This is a topic that has been raised many times in this sub. Including by yours truly a year and a half ago. What do you do if you don’t know your N count? I.e. cases like mine where I’ve had two partners (oral only) but am still in fact a virgin.

I’ve seen countless other women raise the same question as me. What is my N count? If you’re curious, the general consensus was that there is no consensus. I got a third of responses saying “N count of 2” a third saying “you’re a virgin, leave it at that” and a third saying “it doesn’t matter anyway, quit giving into a Madonna/whore complex” if you really want to dive in feel free to go back through my post history and check it out!

Anyways, as a follow up to that, and in response to several recent threads on this subject, I thought it might be worth talking about again. But this time not from a standpoint of “what counts as sex” but from a more practical standpoint. If you are in a case like mine, what do you do now? Note, this isn’t entirely selfless, I’m finally back in the dating game after almost two years of crippling alpha widowhood, and am in a position where I’d like to be prepared to handle my past with honesty and wisdom.

So here is my discussion question.

  1. If asked your N count (which I know a lot of women swear never happens but for me it ALWAYS has so I’m expecting it will again) how should you respond? I’m afraid if I say I’m NOT a virgin I’ll suffer from purely the practical side (first time is painful I’m told!!) and the guy I lose it to will be horrified at how bad he’s hurting me and quite possibly my lack of talent. On the other hand, if I say I AM a virgin, I know that they’ll conjure up an image of me as pure and untouched, and frankly that’s deceptive, which I have no desire to be. I don’t really want to dive in to detail about the specifics of the situation because I know most guys don’t really want to hear about their girl doing sexual things with other guys before them. So what do I do? Note: I’m personally of the view that if he doesn’t ask you should say nothing, but this is assuming he does ask.

Please provide what insight you have. :) And since this has a tendency to be a controversial subject, please be nice!