Sleeping in different beds.

Count_Dyscalculia · 2015-04-25T11:49:54+00:00

Please don't over analyze this. I worked weird hours and slept in the guest bedroom so I wouldn't wake my wife up and when she was pregnant she slept downstairs in the office on the pullout couch (inflatable mattress) so she could be close to the bathroom. It's just a temporary arrangement to meet the needs of both parties. It won't destroy your relationship.
Husbands and Wives used to sleep in separate beds/bedrooms as a normal practice due to personal habits. Remember, you both slept alone for a long time prior to getting together. Strange sleep habits can interfere with your partner if they are a light sleeper; snoring, farting, tossing and turning, mumble-speaking (ahhmmmfffssshhooogguhl, I don't like clown spit grandma, eeerrrfffffgggaaahhh........PPFFFRRRRRTTTT!, snoring returns)
Get a Sleepnumber bed. KING SIZE!!!!! My wife and I love it. I get my soft rock setting and she gets her cushy comfy couch setting. Best sleep we've both had in years. If either of us flips and flops the other won't notice.

Note: This does not apply to 14lb cats who like sleeping on your left side....then right....then left....jumping over your head each time instead of walking around.

OkieState · 2015-04-25T12:44:13+00:00

We have slept in separate beds for over a decade. Married 31 years. She's still sexy as hell. But I am a light sleeper and she snores like a damn freight train.

We still have sex 2-3 times a week. Especially since neither of us are exhausted from a lack of sleep. But we are very committed to the sex and make it a priority.

Go the extra mile to meet each other 's needs and you will be fine.

muliebritee · 2015-04-25T20:56:27+00:00

My grandparents have always had separate beds and are going strong in their 90's.

Reading the other replies, it doesn't look like it hurts, as long as everything else in the relationship is healthy.

IWantToKnowAboutRPW · 2015-04-25T14:18:43+00:00

I'm relieved to hear that there are other, functional couples sleeping in separate beds. My husband has joint issues, so he prefers the bed in our guest room. I also snore a lot. But that doesn't mean we don't have intimacy in our relationship.

People need sleep - and since you're pregnant, it's vitally important. Even if it turns out that it's not temporary, what you do together when you're awake is far more important than where you sleep.

_wingnut_ · 2015-04-25T14:10:03+00:00

I think sleeping separately is a great boon to a relationship provided that you continue to have a great deal of affection and intimacy. In 12 years my H and i have slept apart almost the whole time due to him keeping separate hours from me. We both preferred it from the outset. He "tucks me in" every night without fail,which can be sex or just laying together talking for a few minutes like we would if we were about to fall asleep together.

People are going to give you all kinds of negative opinions of it but remember, they aren't thinking about you and your marriage and your needs, they are reacting to how they think THEY'D feel about sleeping apart. Don't worry about things that don't harm you, do the steps to ensure they don't harm you,stay physically close. Sleeping apart is bad when it arises from marital unhappiness, not preference or necessaity

iliketurtlesdurr · 2015-04-25T20:17:43+00:00

perhaps if you aligned your sleeping habits, it could work out better?

Poobaby · 2015-04-26T08:03:26+00:00

If everything is going fine in the relationship, don't stress about different beds, sometimes people just need their sleep.

toriar · 2015-04-25T20:44:02+00:00

My husband and I slept in separate beds for a few months when our daughter was born. He was working 12 hour days, and the last thing he needed was to be woken up 3-5 times a night because baby needs to nurse or have her diaper changed. I hated it at first, but it really was the best alternative for us at the time.

I wouldn't over analyze it, especially if you're pregnant right now.

spiderthunder · 2015-04-25T10:21:14+00:00

Six weeks seems like a lot. Maybe on the nights he doesn't work sleep with him, and pay him extra attention during the day. Show him that you want to be there and that it affects you more that it does him.

GrowingSlowly · 2015-04-25T16:18:00+00:00

I believe that I read a study once about how sleeping in separate beds can actually help relationships and that some couples that sleep separately can actually be happier. It definitely does have its benefits in that you're more likely to get a full night's rest without another person moving around next to you.

As others have recommended, you can always spend some time together cuddling or anything else you like before bed and then move to your own spaces when you're tired enough to actually sleep. Just make sure that your getting your together time beforehand so that you won't be missing it so much during the night.

Oh, also a random thought- If you are missing the feeling of your husband laying next to you, it won't be a perfect solution, but you could use a pillow like I do. My SO and I share a bed at the moment and when he leaves for work early in the morning, I turn his pillow and put it where he would be laying. That way I can sort of get the sensation of being cuddled and can get back to sleep more easily.

frozen_strawberry · 2015-04-25T09:44:05+00:00

have you considered putting the firmer matress in your bed and just going to bed earlier so that if you do wake up you still get enough sleep?

gabilromariz · 2015-04-25T21:00:24+00:00

Consider pushing two ""single" beds together so you can sleep each in your own bed but still be close enough for cuddling

TX_Peach · 2015-04-26T00:02:08+00:00

I am glad to see that separate bedrooms can be possible in a healthy relationship. My SO has Asperger's and he needs his space. I've also been single for many years and have sleep issues myself (night terrors). I'd been struggling with thinking through sleeping arrangements as I've read so much on dead bedrooms and how important sleeping together is.

It is encouraging to read that couples can meet each other's needs - both for intimacy and sleep.

AsianWifeHot · 2015-04-27T17:19:14+00:00

My husband and I slept in separate rooms for, like, 10 years during the baby's stage of life. I kept the babies in my bed to for breastfeeding and he had to get up early for work. We've been back in the same bed for the last 9 years once my youngest grew out of her baby stage, but I thought it was perfectly fine back then.

You might want to buy a memory foam mattress since it doesn't bounce when the other person moves.

SuperSlavisWife · 2015-04-27T21:53:21+00:00

Jon currently works nights. That means he goes to bed around 6-7am and gets up around 2-3pm. As a tutor, I usually get up 8-9am (sometimes 7 for early bird lessons, but it's hardly the norm) and go to bed around 10-12pm. Neither of us can exactly adapt our work lives to suit when the other is home, working or asleep.

Ways of softening the issue:

When you go to bed, if he can, ask him to spend some time cuddled up with you in bed as you drift off. That pillow-talk and closeness can help you both. I like it when Jon's break and my bedtime align, so he can give me a quick "goodnight" call. Makes all the difference some nights.
Vice-versa, when he's off to bed, try and stay until he drifts off. Or at least call to say goodnight. He'll appreciate it. Both of these won't be possible, but one of them normally will be.
If you're already awake when he's going to get up, go and grab him a tea or coffee, his favourite morning snack and start up his computer or the tv so you can just lie in bed as he gets charged for the day/night.
Put one of his shirts on a pillow and one of your tops on another one. The scent and something to hug onto is good for those who expect someone next-to them.

The not sleeping together part isn't so hard. If anything, you're getting better REM sleep. It's likely not going to sleep together and getting up together that bothers you.

Grompher · 2015-04-30T13:37:05+00:00

Nap together.

antariusz · 2015-05-04T15:41:03+00:00

This is one thing that people who advocate for no sex before marriage struggle with and I know I won't ever have to deal with.

Some women are naturally better snugglers/cuddlers and I can sleep way more comfortably with them cradled next to me. I've slept comfortably next to some women on a double/full mattress, and some women I have even slept comfortably on a large couch or a twin mattress... other women I don't sleep comfortably next to even on my queen bed.

I don't move, I don't snore, I don't toss and turn (unless I'm sick). Some women don't either.

Title	Sleeping in different beds.
Author	Sarahslayer
Upvotes	19
Comments	31
Date	April 25, 2015 9:22 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/33szz3/sleeping_in_different_beds/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/sleeping-in-different-beds.85344 https://theredarchive.com/post/85344

Comments