“CHIVALRY IS DEAD!”. . .but

mrs_seng · 2024-05-02T23:08:09+00:00

Idk what should stay, but letting women pass first through the should go. If you're near the door, just go. You're slowing everyone down waiting for me to pass and potentially blocking the door. Just use the damn door.

EulenWatcher · 2024-05-03T00:04:27+00:00

What should go:

The expectation that men should be the ones paying for the dates. If you go out, it's fair to say that you both want to spend some time together and get to know each other.
The expectation to earn significantly more. I think there are quite a lot of couples where a man doesn't make much more than his partner, but men still feel this pressure.
I don't think that men should always be the ones proposing.
Men shouldn't be responsible for all approaching.
"True men don't cry/bear their problems on their own". Women have to learn to deal with men's vulnerability better. Both sexes have to learn to be more supportive and mindful of others' emotions tbh.
"No means you should persist" and "no means you should try harder". Men should learn to take no as an answer and women should learn not to play hard to get.

I think what should stay depends on a couple. My husband does the majority of heavy lifting, because he's much stronger than I am. When he was advised against lifting heavy things for some health reasons, I was doing it as much as I could though. He opens the doors and helps me to put on my coat, which is endearing imv, but I do these things as well. We show affection and love for each other and sometimes the ways to do it fall into gender roles, but in our case they aren't dictated by them. We do them, because we want to.

superlurkage · 2024-05-02T23:34:50+00:00

For strangers? Nothing

For partners? Whatever you feel like doing

Basic politeness and consideration seem just fine, unless you want to do more

MistyMaisel · 2024-05-03T01:32:08+00:00

I personally like the image of me in a big flowing dress on a stone balcony overgrown with roses and vines while he beseeches me with heartfelt love from yonder ground.

Professional_Chair28 · 2024-05-03T02:27:06+00:00

Manners are gender neutral. Chivalry literally doesn’t need to be gendered. I’m all for any kindness from a man or a woman.

toasterchild · 2024-05-02T23:28:58+00:00

I think i mostly dislike it all. I think being nice because you like your partner is great, but it should go both ways and not be because society says men should.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2024-05-02T23:42:35+00:00

my h and i have pretty traditional gender roles, i prefer it and i dont give a flying fuck what other people do

januaryphilosopher · 2024-05-03T05:21:14+00:00

Gendering it should go. Whatever is left can stay.

LaFrescaTrumpeta · 2024-05-03T06:07:38+00:00

i’m down with dropping expectations on gendered social treatment like this entirely. holding doors, paying for dates, honor culture picking fights with dudes who brush past her in the club too hard.. if men like doing it then great, if not they shouldn’t be expected to. would help us slowly chip away at our tendency to infantilize women in little ways like that. even on “who gets in a street fight if need be” ideally you can walk away in most cases but if that’s not possible then the basis should really be whoever is the stronger/better fighter, or both fight, or use pepper spray lol. but if you’re dating a female MMA champ then yeah i say F traditional chivalry if she wants to throw hands for you. all these rules really do start to sound silly to people who have experienced queer dating and have the opportunity to drop gender role expectations like hot rocks lol

GridReXX · 2024-05-02T23:05:20+00:00

Walking on the street side should stay. It’s silly and meaningless but I like it. Perhaps because my dad and all of the older men in my life do it. It makes me feel “🥰”

bloblikeseacreature · 2024-05-02T23:31:38+00:00

men should learn social skills. if they have to, then according to a regimented, systematic etiquette code, if they can't be taught just normal social skills.

Economy-Shake-1448 · 2024-05-02T23:07:41+00:00

I mean have you been paying attention at all lately? Most women want princess treatment now.

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Planthoe30 · 2024-05-03T08:21:25+00:00

These should go:

•Whoever gets to the door first should open it and pass it along instead of standing there.

•holding in feelings so as to not burden me or shelter me. I don’t mind seeing men be vulnerable because it humanizes you and makes me feel safer around you. Also I want to know what’s going on in his life/head (not that this has been an issue for me I think most of the men I have dated have learned to be comfortable opening up to me).

•The expectation that men should lead and make the tough decisions alone. I want a say in things but I am more than willing to defer when he has more expertise than me in his subjects. I want a partnership.

•More teamwork. Do my laundry and you’ll have a home cooked meal packed for work lunches for the week kinda deal. (In situations where both are working, I still believe a stay at home spouse should take on almost all of the housework/cooking).

•gifts for the most part. I don’t even really desire them on my birthday I prefer experiences.

• Real diamonds for engagement/wedding rings..

What should stay:

•He lifts heavy things and does more physically intensive yard work that I cannot do (like weed eating). I can run a mower and garden. I can’t lift because of my back problems so I wouldn’t do that stuff anyways because it causes me severe pain that is immobilizing.

•Takes me on dates.

•Takes the lead in the courtship phase.

•Does romantic things for example, PDA, leaves me love notes, & says I love.

•Is somewhat protective, not aggressive, think classy and assertive. If someone says something disrespectful to me I’d want him to handle it with grace so that we don’t cause a disturbance.

Title	“CHIVALRY IS DEAD!”. . .but
Author	THEbeautifuLIE
Upvotes	1
Comments	41
Date	May 2, 2024 11:01 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1citj2a/chivalry_is_dead_but/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/chivalry-is-dead-but.1517233 https://theredarchive.com/post/1517233

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