Does it feel as if every person misrepresents themselves in some way in online dating?

poppy_blu · 2022-01-21T19:47:52+00:00

People misrepresented themselves in dating before there was an internet, computers or electricity

NockerJoe · 2022-01-21T20:02:40+00:00

I swiped on Tinder as a woman a while ago and there were an astounding number of so-called record label executives, rockstars with a dozen albums, and high powered businessmen who were clearly paying for gold and getting professionally done photos done in full suits. I get the sense a lot of them weren't exactly genuine.

But if you make a new female account these are the first like 50 profiles you see in addition to gym bros on a 3 month cut, wannabe actors with a full roster of head shots, and the rest. After that you still see mostly the same but now you're also seeing harder to fake jobs like youngish doctors who are still peacocking their hardest and also clearly editing images.

If you wanted to see a regular person working an actual regular person job who isn't paying the app thats reasonably genuine you would need a lot of swiping to see them consistently, and even those guys are guaranteed to still be peacocking to some extent.

Obviously swiping as a regular guy I've had dates with women way heavier in person or lying about having kids but it was an eye opener on how much of it is bullshit.

John_Oakman · 2022-01-21T20:52:28+00:00

The liars are more successful than their more truthful counterparts, and given the competitiveness of online dating attrition takes its toll after a while...

lonely_mixtape · 2022-01-21T19:46:38+00:00

I think it's natural for people to want to present themselves better than they really are. Some people take it too far of course, but people are only going to show their positives plus some embellishments usually.

ThorLives · 2022-01-22T02:13:55+00:00

Interacting on dating apps follows a predictable pattern: get a like, get a match, chat, meetup, etc. Maybe people are failing at the first few steps of this progression. Maybe they aren't getting many likes, or maybe not very matches, or maybe not matching with the quality of people they want, maybe their match doesn't chat or ghosts out of the conversation.

When people use misrepresentative photos or fake their interests, those first few steps become easier. They're getting more likes, more matches, more matches with people they like, people put more effort into the conversation. It all seems very encouraging.

When they actually meet the match in person, the attraction can fall away because the photos or personality don't match their actual self. So things fall apart slightly later in the interaction. They might not realize that all they're doing is delaying the eventual downfall of the interaction. Even when a date doesn't work out, they might not realize that it's connected to the fact that they misrepresented themselves. They just think it's "a date that didn't work out".

TLDR: The benefits of using inaccurate photos are visible. The downsides of using inaccurate photos are less visible.

GhostofCamus · 2022-01-21T19:46:54+00:00

More than one woman has used a bait n switch on me by claiming to be compatible with my kink only to claim they thought I was larp'ing, and that they are not at all ok with participating.

purplish_possum · 2022-01-21T20:13:16+00:00

On our first date my second ex-wife looked just like her profile photo. She was even wearing the same shirt.

A couple of years earlier a date showed up weighing at least 100 pounds more than in her profile photos. Any other guy might have been upset.

PlayfulLawyer · 2022-01-21T20:42:30+00:00

People do want to be on their best behavior in the early stages of dating, it's not a Perfect Analogy but it's kind of like a series of job interviews, so a lot of guys might wear the nice suit and pretend to be more cultured than they are, a lot of women might put their best appearance forward and play games sexually.

On a personal note I'm glad my father always taught me to not bullshit around with women, so for the most part I'm as honest as possible, I get why people do play the dating game but it would be so much easier if people were just a little more honest

JacobMoogberg69 · 2022-01-21T22:11:25+00:00

The best thing I ever did for my dating life was to stop presenting myself as better or different than I am. Of course, this necessitated that I completely accepted and liked myself first.

SupermarketFun21 · 2022-01-21T23:08:25+00:00

Stop meeting up with girls who don't have any pics that clearly show beneath their shoulders.

Likewise, women frequently say that a lot of guys lie about their height.

But yeah, I think any reasonable person would agree this sort of behavior is nothing more than a good way to waste your and other people's time.

cautionTomorrow555 · 2022-01-21T23:29:14+00:00

This isn't limited to online dating people misrepresent themselves, only try to show the best parts, and frequently don't even know themselves. That is why facebook and instagram is so bad you only see the new baby, the vacations, and the expensive car not the sleepless nights, the nights inside staring at their phone, and the thousands of dollars of debt they are in.

ilove2bowcat · 2022-01-21T23:55:14+00:00

You misrepresent yourself with every person you meet the personality is not a real thing

midwesternMD · 2022-01-22T06:30:49+00:00

Definitely feels that way. I’d say about half of my dates in 2021 were with women who used photos from 5-10yrs ago and/or 25-75lbs ago. And a handful who waited until way late to admit that they were single mothers. I don’t see the point. All they got was an hr or so of cumulative text banter, one complimentary dinner, and then a ghosting.

Meanwhile I’m using somewhat shitty but recent pics (none taken since I had lasik, for example). Basically if the woman I match with is reasonably attracted to my pics, she’ll be very pleased in person.

Although as I type this out, perhaps I should redo my pics to be a touch less unflattering.

daddysgotanew · 2022-01-22T16:01:57+00:00

I assume they are fucked up in at least one important area. Decent looking chicks get so much cock thrown at them on a daily basis that they could use one of those cages on the golf cart that picks up the balls on the driving range. If she was normal, why would she need an app to find men? She’s either bored and looking for validation, a 5 hoping to hook up with a 9.5, or she’s nuts.

throwawayblue900ss · 2022-01-24T11:23:19+00:00

Yes! This is why I no longer use OLD. Waste of my fucking time.

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lissssa-13 · 2022-01-21T19:44:31+00:00

Not just in online dating, and this is not new. Photo editing is the only new element here, and I guess if there is a write up. But people have been misrepresenting themselves, what they offer, what they are looking for, what they plan for their future, what they want in the interaction, ect, in various ways for as long as I’ve been aware of dating. It’s not a “women do this” thing, people have been noticing this and talking about it since long before online dating ever existed.

Mobrowncheeks · 2022-01-21T19:45:47+00:00

What? In every other corner of life people put their best foot forward, why would you not in arguably the most important portion of your life, finding a life partner? Do you want to see floressent lighting, no posing, no smiling, and no filtered pictures or something?

rakiim · 2022-01-21T19:50:42+00:00

it's not just online dating it's basic reality that everyone is on their best behaviour and presents themselves the best they can during the courting stage of any relationship

social_mule · 2022-01-21T20:02:54+00:00

People misrepresent themselves in offline dating so certainly they do it with online dating.

oflbtbs · 2022-01-21T20:02:58+00:00

Usually what people do is highlight the good stuff and conceal the flaws. If they're not showing you something just assume they're hiding it.

NoMarriageNoKids · 2022-01-21T20:22:48+00:00

Back when you met people organically it wasn't really a problem because you met them before you dated them. What you saw was what you got. But, now OLD has enabled you to meet strangers who have no idea about who you are. So, yes, I think OLD has made it a huge problem.

SuperSupremeKai · 2022-01-21T20:51:33+00:00

That is the only way to get a leg up and a foot in the door.

Honesty can get you only so far.

Smitten_Squire · 2022-01-21T21:28:48+00:00

Who tf doesnt use the best pics tho.

Its best to assume everyone online is -1 point lower looks and fatter

ashpr0ulx · 2022-01-21T22:10:17+00:00

i think it’s pretty common. i’ve gone on dates with men who have a certain height or job listed in their profile but then it turns out that’s a lie.

i don’t even care about height or jobs like that but it’s off putting if there’s multiple discrepancies between who you say you are and who shows up on the date.

Title	Does it feel as if every person misrepresents themselves in some way in online dating?
Author	Slitelohel
Upvotes	11
Comments	36
Date	January 21, 2022 7:31 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/s9isoq/does_it_feel_as_if_every_person_misrepresents/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/does-it-feel-as-if-every-person-misrepresents.1098341 https://theredarchive.com/post/1098341

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