Daddy in delivery?

Irisandoleander · 2017-09-07T00:32:50+00:00

I needed him. There is no-one I trust with my life more than R. I needed his level head when the nurse said "we need to do this" he was the one that remembered to say "why - what are the benefits, what are the risks". I needed his strength when I more or less wanted to die. I needed him to tell me it's okay to take the epidural, you did nothing wrong. I needed his protection when I was scared.

I understand why a woman would not want her man to see her like that. But we got pregnant together. We're having this baby together. This is his child and he should bring this child into the world with me.

There is no-one in the world I want to change my body, wreck my body, fix my body, stretch, and scar my body for other than R. In a way - he made me. And I'm his.

U_Can_Have_The_Crown · 2017-09-07T00:42:38+00:00

My husband being present in the room connected us on another level. Having a child is one of the most feminine things you can do. He was totally amazed watching me go through so much for so long and in the end giving him a son. It seriously made him have a different kind of respect for me. We also didn't find out he sex of our baby ahead of time so he was the one who got to announce to me we had a son. It was super special and in the moment made it all so amazing. I couldn't imagine not having him there and he was literally the only person in the world I wanted by my side.

jotho817 · 2017-09-07T04:59:28+00:00

I talked about this with my husband (as a wayyyy in the future hypothetical) and going in, I thought I would want him to wait outside for all the reasons some of you listed. I would be in pain and gross looking, and who really wants to be seen like that?? But as soon as I said that, he laughed and stopped me and told me that no one was going near his wife or child without him in the room. That if I needed a surgery, he was going to be the one to do it. That if anyone tried to stop him, they'd probably need surgery too. I know the last part was a joke but it made me realize that my own reasons for keeping him out of the room were kind of selfish. I didn't want him to see me looking terrible and gross. But this is his family, and I love that he doesn't care how disgusting I'll be. We're a family for better or worse, and if he wants to be there, then I want him to be too.

treslilbirds · 2017-09-07T00:36:08+00:00

We're currently TTC our first and I've already told my husband that if he doesn't want to be present for the delivery, I'm completely ok with it, since he doesn't like medical gore (I have to watch my medical shows on my phone or late at night after he's asleep). He said he wants to be there to support me and I said, "Ok, but if they tell you to 'look down there', please don't do it!" He wholeheartedly agreed and we actually shook on it! Lol! :)

My father wasn't in the room for any of our births back in the 70s and 80s, nor was he in the room for my baby half brothers birth in 2010.

As much as I appreciate the support of loved ones, I don't feel I could enjoy it as much if I knew that they were uncomfortable being there. I've cleaned hospitals for a living and I know exactly how messy child birth can be, even though I've yet to have children. There is A LOT of blood...amongst other...fluids. It's just not for everyone. And honestly, I don't want my husband staring at my nether regions as I shove out our firstborn.

As far as my personal appearance, I don't wear makeup anyway since Hubby prefers my natural face. I also have long, thick hair and my plan is to hopefully have it frenchbraided prior to checking in to the hospital so it's just not all over the place. That and a couple of pairs of really cute pajamas for the hospital stay after. I don't want to be Kim Kardashian, but I always feel a lot better about myself when I'm put together. It doesn't have to be fancy, just modest and simple.

So yeah. Our plan is for daddy to be in the delivery, but I'll have a back up coach, my stepmom or a friend, on hand in case he needs to leave.

Newnurse786 · 2017-09-07T05:21:08+00:00

I'm a labor and delivery nurse and I would say it is of course completely up to you but in general it is best to have daddy present. Even if you don't need emotional support, so much can go so wrong in a delivery. He would have to be in the waiting room if you don't want him in the labor room because family members shouldn't be lingering in the hallway (for fear they are trying to kidnap a baby) so if you were to need an emergency c-section, he would be completely unaware of what's going on. Best case scenario a nurse would pop her head out and tell him that you're going to be doing a c-section but that's about it. Of course that is worst case scenario, but labor and delivery is way more serious than just your husband seeing you messy and incredibly vulnerable so consider it carefully.

StingrayVC · 2017-09-07T11:26:30+00:00

Having my husband in the room was invaluable. He talked to the nurses in a way that I just was not capable of doing. Also, when you're in the middle of labor, for those concerned with how he will see you, you won't care one bit. There is no thought beyond, get it out. Maybe it's different with an epidural, but you could have put me down in a crowded football stadium and I wouldn't have cared.

EGOtyst · 2017-09-07T14:06:52+00:00

I was in the room for both of my kids. Held my wife's feet when she needed leverage.

When shit went sideways, medically speaking, I had the level head to talk with the doctors. I called them on some bullshit, kept my wife as calm as possible.

In regards to "messy", I can only say that people who think that way should grow up. Fact is, "messy" is not going to keep me away from a situation that important. And, I honestly wouldn't be with a woman who felt that a little bit of messy was more important than my being in the room/our bond together.

It was a good thing. I would do it again. I recommend every man do it as well. Not getting up in there and owning it is a bitch move.

Waldorfmutti · 2017-09-08T15:25:34+00:00

I gave birth when he did night shift. Calling him directly was not possible so it was a big surprise when he was informed that I had just given birth to my two boys after the shift. He and about 5 workmates including his brother rushed to the hospital still covered in coal dust.

We are trying for a third (Please, no twins) but I will most likely try to not have him there. He does not have the most robust stomach and would most likely cause massive stress for all involved. My SIL will be there again I hope. I attended all of her births, mostly to keep the father and uncle from spontaneous combustion;)

proprioceptor · 2017-09-07T13:36:17+00:00

I absolutely wanted my husband in the delivery room with me. No doubt about it. He stayed cool under pressure, and gave me a normal perspective when I was in the throws of a lot of pain and exhaustion.

Now where I differ from a lot of women, is that I didn't expect him to stay with me every night that I was in the hospital. I would have loved to have him there, but I felt better knowing that he was able to go home and get rested and get things ready for when I came home.

kekerae · 2017-09-08T14:39:04+00:00

My husband was really awesome during our first labour and delivery. We had a midwife and doula who were rocks also and I think my husband was really able to model his behaviour after the doula in so far as where to stand, when to give me space, etc. He said that having her there was really valuable to him.

In the post-partum phase was his real shining moment. Every breastfeeding session in the very early days he was up with me, spoon feeding me yogurt and encouraging me to guzzle ice water.

And, from another perspective, he said his respect for me and how strong I was multiplied big time after witnessing me push for 4 hours without pain medication. He also really surprised me by cutting the cord and taking a good look at the placenta afterwards.

I'm 8.5 months pregnant again so we're ready to do it all over. :)

littlegoosegirl · 2017-09-07T02:47:58+00:00

To me, any man in the room while I'm giving birth sounds awful. I've always seen it as a distinctly female experience, and I want experienced women who know what they are doing in the room with me, not my husband. I would not wish for him to see me in such a messy, frightened, stressed experience. I would likely be worried about what he thought of me during the process and it would distract me. He is perfectly fine either way apparently - he said it's something that the mother should decide because it's her affair. I'm sure we'll think more deeply on it when I'm actually pregnant, but it's good to know he doesn't absolutely need to be in the room, because as of now I do not want him anywhere near that.

dashdotdott · 2017-09-07T10:23:02+00:00

Turtles are great

littleeggwyf · 2017-09-07T12:07:55+00:00

I needed him there! I wouldn't have been able to stand up for myself with medical staff or stay calm, he was unbelievable. And helped with things like breathing and stance. But I did ask him to stay by me not at the bottom of the bed just because i felt self conscious.

Also everything /u/Irisandoleander said was right and beautiful.

gracefulgirl1 · 2017-09-07T15:08:46+00:00

My hubby and I don't have kids yet but I've thought a lot about this. I don't see why he shouldn't be in the room to experience it and I think his masculine energy and groundedness would be very helpful during a time like that. I also think it's important for the child to have both parents there when they are born so they can bond and speak to the child.

That being said, a part of me doesn't want him to see me less than put together, especially not bleeding and messy like that. So I think I'd just ask him to stay close to my upper body. I don't think he really wants to see all the gory details either, so I think it's a balance. But I'd definitely want him with me as we went through the journey together.

imspookyboo · 2017-09-07T19:42:01+00:00

I'm due in about 60ish days. Definitely plan on hubby being in the room with me. I need him and I know he'll want to be there!

DiveBarUnicorn · 2017-09-07T03:05:36+00:00

I had back to back c sections so Daddy was sitting behind the curtain right next to me. The doc asked if he wanted to cut the cord and when he stood up and looked over the curtain he promptly and harshly sat down and damn near passed out! After the baby was out he went with the nurse and followed the child while I was being stiched up. I'm so very glad he was there because I was physically unable to go with baby, which was awful for me. But I knew baby was being cared for until they brought me to the room. If I had delivered vaginally I would have kept Daddy up by my face and would have preferred him not to get to personal with the birthing vagina. Yikes!

Lucretia99 · 2017-09-07T14:27:56+00:00

I have yet to have babies, but if/when Mr. Man and I do, he will be there. I will need him more than anyone. Also, reading everyone else's comments here solidifies that for me more. Thanks for the post OP. :)

whitebunny87 · 2017-09-08T09:56:33+00:00

i'm not allowed to walk outside at night by myself, let alone go through something like childbirth. we haven't discussed this specifically, but i have no doubt that they would have to drag him out by force. there's just no way he'd leave me on my own for that, my preferences be damned.

luckily i would want him there too. his presence is so calming to me, i know he's always got his head on straight and that as long as he's there i'll be fine. i wouldn't trust myself to be level headed in a time like that, so will need him to take care of that.

his mum is incredibly sweet and has had five children of her own, so i'd love to have her nearby too, but that's a discussion for another day.

Firstmatewifey · 2017-09-15T20:11:58+00:00

My husband and I personally plan to have him in the delivery room, but my parents chose to have my dad wait elsewhere when I was delivered. My dad isn't great with touchy-feeling emotions and is very pragmatic, so for them it made more sense to have my aunt (mom's sister in law) and grandma (mom's mother) in the room to help and encourage her instead. I turned out just fine, haha.

Title	Daddy in delivery?
Author	phantasmagnolia
Upvotes	16
Comments	38
Date	September 6, 2017 11:48 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWives
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/6yji34/daddy_in_delivery/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/daddy-in-delivery.208783 https://theredarchive.com/post/208783

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