Need a Safe Space to Vent

ENTP · 2012-05-03T01:22:47+00:00

This is the result of a society in which misandry is ingrained in every advertisement, sit-com, movie, and show that is aired on TV.

Every fear mongering news story and campaign (think: "men can stop rape" campaign), every false statistic popularized and repeated like a mantra (1/4 rape lie "statistic", .77 cents on the $) has added to the misandry.

When the media fixates on men doing bad things, people are going to assume all men are bad. It's sad, but most people simply do not take the time or effort to think for themselves.

nlakes · 2012-05-03T01:43:23+00:00

Everyone knows that mostly men are rapists and pedophiles, so it's okay to treat men like perverts.

In the same way that everyone knows that most home robberies are committed by black people, so it's okay to treat blacks like thieves.

Society is okay with both of these...

emfh · 2012-05-03T10:21:42+00:00

When I was about 19, I started working in a day care while studying for a degree in education. I was studying TESOL/ESL, but wanted to focus on elementary students. The day care covered K to 4, and I rotated through all the rooms. The parents of the boys were usually very happy that I was there, so their sons could talk sports and cars, etc, with one of their teachers (the rest of the staff was 45+ year old women). I never received a complaint. After graduating, getting a masters degree in education, and teaching for two years, I had a daughter of my own and wanted to go back to daycares. Went on about 15 interviews, couldn't get hired. At each interview there would be some sly line like "we don't get a lot of male applicants," and since I'd seen every daycare in the area, I can say that there are no men employed at any of them. Finally at the last interview I went to, the owner more or less said she doesn't hire men because it might make parents uncomfortable.

kragmoor · 2012-05-03T01:24:21+00:00

yeah I've basically given up on this society i'm trying to do everything i can to avoid it

Bartab · 2012-05-03T11:50:16+00:00

I hate to break it to you, but I am an asshole and I've encouraged little kids to get the same reaction from their mothers. I do the whole peek-a-boo and acting crazy or making faces so they get excited and fidget around and maybe start to get loud. And I always do it when their parents aren't looking, then the parents tell the kid to stop and I get off scott free.

I would never let the parent SEE me do it. If a kid is walking or sitting quietly with their family, I have the sense to know their parent probably wants to keep that peace.

I'm a woman, by the way, an asshole woman who knows I'm not supposed to mess around with other people's kids because parents are tired (even if I do it anyway).

Bucky_55 · 2012-05-03T17:53:33+00:00

Im really getting tired of this kind of bullshit. Just because you can put a smile on a kids face, doesn't mean you are a pedophile. It means you are a good natured, funny and happy individual. I mean, i get where the woman was coming from. Its a dangerous world. But really? This planet is just paranoid. I mean, i get it. Like i said, this world is dangerous. But thats no reason to do something like that on a bus, you were probably very embarrassed and distraught, and thats not fair. I think you should get a medal sir, you are a great person.

Crimdusk · 2012-05-03T18:49:10+00:00

The other week I volunteered to help an old lady out to her car with her groceries as i was leaving the market. She told me she didn't need MY help, and then in practically the same breath turned to a young girl who was working a register and asked for help out to her car...

it's a little thing, but it kind of hurt. I must have scared her i guess?

ispq · 2012-05-03T03:30:33+00:00

If it makes you feel any better, as the mother she's orders of magnitude more likely to abuse and kill her daughter than you are.

science_diction · 2012-05-03T12:56:37+00:00

I think it was something else. I've noticed that if women horse around with kids it's cute, but if men horse with kids they are "encouraging bad behavior" and they expect you to be more "mature". I used to get bitched at all the time when I was a kid for being rowdy with my cousins and running around the house and such. It's brought up much more when the kids are boys, because women think boys are all mentally unstable and ill and confuse being male with hyperactivity.

SpanishGuy · 2012-05-03T19:00:02+00:00

Fear mongering creates antisocial people.

The child was not alone, she was with her mother. In the situation you describe there is no reason for the mother to fear you, but she was irrationally frightened to the point of giving you orders about how to behave in public.

Next time tell her: "I don't know what you are, ma'am, but I'm not a pedophile, OK?" -or something like that-. Shame her behavior.

I wish there were a better way to tell people to stop the hysteria, but I'm afraid there isn't. If you want your message to permeate her mind, you have to reach her feelings, make her feel guilty. She won't apologize to you in that moment, but maybe she latter feels afraid of what she did.

And don't stop smiling at children. They are wonderful, lovely and funny. Don't let this sick society forbid us from behaving like human beings.

My-Work-Reddit · 2012-05-03T19:12:12+00:00

I feel your pain. Whenever I smile, wave, etc. at a cute little kid, I feel like the boogey man. Except, of course, when my wife is standing next to me ... then I'm "safe".

roland3337 · 2012-05-03T01:35:19+00:00

What you described is a perfect example of an MRM idea that has not gotten much traction yet: Schrödinger's suspicion: How men are suspect in such situations, just because they are men. Has happened to me, too, and I know it does not feel good.

Found a pretty good definition at http://www.ofmb.org/:

"Schrödinger's suspicion - A feeling men get being around women who are suspicious of every man (A play off the feminist term Schrödinger's rapist)"

rightsbot · 2012-05-03T01:02:17+00:00

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aetheralloy · 2012-05-03T02:37:47+00:00

It's possible she was just an asshole.

Motrheadache · 2012-05-03T07:41:58+00:00

i completely feel for you. also 21 with a 2 yr old. everyday at work i go through this, i deal with the public and have gotten many skeptical looks for just being nice and acknowledging children as human beings. just keep your head up and know you are not the problem. i also commend you for being a dad that is still around at our age.

2012-05-03T12:21:55+00:00

It's like a lesser version of the male primary school teacher conundrum. I find it really sad to see that male teachers don't seem to teach anything under Grade 5, especially since many kids don't have a male role model to due family crisis.

vintermann · 2012-05-03T12:35:59+00:00

This isn't exactly a safe space, but at least the regulars will be sympathetic.

lizzydog · 2012-05-03T12:38:08+00:00

The Crime de jour

Men are predators--good for only two things, initial plant, and a monthly check thereafter...

Yourhero88 · 2012-05-03T15:47:54+00:00

Devil's advocate: it's her child, and she has the right to control who does and does not interact with her when under her (the mother's) care.

Truthfully though, it's the result of an infuriating stereotype.

CMOS222 · 2012-05-03T05:52:18+00:00

My initial reaction was one of assuming she was just an asshole, then it hit me. If she was simply pissed off about her daughter horsing around on the bus she wouldn't have told ME to stop, she'd have told her daughter. She was telling ME to stop because she was telling me that I'm a pedophile, or creep or inappropriate or any other thing that I'm not.

That's exactly what she was doing. I can't believe the nerve of this woman, turning around and ordering you to stop, like you're her dog or something. I would have called her out, just for the fun of it. Asked her what the problem was, and why she couldn't just ask you politely not to play with her daughter.

You did nothing to be ashamed of, and nothing to feel bad about. Write a letter to your local newspaper, outlining the experience and why you feel you were treated badly. Maybe the shit will read it.

This is the sort of shit that starts men's rights movements.

BinaryShadow · 2012-05-03T04:03:40+00:00

She has no right to tell you what to do. Especially treating you like her spoiled brat child.

PartTimeBadman · 2012-05-03T07:31:30+00:00

If she was simply pissed off about her daughter horsing around on the bus she wouldn't have told ME to stop, she'd have told her daughter.

her mom then turned around and raised her eyebrows at me, saying, "stop". The mom then whispered something to the girl,

Never seen a parent yell at two kids rather than just 'the perpetrator'? You were acting like a child so she treated you like one. She didn't call you names or accuse you of anything. I'm sorry if your feelings were hurt but I'm not going to leap to the conclusion that she was accusing you of anything just because she's a woman.

memymineown · 2012-05-03T04:02:05+00:00

People are assholes. Just do the best you can do get over it and help make it so that it doesn't happen to other people.

qwertytard · 2012-05-03T15:06:22+00:00

why the hell didn't you ask her "who the fuck are you to tell me to stop?"

2012-05-03T19:29:54+00:00

It takes a village. Of women.

TheDarkHorse83 · 2012-05-03T19:44:43+00:00

I was trained, from my teen years on, to not play/laugh with little kids because of this kind of crap. Now that I realize what exactly it was and how incredibly sexist it is, I can't even play peek-a-boo with a kid without that feeling.

Redspringer · 2012-05-03T20:02:06+00:00

You may also consider that you are the one getting her kid all worked up (and she's just a bitch).

callmegoat · 2012-05-03T04:18:27+00:00

She wasn't saying that you were a pedophile, she was annoyed that you were teaching her 4 year old daughter the lesson "It is fun and exciting to play games with adult strangers".

This is why you don't offer children a ride home when you see them walking home.

Title	Need a Safe Space to Vent
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	103
Comments	73
Date	May 3, 2012 1:00 AM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/t4ajh/need_a_safe_space_to_vent/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/need-a-safe-space-to-vent.1022633 https://theredarchive.com/post/1022633

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