Non-monogamist relationship structures (i.e. Polyamory) are as valid as monogamy.

lepetitdaddydupeuple · 2020-09-01T10:06:06+00:00

[deleted]

usa_foot_print · 2020-09-01T11:36:16+00:00

I struggle to believe that polyamorous people actually love their partners. They say it, they do things for it, but would they actually cry because their partner is gone or because their relationship dynamic changed? I think its the latter.

TazeThemAll · 2020-09-01T10:40:30+00:00

Polyamory is for egotistical 3 women and their flock of omega sycophants.

poppy_blu · 2020-09-01T11:32:07+00:00

I think a lot of people can't get past their innate jealousy to accept their partner dating and sleeping with other people. I'm not against what you or anyone else choses to do, but even you admit polyamory is not for everytone.

WilliamWyattD · 2020-09-01T14:10:25+00:00

In a society there is always a tension between the exceptional and the typical. (In this case exceptional means just that, and does not necessarily mean inferior or superior.) The tension arises because the average people need social constraints and role models to help guide them. Total freedom to be anything or to reinvent the wheel when it comes to how to live overwhelms them. However, in order to offer the support that typical people need, you will inevitably constrain the freedom of the exceptional, who often do not fit perfectly within the mold of the social order.

Ideally, you constrain the exceptional only so much as is needed to keep the typical happy. But it is a hard balance to find sometimes.

I would argue that there is little evidence for polyamory ever having been a sustainable and successful widespread social structure. That doesn't mean it isn't workable for the exceptional, but there is little evidence that it works well for the average person. Now, given technological changes, much of our historical evidence for monogamy working is called into question: indeed, many things are different. That said, while nothing is certain, best evidence--current and historical--still suggests that some updated form of monogamy is likely to remain the mainstream form of heterosexual pairing.

The question will then become whether the social support needed to support a re-imagined monogamy will easily allow the exceptional to experiment with polyamory; or will some type of social sanction or disapproval of polyamory be required to maintain monogamy. I hope it is the former, but I cannot really say.

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spacechicken1990 · 2020-09-01T09:43:21+00:00

Only for ppl who have an established relationship and bring someone new in to play.

But I can’t imagine a relationship where 3 or more ppl are equals and there is no jealousy or power imbalance.

I can imagine for extremely few ppl this working out, I’ve been in the bdsm scene for a few years now and there are constant horror stories about it.

Someone will always get hurt/ have negative feelings.

Personally the idea of my partner with others gives me a sickening gut feeling I can’t shake. I would have a 3some and have done in the past but only mmf. Tried one with a friend & my ex and I hated seeing him with another woman.

TheBookOfSeil · 2020-09-01T10:00:36+00:00

I suppose this would depend on what you mean by "valid."

Sexual dynamics/structures aren't governed by morals or "whatever works best right now is how things should be for everyone and everything, all the time." Relationships and sexual dynamics are meant to change and adapt with the environment/climate. Your style would have been less successful in the middle of last century when everyone was engaging in Judeo-Christian style monogamy, but would've probably been more successful a few hundred millennia ago (or any point) when humans were a bit more loose with sexual dynamics.

So I don't think there is some specific dynamic that we're supposed to adhere to, but those who are "going against the grain" of whatever the environment is dictating that people do in order for our species to be successful might not make it into the next generation and their genes will not be selected for.

xFallacyx69 · 2020-09-01T11:42:09+00:00

Not for me. Take as many girls as you want though.

qantuum · 2020-09-01T11:51:25+00:00

are you a man or a woman?

tbh if you are a man I'll relate easier but still I'm curious to read how you make it work.

(other persons: according to the paragraph below, call me selfish all you like, let's say I struggle to find what I really want)

I've tried the polyamory style some years ago, but then I've met my current partner and then we agreed she would rather not know if I was to see someone else. And actually the relationship is great and I will not see someone else. I should also mention we have an age gap and I don't intend to pursue this relationship forever and ever (as in wedding or such), which leads me to imagining how I should build in the future.

Ok. Just I'll describe what I have done during this older period and request your comment to see if I try it the right way. I was basically going on dates, meeting new persons, but with a twist, every time the situation escalated to intimacy such as holding hands or having a first kiss, I would mention I was non-exclusive. I was alright because I had a fair share of rejections and women asking me to back-off and leave, and I hope it did not hurt too much these persons. These days everybody says the first few days of a relationship is nothing. Some of the women I was seeing did agree to this as long I'd make sure to protect myself and to be responsible.

As said I'm sticking to my comfortable monogamous relationship right now; but I have noticed that: the more I feel vulnerable with a friend or close acquaintance, the more I'm expressing myself, the more I'll grow a need for intimacy. I don't know, I just wish I could pour my heart and talk about life forever with these trustful persons around me. Latest example is a colleague I found to be a good confident, and I try my best listening to her when she has a bad day, too. But hey, I don't want to twist things with her, so I only see her at office sometimes, not outside.

Another thing I'm curious about in polyamory: after the flirt phases are over, you find the right persons, how do you sustain a network of persons who really are looking after you, and that you look after them? I think what most people seek in monogamy is a structure, a future, a support system that's built and keeps going until old age. For example, did you ever imagine your old age in polyamory? Would you keep some partners? Still choose new ones? Would you share a living space with multiple partners? Actually, do the date birthdays and milestones take importance in polyamory? Oh damn I really couldn't handle to celebrate multiple relationship anniversaries every year :x. In short: how do you keep a vision of how the relationships will grow?

Yeah, it does look like arguments against; but instead I'd like to learn how to do it right next time I try myself at new relationships. I know for sure this kind of "lifestyle" is frowned upon and that it takes massive balls to claim it, at least.

1350_85IQ · 2020-09-01T15:19:27+00:00

It's not valid as it goes against a womans biology.

lepetitdaddydupeuple · 2020-09-01T15:34:33+00:00

[deleted]

12112019 · 2020-09-01T16:47:17+00:00

I don't understand what is the advantage of polyamory is when Tinder does in fact allow you more sexual freedom because of the high availability of partners.

Polyamory only makes sense for women who want to cuck a beta and fuck an alpha in the same relationship, I don't see any other uses for it.

CatchPhraze · 2020-09-01T16:53:33+00:00

From a hard data standpoint those types are even more volatile then monogomy. Makes sense the more people the more chances for interpersonal conflict.

One person meets mostly anyone's intimicy needs so having more people nets less benifitd to the increased problems. No thanks.

hypnotic_ascension · 2020-09-01T17:30:33+00:00

Anyone with much experience with poly can tell you that poly relationships tend to be shorter and more volatile. Of course there is nothing wrong with a series of short relationships but, if you are looking for stable long-term relationships, poly is probably not for you. From a societal view, monogamous relationships have always been dominant because they provide more stability for the society. From the standpoint of societal stability and functionality, monogamy just works better.

md8716 · 2020-09-03T05:46:55+00:00

Poly girls seem to be almost exclusively fat, ugly, weird, and full of mental health issues. I'm sure there are some that aren't, but I never hear about them.

I really don't care much about the concept or merits of poly itself, but I can't ignore the reality of weird fat ugly chicks.

throw_me_away_133 · 2020-09-01T09:47:36+00:00

I don’t think any reasonable, educated, sexually experienced person is going to disagree with you. A lot of people are still stuck in the traditional Puritan mindset. I also agree with you that monogamy isn’t for everyone.

However, I do believe that more would people prefer monogamy over polygamy. Idk what your thoughts are on that.

Title	Non-monogamist relationship structures (i.e. Polyamory) are as valid as monogamy.
Author	lepetitdaddydupeuple
Upvotes	0
Comments	171
Date	September 1, 2020 9:36 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/ikh929/nonmonogamist_relationship_structures_ie/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/non-monogamist-relationship-structures-ie.210313 https://theredarchive.com/post/210313

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