Never had a hoe phase (29m). I’m going for it now. Thoughts on settling down as a man in his early 40s or worst comes to worst not marrying at all.

Mrs_Drgree · 2022-09-13T11:22:03+00:00

No advice threads

Rare-Cash2655 · 2022-09-13T07:26:29+00:00

You go thru a hoe phase, women who don't like sleeping around will lose interest in you. You better settle with a slut when you are a slut yourself. Just saying..

missysmelliottt · 2022-09-13T06:58:36+00:00

not trying to be rude but I think a lot of men think they’re gonna have this wild crazy hoe phase and then realize that that’s not an option for them in reality. make sure this is something you can actually get before you decide to “not marry” in lieu of it. if you have to actively pursue a hoe phase instead of it happening naturally..

dr_poopy_butthole_jr · 2022-09-13T06:46:04+00:00

or worst comes to worst not marrying at all.

Don't get married. It's generally a bad idea for men.

Ok-Map-7596 · 2022-09-13T07:03:44+00:00

You're hardly gonna find any decent women to marry in your 40's it's mostly going to be fat single moms let's be real.

cloudydays84 · 2022-09-13T07:08:58+00:00

It seems like you've got some stuff to sift through, so best thing is to just go after what you want and figure out if you actually want it.

I won't make a case for or against marriage in a general sense because that is a whole different can of worms. But there seems to be a desire there for you that is being tempered by expectations and anxieties regarding an area that you haven't been involved with on a healthy level as much, which is fair.

If you're feeling like your in a position where casual sex is something that you're genuinely craving and might provide context moving forward, I say do it (y'know responsibly and whatever).

You might find you prefer casual relationships to full on committed ones or vice versa, but much like therapy you have to be willing to work with and listen to yourself. Go into things with an open mind and things will probably figure themselves out naturally.

Basically try it out, see how you feel, proceed and adjust accordingly.

Fun_Push7168 · 2022-09-13T08:08:58+00:00

Holy crap some of the responses you're getting here. Lol.

Ok disclaimer , every time I try to figure out this timeline it doesn't add up exactly and I'd probably have to pull a lot of exact dates from other occurrences in my life to make it exact but I'll give you the rough estimate.

I started out a hopeless romantic, BP as fuck.

I married my highschool sweetheart at 20- count 3

She cheated we split at 23-24

I screwed around a little then entered a 2 yr relationship - count 9

She cheated we split 26 -count 9

This was my most intense ho phase 6-8 months later 26-27 count-73

I dated a really great girl for 6 months

I split because I didn't feel I deserved her and she wasn't really physically my type...too tall...just couldn't feel crazy about her. Count-74

Met my kids mother at 28-29 3 yrs in she cheats , we split 32ish count-75

Second big ho phase 33 count- unknown...somewhere over 100

Couple years ago after a few breaks and splits, and trying ENM with her I finally gave up on a relationship with her. 38- count- who knows, estimate 120

I'm forty now, the last couple years have been ho phase lite. Added another 9.

Notice a pattern? Ho phase during heartbreak, it tempered with age. The major one my heart was shredded blackened and stuffed back in. Each time it tempered with age and jadedness. Fucking your way out of heartbreak works, but it's a hell of a path. The littlest rejections can set you back majorly, during the biggest ho phase if I happened to not have a woman at least sleep over or I left the club without a couple numbers I'd just about be in tears.

So where am I now...still finding very attractive women and probably won't settle in until 45. I keep a FWB, my kids mother still tries sometimes, and last week I had half a dozen women I found attractive profess some kind of attraction.

Could I pick one and settle in at any moment, probably could with at least three if I pursued that. I might do that if weren't still trying to get my shit together after divorce from my kids' mother. I know, and the women I date quickly figure out that I'm not in the right position for that. That said, I will be there in a couple years and I feel like each relationship I've considered could be the healthiest of all. My current FWB would go for it, she's probably top two wife material I've ever had around.

I guess the main thing is....are you successful with women?....how have you aged? If you think you can be 40 and still have a pretty easy time attracting women then there's no reason you can't settle any time you'd like.

Is your heart black enough for a real ho phase? Women can make you fall for them sooo easy if not. I doubt youll successfully ho phase shit if you're just academically deciding it's a good idea.

If you have a tougher time, ehhh you either lock one down or be prepared for long lonely stretches before.you find the one at 40.

Honestly I'd say the relationship you find at 40+ will probably be the most stable, easiest, most stress free one you'll ever have. Women are a lot more stable emotionally and know what they want faaar better at this age. Much less bullshit and they know what's what.

_Remember_me_not_ · 2022-09-13T08:40:59+00:00

For men, marriage used to be one of the most important goal of life after a job and a house. But for around a half of a century, the worth and value of marriage has been on a steep decline. It's the society and people in general where it does not take much for the love of your life to become the nightmare of your existence. Get a prenup if possible if you still want to dive into the abyss; that will be your last anchor in case things go wrong and things do go wrong pretty fast.

Specialist-Action-33 · 2022-09-13T09:12:33+00:00

Don't get married. I'm living proof that its a scam. At a minimum, settle when you're closer to 50.

I grew up feeling sex should wait until marriage until 18 as a Sikh, then I realized I didn’t really care. By then I had a full blown addiction to porn. I’ve recently been back on NoFap which has helped me to process the shame and trauma of that relationship and my childhood trauma as well. It’s emotionally liberating but sexually frustrating lol.

Bruh, enjoy that hoe phase. Now you're 29, you haven't even peaked yet so women will see your potential and want to hop on board with you. Don't let them.

I don't know your full story but based on what I've read so far, it seems like women weren't thinking you were worthy enough before your relationship, plus how you believed how you viewed sex when you were growing up. Thar could have contributed to your porn addiction because women weren't available for you at the time. Congrats on overcoming that, because I know it can be difficult. Use that to your advantage now and look back on those days of suffering. Now that you're free and living better than you were when you were younger, women are going to try and settle down with you. Use them for your hoe phase and don't fall into their trap. If they want a relationship with you, just next them. They probably had their hoe phase when they are younger. Its your turn now. Just be careful out there.

I'll probably get hated for all of this, but just remember how your past was and allow it to influence your future. You don't want retroactive jealousy or FOMO to come biting you in the ass when you're at your pinnacle. Live that hoe phase to the fullest. Those women who might have ignored you probably had one and loved it. Its your turn now.

captainsaveahoe69 · 2022-09-13T07:05:12+00:00

Marriage is a mugs game for men these days. Stay single.

Exact_Eye362 · 2022-09-13T06:49:19+00:00

Marriage is not worth it, mate. Stay single.

ChazinGreatnezz · 2022-09-13T06:46:24+00:00

Good luck g

monettegia · 2022-09-13T06:52:03+00:00

Honestly, it sounds like you’ve been through a lot, sweetie. I’m sorry. But I am confused by what you’re asking. You say you want to embrace a ho phase, then say you’re vexed that women don’t seem interested in relationships? Have I misunderstood?

stoic4343 · 2022-09-13T08:07:50+00:00

You don't need a hoe phase. I don't know who starts this crap.

indigo_pirate · 2022-09-13T10:10:27+00:00

Your psych has been fked by that relationship.

You aren’t gonna magically get your fill by chasing numbers.

Koipisces · 2022-09-13T10:12:56+00:00

I’m sorry you had to deal with the abuse! And it’s good that you are already going to therapy.

If you want your ho-phase, go ahead, but just know that it might not fulfill your needs. You say you have trauma, so working on your traumas and baggage, healing seems a more productive thing to focus on. Self love is very important too. Please practice it and try to heal. And please make sure that if you just hook up, that the other party fully understands it is a hook up. People should really make those intentions clear instead of leading others on. Also, be safe. For them and yourself lol. And also know that, some women also really do not like men with a high number of sexual partners. If you prefer relationships, maybe just try dating too. You can meet women, and then see how you feel. Just make clear that if you are only interested in something sexual, it is very clear to the other person. Some men tend to not make their intentions clear, resulting in women feeling used for sex. As someone with a strong relationship with his mom and sister, I think you can imagine. Don’t be that a**whole.

I hope you will heal and find a woman who is healed and loving too with a high drive. Since it seems that your core wish is a healthy relationship with lots of sex lol.

2022-09-13T10:55:40+00:00

Read the book "Dating Essentials for Men".

SmilesLikeMardiGras · 2022-09-13T11:03:53+00:00

what is it with foreigners and bitches endlessly prattling about their exes

GYN-k4H-Q3z-75B · 2022-09-13T07:51:35+00:00

Getting married turns out horribly for most men (and for women, which is why they divorce you in the first place). There are worse things than missing out on that.

ashleyrose56 · 2022-09-13T11:29:00+00:00

You are not going to be able to find any decent woman to settle down at 40, all the good ones will be taken years ago.

You will find the jaded and recycled divorced women and single moms. If you already felt insecure with your partner because she had more sexual experience than you, what makes you think that you will be able to be comfortable with all the baggage that comes from settling down with a woman who has had over 15~20 years of experience dating men.

You don't make any sense, you want to have a hoe phase and have an specific number in mind but at the same time you want to find a relationship minded woman. Can you not see that those kind of women are not going to choose you if you decide to go down the route of fucking around?

PraiseGodd__ · 2022-09-13T06:54:46+00:00

The girls you have slept with, were these also brown chicks?

annnnnnnnie · 2022-09-13T06:59:00+00:00

I am so jealous of you people who don't have a biological clock

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mil2357io · 2022-09-13T07:05:14+00:00

People talk about settling in the year 2022, and I'm like, wtf, either:

1) you are a fascist and dont care that the world is moving towards a type of faschism that is entirely synchronized with the nuclear family, heteronormativity, etc. 2) you are blissfully ignorant that we are living in the end times and 'settling' should only be an option if you and partner can and will ensure one another's survival under extreme circumstances.

Are people just really stupid?!

pablitosocool · 2022-09-13T10:15:35+00:00

not worth it. 😕

Salt_Mathematician24 · 2022-09-13T10:26:34+00:00

Do you want kids?

Title	Never had a hoe phase (29m). I’m going for it now. Thoughts on settling down as a man in his early 40s or worst comes to worst not marrying at all.
Author	Global-Bridge-6787
Upvotes	4
Comments	102
Date	September 13, 2022 6:41 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/xd09y7/never_had_a_hoe_phase_29m_im_going_for_it_now/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/never-had-a-hoe-phase-29m-im-going-for-it-now.1131194 https://theredarchive.com/post/1131194

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