Dating apps have a lot of issues; the superficial nature of them, the lack of ‘vibes’ you get from a person and an inability to create spaces where people grow on each other - one issue that i don’t often see talked about though? the fact that they keep everyone in their comfort zones.

When you’re on a dating app (with the intention to actually get into a relationship, not hookup), you’re looking for someone who you think might be a good fit for you - problem is? we’re often uniformed on what that ‘good fit’ is. It isn’t about meeting someone, figuring out who they are and trying to make your similarities/differences work. It’s about having a preconceived notion of what you think you might want and running entirely based on that - and our own ideas of that are partly based off where we’re at in our lives, and this goes doubly so when we’re in unhealthy or turbulent spaces. On top of this, we develop ideas of whether someone is a fit based off what you conclude via their profiles vs your inherent biases tied to these conclusions. In other words, you’re making huge judgment calls on people based off pictures and blurbs, and assuming whether they fit your image of what you might want based on that notion alone. You even start judging people on, frankly, medial shit like their taste in music, whether their hobbies are the same as your hobbies, whether your political views align perfectly, etc. - Of course, a level of commonality is important, but relying on that as the backbone rather than whether your personalities actually work together or not is where things get iffy