Dominant Men

raeonmon · 2019-02-16T16:39:27+00:00

He's not your captain. You're his plate. Unless you're into open relationships, a captain shouldn't be gaming girls around you. I'd cut your losses and move on.

yamfood · 2019-02-16T16:53:40+00:00

Red Pill doesn't mean you have to be a doormat.

thatbadlarry · 2019-02-16T16:45:49+00:00

This is grossly unhealthy and you already know it. He’s not a captain, he’s a user. Break it off and do some work to figure out why you thought this kind of behaviour/character is acceptable.

MPGH21 · 2019-02-16T16:50:58+00:00

He’s is not your captain. You are his plate, maybe top plate. My husband was older than me but he was a great man, even with plentiful resources, he never messed with me.

You can waste your youth on a man you have no future with or find another captain.

AdamP00l · 2019-02-16T17:54:11+00:00

He's not someone you want in your life. Even if he has good qualities, your description of him make his bad behavior take more space than his qualities.

Hard next and move on.

Mollusc6 · 2019-02-16T17:40:08+00:00

Narcissists do not make good captains they make good abusers.

As my guy puts it: there is a difference between dominance and domineering.

Being a redpilled women isn't about letting men treat you like shit it's about finding the best partner to travel through life and complimenting the feminine/masculine naturally. Its not about being a 'slave' to some guy who always wants to be right and bowing and scraping at his feet. Its not a 'set of behaviours' to act out and say your redpilled. Its about maximizing our natural tendencies in a way that benifits and compliments both parties and creates a wholesome flourishing relationship by complimenting and acknowledging those nature's instead of ignoring them. The 'behaviors' and actions that come out just happen to be those that seem to on the whole best flatter our natures. But if you apply those behaviors to a piece of shit domineering narcissistic ass your just going to be treated like a slave, because your not in a relationship with a redpilled man, your in a relationship with a predator/ abuser who knows redpill.

Wolfssenger · 2019-02-16T19:40:40+00:00

You're being used. Bail.

dashdotdott · 2019-02-17T01:46:49+00:00

My captain happens to be a narcissistic man.

On my behalf, I was trying to achieve the image of a unicorn as such. Very loyal, submissive, forgiving.. I wanted to live up to a wifey role

Listen, until that wedding ring is on your finger, you aren't his wife...so why are you acting like one? You need to be vetting at some level until you are there. He doesn't just get your loyalty for the rest of your natural lives because you're dating. Sorry, he needs to prove that he is good husband/father material just as much as you need to show his that you're good wife/mother material.

I do as I am told, I crawl back to him in a heartbeat but he makes me work hard to gain my place with him & also makes me feel like I’m in competition with other girls. . Is this healthy?

No it is decidedly not.

Bare in mind that there is a 8 year age gap, I am quite young compared to him therefore I feel like he is capable of manipulating and brainwashing me, he gets his way ALL the time and can be very selfish and not consider my wants and needs as he thinks they are “silly”.

My husband is 8 years older than me. And has not don't anything like what you have described. He never picked up other women when we got into a relationship. I've never seen him so much as flirt with another women since we got together. He has never told me my needs, wants, worries, and/or fears are silly. He's certainly has had times he could have.

He is always trying to change me and I am happy to do so because I see a future with him... but he doesn’t want marriage in the future nor kids.

This is one reason why others are telling you that you're in plate. Also, if you want kids, leave. Don't spend your time hoping that he will change. You cannot expect that to happen and it will cause the relationship to sour. And

He doesn’t want to change his behaviour or acts ... why should mine have to be changed?

Good question. This isn't to say anyone is perfect, but it isn't a one way street either. Example: my husband is not good with saving. I am, and by working together we save. Conversely, I am prone to be very rigid, with his example, I have relaxed (ie man was not made for the Sabbath, the Sabbath was made for man). We have helped each other become better people. If you're a Christian (like we are), that is a fundamental part of marriage and one reason why it is a Sacrament (it sanctifies the married couple).

I feel like I care more his his sexual needs that he does with mine.. to “drain his balls”.. but he doesn’t seem to care for my satisfaction.

A good man cares about your satisfaction in intimate relationships.

Does your captain control you like a puppet? What is considered normal in this situation ..

This is not normal. Run! My husband does not do this. He has the final say in anything but I can and do voice my opinion. As an example: when we decided to get out of debt, I set up our monthly budget, but we always talked about it. He would make suggestions, we'd discuss and we'd do what made sense from the conversation. Why, would he let me handle something so important? He knows that this is one thing I'm good at and he trusts me to do it.

Your instincts are spot on here (good news!), Your post is a series of red flags. Get out, find a therapist, spend some time in nun mode while you figure out how you ended up here.

est-la-lune · 2019-02-16T20:10:46+00:00

Narcissism is a personality disorder that overlaps with BPD.

I grew up with someone who has BPD, and she caused tremendous emotional damage that still sends shock waves through my life and my relationships years after I went very low contact. The farther you can get away from this abuser and learn to recognize the symptoms so you never invest in another one, the better.

A man who loves you and wants a future with you will never treat you this way. Never accept abuse because you are afraid to be alone.

stripethrowaway · 2019-02-17T16:05:36+00:00

TRP attracts good men looking for self-improvement. Unfortunately it also attracts unsavory characters and men who are not captains. Narcs, I swear, are at the top of the list.

Honestly, from a narcissistic abuse survivor to another, get out. Discard him before he discards you and block the ever loving crap out of him. Bar him from your life. It will suck. It will be lonely, and it will hurt. Change your life around to avoid run-ins and cut out mutual friends. You won't want to lose friends in this process but it makes letting go easier. He will Hoover and love bomb and beg and plea. Don't fall for it. He won't change. He's just going to know what he can get away with now. It sucks but you and I both know he's charming and beating him to the discard means smear campaign for him. He will tell the whole world and do everything to demonize you. You'll feel like you need to stand up for yourself. Don't. Keep the radio silence from your end. He wants to get you to interact and this is part of it. Eventually everyone will get annoyed of him smearing your name across town and it will have been 6 months after the fact and they'll think he's obsessed and crazy and they'll come to you saying things like "At first I felt bad but he just doesn't stop talking to me about it and I feel like maybe you dodged a bullet with that one." Let him make a fool out of himself. Getting a rise out of you is his goal. Your silence is maddening to him.

Stop thinking of now. Think about down the road. Visit r/narcissisticabuse and read their stories. Sounds like you know the lingo already. Don't wait for it to be physically abusive before you think about going. Rip the band-aid off and go. If you figure out how to do that, I'll give you mad props because it's so much easier said than done. So many people end up being physically, mentally, sexually, and emotionally abused and depleted in relationships with narcs. I know, because I've been there, and it took me a full year to come to terms with it and leave him after it had become physically abusive. I knew I needed to leave, but it took TWO therapists to convince me to go. It's hard. Not going to lie. But I can promise you that life on the other side can be so amazing, because I'm here now, I have an amazing neurotypical captain, and I've healed so much. No matter how hard life has been, and I promise you it's been a rough year, every day without my abuser has been 100x easier than when my days had him in it.

He doesn't love you. He loves the idea of you, and the second you become anything other than the perfect little you he has inside his head, he will get angry and throw a tantrum until you apologize for not fitting inside the cookie cutter and get in line.

You deserve so, so, so much better. You deserve to be loved for you, not the fictional you in somebody's head. Feel free to DM me if you ever want to talk.

Ramalavonda · 2019-02-16T20:35:19+00:00

Leave him and find a better captain. One who only wants you

goldensurrender · 2019-02-17T02:31:25+00:00

Excuse my direct language but he is an insecure loser. Ditch this guy, continue to work on loving and honoring yourself. A true captain will lead from his heart, and will commit to you. This does not come without work on your part, but that does not entail enduring emotional abuse. You are singing up for this, so that is why it is happening in your life right now. You will have to find the strength and resolve to know that this is not what you want, because it isn't fulfilling for you. Being in a good relationship will feel fulfilling and safe, and not unstable or traumatic.

deastjames · 2019-02-17T01:29:53+00:00

Obviously, he's not the type of man who is in it for the long haul. Any kind of effort you put into a man will be put to waste when you choose men who will not commit to you. This is why vetting is sooooo important before submitting to a man.

And by submission, I mean allowing your man to take charge of his manly roles and trusting him that he does it well, and not you laying down like a linoleum he can step on.

everythangspeachie · 2019-02-20T07:18:30+00:00

Your a side piece

ShootingDanks · 2019-02-17T19:17:59+00:00

This post is quite anxiety inducing.

This man is not your Captain. He's steering his own boat and you are desperately paddling after him, hoping to be the first to catch up to him. He's not worth paddling after.

Not every man you date is a Captain. Not every man you date for a long time is your Captain. Dating some guy and calling him 'Captain' does not make it so.

Abort this mission, start over and vet properly.

HB3234 · 2019-02-18T19:45:44+00:00

You're using red pill ideas to justify your low self esteem, absolute lack of boundaries, and inability to assert yourself.

Submission from a woman who doesn't know what she wants and doesn't have boundaries, is like commitment from an unattractive man with no career or social skills. It's not valuable, and he doesn't value you.

cynicalhousewife · 2019-02-21T01:45:43+00:00

You are wasting your best years with this man. You are going to regret it if you don't cut him loose. I don't know what else you expect to hear when you give us this sort of information.

Lizalotte · 2019-02-16T16:51:38+00:00

Why are you with him?

maljo24 · 2019-02-17T13:47:14+00:00

Classic red pill behavior on his part and this points out one of the failures of the philosophy - women don't really want to be treated this way.

Title	Dominant Men
Author	MPGH21
Upvotes	0
Comments	38
Date	February 16, 2019 4:35 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/arad2a/dominant_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/dominant-men.218764 https://theredarchive.com/post/218764

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