Men Expressing Feelings

criolle · 2021-09-16T17:07:40+00:00

EVERY time a womyn has urged me to "express my feelings" she was looking for ammunition.

BeNice_777 · 2021-09-16T12:18:42+00:00

Men handle emotions and emotional interactions differently than women.

DavidByron2 · 2021-09-16T16:09:02+00:00

Who cares? What is this? Feminism for men?

The reason's pretty obvious. Men are workhorses and showing emotions is inefficient and hints at a defective workhorse. It's dysfunctional to show emotion as a man because nobody gives a shit about your feelings. Get back to work.

I'm more interested in the issues that cause men to have feelings. Or not have feelings but be hurt anyway. Solve the real issue including the lack of equality and compassion men suffer under and the emotion thing solves itself.

aceishereforart · 2021-09-17T01:25:18+00:00

I feel really bad and sorry for everyone in this thread who have had such terrible experiences with sharing their emotions and now feel such dread towards women & having emotions about them. You should’ve not gone through those experiences and I hope all of you have someone you can be comfortable sharing your feelings with or are in therapy .

From a woman’s perspective, I feel like there are super strict exceptions set on us as kids on how girls and boys should show emotions and it comes with heavy burdens. In all honesty, I would kill to have a partner who can show emotions in the way I can or can atelast communicate them. If you are ever with someone romantically who makes you feel bad for showing emotions, that’s a clear sign to leave and that person is not right for you.

bilgediver · 2021-09-16T13:21:22+00:00

The problem I see is it's not the "right" emotions.

Men express emotion all the time, anger, annoyance, displeasure, etc..

SomeRandom-Hobo · 2021-09-16T10:14:39+00:00

Its stigmatized because it isn't the norm. Same reason for men and women.

The more men that show their emotions, the less stigmatized it will become.

ohdaang · 2021-09-16T08:17:24+00:00

I can only talk from personal experience but I've always been able to express myself. I've never seen anyone, both female or male, not be able to do so.

The only time I've seen it be criticized is when it comes off as "bitching". No one likes to hear anyone bitch. So I guess, as long as your feelings are within reason and you're not just bitching, it's ok.

mensmod · 2021-09-16T13:21:16+00:00

In my experience...

Men encourage other men to suppress expressions of emotion in public, but allow it just fine in private. Men are very supportive of other men and their emotions.

Women encourage other men to express (some of) their emotions in public, because that is socially expected of them and they are safe with public around. Women expect men to suppress their emotions in private, and will judge and reject men who show too much emotion in private.

Revvy · 2021-09-16T21:01:20+00:00

Because it threatens the social dominance of women.

When men express their feelings freely, then women must either yield to those feelings or admit that they don't care. They don't want to yield and they don't want to take the mask off, so instead they shame men into silence.

The men that do it to other men are people who have seen a woman do it and saw have effective it was. Social dominance isn't a game that only women play, they're just infinitely better at it due to the instinctual bias in favor of women that we all have.

antifeminist3 · 2021-09-19T02:38:39+00:00

Put the blame where it belongs. Society does not shame men. Women do. And it was the feminist sociologist Brene Brown who discoverd it:

men's shame is not primarily inflicted by other men. Instead, it is the women in their lives who tend to be repelled when men show the chinks in their armor.

Despite this research, feminists still claim it's the patriarchy hurting men. It's not the patriarchy, it is only women doing this.

Dramatic-Seesaw-2013 · 2021-09-16T10:29:15+00:00

Women don't like men that are constantly complaining and sad about something. Everyone has a right to express feelings and usually people will listen, but if it goes on and on without action and will to change for better, it becomes annoying.

But it seems, and maybe I'm wrong, that it's socially more acceptable for a woman to complain all the time, and noone will find it strange or obnoxious

63daddy · 2021-09-16T13:25:02+00:00

Being overly emotional isn’t helpful. If you are in a dangerous situation, everyone crying doesn’t get you out of the situation. Since men are viewed as protectors, there is obviously an expectation they will stay clear headed and deal with the situation.

That said, while men may be less emotional, men certainly have emotions. Emotions are therefore a part of masculinity. Feminists claiming toxic masculinity tells men they shouldn’t have emotions is nonsense.

gmanex · 2021-09-16T07:41:34+00:00

Another possible place to share your personal concerns r/menshelp

Uniqueusername360 · 2021-09-16T09:42:08+00:00

Men do it because we’re trapped in the matrix trying to survive and it’s hard to take an objective look and see the storm for what it is when you’re actually in the eye yourself. Women do it because most are not truly prepared for that dynamic of a man(even when they claim that’s what they’re in search of). In their eyes we are pure function. In the event they were to acknowledge we have all the same intricacies, nuances, and dynamic complexities as them, then it would over complicate life for them where they are accustomed to never having to foster that aspect of a relationship with a man. Much easier to write us off as purely utility/function related

Kid_supreme · 2021-09-16T12:21:08+00:00

If you have an excuse, you are weak. If you can't pull your weight you are weak. That's just how it is. Fuck your feelings.

OldEgalitarianMRA · 2021-09-16T15:20:09+00:00

One reason is that men show emotions differently than women. Depression in men could manifest as burying himself in his work for example.

Men showing emotions will reveal men have pain and that would mean social change and there is an army of SJW's who will fight against men gaining public benefits.

fluidmoviestar · 2021-09-16T13:02:53+00:00

Women want it both ways: men they can talk to like a best friend AND an attack dog that can protect them from everyone who catcalled them when they were single. It’s not reasonable.

Flashy_Glove6208 · 2021-09-16T11:23:09+00:00

Men are driven by logic. Logic and problem solving attitude is a masculine men's trait.

Emotionally bitching about a situation is not a masculine trait.

Men need to first develop their massuline traits. Psychologist Karl Yung defined key four masculine traits: King, Warrior, Magician and Lover.

Feminine traits can be developed as an addition to already well developed masculine traits.

Modern society bashes core masculine traits and tries to shift men's focus to feminine traits.

This is disastrous as men are constantly in conflict with their natural, masculine traits coming from men's genes.

hottake_toothache · 2021-09-16T14:30:08+00:00

Men are only allowed to express feelings that are convenient for women. E.g., "I feel so guilty for being privileged." That's fine, because it shows the man accepting the role she wants him to have.

Only woman-approved emotions are allowed.

pomegranate2012 · 2021-09-16T13:14:07+00:00

If you have to go to war, then crying cause you lost your teddy bear or your little tootsies got shot off isn't much good.

That's why in school boys are taught not to cry.

Girls don't have to do anything dangerous, dirty, physically difficult or emotionally repressive because they'll never have to go to war.

BRB22 · 2021-09-16T15:01:11+00:00

Don’t women don’t care about your feelings.

Liberal_On_Guns · 2021-09-16T16:28:03+00:00

This is a myth. What's demonized is men being whiny bitches. My bro and me have been talking many days this past week about his divorce. He's rocked by the experience and is going through shit.

But broadly in our culture is this pervasive myth of male vulnerability. We have evolved to be the more logical and stoic sex. Women are literally evolved to be more social, which means that they simply get more benefit out of sharing. In fact, female friends will habitually "share each others' pain," and social pathogens are more prevalent among females. For example, eating disorders are psychological, but they will spread among friend groups, and this phenomenon is more prevalent among girls.

Men simply don't function the same. There's overlap sure. Men like having people to talk to or vent to. But we tend to keep those circles tighter, we're more guarded, more stoic, and we get more benefit out of coping physically.

TLDR: Men cope better physically, women cope better verbally (by talking). There's nothing wrong with that. We need to stop treating boys like defective girls.

Brave-Evidence2793 · 2021-09-16T11:07:51+00:00

[permanently deleted]

WeirdInternational46 · 2021-09-17T00:33:27+00:00

It's been my experience that women don't really want you to express your feelings except in very narrow limits set by them. They don't mean REALLY express your feelings. Often it's just a test. Just as often, she may think she wants you to express your feelings but will recoil in discomfort or shock if you actually do it. If you take her at her word, three things usually happen:

First, you let your barriers down and really tell her how you feel, and she will use it against you later in an argument or when she gets mad at you.

Second, it makes her scared and insecure because she really wants you to be "her rock" and it knocks her off center if she feels like you may not be capable of living up to that image.

Three, it makes you look weak to her and she will start to denigrate and demean you internally. You can bet you'll soon get told to "man up" at random times and in random circumstances.

These are just my experiences. As for men, it depends on the length of friendship, the personality of the friend, etc. I have male friends I talk to about feelings and others I don't.

JustJamie- · 2021-09-17T02:53:38+00:00

Men showing emotions are considered too weak or too aggressive.

Lethal_Ledgend · 2021-09-17T05:42:04+00:00

If a man hides his emotions, than that's "toxic masculinity" but if a man shows his emotions than that's "fragile masculinity". Both are misandristic terms used to shame and control men though so don't let these labels dictate how you express your emotions.

Men know that women can and lots do manipulate men through their emotions so thats another reason they don't feel comfortable expressing them or seeing others express theirs.

For me it's not about hiding or repression it's about control. I don't like sadness or anger or even joy to get in the way of what I need to do or affect my professionalism. If I'm angry that's for me to deal with, if I'm sad I have no right to spread the misery. I believe there's a times and a places for emotional exploration but most of those are personal or private for me. I'm not comfortable with the emotions of strangers but will move Heaven, Earth and Hell if that's what supporting my friends emotional problems require.

Emotions are different for everyone, though that's no excuse for the absolute monstrosities I've seen (mostly heard actually) people do when their emotions run wild (murder, sexual assault, vandalism, thieft), so remember emotions are natural but they're no one's problem/responsibility but your own.

ThePigmanAgain · 2021-09-17T08:29:25+00:00

Which emotions? Pretty sure we are allowed to express anger, lust, and "sexual love."

MediocreSupermarket5 · 2021-09-17T11:08:29+00:00

Because emotions are sometimes hard to control and men are still generally seen as the leaders of our society as a whole. And since society places on us the expectation that we take on the role as leaders we also subsequently bear the burden of being strong at all times. And honestly it’s a beautiful burden to bear. Having the ability to remain composed and stoic during difficult times can bring out the best in others and keep a situation from going from bad to worse.

Is it fair that this is expected of us? Absolutely not. But regardless we are expected to lead and be the emotional pillars for society due to traditional gender norms.

People’s reasons for demonizing men for expressing their emotions vary from individual to individual, I don’t the gender of the critic usually matters. But I’d say the main reason is that when we express our emotions we tend to also show our weaknesses. Which isn’t inherently a bad thing, but when we do this we do not portray the strength that we are expected to have.

coercedaccount2 · 2021-09-16T19:57:27+00:00

It largely comes from women. Just try to show weakness to a women you're romantically involved with. She will leave you or attack you. She will resent you for having weakness. She will constantly lean on you for emotional support but she will never allow you to lean on her.

reddut_gang · 2021-09-16T20:26:31+00:00

Out of necessity. The government, and society to an extent view men as nothing more than utility to complete tasks ranging from regular work to serving the military. Men are seen as slaves by the government and an emotional slave is hardly a good one.

Title	Men Expressing Feelings
Author	SpiritusExAaron
Upvotes	84
Comments	72
Date	September 16, 2021 7:16 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/pp8hv0/men_expressing_feelings/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/men-expressing-feelings.1070170 https://theredarchive.com/post/1070170

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