Can therapists be wrong?

IceCorrect · 2023-01-21T08:56:01+00:00

Only men you consider dating are rich men? If yes then you would have just bigger competition are you ready for it? What do you offer to men with options that other women dont and whats your baggage that other women dont have?

Its intresting that "ageism" is only problem when women options become close to men, but its no problem when you was 20 and can pick from countless men and which many of which was older than you

Glad-Discount-4761 · 2023-01-21T08:29:32+00:00

Of course therapist is woman and she is Gaslighting you.

As aging woman,I am telling you to just accept it gracefully and move on.Men will always want someone younger ,hotter,tighter and we have to accept that we cant be forever like that.

If you are that depressed, I know women who are trying to make their life expectancy shorter to avoid aging.Of course that is not good idea unless you want to do.Cry all you want to let it out,Get better therapy and focus on good health (I regret not doing it)

If you are young , focus on finding husband,being good wife.If you adds value to his life,he will never leave you.

strauzimausi · 2023-01-21T09:13:10+00:00

Women are sexier while they are young yes. Does not mean men wont ever date u in ur forties.

gertrude_is · 2023-01-21T20:18:43+00:00

as an aging woman, I don't care what the masses think. I don't. because why should I? I've never let myself be defined by others opinions and I'm not starting now. I am the only person that really matters.

even if it's true, I'm comfortable alone.

but, at some point I think we all have to relax our standards. I'm not saying we settle. I'm saying when it comes down to it, if someone wants a trophy over a true companion, let them have it.

be comfortable alone, first, and let the people who are meant to come in and stay in your life find you.

Individual_Worry_495 · 2023-01-21T16:48:11+00:00

Attraction has a lot to do with what our species sees as healthy breeding stock. Sorry if that sounds insensitive. If old people were supposed to reproduce, we'd go through puberty at 65.

Final_Philosopher663 · 2023-01-21T16:51:40+00:00

Saying women in general are more attractive when they are approximately 25 was tested by research and it holds true. Saying women on their 30's appear more attractive can be true as well , because when they reach 30 they have a bigger incentive to take care of themselves, hit the gym , update their wardrobe, have more experience on how to appear more pretty, use skin care products et cetera et cetera. And now we live in an age when there are many different cosmetic surgeries and such so the "perceived beauty" compared to "natural beauty" has more variability.

From the other side we see "manly men" on cinema or TV like Jason Momoa for example and we have all seen how most women thirst over him. Should we be afraid of loosing our partner to a Jason? Can we maybe take care of ourselves if we aren't on some things?

In general only superficial relationships are only about beauty or money so if you are not in a superficial relationship you don't have much to be afraid of.

And yes female intrasexual competition is harsh and usually covert when male competition is overt.

Older women criticizing younger women can be Female Intrasexual Competition , it can be healthy criticism , it can be many things. IT cannot be only one thing. Slut shaming is usually female intrasexual competition as far as I know.

About age, I will just say there is a reason its called "Forever 21" and not forever 41. But still the main thing is companies to make money use marketing to inflate insecurities and gain money , the minority of this push for "younger" problem is men.

Lastly don't care about "rich guys" because they play a whole different game than we normal people play.

I hope I helped. And you can say she is gaslighting you , you can say she is not, you can say she is cherry picking. But I believe she is doing it for your own good. Many people who try to find factual evidence don't overcome their bias and that is how you get extreme views.

HillaryLostTheEC · 2023-01-21T17:53:35+00:00

Don't go to a women therapist, find a man.

maxjets666 · 2023-01-21T23:38:55+00:00

For fuck sake. Most men are perfectly fine with women their age. Most women are perfectly fine with men their own age. And if some of them are not, then that's none of your damn business.

TypicalGuise · 2023-01-21T10:58:09+00:00

Women of all ages can find a partner. Divorced men are typically very desperate.

ehWoc · 2023-01-21T11:20:02+00:00

The therapist's purpose isn't to tell you right from wrong, and it's actually somewhat unprofessional that she told you her opinion.

If she said it in the form of open question, fine, other than that, unprofessional.

YesYesYesVeryGood · 2023-01-21T23:51:24+00:00

Therapists can be wrong. If they do not understand your situation ot perspective, they can give you misleading advice.

LettuceBeGrateful · 2023-01-21T14:21:35+00:00

I think both you are your therapist are right. It's a matter of taking things in context.

Yes, the things that makes a woman classically attractive tend towards youth, but there are plenty of older women who look incredible. Also, looks aren't the be-all-end-all of dating. It matters, of course, but it's one factor in a complicated human equation. We could also find plenty of examples of golddigging women - that doesn't mean all women are golddiggers.

It sounds like you're resorting to all-or-nothing thinking, where everyone must have the same priorities and only those priorities. That simply isn't true. The internet tends to reinforce that kind of thinking, though, so maybe consider whether you're getting all your nutrition from one food group, so to speak.

Based on what you said, I don't think she's gaslighting you, just reassuring you that there's more to the story than "only young women are desirable."

ZulutheZebra · 2023-01-21T14:29:43+00:00

There are a lot of universal, uncomfortable truths that lurk in both genders subconscious. We like to deny it or laugh it off but history shows it to be true.

Men: Hardwired to impregnate as many beautiful, young fertile women as possible. Women: Hardwired to seek impregnation from the man with the best genetics and lock him down for his resources.

You may have noticed the above subconscious desires very rarely line up with the real world. Unfortunately in today’s society though, it makes men hyper aware of all the young beautiful women and the women hyper aware of the top .0001 percent of men globally. So instead of feeling like they bagged the best man/woman they could get, they are constantly reminded they could do better.

The above is absolutely true, but a large number of men and especially women will vehemently deny it on instinct. At the end of the day everyone likes to believe they are special and can’t be broken down into something so basic even at a subconscious level, but the data shows differently.

So to answer your original question, yes I think your therapist is wrong. You also have to realize she’s a person with an opinion, and is also doing a job. Her gut reaction will be to deny the claim as “generalizing poppycock” which also happens to line up with her job, which is to make you feel better about yourself.

BlowDryerrr · 2023-01-21T09:13:22+00:00

If your therapist is giving you answers instead of helping you find them for yourself, you might want to find another one.

Nihi1986 · 2023-01-21T16:18:53+00:00

They can and often are.

However, majority of men don't have a problem dating same age or even slightly older. I'm not gaslighting you.

I'm 37, youngest I dated was a 7 years younger woman but I don't specifically look for younger, it just happened. When I was 20, I'd have not dated a 37yo. Now that I'm 37 I'd gladly date a 37yo, would perhaps even be my preference.

I know some cases who prefer younger but it's not a crazy gap, something like a 40yo man saying he would date 20-35, but that's ideally speaking, the truth is he would probably date a healthy good looking 43yo woman.

Edit: to be clear, many men prefer young, youth is extra value, specially if they want children, but majority of men will include same age women in their dating range.

Different_Weekend817 · 2023-01-21T10:37:26+00:00

Because I see proof of what I believe everywhere (online, in media, in interviews with older female celebs, and elsewhere)...and proof of what she says (that I am wrong) nowhere, except by her word.

you're hyperconscious of this age+beauty thing - that's why you're seeing it everywhere. headlines that confirm your beliefs and fears will stand out like a sore thumb, drawing you in. and the more you read them, the more it confirms you are indeed correct so you keep doing it. that doesn't mean what you read online and in the media is representative of reality. nope, online shit is a concentrated version of it.

btw those older female celebrities, are they talking about difficulty landing jobs or landing lads? afaik Jennifer Aniston, Jennifer Lopez and Halle Berry for example have never had a problem with the latter. something tells me Angelina Jolie can still get laid.

heeroena · 2023-01-21T10:45:22+00:00

Therapy doesn't really work for men.

Vegetable-Context232 · 2023-01-21T14:44:21+00:00

Of course therapist can be wrong... People seem to think that studying psychology somehow makes you omnipotent in understanding other people's feelings but from my years of visiting therapists i know that empathy isn't really learnable or just to a small degree.

Every therapists is just a human with his own experiences, believes and political orientation and will therefore give you very personal/ individual advice when asked and any advice can be wrong.

My therapist when I was a teenager said I shouldn't go for a relationship. This relationship was full of good and bad experiences and lasted almost 6 years so I would say his advice was wrong just as an example.

Lingonslask · 2023-01-21T12:34:26+00:00

Your therapist is wrong because her job is not to reassure you or tell you facts about how other people are.

Her job in this situation is to help you deal with your ideas so that they become less rigid and less inhibiting.

GeheimerAccount · 2023-01-21T14:28:07+00:00

Like I dont know what excactly she said of course, but that women around the age of 16-22 are most attractive to men of all ages is pretty much proven at this point. Of course there can always be exceptions, but thats definitely the general trend.

DarkObserver0457 · 2023-01-21T15:36:33+00:00

Bottom line, if you are not comfortable with your therapist and feel she’s gaslighting you then time to find a new therapist.

pe60challenge · 2023-01-21T16:26:15+00:00

Therapists are almost always wrong

Minute_Ad_1494 · 2023-01-21T18:31:56+00:00

Older women who take care of themselves are attractive, hence the "milf"subcategory of porn.

The reason why American men seek out younger women is because most older American women are fat. If you go to the gym, the women there are attractive even in their 50s.

But no matter what, do NOT date an older man who only dates young women. Do not think that he will change for you. Theres a reason why age gap marriages have high rates of divorce: If he's 40 and not willing to date 40yo women, that won't change when you're 40 either.

rb577511 · 2023-01-21T18:37:49+00:00

I had a couple that I worked for. They both saw the same therapist. (Yeah. I thought it was odd too.) The wife shared that she had sex with another man. The therapist told the husband.

I was shocked.

skcuf2 · 2023-01-21T18:55:06+00:00

Men want a woman that can take care of the things they don't want to. My wife does inside chores and I do outside. I kill the bugs and protect the home. I drive the car and she provides the entertainment.

If there's a man that wants to maintain a household then he would look for a woman who wants to have a career. We all have different interests and hobbies. We look for compatibility.

When beginning the courting process, we typically will look within our age group. We want someone with at least the same maturity level (preferably more so we can continue our childish shenanigans) and is at the same life stage we are. Values are easier to align that way.

If a man is looking for something purely to fuck then the best ages are typically 18-25 and 45-55. Just don't get fat as that shows a lack of effort and self care. Nobody wants to deal with a person that doesn't care about themselves as this shows you won't care for someone else either.

Alarming_Draw · 2023-01-21T20:18:46+00:00

YES. Ive posted endlessly on this.

I have experienced training for counselling psychology, and it is literally full of lies and feminist myths that they demand you accept as "truth".

SadSorrySackOShip · 2023-01-22T03:00:16+00:00

An intelligent society has roles for everyone, including its aging and elderly adults. Sexual reproduction isn't all humans are good for.

Meanwhile people have non-reproductive coitus all the time. Not all men are into older women but some are. Some are exclusively into older women. So instead of focusing on what the supppsed majority want just seek out what you want.

Lonewolf_087 · 2023-01-22T04:55:06+00:00

I would say this happens a lot with younger women they constantly are in search of a higher looking guy even if it means he is not a quality person. Looks unfortunately drive a lot of decisions in people but they also cause these kinds of issues in the middle of relationships.

Title	Can therapists be wrong?
Author	nanawhatsthatname
Upvotes	16
Comments	87
Date	January 21, 2023 6:52 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/10hl31n/can_therapists_be_wrong/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/can-therapists-be-wrong.1149516 https://theredarchive.com/post/1149516

Comments