"Duty BJs" sounds deragotary

Mrs_Drgree · 2021-10-06T10:48:47+00:00

Discussion posts must be neutral

Mimoxs · 2021-10-06T07:24:46+00:00

It sounds like you don't like to do it at all but he kind of forces you to do it. Like it is a work or something.

Yes that is literally what it means

I never would call it that because imagine how it would make her feel?

And we don't call it that to your face, either.

KirthWGersen · 2021-10-06T07:15:14+00:00

Duty sex is a thing. You don't particularly feel like it at that moment, but you do it to maintain the connection and enhance the relationship. Men and women do it.

We all do things to please our partners when we don't really feel like it (go on a romantic walk, go out for dinner and, yes, have sex).

It is all part of having good relationship skills.

banalchenal · 2021-10-06T07:38:28+00:00

Men want women to be always horny and available to them, but are offended by the idea that this is sometimes work for a woman. You'll complain if she doesn't keep up with you, and you'll complain if she admits she just gets on with it for your sake sometimes.

Women don't exist in a constantly horny state, and being the reactively horny sex, the "work" of duty sex disproportionately falls on us. If you have someone good at maintaining the illusion of perpetual horniness for you, you should probably be happy for that and run with it.

WilliamWyattD · 2021-10-06T08:12:31+00:00

Duty BJs are a thing, but if it's good duty, it's not quite so calculated. Usually it's done when the woman doesn't feel the needed horniness for full on sex. But she also can enjoy it, if only for the connection and to make someone she cares for happy. I'd say that when a woman does it and can't feel positive about it at all, she's into bad duty. It's gone too far.

Interestingly, there isn't much duty cunnilingus. I know it happens, but when I have discussed this with women, most feel uncomfortable about the idea. Expectations run both ways, and women I talked to basically admit that they would feel less desirable if a man was willing to go down on her, but then didn't have the desire for her to have his own orgasm.

passepar2t · 2021-10-06T08:28:17+00:00

How old are you?

RabbitNRaccoon · 2021-10-06T09:51:39+00:00

I would say maintenance sex is a thing. A relationship takes maintenance. I like your partner should be willing to oblige you. And a willing participant. But if they aren't really in the mood, you do most of the work.

Also, the are different levels of mood. Sometimes you want carnel sex. Sometimes lazy sex. I couldn't imagine wanting raw carnal sex most of the time.

NarniaFox · 2021-10-06T10:00:08+00:00

It sounds derogatory, because it's kind of derogatory, I guess. If your partner isn't in the mood in any way and they see giving your a head like a chore...why the hell would you want to push them to do it? But a lot of men are okay with it and you can see some of them here in the comments.

nemma88 · 2021-10-06T08:25:07+00:00

Who coined the term "duty BJs" anyways? Surely someone who is pretty out of touch with life. Probably someone like George Soros.

Probably the Bible. Duty sex comes from Christian marriage duty list, one of which is sex.

buggy_boi · 2021-10-06T09:06:55+00:00

i agree with you completely. calling something that should be consensual and enjoying to both parties should be that. not called a duty, a hassle or something someone is meant/obligated to do. it does sound derogatory, though the actual act or feeling behind isn't.

i think the name needs to change. if someone wants to give their partner head, even if they don't feel like receiving, that is healthy. what isn't healthy is calling it a "duty". the word is just usually associated with unwanted or "i have to do it" (like work)

throoowwitalllawaaay · 2021-10-06T10:32:15+00:00

I eat her out and she gives me a blowjob.
Still better deal for her since she gets more orgasms if you ask me. lol

TomorrowsWar · 2021-10-06T10:37:55+00:00

I’m with you on this one. I don’t do duty work at this point in my life. Before my own sexual awakening I used to feel a lot of pressure to do things I didn’t really feel like doing. Now if I really don’t want to do something I simply won’t do it. I only do what I want when I want.

That being said, all my recent partners are great at seduction and they’ve all been people pleasers. So they get off on pleasing me and that’s a game changer.

Cimorene86 · 2021-10-06T08:28:22+00:00

I agree with you wholeheartedly, OP. The idea of "duty sex" is nauseating to me. I'm horny all the freaking time, would have sex twice everyday if possible.

But the thing is, I know that even if we lived together my FWB wouldn't be able to keep up with that. His libido is affected by his mental state whereas mine is a constant program running in the background irrelevant to my feelings. Over 12 years I've only said no to his advances once because I had a stomach flu, he's said no to mine at least 20+ times.

And y'know what? I greatly prefer that he simply say no. No way in hell I'd want to even think that my sex partner is not in the mood but is forcing himself to please me. Does it suck? Yeah. Is it sexually frustrating? Of course. But that's why I've got an entire drawer of toys lol. If my lover...whether FWB or boyfriend...doesn't want sex, it's better to masturbate and accept that my guy needs comfort instead of pussy at the moment.

Eventually he'll get better, so it's only a temporary frustration. Nothing worth getting upset about or demanding "duty sex". 🤢

NoRoperino · 2021-10-06T09:02:38+00:00

Women generally have a lower sex drive than a regular healthy man, so it's no wonder there are 'duties' and mysterious headaches in very suspiscious times.

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DaphneDK42 · 2021-10-06T09:31:10+00:00

I prefer the term: Open your mouth and think of Britain - and remember to swallow.

Other than that, who cares what people call it? As long as she does the job, they can call it the Blowjob Holocaust for all I care.

Title	"Duty BJs" sounds deragotary
Author	lostwanderer28
Upvotes	3
Comments	47
Date	October 6, 2021 7:06 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/q2f61e/duty_bjs_sounds_deragotary/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/duty-bjs-sounds-deragotary.1077121 https://theredarchive.com/post/1077121

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