What would you do?

ProtoPill · 2015-09-14T21:45:54+00:00

One-year girlfriend is going on a trip to an exotic destination for 9 months (3/4 of the time of their entire relationship). I do not need to be an actuary to tell you that the risk of this relationship crumbling is the same as purchasing a home without tornado insurance in the I-44 corridor.

What would you do?

Break up.

TheGreasyPole · 2015-09-14T22:19:05+00:00

Break up. Go do what you want. Assume she's doing the same.

She'll be fucking around.

Then, when she comes back, you can assess whether a woman who leaves you to go fuck other dudes when she "wants to" makes for a good LTR candidate.

Make your own mind up. It ain't hard.

Archwinger · 2015-09-14T22:38:29+00:00

There is no difference between a "break" and just ending a relationship. You both stop seeing each other and fuck other people.

You already have the option to treat each other civilly and fuck each other again later without some kind of agreed upon break.

Break is just a girl trying to make her plan B official. It's an offensive thing she asks to see if he will demonstrate loyalty, even as she tells him she intends to fuck other guys. Break is a shit test.

PemBayliss · 2015-09-14T22:55:00+00:00

Break up. She wants to go on the trip. it's more important than her relationship with me. Relationship is over.

When he's 21 and she's 22, and she's going "traveling", and she says "let's take a break and pick up where we left off"?

Here, let me translate that for the benefit of all here.

"I want to travel for 9 months in Southeast Asia and touristfuck. I want to meet lots of different men and be free to fuck them if I'm attracted to them. I do not want to be accountable to you about what I do on this trip and I have no intention of describing to you anything I do on this trip with other men. But when I get back, you and I will pick up where we left off. (At least that's how I feel now, at this moment, talking to you face to face, when I have to be faced with your hurt and pain.) I don't think you have any better options; and I think you'll still be waiting around when I get back. So I'm going to go do this, because it's more important to me than our relationship."

Any questions?

[deleted] · 2015-09-14T22:39:15+00:00

[permanently deleted]

grendalor · 2015-09-14T22:01:51+00:00

A "break" means being with other people. It means the relationship is over, but both will check and see what each is up to when they are in the same place again. It isn't a relationship -- it's just like a future option to check in, to see if anything is still there, if/when she is back in the same place.

I don't recommend "breaks" at all, because usually the person asking for the break wants to date/fuck other people, and the person acquiescing to the break hangs on during the break to see if the other person will return. Basically the person asking for the break wants to put you on hold and shop around a bit until he/she determines that you're the best on offer - especially when the person is going into a "target rich environment" that is away from where you are located. That's a one-way ticket to hell, in my opinion. Don't do it.

Better to break up. If both still yearn when she returns, you can always resume anyway, to the same degree as if you were on "break". But, it gives the person who didn't want the break the incentive to move on and date other people in the meantime and assume that the former relationship is dead (which in almost all cases it is, anyway).

ECoast_Man · 2015-09-14T23:14:42+00:00

Breaks are always a recipe for disaster.

Even if I wasn't RP, I know this creates a situation where parties have plausible deniability with respect to cheating. Thus, both parties basically get a free 'technical' pass to do whatever they want.

As an RP man, if she proposed this- you know what I'm going to say.

Lonny_zone · 2015-09-14T21:56:23+00:00

Break up and never take her back.

hyperrreal · 2015-09-14T21:45:51+00:00

Can you add some context in your post text? Pretty soon we are making that a requirement.

[deleted] · 2015-09-14T22:00:09+00:00

She suggests a break while they're apart

Nope. She can fuck right off with that shit.

prodigy2throw · 2015-09-14T22:15:20+00:00

I wouldn't mind getting women's feedback here, but it's widely assumed by many on TRP that many women go on overseas trips solo or with their girlfriends (SE Asia, Europe, etc) with the main objective of fucking around and catch as much foreign dick as possible.

What's the consensus here. Is this true?

99_Problem · 2015-09-15T00:20:40+00:00

Go full taoism. She's gonna take this trip, and she's gonna do whatever she wants. You may or may not ever see each other again. It really doesn't matter what you want. You are powerless to stop it.

goatismycopilot · 2015-09-15T01:33:16+00:00

Well,I am a woman but if my BF of one year proposed the exact same thing I would tell him the relationship was over and to enjoy the trip.

gigabytegary · 2015-09-15T02:01:18+00:00

The whole "break" thing is just a cop-out. What I personally think should be done is the couple breaks up. No promises of "later in life." Go LIVE your life. There is nothing wrong with that! She wants to travel 9 months in Thailand and leave the option open to make guilt-free human connections, sexual or non-sexual. She has every right to do it. Both parties should move the fuck on with their lives. If their paths cross in 9+ months after she's back and the tide is right, well, then, get back together. If not, then don't. It shouldn't have to be some big debate, and it shouldn't have to be an end all be all. But a SO that doesn't want to understand a non-attached relationship shouldn't prevent her from living her life.

belletaco · 2015-09-14T21:52:30+00:00

He has college stuff to do, she wants to go to Thailand for 9 months, break up and keep in touch if you choose to and see where you're at at the end of it or let it drift apart. Bad timing is bad timing,

gavinok · 2015-09-14T21:41:44+00:00

I think this answer should be pretty universal:

If the girl doesn't mention anything about a long distance relationship, you shouldn't assume she intends to have one with you.

[deleted] · 2015-09-14T22:05:18+00:00

Just fucking break up and move on. You can have many lovers in your life. Quit making it complicated.

Doldenberg · 2015-09-14T22:49:39+00:00

So, obviously, let her go on the fucking trip. I mean, asking her to cancel it or you will end it? Don't be a dick.

Apart from that, as others have said, have a serious conversation about it. Long distance, breaking up? Whatever you want. Getting back together afterwards? Again, your choice. I don't know what I'd do because it very much depends on individual circumstances and I haven't be in such a situation myself.

chickenoverrice · 2015-09-14T23:13:45+00:00

When I had been dating this guy back in college for about 6 months, he had a chance to go abroad to Europe for a year. I told him that he could sleep with girls there if he wanted to. My motivation was to be a "cool" girlfriend (misguided notion in retrospect) and I did not have ulterior motive of giving him free pass to bargain for my free pass to sleep with others. He didn't take it because he didn't want to and and I'm glad as we went on to enjoy a couple of more years of dating.

If you can't stay faithful during a vacation, then you can't stay faithful period. For me, it's a breakup even for bringing it up for a serious consideration. But it should be noted that I'm approaching 30 so I don't care to play mind games and my relationships are taken seriously. If it was brought up to me when I was in early 20s, I probably would have considered taking a break and if both of us were single, we could resume, but no guarantee. And it probably would have gone to shit.

TheChemist158 · 2015-09-14T23:28:12+00:00

I'm just going to gender bend this to make it fit. If my boyfriend wanted to do this, it would depend on what he meant by "break". If it leaves any room for him sleeping around, no. In fact, if he even brought it up, it would make me lose trust and might wreck the relationship anyway.

alreadyredschool · 2015-09-14T22:03:09+00:00

Break up, in these 9 months I can find 100 better women.

HappilySingleWoman · 2015-09-14T23:06:57+00:00

It's probably not going to end well , I would decide to end the relationship unless we were together for whole years or something.

sibeliushelp · 2015-09-14T23:28:40+00:00

I'd end it.

trp132 · 2015-09-15T00:58:09+00:00

Agree to the break up, explicitly point out that one can't make any promises about getting back together afterwards, because the future is a long time away and that's not fair to people I'm going to be with while she's gone.

Seek a new girlfriend/plates/whatever while she's gone and forget about her. If/when she comes back and I'm currently still single, maybe fool around more/see what happens.

BillClam · 2015-09-15T04:07:12+00:00

From an objective stand point, I'd say talk about ending it as friends.

If I were in it? Be bummed about her leaving for a while and look for new relations.

blametheboogie · 2015-09-15T06:16:58+00:00

Start singing "turn out the lights, the party's over" that relationship is dunzo.

Possibly try and fuck a few of her friends while she's gone because why not, she obviously doesn't give two shits about you anymore.

exit_sandman · 2015-09-15T11:49:30+00:00

If she seriously asked me what I think of it, I'd break up. First: she shows me what she thinks of our relationship. Second: even if I would tell her "no way" and she promised to not do it, who says she actually would? We're talking about a person who wants a free pass on sleeping around. And even if she did, who says the relationship would still be good if she got back?

max_peenor · 2015-09-15T19:07:01+00:00

Personally I would have told her to cancel or I'm ending it. Just so you know.

Yeeep. A cringey ultimatum. Don't do that.

wtknight · 2015-09-15T20:09:00+00:00

Would the guy in the relationship ever want to do a similar thing? (travel to another country, temporarily pause the relationship, etc.) If he's not the type of guy who would ask that of his girlfriend, then they probably aren't compatible and should end it permanently. But if he is, then I don't see the problem.

If it were me and a girlfriend asked to do this, I'd end the relationship and look for someone else, as I'm not into the whole idea of a pausing a monogamous relationship.

Xemnas81 · 2015-09-16T00:19:08+00:00

I'm more interested to know tl;dr what TSR said. I've always been curious about their pill allegiance.

rulenumber303 · 2015-09-16T04:50:22+00:00

He should tell her he wants to call the relationship off on friendly terms to leave them both free to date, but agree to meet up after her trip has finished and discuss how the nine months went and whether they want to resume where they left off. He should be quite clear about it, 9 months is a long time and one or both of them is most likely to have moved on, so breaking up properly is just less messy. That way instead of having a highly probable downside of it all going to hell because one of them gets tempted or because they develop in different directions, they have a small possibility of an upside where they both decide to get back together.

Don't make an ultimatum, it is creepy and manipulative and she will always carry the feeling of "I called off the holiday of a lifetime for you, so why aren't you idk, better than you actually are?"

Title	What would you do?
Author	yo_radical_one
Upvotes	3
Comments	53
Date	September 14, 2015 9:36 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/3kyo6h/what_would_you_do/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-would-you-do.279620 https://theredarchive.com/post/279620

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