I messed up and need advice.

LightOverWater · 2025-07-06T20:18:45+00:00

The history is very relevant here.

Now this distrust of me around other men was an issue at the beginning of our relationship, but I genuinely thought we had moved past this.

What happened then?

Advanced_Bar_673 · 2025-07-07T00:20:00+00:00

Sometimes, people don’t know how they truly feel or how they will react about a situation until they are literally in the thick of it. This has happened to me as well; bf thought he was ok with something and then wasn’t when it actually happened. He could have felt a sudden shift with his comfort by something you or the friend casually said, a touch or glance, or perhaps his imagination is running wild with a worst case scenario. If it were me I’d acknowledge his feelings, ask what boundaries he wants now to ensure his comfort, and follow through with the request in a calm and compassionate fashion. It may be about this friend, it may be about fears of other men, but he is your fiancé so (assuming all other relationship factors are good) I’d submit to his requests because he should be top priority. Afterwards, if he is still displeased or exhibits other behaviour which seems more controlling, it may be time to examine what’s the true underlying issue for him.

SereneDesiree · 2025-07-06T20:13:50+00:00

In an ideal relationship, your fiance would have clearly communicated before this happened.

We can sblame it all on him, but it's probably worth examining whether you're creating a safe enough environment for him to communicate with you

ConTrikster · 2025-07-07T19:18:07+00:00

Mmmmm idk if trying to read the comments to understand why he would be mistrusting of you with other men.

I understand you did not physically cheat on him. However at any point in the relationship were you too friendly with other men? Didn’t know proper boundaries? Too naive ?

I want to be fair to him cause we are only hearing your side and it’s understandable he doesn’t want another man in his house while he’s gone (who’s not family)

Edit: If your finance had such an issue with it, he should have manned up and just told you no in the first place. I get it’s different when it’s actually happening, but he knew he had a discomfort with it and should have firmly stated so. You could apologize like someone said, but you also need to tell him to CLEARY state his boundaries next time up front.

Also apologizing may be fine now, but it’s only cause it’s reasonable to not want another man in his house. But always be on the lookout to be sure behavior doesn’t turn too irrationally controlling beyond this (again this isn’t necessarily controlling but just make sure it doest grow)

Ok_Lychee1258 · 2025-07-10T16:43:22+00:00

Regardless of history, I agree with him. You're letting another man on his territory. To me, that is highly disrespectful. It's not even jealousy, its respect. If my fiance had a female friend stay over at our place, I think I would end the engagement right there no questions asked.

Also, inviting someone into your house is a pretty big decision to be making without your man's enthusiastic agreement. If you're headed into marriage, you have to realize it's not just what you want anymore. It's compromise..

Wife_and_Mama · 2025-07-06T20:14:06+00:00

Your fiance had the chance to share his concerns before this guy stayed over. When he's cooled down, it's okay to point out the communication breakdown if you would have actually listened. It's kind of hard to tell how clear he was from your post. Regardless, wait until cooler heads prevail. It's hard to tell who owes who the apology, but it wouldn't hurt to apologize for making him uncomfortable. Sometimes, it's more important to say you're sorry for hurting the other person than it is to argue your point.

TheFeminineFrame · 2025-07-06T20:39:22+00:00

Could you tell that he felt “iffy” about it before you invited your friend over for the night?

While he should have stated clearly and firmly his expectations, if you could sense that he was uncomfortable then that is a place you can take accountability.

Apologize and next time you have friends in town offer to put them up in a hotel if you have the funds for it.

AutoModerator · 2025-07-06T20:05:31+00:00

Title: I messed up and need advice.

Author The_Gilded_orchid

Full text: An old friend of mine of almost two decades was moving to my city and needed a place to crash last night before his accommodation was ready. My fiance seemed a bit iffy about it, but I know he's a private person and thought it was just that.

This morning he erupted. He didn't sleep, doesn't want to go to work and leave me with him. He stormed out. Now this distrust of me around other men was an issue at the beginning of our relationship, but I genuinely thought we had moved past this. To me it's no big issue having a trusted friend stay over. But to my fiance it is.

How can I fix this?

^{This is the original text of the post and this is an automated service}

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Master0fC0inn · 2025-07-07T11:46:23+00:00

I think what your fiance did was normal. If you didn’t think he’d be 100% comfortable with it and could cause any issues then you should have put your foot down and told the other guy no. It’s already weird in the first place for someone of opposite sex to stay at your house. I’d probably be annoyed if my fiance did this and wasn’t one of my friends that I trusted and knew well.

My fiance would also never do this… tell the other guy to get hotel or something.

prostheticaxxx · 2025-07-06T21:59:08+00:00

So where exactly did you mess up? Sounds like you see no issue with this but you're engaged to a man who has a stereotypical view that men and women can never be left alone together and even you as his fiancé cannot be trusted with this. It's gross and close minded. Don't know why women date men like this. You put all your effort into gaining trust that isn't ever going to be there because your man is sexist.

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Kind_Wolverine_2582 · 2025-08-08T07:07:44+00:00

He feels as though you have a desire to be in contact with other men and constantly pressure him into allowing it, he thinks he can deal with it, and then when it’s happening he can’t and he gets furious. I am exactly like this and it felt like my girl was just waiting until I let my guard down to try and pull a something on me and like she was trying to manipulate me.

Title	I messed up and need advice.
Author	The_Gilded_orchid
Upvotes	1
Comments	47
Date	July 6, 2025 8:05 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1ltamvo/i_messed_up_and_need_advice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/i-messed-up-and-need-advice.1556468 https://theredarchive.com/post/1556468

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