Just a thought...

HULKx · 2015-03-31T20:48:01+00:00

everyones situation is different. as long as you and your S/O are happy is all that matters.

Lizzipoos · 2015-04-01T00:16:57+00:00

You didn't get your degrees for society, you got them for you. You have no duty to anyone but yourself. A stay at home mom does not leach off of society. They take care of the kids and the house, they raise the doctors and nurses and lorrydrivers of the future.

I also don't see how it is selfish of someone to stay home and raise the kids... but that might just be me.

It's clear that your SO would prefer it if you worked, so if that's not what you want and you think it would make you unhappy, you will probably talk about this again in the future.

anahelena · 2015-04-01T00:04:49+00:00

Do you have any student loans and if so would you be able to pay them without working? If so, then in all fairness to him, he has more than a passing say so in your plans since he will be taking on that debt in a marriage. Best wishes.

Camille11325 · 2015-03-31T21:09:34+00:00

So, do you feel that a women with multiple college degrees has more of an obligation to work rather than stay home?

Absolutely not. No one else is entitled to your talents or intelligence, especially companies. Most people have been conditioned to believe that working is a necessity and a duty when it's really not. In the vast majority of jobs, employees are replaceable, undervalued, and paid less than they should be while the people higher up the ladder profit. Most people with jobs are not "impacting society" in the way they like to believe.

Your priorities should be for those in your family and immediate circle not strangers. It isn't selfish to to invest your time and energy into your home. You get to create the best environment possible and directly benefit the people you love. If you want to stay at home then you should, and you shouldn't worry about how it appears to others.

Kittenkajira · 2015-03-31T21:05:05+00:00

One one hand, you may have a duty to impact society, as he said. On the other hand, you could use your multiple college degrees to educate your children at home. I think it depends on what's going to make you and your SO happy.

I was really good at my job, but I was unhappy doing it. I stayed in that career mainly because I felt that I had a duty to do what I was good at. When an opportunity to start a home-based business came up, he encouraged me to leave my career since I was unhappy in it. He's happy now because he doesn't have to compete with my job for my time. He likes coming home to me everyday, where I was previously working most evenings.

So no, I don't think being good at your job or having college degrees means you have an obligation to work.

_wingnut_ · 2015-03-31T21:13:12+00:00

What "duty to society"? Obligation to whom?

proprioceptor · 2015-03-31T22:41:30+00:00

I think it's something both of you need to agree on, but I think that it might be worth looking into things you can do with your degrees from home or part time. That might be a way to give you both what you want. My SO and I recently had a discussion about what it would look like when we have kids. I worry about being out of the workforce, but we both want me to be home with our kids. Thankfully, I think I've found a way to make it work, but it has taken some planning.

TheTerrorSquad · 2015-03-31T21:36:33+00:00

Is your SO a SJW?

meri-dian · 2015-04-01T00:43:12+00:00

The RP answer to this is: do what your husband wishes. :)

HappySnowGirl · 2015-03-31T22:12:36+00:00

The biggest impact you're likely to have on society is raising good citizens (your kids) by providing a safe and stable home.

CulturalMythos · 2015-03-31T21:09:22+00:00

No, i don't feel there is an obligation to work or to stay at home. It's whatever works for you and your SO and makes you both happy. If it were me, there may be a little guilt involved with getting a bunch of degrees and not using them, but I would get over it eventually. Finding happiness is more important imo.

mrp3anut · 2015-04-01T18:36:40+00:00

The issue here is that you and your SO have bought into the idea that working for a W-2 equals having an impact on society.

I have no idea what your degrees are in but let's assume you have an MD PhD.

You could go get a job at a hospital and earn a very nice paycheck, but to what degree are you helping people? You are saving peoples lives or at least improving their quality of life as long as they have the money to not only pay you for your time but also ensure that the hospital turns a healthy profit. You also have to live up to your bosses demands on your time, waste your time on corporate training nonsense about EOE and such, plan vacations around when both you and your SO have leave, and you miss out on your children's formative years.

Compare that lifestyle with being a SAHM that volunteers her time at a free clinic. Now the people you help are ones that otherwise would have either done without, gone into debt for their health, or received tax money. Not only are you having an impact on these peoples lives at the individual level you are helping society as a whole by reducing the need for tax dollar funded health care, and helping the people that fall through the cracks in the gov system. On top of having a more meaningful impact on your community you are able to balance work and your personal life based on your terms rather than your boss's. This means you get to be there for your children in the infant stages, go to every extracurricular activity, be active in the PTA, and spend more time with your SO.

This dynamic works with pretty much any degree and is overall a better choice if you have the choice, but people today are so fixated on the idea that a paycheck is how you measure your societal impact that very few take advantage of it.

ErikaGD · 2015-03-31T21:27:16+00:00

What do you want?

TheLadyPainter · 2015-03-31T21:37:57+00:00

My thought is that every situation is different. You two need to discuss your thoughts, desires, and obligations. He's said he wants you to work. You can either follow his lead, or not.

Maybe there's a happy medium. You could stay home and raise the kids for the early years when they need constant attention, then resume your career once they're in school. Easier said than done, but not impossible.

This doesn't really apply to me, as I've based my college career on the idea of working from home for long periods of time. In-home studios ftw! But good question, I'm curious what everyone thinks. :)

pcadrian · 2015-03-31T22:48:00+00:00

I think raising kids yourself instead of hiring some nanny to do it for you (or even worse, daycare) is far better than using your degrees. You can always go back and reach your full potential career-wise once your kids are old enough to be in school, but you can't undo their upbringing in those crucial first few years.

Multiemotionallogic · 2015-04-01T06:32:53+00:00

I can offer personal experience... After working for 5 years full time, I met my husband. He makes a good living and requested I quit work altogether, I felt I had to contribute to society (whatever society may be in his context, who knows) and he disagreed. His opinion was by me helping him, I was helping him succeed and the company he's working for succeed. Also he earned sognificantly more than I did so it just made sense.

I now agree that you have no obligation to satisfy society. Personally, I care about my happiness and the happiness of my husband. If he wanted me to work now though, I'd probably ask him many times not to encourage me to work becuase I'm happiest at home.

You can do whatever makes you happy and should not be obligated to help society as society is a vague concept anyways.

Aine_of_knockaine · 2015-03-31T22:55:59+00:00

Every situation is different. I think it's all about figuring out what would make you and your partner happy. I think it's a decision you all need to discuss and that you need to make together. He may feel this way, because he doesn't want you to feel like you've wasted your life or financially he doesn't see it as being possible in the long run for monetary reasons.

toriar · 2015-04-01T02:31:57+00:00

I didn't feel an obligation to continue working or to stay home. In my specific situation, I was maxed out in the job I was at and didn't make all that much. It wasn't enough incentive to continue working and having someone else (nanny, daycare) raise my child.

My husband and I both saw more of a benefit for me to stay home. With the costs of daycare these days, and the cost of living in my neighbourhood (Vancouver, BC), we're actually making more money with me NOT working.

Bortasz · 2015-04-01T07:33:31+00:00

This maybe his diplomatic way to say, that he do not want to be the only person responsible for you financial security.

DigitalCricket · 2015-04-01T15:24:04+00:00

Okay, so fair warning, I am childfree, so I'm leaving the children aspect out of my perspective.

I went to college late, in my mid-20's. I didn't finish my bachelor's until right before I turned 30, and now I'm 34 and working on my MBA. For me, and this is highly personal, if my SO said he thought I would be better as a stay at home wife, I would feel that I wasn't doing what I felt I should be doing. I really would feel like I had a duty to impact society. For me, the degrees I've earned and the one I am earning is a "hall pass", a piece of paper that allows entry to the kinds of jobs that I want, so that I can lead the way I want to lead. I'm not incurring a lot of debt, but it would be foolish for me to be going to school if I wasn't planning on reaching for a job with an executive-level salary. I wouldn't still be going to school if I intended to stay in middle management. I, personally, would feel like I've wasted my skills if I were a stay at home wife.

This, for me, is fulfilling. Furthermore, my SO supports it 100% and since we aren't having children, we've agreed to focus on one another and our careers. It's tough, right now, because I work hard, housekeep hard, and study hard. But when all is said and done, I'll be able to outsource the housekeeping and my SO and I can do the fun things together that our hard work has brought us.

Bottom line? It's totally subjective. Your SO expressed his opinion, not a fact. Will it make you feel like you're wasting your education to stay home and raise children? Can you make it work and still be the kind of partner to him that you and he both deserve? The option that will fulfill both parties is the one that's best for your relationship.

FleetingWish · 2015-03-31T22:03:03+00:00

You don't have a duty to impact society. If you died tomorrow no one will say "It's too bad she didn't live long enough to do anything useful with her life. She didn't fulfill her duty to society, so she was really just a waste of money". That being said, raising a child does impact society, for the better or worse, depending on how you raise it.

thatchick2010 · 2015-03-31T22:32:07+00:00

I love reading all you ladies' ideas on the subject! Thank you for taking the time to add your ideas. 😊

thelotusknyte · 2015-04-01T02:11:24+00:00

There's no obligation. It's a matter of what your goals are. If you want to pursue them an he doesn't, then what do you do?

yourdaybreaks · 2015-04-01T06:01:03+00:00

I feel that it is pretty selfish to put work before your kids. It's more important to raise outstanding citizens, a job can wait. You can go back once they start school.

marlybarrow · 2015-04-01T20:24:19+00:00

How much debt do you have?

a-sunangel · 2015-04-02T20:37:25+00:00

Children raised by their incredibly intelligent mother IS an impact on society. The world can wait a few years until they are ready to start their education. Nothing replaces the security, and self worth instilled in a child with a parent who is the driving, present force in their life :)

taylorgrande · 2015-04-06T00:06:12+00:00

my best friend has her master's in education. she's a stay at home mom and she's an amazing educator to her son.

Nodeal_reddit · 2015-03-31T22:03:59+00:00

Unless you plan to cure cancer or something, I think that you'll have a much more substantive impact on society by putting your energy toward raising your children.

TempestTcup · 2015-03-31T21:10:46+00:00

What RPW think of work obligations has absolutely nothing to do with your relationship. He obviously wants you to work, so make your decision based on that.

Poobaby · 2015-04-01T01:23:45+00:00

If you plan on having more than one kid, homeschooling and giving them unfettered access to your education and skills would multiply the effect you can have on society.

Title	Just a thought...
Author	thatchick2010
Upvotes	13
Comments	50
Date	March 31, 2015 8:43 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/30ywpk/just_a_thought/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/just-a-thought.85291 https://theredarchive.com/post/85291

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