Splitting finances

Kara_El · 2017-03-16T17:36:48+00:00

My fiancé and I have been discussing this recently and neither of us favor splitting the finances. We don't have children or individual assets, so there's no obvious reason to do so and for us, it feels unhealthy to separate things into "his and hers."

I make around 50K a year and my fiancé will pull in about 10k less in his job, in one of the cheapest states in the country. I have debt and he has none, though, so I'm really the greater disadvantage to our finances. We do well as far as not holding either situation against each other.

Our plan, starting in May, is to have both of our checks put into a communal checking account. We'll pay our bills and buy groceries and dog food and gas and decide together how much we can put in joint savings for a home. I'll continue putting $100 per pay check into a separate savings account for a new car, when needed, because he's extremely anti-debt and doesn't want to take out a loan. I'll also have my tax returns deposited into this account.

Additionally, each of us will have our own individual checking accounts to put an agreed upon and identical amount of money for the rare treat for ourselves, such as his fancy new special edition XBOX that isn't any different from the one he has or my special edition copies of the Wizard of Oz books. This way, we still feel like we can treat ourselves to luxuries without asking permission, when we both work and bring home similar dollar amounts.

We already keep a joint email account that we can both access, for all of our bill information, so we can see what's been paid. So far, that's been working out wonderfully.

We'll see how it goes, but I'm pretty confident this will work well for us.

vanBeethovenLudwig · 2017-03-16T20:48:32+00:00

Not married yet, but this was my parent's set-up:

My father is an engineer and was the breadwinner. The house, cars, bills, health insurance, college tuition all came from him.

My mother is a freelance arts teacher - her job allowed flexible hours but was hourly pay. My mother used her money to buy groceries, clothes for the children and any additional school fees (activities etc). She also used her money to purchase clothes and makeup for herself, so she didn't have to ask my father for money if she wanted to go shopping.

My father also used his own money for personal purchases (although he doesn't spend that much). But usually his "purchases" mean a nicer TV, a nicer fridge, renovating the bathroom, etc. So things that everybody could use.

I personally think it's a pretty good set-up because my mother basically just earned the extra cash while my father provided the base living standard. That way she was able to take care of the children and domestic duties as well.

My father's salary is about 4x my mother's. They have separate bank accounts.

Willow-girl · 2017-03-17T04:33:44+00:00

My man takes care of me. I live in his house. He pays all the household bills. We both chip in on groceries and critter chow. I work and pay for my own clothes, toiletries, occasional trips to the beauty parlor (although mostly I whack the split ends myself, LOL). If I have leftover money, I save and invest it for our retirement.

We're both frugal penny-pinchers with credit scores over 800. I don't think we've ever argued about money!

SirAttackHelicopter · 2017-03-16T22:17:32+00:00

My wife had one time worked for a company that closed down. For a time, we both put ourselves on an allowance. We knew we had to hunker down during hard times, so it was the only option we had.

Ever since, that is what we still do, even with 2 incomes. We always make sure we have fun money in our budget, kinda like a per diem. This way, no one can complain when one person is buying something while the other is not, or when one person saves up to buy a bigger item while the other wastes their money on snacks. Their choice is their choice.

charlotteplusplus · 2017-03-17T02:25:41+00:00

We have a joint account and debit card, to which we put equal amounts of money for agreed common expenses like rent, utilities, groceries.

Whatever is not used jointly is for each person to do what they want with. Salaries come on a personal account at the same bank of the joint account to make transfer easier

ragnarockette · 2017-03-17T13:34:25+00:00

My husband and I have a joint account and investment portfolio and individual accounts.

We each put 80% of his income (his is about 50% higher than mine) into our joint account. We use that to pay for rent, bills, car maintenance, transportation, groceries, etc. And to fund our retirement.

The other 20% stays in our personal account and can be used on whatever we want - clothes, coffees, lunches, personal stuff.

It's been working great so far.

Nyquil-Junkie · 2017-03-17T17:25:09+00:00

Just use the old "yours, mine and ours" idea. Yours is yours mine is mine and all of it is ours. Unless you have an over developed generosity towards each other it probably doesn't work. Unless you have a great deal of respect and recognition of each others ability to be financially smart with the ability to make the best analysis when spending money..... again, probably won't work.

When in doubt just remember life is too short to be arguing over dirty little pieces if paper.

cynicalhousewife · 2017-03-17T10:36:58+00:00

I usually ask my husband if I am allowed to buy things. We don't have the best budget and he's very careful with money. However he always makes sure we have the essentials.

TheLaughingRhino · 2017-03-20T06:34:39+00:00

Do what works for the two of you ("You" operationally being anyone in a committed formal relationship)

If two people have divergent financial "values", I've never seen the relationship work long term ( though one party of the two might "surrender" to make it less conflict oriented) If Person A is a spender and Person B is a saver, eventually it comes to a head....

My observation over time is I've never seem a committed long term relationship where the woman disproportionately outearned the guy and it didn't end up later as some kind of conflict eventually ( This is not a personal judgement on you or anyone else, just my life experience regarding observations, but they are my views, not reflective of all people. Though the No#1 listed killer of relationships and marriages is fighting over money)

Most people I know in somewhat emotionally healthy marriages and commitments, I've never seen one where the guy wasn't out earning the woman and the woman wasn't working essentially part time in a job she actually liked. ( Again, I'm not saying what I see out there is some kind of absolute for everyone)

Best answer I can give is financial values is a viable deal breaker for most people, and if this is not a fit for you, no shame is accepting it's not a fit for you. Only you can answer that for yourself though

Good luck, I wish you well on your journey, and for what its worth, I do hope things work out for you in the way you hope and believe.

teaandtalk · 2017-03-17T03:40:59+00:00

This one should be fun!

My husband runs his own business. I work for him approximately 25-30 hours a week, doing admin work or other stuff as needed, and spend the rest of my days homemaking. In my salaried job, I was working 40-50 hours a week, earning a similar amount (pro rata).

Throughout all of our different work situations (part time work, salaried, studenthood, startup launching time), we've pooled our money. Out of this, we each take a certain amount weekly as 'personal spending', which covers all manner of things: phone bills, gym membership costs (as we don't both use the gym), haircuts, frivolous amounts of nail polish, overly expensive virtual reality devices, etc.

This allows us to spend according to our needs, while not overburdening the household budget with frivolity. He prefers to exercise outdoors, so he doesn't pay a gym membership. I'm too lazy to motivate myself to run/etc, so I do pay for a gym membership. He loves gadgets and constantly upgrades his electronics, whereas I'm still using my six year old ipad.

Anything which we mutually agree on as being important for our household goes in the household budget instead. If one of us were not working and was instead homemaking/taking care of children, they would still be getting the same amount of personal spending money (not an 'allowance' but similar, I guess.).

jack_hammarred · 2017-03-17T12:56:10+00:00

Our plan sounds a lot like u/teaandtalk

We aren't married yet but we've talked about this in detail, especially since we both have awful spending habits if we go unchecked.

I make more now and probably will for the foreseeable future. Yet I've just started paying my student loans back and he is almost done, so we are roughly on even footing now.

We plan on putting in equal percentages of our income for a joint account and the rest in personal accounts. I spend more week to week than he does on dry cleaning, beauty stuff, social dining and my pets whereas he will save and save for one expensive hobby (new tool, new weapon, new game, new electronic) so we think the equal percentage thing should work. We both plan on putting money into joint and personal savings, too, with savings goals for different purposes (emergency, retirement, kids 529 plans, house, vehicle, vacation, medical, etc funds.) I'm glad he's good with the personal account and joint account to cover our living expenses... I intend on creating some scholarship funds, helping my mom financially, and giving back in a big way and I don't want that to be something he feels negatively affects our situation.

We have discussed that in event of the unforeseeable divorce we can fairly go back to divide joint accounts, or (in the worst case) put joint accounts toward the kid(s). I obviously wouldn't date someone if I thought they were divorceable, but I think it's idiotic not to acknowledge that it is a possibility and not be prepared to handle it responsibly.

His parents had a nasty divorce. His mom essentially was tossed out a few years after his dad prevented her from pursuing higher education... which left her in a rough position she has done an amazing job leaving in the dust. I haven't asked him how his upbringing affected his view on finances but I will tonight if I think he'll be receptive to discussion.

My dad spends money like I do... too freaking easily. He makes three times what Mom does but she works more hours. Mom learned early on a joint account didn't work, and that she was much more diligent paying for things that get turned off. She also learned how to turn $5 into a hearty meal for all of us. She doesn't earn enough for the work she does, I don't think my dad does either, but I think Mom does a wildly amazing job of getting the most out of her earnings. She pays all her own medical expenses (which are insane), family car insurance, groceries, family pets, her car, and even Dad's medical expenses. She's usually left with $5-$30 a month for herself but she keeps herself maintained, too, somehow. Dad covers house, electric, health insurance, home insurance, and phones. Now that I've got a paying job, I get to help.

MsSadieDunham · 2017-03-17T19:29:42+00:00

Mr. Dunham and I have joint finances. I work per diem, approximately 20-25 hours a week so he makes a majority of our income. Very little of our income goes to my "beauty budget". I get my eyebrows waxed every 3-6 months, my hair is its natural color and I paint my own nails. I have make up, but I am not picky about name brands.

YoungYogiMama · 2017-03-19T03:19:57+00:00

My man and i aren't married but we do have a daughter and have lived together for 5 of our 7 years together. He makes more then me because he works full time while i only work parttime. We split most costs but he often insist on paying for groceries, gas, etc and sometimes buys me clothes he likes. I pay for my own beauty products/services & non-necessities while he pays his own mma gym membership and equipment. We are very frugal by nature and are more addicted to saving then spending. Sometimes we do surprise each other with gifts though! Our daughter has her own savings account that is currently made up of all gift money people have given us for her birth, birthday, christmas, etc. My work offers a medical reimbursement fund that covers diapers, etc. My man has college debt that he pays each month and refuses to accept my offer to pay off $1000 of it a year to make it go away sooner. We have never once fought over money (unless we both want to pay for something!) and generally regard the situation as "my money is your money." As long as we both work hard to contribute to our lifestyle/situation/bills we don't see any reason to bicker over it.

I will say its great to be with a fellow frugal person! Financial responsibility is an important trait to look for in a potential Captain.

Guy_Gardener · 2017-03-26T02:34:43+00:00

I would highly recommend Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University (I don't get any kickbacks or anything for recommending it). My wife and I did this a few years ago and I think it was a 9 week course, one night a week. It teaches you how to make and stick to a budget and it is a neutral way to discuss things like how much money you can spend a month on things like clothes and restaurants. Talking about and agreeing on a budget in a classroom/workbook setting takes the emotions out of the conversation.

Title	Splitting finances
Author	vanBeethovenLudwig
Upvotes	13
Comments	29
Date	March 16, 2017 3:42 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/5zrbeu/splitting_finances/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/splitting-finances.87094 https://theredarchive.com/post/87094

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