I'm a walking red flag.

Nyquil-Junkie · 2017-04-04T23:06:17+00:00

Unfortunately, you are not unique, your story is not special, unusual or shocking. There are a great many people just like yourself. As you observe, the internet has played a great role in that in modern times.

Your first step is to go outside and breath. Take a walk. Observe the world around you. Understand you are by no means or by any stretch of the imagination alone in your situation.

You have a very long life ahead of you. There is no rush. Take tiny baby steps and become one with the world. You'll get there.

mrpthrowa · 2017-04-04T23:06:28+00:00

Hmm from what you say here honestly you dont sound like a real crazy girl. I was expecting drugs and an n count if 100+ and justice warrior feminism and all that.

You sound more like a rough diamond in need of some polishing to get turned into a real gem. Work on yourself.

teaandtalk · 2017-04-04T22:59:17+00:00

Being able to identify your weaknesses is the first step to being able to change them. Why not make a couple of small goals (maximum of 3, I'd recommend) to improve yourself? For example:

Learn a skill. Crochet, French, Baking, something you like the idea of and have never tried. Youtube is your friend.
Learn to apply makeup. Again, ask YouTube for help - learn a simple natural daytime look!
Join a group. Bird watching, sport, Magic the Gathering, whatever, it literally doesn't matter.

You can improve yourself, it just takes effort. If you have trouble keeping track of goals, I recommend bullet journalling! Looking forward to hearing how you go.

Edit: looking through your post history, it sounds like you might have depression. If you're able to see a doctor, that might be a good next step.

indivisibleremainder · 2017-04-05T06:31:18+00:00

the biggest red flag here is your attitude. everything you say is true, but you are now old enough and wise enough to write this post, it's time for you to take responsibility for your circumstances. not trying to be harsh, just straightforward.

as you can see in the other comments, you are not alone in your experience. you just feel alone because you are literally by yourself all the time. get out of your head, go outside. the more time you spend alone and especially in video games, the more your negative thoughts will just cycle through your mind.

i recommend you start by getting your diet & exercise under control. it makes the biggest difference for your emotional well being, and you will gain the self confidence and discipline required to tackle life's hurdles.

the-capitan · 2017-04-05T00:19:12+00:00

at least your n-count is zero, right?

lindseybeth14 · 2017-04-04T23:50:16+00:00

The most important years of your life are right now. The fact that you're 23 and realizing how precious your time is puts you ahead of many people your age. My advice is to get a good therapist to work with and begin living your life the way you want to. Through therapy you can rid yourself of the limitations of your past. All we have is now.

randomflowers11011 · 2017-04-05T02:03:14+00:00

23?! That is incredibly young! If you were 40 and this was the case I would worry. Not 23.

Your whole life is ahead of you. Take an evening class. Join a book club. Breathe. You're going to be just fine.

yerhwat · 2017-04-05T01:21:27+00:00

I went through every single thing you mentioned here. I almost thought I posted this - that's how similar everything is. I'm even around the same age as you.

I hit rock bottom and realized this needs to change and I'm not going to sit around and feel sorry for myself anymore. I still have a long way to go but I've watched my confidence grow and it makes me excited for my future.

You'll get there. There's a first step for everyone. This may be yours.

yakuzaou · 2017-04-05T01:29:59+00:00

In a way, I thought I was reading my own story. I was also lonely as a child, only playing video games, never going outside. When I discovered online friends, I completely bought in to it. MMO's were my only source of social interaction (although it never escalated to cybersex, luckily.) and just like you, I was overweight for a good portion of my life.

That being said, no one wants to have relationships/friendships with someone that hates themselves. You need to work on yourself instead of seeking validation through online interactions (which is what you do in those chat rooms.) Find hobbies outside of gaming and the internet, eat better, learn a thing or two about dress and make-up. I promise you that once you find things to love about yourself your opportunities for social interaction will rise exponentially. I wondered too for so long why people seemed to hate me, and it took a long time to realize that it was because it was very obvious that I hated myself.

There's no room for complacency just because you enjoy inside activities. If you just enjoy these nerd activities find LAN parties in your area or go to conventions. Find work in industries you already dedicate a lot of your free-time to.

Tldr; from one shut-in nerd to another, you best strive to be the best shut-in nerd you can be

imanewwoman · 2017-04-05T01:03:28+00:00

Being social is a skill as any other. You can learn.

I had this friend of mine who wasn't very social with people he didn't know, especially girls, and I asked him to practice fake conversations with me, but it kinda helped him to at least remember what kind of things he might say to start a small talk. Pm if you want to try this 😹.

Also, your problem is thinking you are shit. You need awareness of your thoughts: if they are mostly negative you will feel like shit. If they are positive, or at least neutral, they will lead you to feeling better and thats the foundatiins for keeping motivation and discipline in order to develop your personality.

bowie747 · 2017-04-05T04:35:32+00:00

Being shy, socially awkward and unskilled aren't really red flags for women IMO. Plenty of (most?) men find shy women very cute and endearing. Plenty of men love gaming and quirky internet activities.

Being overweight and ugly aren't good but you can largely change those things with diet, exercise, nice clothes and makeup.

I've heard far worse, in fact I'd say your situation isn't even that bad.

neverheardofthat · 2017-04-05T01:58:43+00:00

Hey its okay! Something that has really hit home for me lately is just how great the effects of caring about what other people think are on your daily life and your attitude towards yourself. You are labeling yourself as a red flag a lot in this post. Yes that is what people call some of those things about you but MAKE SURE you don't let those labels get into your head so you start believing them and living them out even more.

Analyse yourself and your situation calmly and objectively. Identify what you need to change, implement a plan to change and execute that plan. See your life as your own adventure, which is exactly what it is.

You are overweight - create a plan to eat less and eat healthy. Go walking every day to start. Start small and DON'T get caught up in worrying about your progress so much that you freeze up and stop progressing. Start dolling yourself up a little each day or even each week, recognise the beauty you have.

You know what a plus of your situation is? You haven't had the chance to go out and be a slut like other girls have, what I would give to have a 0 notch count again holy moly.

You are fine, there is always someone worse than you but make sure you make the effort to change!

aceofkate · 2017-04-05T01:30:19+00:00

Troll

pewpsprinkler · 2017-04-05T16:10:27+00:00

my life was probably nothing like anyones life.

Of course it was. You thinking youre such a snowflake makes you into a huge cliche.

my childhood was a tragedy. i was a loner and i still am. i spent my time playing video games and building imaginary friends in my head. my life was pretty much in my head and my toys were my friends. I never went to camp and i don't remember one good story from my childhood.

You realize you're describing most of Reddit, right? You think Reddit is where the cool kids live? LOL

Now from 12-19 I discovered the internet. I was awkward (I still am) and only had a few friends (none were close friends) i literally spent those years of my life in front of a screen.

Still Reddit

i discovered porn and sex chatrooms and all those stuff that consumes your time and gives you no benefits in return.

It gives plenty of benefits, you just sound burned out.

because I'm 23 now and those things fucked me up. I spent the most important years of my life doing NOTHING. I don't have any hobbies, any good stories, I'm awkward and I have no social skills or any friends. I can't even get a nice job because of how shitty I am. I literally have no skills. I told you I was a red flag.

You sound like you'd be great in bed, and I'd probably end up dating you if you took care of your looks. Lots of introvert type guys love introverted sexual girls, and they can make for some pretty awesome girlfriends. You being such a "freak" only makes you unconventional and interesting. I'd much rather date a girl who spent her life jacking off to porn (which is something you have in common with pretty much all guys) versus some girl who did the typical girly things, which I can't relate to at all.

Throw in "I play video games" and you are pretty much the typical male redditor's wet dream.

I'm also overweight and ugly.

That is 100% of your problem. You need to lose weight and get yourself cleaned up enough to look decently attractive. If your face is not classically beautiful, that doesn't matter at all. Tons of guys love girls with hot bodies and meh faces.

Canadijon · 2017-04-04T23:48:20+00:00

It's too bad about the hobbies but like others have said start improving yourself now.

I'd recommend downloading myfitnesspal and monitoring what you eat to get into shape. Eating healthier, learning how to present yourself well will be a good start. This may feel like a slow process and it's easy to get discouraged/forget if you are aiming for a specific goal. Try to focus on the process of achieving your goals.

Is there anything you see that you find interesting? A sport, hobbies that you get a bit envious of? A lot of sports for example offer beginner courses.

Remember that all you have to do is start. I mean that literally. Don't want to go for a jog (not many people do) but once you start you get the motivation to continue. This applies for anything you want to achieve.

Why can't you hold a job? Are you a poor worker, lazy, lack social skills?

Banincoming · 2017-04-05T13:04:35+00:00

But you aren't a single mother, so you don't have the biggest red flag of all.

Rivkariver · 2017-04-07T00:35:08+00:00

Don't worry about your childhood. Yes it's alienating to hear people talk lightheartedly about childhood, but there are men who are adults and will love and accept you, they don't think you're a red flag because of a tragic childhood. And as long as your behavior is good now they will say what's past is past, why would it change my love. And you don't have to be the most interesting woman in the world to be loved, either. I'm not making this stuff up, I've lived it and seen other women live it.

mindplaybyneo · 2017-04-07T03:20:38+00:00

I know how you feel, I am a walking mask. I look different from the inside. My only advice is be kind to yourself. Nothing wrong with your experience. I grew up from a poor family, even third world country. You are a great person. You are not a cheap girl that guys just fuck and chuck for a night. You are not just someones shallows experience or number.

merlinsmoon · 2017-04-07T16:30:55+00:00

you're 23. it may not seem like it to you rn but you're hella young, despite the bullshit the red pill pedals. your 33 year old self will be so upset if you don't start taking control of your life now. you'll be like "oh my god, I was so young, why did I think I was so old? Why did I waste all that time? Throw it away?"

Some tips:

start working out half an hour a day, at least four days a week - but it seems like you have a lot of free time, so shoot for more. this can even help improve your mood and thinking! you'll feel more accomplished and energized.
put together a resume and keep editing it, there is so much helpful information on the internet - I'm sure you know this. Take advantage of it.
seriously list out the skills you DO have. you say you spend a lot of time on the internet. fast typer? know how to code? put together websites? what other stuff do you search online besides porn? fashion, makeup, skincare, video games, etc etc
any interests? start thinking about certificates you can get. be proactive.
i don't know if you're anxious or depressed but if you are, try to get a grasp on that. check out moodgym. it seems like you suffer from negative thoughts and could benefit from some CBT.
you'd be shocked at how many changes you can make in a year and how much different your life can be after some work and a little time. worry about relationships then, worry about yourself now.

just trying to offer some tips and be helpful. shoot me a message if you want to talk. x

SouthernAthena · 2017-04-07T17:05:02+00:00

As other users have said, your situation is all too common. If you read a lot of stories on TRP (I'm not necessarily recommending this. I just do), you'll find dozens of stories like yours.

What I see in your post is a blank slate. You have the power to change EVERYTHING in your life that you have mentioned for the better. You haven't developed yourself at all, so the only other thing to do is build.

People may not want to date you now, but you certainly don't have a lot of the red flags people get by "participating" in life, like drug abuse, partying and drinking too much, sleeping with 100 men, criminal behavior. Not everyone who is active in their life is doing positive things.

For a long time I felt uninteresting and like I had no hobbies. Now I've written a book, have a blog, a college degree and more to come, great cooking skills, the ability to socialize with most people, and I have begun to.learn to play the cello. But none of this happened over night. This is the cumulative effect of years of taking baby steps.

You need to make some changes, but you also need to start small, because it's not going to feel right at first. Go outside at least once a day. Try to find a beautiful place for a walk.

Get around people, somehow. Were you ever part of a church? Reconnect and go to events, volunteer with other people and make yourself talk to them, no matter how awkward it is. Show up consistently for at least a couple of months so you actually get the chance to feel comfortable around that group of people. Take an art class, join a casual sports team, take a cooking class or a college course at a community college. Find a community center that has activities. Anything with a time commitment outside of yourself that gets you out of the house, introduces you to new things, and puts you around people.

Do all of this (one thing a day maybe) even if you don't want to. Even if it seems incredibly boring and awkward and you dread it. You have to remember that you have spend years living on the constant dopamine fix of porn and food, and truly gratifying activities for the most part do give you an instant high. You are literally rewiring your brain to get used to a different reward system, so don't be discouraged if you don't enjoy these activities at first.

At this point you may also have a food addiction. You need to lose weight. Getting outside to walk will help, but you will need to change your eating habits to make a real change. I'd first recommend keeping a food diary of every single bite you take so you can actually see what you're ingesting, because often we forget or underestimate how much we are taking in. From then you need to work on reducing snacks, eating better, etc. You can find tons of advice on healthy weight loss out there. Don't buy anything that promises quick results. They are unhealthy and the results won't last.

Best of luck OP. Remember, you are a blank slate, not a lost cause.

cynicalhousewife · 2017-04-05T12:26:25+00:00

Find a man with similar smv or improve. It's that simple. Loads of people have baggage. A man with a bit of baggage isn't likely going to turn a woman down for the same thing.

Foxrhapsody · 2017-04-06T12:59:29+00:00

I'm a lot like you. I spent my free time on a computer from age 8 to graduation and never had any friends lol.

Once I got to college a lot changed though. I met people in anime club and the cafeteria. This helped to develop my social skills but I admit they're still lacking.

College is good because you're forced to do projects with others or you fail. Sometimes you just have to force yourself to talk and the more you do, the better it gets.

I recommend going out in public. Even if you bring a laptop, try to make yourself look open to conversation. If someone talks to you, try to charm them into giving you their number. I find it much easier to open up to people over text and then talking to them in person is easier. This is how I've made all my friends. Pretty sad but it's worked lol.

CleburnCO · 2017-04-05T03:08:17+00:00

Books on things you are not good at...how to be what you want to be.

You are not alone. Even in social organizations like Fraternities and Sororities, they have to have full on classes to teach behavior, etiquette, how to dress, how to converse, and similar.

If that's your only problem, you can solve it via learning and practice. Read...and practice.

TheThingsIThink · 2017-04-05T06:36:50+00:00

stop beating yourself up with terrible definitions. Define yourself as some one thats learned, thats about to hit their stride. "Right thinking begins with the words we say to ourselves"

https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/As_a_Man_Thinketh

SouthernAthena · 2017-04-07T20:08:17+00:00

Almost as a stroke of fate, today leaving work, I happened upon a radio show where the host was interviewing Matt Fradd, author of The Porn Myth. He was talking about the damaging effects of porn and said that even moderate users show MRI scan results of an addict with atrophied frontal lobes. He also is a good friend of the guy who runs r/NoFap. I mentioned in my other comment that you are probably a food addict. You are probably a porn addict too. My biggest take away from the interview, which I hope you really take to heart, is that he said it take 20 months for the frontal lobes of the brain to return to normal size with complete abstinence from porn. I'd definitely recommend quitting this habit entirely as it seems to be taking up a large part of your life.

wonderlandgirl111 · 2017-04-09T19:05:26+00:00

NEVER talk about your childhood then (I'm in the same boat, its not unique) and only talk about your fun current life. You are an adult now so you can create a new, fun, exciting life with cool interests. That alone is enough. The past is the past and if it wasn't great then there's no point in remembering or talking about it.

Title	I'm a walking red flag.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	17
Comments	50
Date	April 4, 2017 10:16 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/63hguq/im_a_walking_red_flag/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/im-a-walking-red-flag.167225 https://theredarchive.com/post/167225

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