[Discussion] Red Stop Signs

Jenneapolis · 2024-08-28T16:28:33+00:00

Any sort of addiction - this includes a guy that just “drinks to excess on occasion.” This never leads any where good and you are not going to change him.

Financially irresponsible - I am not saying that he’s not a big earner, but more that he makes stupid irresponsible decisions with his money (blowing big amounts on dumb things, raking up debt on unnecessary things like trips).

No sex drive - not interested in sex or rarely interested.

I list these things because they are the most likely to lead to divorce/problems even if you get through them in the beginning.

Wife_and_Mama · 2024-08-28T17:24:59+00:00

Refusal to work. It might be phrased as an inability to find a job. He might claim he's always the victim when he's laid off or fired. He, however, is always the common denominator. If he can't even provide for himself, he's a hard pass.

CountTheBees · 2024-08-28T21:22:20+00:00

Contempt, if you notice it in your boyfriend. An example would be eye rolling as Jordan Peterson describes. If he rolls his eyes while you're talking it's a STOP.

MathematicianMean273 · 2024-08-28T17:22:20+00:00

Goes without saying but current or past history of domestic violence, including verbal/psychological abuse

youllknowwhenitstime · 2024-08-29T17:12:05+00:00

Lots of good stuff here. A classic I haven't seen mentioned yet:

All his exes are "crazy." Either they are, in which case he has no idea how to choose who to be around, or they aren't, and he's the problem.

AngelFire_3_14156 · 2024-08-28T16:36:13+00:00

Anger issues or difficulty controlling his temper

_Pumpkin_Muffin · 2024-09-02T13:50:31+00:00

People who are always the victim and never take responsibility for their own shortcomings.

There's one common denominator, and it's not "everyone else".

Seraphic2299 · 2024-08-28T17:45:59+00:00

It is difficult to advise without knowing the specific situation. Applying blind theory instead of focusing on solving the problems in each individual's mind will make everything go wrong the more you do it. Let's say the guy's family is not good, while he may be able to distance himself from those problems in the family, he will not want to introduce you to protect you, but will do other ways to assert "sovereignty over you". Everything always happens very synchronized, if he wants to hide you from family and friends for some bad purpose, he will avoid going with you in public places or in daylight, unconsciously let go of your hand if he is caught, say he is still single or acting like he is single, makes you feel like you're not being noticed or your existence is devalued. Unconsciously, if you have enough love for yourself, you will see that there is something "odd" that you cannot point out. I can look into a person's eyes and know if he loves me or not, but not everyone wants to admit that they are not loved. So they are still busy looking for signs, red flags, or green flags. If a man loves you, everything will be very clear and you don't have to wonder, he will even explain everything in advance so you don't have to overthink, his words and actions will all match and confirm, prove himself through every small action. If he doesn't really love you very much, there will be many things that make you wonder. And you don’t feel like you are loved, chased, cherished. What someone truly feels about you is how they make you feel. Simple as that. If you don't have a healthy mentality, you will accept bad things happening.

People often want to use psychological tricks to have a lover, but can they build a family and have a healthy next generation? While low self-esteem, fear of loss, insecurity, dependence, etc. are exploited and exaggerated.

Narcissists can love booming and at first seem like there are many green flags. How are you going to identify them? My friend is a person who knows how to love herself. She said that when she's around them, she feels very shallow and empty, like their eyes can't see her when talking, compliments are exaggerated, even though they barely knew her but showed like deeply in love; most importantly, her parents said that person seemed untrustworthy. Later, things happened that made her know that separating from them was the right thing to do. That comes from a strong inner foundation and understanding your own value

OkKaleidoscope9696 · 2024-08-29T04:49:10+00:00

You said this isn’t a hard stop sign, but IMO it is: Never paying for you on dates or otherwise. It means he isn’t invested, he isn’t generous / he’s cheap, he can’t provide, or he doesn’t know social norms. None of these are good qualities.

AutoModerator · 2024-08-28T15:44:52+00:00

Title: [Discussion] Red Stop Signs

Author Deliaallmylife

Full text: A lot of RPW involves providing information about men, women and relationships and telling women to "use the appropriate tools" in the toolbox. Personally, I'm very in favor of anything that allows a person to think for themselves and use their own judgment for their own unique situations

BUT

There are some things that are red flags, or perhaps as the title states, red stop signs. What are some things that are, for vetting purposes, absolute no goes. Strong indications that a relationship just isn't going to go further, or shouldn't go further.

And I don't mean things that are debatable like "he doesn't pay on a first date" that even from an RPW perspective you will find arguments on both side.

I'll start:

If you are exclusive/boyfriend & girlfriend and he hasn't introduced you to any of his friends or family, it is a bad sign of his intentions for the future. You are almost certainly not his future wife and it may even be the case that you are a side piece and don't know about it.

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Independent-Story883 · 2024-08-29T06:01:08+00:00

Violent tendencies. Because they usually escalate. One date, trying to get my attention to look at a parking spot number gently put his hands on my shoulder and turned my body towards what he wanted me to see. He also bragged about beating his kids. Great date. But it was a no

Pedophile tendencies: pictures, movies. I have daughters. I like to be able to sleep at night

Profile photos either sitting inside or standing outside of your car. I'm sorry. I just can't 😜

Title	[Discussion] Red Stop Signs
Author	Deliaallmylife
Upvotes	26
Comments	66
Date	August 28, 2024 3:44 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1f3diiz/discussion_red_stop_signs/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/discussion-red-stop-signs.1528675 https://theredarchive.com/post/1528675

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