Prenups

widdley · 2018-07-02T15:55:25+00:00

I'm all for it. If I ever get married both of us will be getting pre nups. It just makes sense to protect any heirlooms or assests you may have in the event of a divorce.

HelloImRIGHT · 2018-07-02T15:37:45+00:00

As a man, I'd sign one.

People protecting their assets isn't that crazy of a thing. Some people act like it's out of ill will. Nah, I completely understand. I have no desire to lose my life's work if someone decides they don't want to be with me any longer.

EDIT: Just to throw an update in here. If you don't wanna sign a prenup because you want to live off someone else - but you're passing it off as some kind of "relationship no no" because your girlfriends told you it was then you're a poor excuse of a woman. Self reliance and self sustainability are important. Not just for your financial well being but your overall well being.

puffpuffpastries · 2018-07-02T15:44:26+00:00

I think it’s the manner/spirit in which it’s done. If the guy is so paranoid that he’s militant and constantly beating his chest. I’d assume he doesn’t plan on staying married to me and is just protecting himself for that day.

Because of that, I’d never marry a man without a plan to stay with him for the rest of my days. But, I’m also a realist and I have no control over him.

Because of that I have to weigh our goals, what his expectations of me are and then proceed accordingly.

Paupi121 · 2018-07-02T17:14:22+00:00

I think a prenup is a sensible thing to get, you never know what can happen down the road and it's always best to protect what you have, especially if you already have significant assets beforehand.

I have always seen marrige as a one time thing, if I marry it's because I know I want to spend the rest of my life with someone and I plan on fighting for that relationship.

I also see it as a way of talking about what would happen in the case of divorce, I think it should be one of the topics talked about before marrying someone, because just as I would rather never have a divorce some people are ok with it, it's also a great time to set things up so that both parties are happy with the outcome of any shared assets (like a house, or business...) because people can sometimes see red when dealing with the divorce settlements and try to mess the other persons life.

On a side note, if my partner wouldn't want to get a prenup, I would not see it as a dealbreaker but I would still like to have a conversation about any possible outcome as I feel that's important.

lvioletsnow · 2018-07-02T15:43:20+00:00

I'm not sure what the majority opinion here is, but as someone with significant assets I wouldn't mind. In fact, I may just request one myself should I ever become engaged. On the off-chance things go horribly south I'd rather not be stuck paying (a rather large) amount of palimony. I'd just want it to be over and move on.

That said, actual execution would depend on my partner's wishes and whether or not either one of us considers it a dealbreaker or not.

girlwithabike · 2018-07-02T17:36:21+00:00

As far as I'm aware, prenups only apply to the money brought into a marriage. Anything earned after the couple is wed is marital assets and subject to a split during a divorce. Someone can correct me if I'm wrong.

Given that, I'd have not problems with a prenup whether or not I work or SAH. However, when we got married we had a lot more debt than assets so there was no reason to sign one. I'm sure my husband would have been happy to give me half his student loans in a divorce :-P

As far as it being a positive or a negative - that depends on the man and on how it came up. I'd think that willingness to sign may be part of his vetting you. As long as it's not punitive in any way, I'd be inclined to give him the peace of mind of the prenup.

Ok_Philosopher · 2018-07-03T01:44:24+00:00

With prenups, the important thing to remember is to cover yourself for when you're 55 and without a resume because you've been a SAHM. I was never afraid of divorce within the first 5 years of marriage because I was still marketable to employers and other men. But 25 years later... that's where the real risks come in. That's where you need to be cautious. This is something that needs to be considered carefully, and this is why alimony is a real thing.

If you give your life and your career to this marriage, that deserves to be compensated. Never feel bad about that, and never believe that you're "mooching off of a man for the rest of your life." No. You will have sacrificed for the family and if that marriage were to go away, that deserves just compensation. What that is, is the purpose of a prenup.

As for the assets, anything he owned before the marriage can't be tapped. This includes rent from said assets (say, he owns an apartment building: you'd get nothing from those). In fact, any assets acquired using pre-existing assets are often shielded too (so, if he sells the apartment building and buys an office building instead: you'd get nothing from those). If he's salaried, you'd get money from that, and part of assets acquired from that money. This is sloppy advice not to be construed as legal, but that's the gist. So, if the guy is set to inherit a lot or already is an inheritor, then the prenup needs to be drafted around those circumstances.

Your guy should also be smarter about the timing of this prenup. With your wedding in three months, there could be a case made that he's forcing you to sign one you go through with the wedding, which could nullify it down the road. There are a few conditions in which a judge throws them out when contested and I believe timing is one of them. You also need to be sure you have your own attorney review this. Honestly, I'd suggest this anyway.

What to include depends on the existing assets. If he's wealthy, you can definitely be more aggressive. If he has high earning potential but doesn't make much now, your prenup needs to be more forward-thinking.

Things you may want included:

*The prenup getting renegotiated every 5-7 years. Life circumstances may change.

*The prenup expiring when kids come along, with the ability to sign a new draft when they do.

*"Earning" a salary for being SAHM payable upon the divorce (again, if wealthy).

*Transferring assets to only your name now or t various milestones, knowing that in divorce, you've already been paid off.

Prenups can be highly creative. If you're to sign one, then you really, really should get an attorney. Don't feel like you have to sign one immediately as a way of showing your loyalty to him. Say something like, "I understand you're having me sign one because you understand marriage can be like a business. Permit me, then, to enable my own interests to be represented in this matter."

I can't tell you what to include in your prenup, but a good lawyer can. S/he will understand your specific circumstances and draft one around that. They will know what's fair and realistic. Definitely use one before signing anything (if only because I believe another circumstance for voiding a prenup is not having counsel).

girlwithabike · 2018-07-03T16:16:25+00:00

You are right. We can find agreement on most of these points. I have never been a proponent of across the board alimony and I'm not against prenups.

But quite a few of the men, who I typically respect, came into this thread talking about how women are terrible these days and don't bring enough value (unless it comes in the form of $) to a relationship.

The idea of RPW is that we are try to NOT be most women.

What you just wrote above is a great outline of the problems to consider on the dissolution of a marriage. Certainly worthy points to think about when discussing a prenup with ones fiance. What you said originally was that women who don't consider prenups are selfish.

That's fine language for TRP but it's exhausting on RPW. If I'm on any side it's closer to Team Man because of the damage I see done to modern men and I am still exhausted by these attitudes.

My plea to all of you is to help us not snipe at us and try to beat us down. We won't listen, we will flee or we will go back to feminism's welcoming arms.

ContemporaryBelle · 2018-07-04T10:58:57+00:00

Thanks for all of the input. We had a talk last night and decided there are reasons a prenup could protect both of us. We are going to start the ball rolling on drafting an agreement that benefits both of us while providing incentive to not prematurely end the marriage. Obviously, lawyers will need to be involved to make it something that is binding. Timing might be an issue in terms of it being close to the wedding but if drafting the document is a joint endeavor initiated together it would be hard to argue it was signed under duress since someone isn't just being presented with a prenup and an ultimatum before a wedding that can't be postponed without major social and financial blow back. All of your responses have given me a lot to think about. I think in our situation a prenup may be able to give both of us an added sense of security in the marriage.

loneliness-inc · 2018-07-03T00:29:58+00:00

Considering how absolutely unfair modern marriage, divorce and child custody and support laws are to men - it's utterly selfish for a woman not to agree to one.

There's an ancient piece of wisdom that says - if you lend money without a contract, you're placing a stumbling block before the blind. Because even an honest person will be tempted to deny borrowing the money without a document to prove it.

Likewise, he may trust you not to take him to the cleaners, but that doesn't mean he ought to place that possibility straight into your hands. That's giving you a lot of unearned and undeserved power in the event things turn sour. Based on the current marriage statistics, there's a high chance it will go sour.

Truth is, there's nothing in modern marriage for the modern man. The few benefits that remain, don't come even close to outweigh the risks for the modern man. If he's willing to take this risk for you, be gracious and offer to him to sign a prenup!

RdBull · 2018-07-02T15:56:15+00:00

Since divorce rape is a thing nowadays, I wouldn't get married without a prenup, I think it's reasonable, but as always, it depends on the couple and goals they have together. -If my partner has waay less assets than me, then prenup must be done.

A connotation about this, if that partner who has way less assets, propose the prenup by herself, that would make me x10 more convinced to marry that person.

But that's me, and I'm a high income self-made guy. And I wouldn't risk my life time work for anyone, not even for an angel who falls from the sky in front of my eyesight. Jajaja

-Guess the correct answer is "it depends".

aussiedollface · 2018-07-02T22:16:35+00:00

Hubby and I have similar earning potential and not any large individual assets so it doesn’t really pertain to us. I think prenups are good when one person has substantial assets or wealth and the other does not. A wealthy man would be a fool to marry without a prenup, and you don’t want to marry no fool! Hehe xo

stacysmom40 · 2018-07-02T23:51:30+00:00

I signed a prenup. We both have kids from previous marriages. It just made sense.

That being said, he waited WAY too long before the prenup was presented and agreed upon. I could easily challenge it based on the fact that I signed “under duress” (basically if the prenup happened after the wedding invites went out).

I don’t anticipate that being an issue.

Also, ours has a sunset clause after 10 years.

WonderfulandValuable · 2018-07-03T09:53:41+00:00

My DH and I decided to go the route of his faith and have a betrothal including a hand fasting for a year and a day. Now we are waiting for the Standesamt to have an open slot so we can get married officially. We anticipate early or late August depending on when I give birth. There will be no prenup as I will stay at home with he children at least until they are three, with the current situation in Germany most likely until they are in school. If he had any inherited things he would want to protect I would consent to sign a very specific one.

Girl949 · 2018-07-03T18:15:05+00:00

I am a woman and my dad (who is extremely financially savvy) has told me that I should create a prenup for any man who wants to marry me to sign. At first I thought it seemed cold, but with the way divorce rates are it makes sense. Always be prepared for a worst case scenario. I come from a an upper middle class background and my dad doesn’t want any family inheritance going to anyone else aside from me and any potential future children that I have. I think it would be a very wise decision to sign a prenup. In my case I will make sure that none of my inheritance is touched and specific assets like my Benz. Also I read the book Nice Girls Don’t Get Rich and I’ve been convinced.

dumakeyfrance · 2018-07-03T23:38:40+00:00

in today's climate of discrimmination against men I would find it necessary for me to have one

but that doesn't mean i would leave her with nothing, i would include in the prenup that she was entitled to say 50k after 10 years or something like that

briarrose268 · 2018-07-02T17:13:24+00:00

I would never sign one. The money that one makes within a marriage belongs to the couple as a unit. If it is a true partnership then both partners would have had put in the effort to make it.

A prenup is especially inappropriate if the wife or husband gives up their career/earning potential to manage the home and take care of the children.

If you’re not all in then you have one foot out of the door already.

leilavanora · 2018-07-02T23:24:58+00:00

I would never sign one either but luckily it never came up during our marriage, not sure if my husband was ever secretly considering one since he makes 10x my income but I doubt it. He also has significant assets. As soon as we got married we opened a joint account where he put 50k in for us.

For as much as prenups are talked about, I actually don’t know anyone who has one and I live in a high income area. Curious how common they really are.

Title	Prenups
Author	ContemporaryBelle
Upvotes	15
Comments	59
Date	July 2, 2018 2:59 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/8vja93/prenups/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/prenups.67427 https://theredarchive.com/post/67427

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