. It's crazy how bad the double standard has become, that women are allowed to express "icks" and openly mock men on dating apps over minute personal details, while men are shamed for having any standards at all.

For people who claim that their past doesn't matter, I'm shocked at how much women's existence is defined by who they date and have sex with, and how much their views on sex and relationships are influenced by early partners. It sucks to go out with someone who projects their fears and anxieties from past partners onto you, and act as if they weren't an equal partner in the failure of those past relationships. Even worse is seeing women who are hung up on past relationships, usually an any-dude first boyfriend that could've literally been anyone they went to high school with, but they've deluded themselves into thinking was "the one" or some other bs.

Some of these older, more experienced women are jaded as hell. Everything is "been there, done that" to them, and they then have the audacity to pretend that the problem is the lack of quality men (should've picked a quality man when you were 20 and hot and not when you were 30 and not) and not their complete absence of enthusiasm for anything.

The idea that people "get better at sex" with experience is sex-positive nonsense. Sex is best with someone who loves you and wants to please you, even if they're a virgin.

Some of these women are guarded, damaged, pine over past lovers, are obsessed with comparing male partners to their peers' partners, treat men as accessories and generally lack the capacity to completely love someone ever again after one or two attempts at it. While there are some exceptions ("lover" women, for instance), there are definitely women who choose to never move on and lack the ability to love a man ever again. They need to die alone so they don't further pollute the dating pool. I don't think it's exclusive to women either, but because women commit so much mental energy to mate selection, they're a lot more prone to it.

I'm shocked at the number of millennial women who have slept around a lot and now genuinely think they're ever going to get married (which, in itself, is shockingly important to them). IMO, women who have had sex at all outside of marriage have forfeited a big card to play if getting married is a life goal.

Final note: even if you just think that her having had sex with other dudes is gross, that's completely valid, although keep in mind that the restrictiveness of your selective criteria is definitely going to negatively affect your dating success. Again, I don't berate women over a past they can't change but if you want to eventually be "serious" then yes, I need to know (how many dudes have you slept with, are you still in contact with them, etc.) and the relationship could very well be damaged or end based on your answers.

Black-Patrick · 2023-11-02T11:26:33+00:00

Fuzzy_Department2799 · 2023-11-02T12:25:40+00:00

You are perfectly fine setting your own boundaries with what you want in a partner. Without reading the full text and context of your post id assume that most of the down votes were from feminist because they really hate the concept that men don't want to sleep with someone who had been around the block more times than a stolen bicycle. It falls into the personal responsibility umbrella that seems to be an unwanted presence in their lives.

If your therapist continues to push a feminist narrative which sadly is very likely you may need to switch therapists. It sometimes takes a few tries to find someone you can feel comfortable with.

Organic-Brotha · 2023-11-02T12:55:02+00:00

Do whatever you’re comfortable with doing. It’s a personal preference. I find society as a whole has this obsession with shaming men out of personal preferences. If you that’s the type of girl you’d rather be with do it.

Why are you allowing anyone to dictate what you can or cannot like?

WindSlicerEXG · 2023-11-02T13:24:20+00:00

Don’t women want men who are more sexually experienced as well? I think it’s fair either way

skyman457 · 2023-11-02T13:29:26+00:00

No, you have a preference. A perfectly reasonable one. Don't let low-value women with high body counts gaslight you.

Klldarkness · 2023-11-02T13:40:46+00:00

Let's be honest here...who are you hiring to run your company?

The CEO that has worked 1-3 like positions for the past 10-20 years, each lasting multiple years each, showing experience and loyalty

Or

The worker that has had 30 different jobs the past 10-20 years, most short term, some lasting even less than a day?

0000

This whole experience bullshit thing modern times have tried to shove onto men is the dumbest shit I've ever heard. Just like the above, a frycook that's jumped between jobs every other week for a decade IS NOT EXPERIENCED. They've simply worked alot of jobs. I would not hire them, they show no skills, they show no loyalty.

"All my ex-jobs were crazy!"

Um...you picked them? You worked at 3 McDonald's in a row, what did you expect? That somehow the next one would be different?

Shows bad judgement.

0000

This metaphor works really well because it's all true.

Salkinov · 2023-11-02T13:47:14+00:00

I think its perfectly normal to want a partner with similiar "experience". I'm not promiscuous, so i don't want a promiscuous woman on my side. As long as you are not obsessed with wanting a "pure virgin gf" its alright. I find high bodycounts disgusting and its my right since i'm not living a double standard.

Also i don't understand the common connection between body count and experience. I can have far more sex in a stable relationsship than with ONS on the weekends. And even then its fairly difficult to get a partner for every weekend (or maybe you slay on Online Dating, lol).

Euphoric-Beat-7206 · 2023-11-02T13:56:16+00:00

That is a personal preference, but if you ask around many people will think you are "Slut Shaming" for suggesting that it is more desirable to sleep with a woman who hasn't slept with every guy on the block.

DoctorStorm · 2023-11-02T14:14:22+00:00

How to tell if the therapist is, well, not a therapist.

"What you just said you like/want/prefer, yeah, that doesn't matter, you don't matter, this doesn't matter. It shouldn't matter."

The "It shouldn't matter" bit is the only thing that shouldn't matter to you right now.

Sincerely,

an actual therapist.

parahacker · 2023-11-02T14:15:10+00:00

Insecure? No.

Unrealistic? Yes.

The odds are very high that any given woman will have more sexual experience than you. This is born out in pretty much every study that's been done in the past 10 years. And it's just common sense - it's much easier for women to find.

So if you're going to be dating at all, you have to match expectations with reality. Unless you're wealth and attractive enough to be beating women off with a stick, you don't have much choice.

Beelzeboss3DG · 2023-11-02T14:21:03+00:00

No. More partners equals less chance a woman will be happy after getting married. According to studies, fewer sex partners means a happier marriage. Probably because your wife wont be comparing you to 2 dozen other men for the rest of her life.

As a 35yo man, of course I dont want a virgin, but I also dont want women with an extremely high body count. IT DOES MATTER. We need to look at the past to understand the odds of a good future. If I married a woman who cheated on every single partner she had, good chances are she will cheat on me. If I married a 30yo woman who felt she needed to sleep with 30 different men in her life until me, good chances are she wont be satisfied with only sleeping with me for the rest of her life.

skcuf2 · 2023-11-02T15:18:53+00:00

A 30 year old woman who is single is a red flag by itself, imo. Women maintain issues from previous relationships and pass them on to their new partner and it's a self fulfilling prophecy that they'll never find 'the right person.' An example is a woman coming out of a relationship with a guy who played 10 hours of video games every day getting on the new guys ass if he plays 2 hours per week when he plays.

Sex is honestly overrated if you're looking for a relationship. If you fuck every day for 1-2 hours then you're still only talking about 7-14 hours per week. You still have another 154-161 hours you'll spend with that person, give or take work hours. A relationship should probably barely even factor sex in if you're looking to be happy. That's kind of a cherry on top. I have great relationships with my friends and we don't fuck at all.

Contrary to this, if a woman has been run through by 30 dudes by the time she's 25 then she's shown a history of being easy. It might be one of your 'insecurities' that you don't feel you can trust a woman that's been passed around, but it's a valid one based in biology. We have insecurities for a reason and if that's something that's an issue for you then you're not required to compromise. Just know that it's going to limit your dating pool.

If you're looking for a woman who's not been passed around but is still a freak in bed, I'd look at a church. The morals mean strong monogamy, but most people are willing to do sexual exploration with someone they really love. Christian girls are really horny from what I've experienced.

Mountain_Collar_7620 · 2023-11-02T09:52:32+00:00

It’s You Life you can spec the job as you need - Virgin with veil, slut in pumps, a penguin 🐧 costume .. Your Preference is what counts. As long as legal obviously .

None at All is also Valid as in “whatever” or “No Thanks”

Proper_Sprinkles_586 · 2023-11-02T10:18:59+00:00

No it's completely normal to want a partner either as experienced as you are or close to it. This is what most people want so your desire is fairly normal and your reasoning makes sense.

But as you said the older you get what you're looking for is going to be harder to come by as you get older. At you're age finding a virigin or either gender is going to be very hard and your also getting to the age where finding someone with only one or two relationship under their belts will be hard.

This is probably the most black pilled I'll ever write. But it is 2023 and we live in a world post sexual revolution. Alot of people have bought in to the idea of casual sex, hookups, and quick relationships that last maybe a few months. Now personally I don't think this is a big deal but it dose mean guy like you have a harder time finding what you're looking for. Personally as a 26 year old virgin I've had to make my peach with the fact that basically everyone I meet is going to have more experience then I will. Which was easy enough for me since I've always been rather liberal sexually. But I don't know how to help other guys in your or my position.

Another thing that I realized is that alot of men of this generation are going to have to deal with the idea that the average girl is going to have more experience then them.

Extreme_Spread9636 · 2023-11-02T10:47:38+00:00

It's reasonable to ask, but you also have to face the truth. A lot of people sleep around nowadays. You limit the potential partners you could actually have.

Difficult_Storage_96 · 2023-11-02T12:32:50+00:00

Dont bother with therapists, they don't give 2 shits about you. These are scumbags who profit on others misery. Cant stand therapists, key workers, social workers, if they didnt get paid id have no issue. I dont give a fuck what anyone says. These people are usually busy body, nosey nellys who get off on others misery. You need therapy talk to friends and family. Not these scumbags.

No one should be paid for these types of jobs , its sickens me. Most if them, specially keys workers do the job because it makes them feel better about themselves seeing how bad other people are.

My key worker is the worst. I habe drug problems, and am forced to these these types through threat of them taking my meds away, the one thing that has helped me, but im now chained to these busy bodys. Who love sticking there noses in. They think my life and misery is for there entertainment.

ArmchairPhilosopher3 · 2023-11-02T12:53:54+00:00

Nah, not at all.

Fuck dem hoes, bruh.

AvailableAd1232 · 2023-11-02T09:30:18+00:00

You the man Normal desire.

Current_Finding_4066 · 2023-11-02T12:44:59+00:00

Someone with lots of sexual partners also probably comes with sexually transmitted infections.

It is reasonable you would prefer someone less promiscuous. Probably such a partner is also more committed and less likely to cheat

TheWhiteKnigt · 2023-11-02T13:51:12+00:00

Dude... only virgins. You don't need some chick with a high body count and all the baggage that entails.

bullmetalblackmoon · 2023-11-02T13:32:46+00:00

I hate sex i prefer only kiss woman and she touch me

Efficient_Plan_1517 · 2023-11-02T13:07:13+00:00

Nah, I married a man who was a virgin until he hit 30, and I'm only his second partner ever. The first few times he had put himself in a vulnerable position because of how people view men that are late bloomers, but I've been only supportive and loving, and he has gained a lot of confidence, and our bond is now quite strong. Man or woman, I think too many partners is not a good thing.

kandradeece · 2023-11-02T13:24:02+00:00

Sounds like you are basing your decision on bad information. The virgin willingness to try new stuff will not last. She will base what she likes/don't likes based on her experience with you. Meaning if are bad in one area, she may never do said thing with you again. The experienced girl already knows what she wants/likes. If you are lacking in some areas she can help explain what she likes.

The virgin willingness is great but it dies down. In my experience the more experienced women are best in the long run.

As for if you are insecure... it depends on why you want a less experienced women. In your case you are basing it on your own experience and is is not from a "i an lacking " mindset. So I'd say no, you are not insecure. I just think you are making a decision based on wrong information, but that doesn't make you insecure.

Not_Just_Any_Lurker · 2023-11-02T14:10:57+00:00

The most important thing isn’t experience or skill or whatever. It’s communication.

Body count before me doesn’t particularly matter to me unless they’ve born children or had diseases or something, but it’s not like I look for a high body count either. Hell I prefer virgin if applicable, but in the end as long as you’re both willing and have fun it doesn’t really matter in the end.

AbysmalDescent · 2023-11-02T14:26:17+00:00

In a complete vaccum, meaning a world of perfect gender equality where gender roles or personal preferences aren't a factor? Sure. In reality, or rather in a world in which past experience demonstrate a certain level of promiscuity, lifestyle and position towards sex/romance, this seems pretty reasonable. I a world where most women also negatively judge men for their lack of experience and where those expectations only increase as those women gain more experience as well, this is pretty reasonable.

Irwae · 2023-11-02T14:40:25+00:00

I don't think that it makes you insecure. It's good to have boundaries too. If you're not a very sexual person, it makes sense that you don't want to be in a relationship with a woman who wants to swing or is into daily golden showers.. at least that's what I understand when you say that you'd rather be with an inexperienced person.

HotPrior477 · 2023-11-02T14:50:41+00:00

No. Nit at all. Therapist is a cuck. Stay away from sluts.

plumberack · 2023-11-02T15:06:37+00:00

There's nothing to exercise your preferences. You are not forcing anyone to be what you prefer.

Title	Am I insecure for wanting less sexually experienced partner?
Author	Possible-Net-4507
Upvotes	102
Comments	68
Date	November 2, 2023 9:10 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/17lzd8h/am_i_insecure_for_wanting_less_sexually/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/am-i-insecure-for-wanting-less-sexually.1237102 https://theredarchive.com/post/1237102

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