I've wanted to share this story here for some time, but the story itself hadn't quite wrapped up until recently.

A friend of mine, Lucy, met her boyfriend Brent five years ago and was quite upfront with what she wanted from their relationship. As a newly divorced single mom, who had a healthy relationship with her ex, she wasn't looking for a forever boyfriend. If he wanted to be together, Brent needed to agree that marriage was absolutely on the table. Lucy, 27 at the time, knew exactly what she wanted and Brent, 21, agreed, before moving in together after four months.

Fast forward five years and Lucy is 32, Brent 26. In every way, but legally, she and Brent are married. They own a home together and he foots most of the bills, while she works part time. He's essentially step-father to Lucy's daughter and has spent five years entertaining the idea of marriage to Lucy, for which in the last year, she's really begun to push, quite fairly in my opinion. In fact, I'd say she waited too long. Brent, however, has been dragging his feet and lately, even digging in his heels.

You see, at 26, Brent has had a lot more time to think about what he wants from life and what he wants is to be 26, to not make any permanent life decisions and, quite reasonably, doesn't understand why Lucy needs marriage. What would change about their relationship at all? They'd still live together and have sex and she'd still cook and clean for him and take care of him when he's sick. Why does she need to be able to take half his stuff? Furthermore, if he marries Lucy, at 32, he has to decide now if he wants a child of his own, since Lucy doesn't particularly want more and really doesn't after 35. Brent doesn't want to plan out the next 20 years after spending the last five being a provider.

Perhaps, worst of all, Lucy and Brent have nothing in common, from sex drives to personal interests, to life goals. Brent loves video games and Lucy hates that he loves video games. Brent has been pushing for a dog and Lucy hates animals. Lucy had told me, verbatim, that if they met today, she wouldn't be with him... but that she loves him too much to leave.

So, after five years of dragging his feet and a big blow up several months ago where Brent forbade Lucy from even bringing up marriage, Brent has finally called it quits. Personally, I never thought it was fair that the solution to said blow up was for Lucy to shut up about something she'd been perfectly clear about wanting and I told her so... so she brought it up again, casually, and he was done. He finally accepted that he just doesn't want what she wants.

Lucy, fortunately, doesn't want more kids, so she's not facing a ticking clock, but she is nursing a broken heart and the loss of five years of her youth, when as far as modern dating culture dictates, she did everything right in this relationship. She told Brent, from the start, what she wanted and he agreed. The old "why buy the cow addage" is a bit inaccurate, because it emphasizes sex and really, sex is a premarital perk for most people. What isn't, however, is someone to put on dinner when you've had a terrible day, to mow your lawn when you have an awful sunburn, to get you underwear in the middle of the night when you're sick, no questions asked. Financial help and the intimacy of doing your laundry for you and raising your children, those things are the milk, not sex... and why buy the cow, when you can get the milk for free?

Lucy will make it and honestly, I think they'll both be better off. They're free to find people with whom they're more compatible, but maybe if they hadn't had so many entanglements, with the house and child, they might have called it quits sooner. Maybe, Brent might have even seen value in marriage, if it was something he didn't already have. Maybe next time, Lucy will save husband perks for when she has a ring.