I was unfortunate enough to stumble upon one of the single most over-privileged women I’ve seen on a dating site yet.

We’ll call her “Tammy the Goddess”.

Tammy believed herself to be some sort of “divine judge”, able to cast judgement on all those who wanted her.

She attempted this “passing of judgement” by using her weapon-of-choice…

“The Questionnaire”

“Audacity is central to everything I do. A lot of times I think my work is about just seeing if I can get away with it.” -Sufjan Stevens

Item A- Tammy, late 20s, HB9 with very lovely features.

Tammy’s that type of girl that’s gorgeous and knew it. The type of girl that’s never been told “no” or “you’re wrong”. The blissfully delusional type. You know the ones.

Her profile pictures all looked professionally taken and very “curve-centric”. We’re talking 4 steps above the competition.

But here was the weird thing: her bio outright says all she’s looking for is a friend with benefits.

"Now why would this gorgeous individual feel the need to so bluntly display that her only interests are sexually driven if she knows it’ll only draw in the flies?" I asked myself.

Well whatever. It’s none of my business anyway.

So I ignore it and start up my usual “dating site” routine:

Hi

Hey sexy

What’re you looking for

Fwb (insert some heart-eyed smiley bullshit) and what about you

Same

Then let’s get busy

Quick history lesson: In 1962, the Better Business Bureau coined the phrase, “if something sounds too good to be true, it probably is” as a way to prevent larger companies from dealing with the shady, smaller companies that oft advertised fake promises. The "snake oil salesmen" at the time. They'd become so common that it'd become difficult to discern the real companies from the fake ones.

Now here’s a stunning woman already agreeing to sex within 2 hours and with no shit tests whatsoever. Either I’m near a lake or she’s reeks of catfish. And I don’t see a body of water nearby.

I tell her “send a pic with 7 fingers up”. I figured tht if she didn’t reply, surely she was catfishing.

But, sure enough, she sent the picture soon after. At least I know she’s real.

But wait.

This is where it gets… interesting.

After she confirms she’s the real deal, I ask her for her number. She only gives me her first three. She then says that before she can give me the other numbers, she has to ask me something first. I say “shoot”.

And then, ladies and gentlemen, I was presented with this:

The FWB Questionnaire

Hello, and thank you for taking the time to complete this. I decided to have potential fwb answer these questions to see if you are what I am seeking. Just because you fill this out does not mean that we will have sex. If you are interested in possibly meeting with me please answer these questions and message me your answers.

No no, you read that right.

She’s made a questionnaire for all potential fwbs. She is literally interviewing men before she considers sleeping with them.

Again the word “Audacity” weighs heavily on my mind.

Note that she even feels the need to specify that “just because you fill this out does not mean that we will have sex”. Think about that for a second.

Needless to say, this is the single most literal shit test I’ve ever seen.

1. Are you chivalrous? Yes No

Please, allow me to translate:

“Would you save me should a witch or a dragon wisk me away and lock me atop some watch tower”?

This quite literally translates to “would you consider yourself a white knight”?

And she leads with this. It's question #1. In a questionnaire about sexual promiscuity.

Just thinking of how many men will put yes to this just because they’ll think it’s what she’ll want to hear honestly makes me a bit nauseous.

”Chivilry is dead. And women killed it.” –Dave Chapelle

2. If yes, what does chivalry mean to you? (Do not give me a dictionary definition, give me examples.)

i.e. “If you’re a beta, please list ways in which you’ve displayed beta tendencies.”

There’s a level of irony in here that I fear may be lost on some of you. I personally find this second question absolutely hilarious.

And remember, no dictionary definitions. This is a test, after all.

3. Does your member measure at least 6.75 inches in girth? Yes No

Wow.

What a shift from question 2.

Going from chivalry to cocks in 0.37 seconds.

And I love how she’s included –not just the size- but the exact size down to two decimal places.

“Oh, so your cock is 6.73”? I’m sorry sir, but you don’t match my very precise and calculated requirements for my explicit, sexual promiscuous desires.”

4. What are your girth measurements in inches?

Again, as gorgeous as this girl is, I know that there’s been some poor schmuck that’s sat with a tape measure around his dick trying to get his exactly girth measurements. And the fact that men’ll go that far for sexy is pathetic.

While I’m sure most men know their cock size, what men are strolling around with an accurate measurement of his girth?

I know that if I sent out a questionnaire to all my potential partners, I’d be labelled a creeper in no time. “2. Are your breasts at least 32C in cup size?”

5. Does your member measure at least 8 inches in length? Yes No

Okay, now she’s trying to weed them out. Pick out the ones she really wants.

6. What is your length measurement?

She must really be fascinated by the varying lengths and girths of the male genitalia.

7. Do you like rough sex? Yes No

Honestly this question is alright in my book. It’s the next question I have something to say about.

8. Describe what rough sex means to you.

She didn’t ask “describe your past rough sex experiences”, she asked “what does rough sex mean to you”.

9. Do you have any std's? Yes No

If a guy’s bothered to fill this out, I wouldn’t imagine he’d get to this question and think, “Dammit! I do have one of those! Guess I can’t have sex with Tammy now.”

But don’t worry. Apparently Tammy’s already thought of that:

10. If you do not have std's are you willing to provide proof that you do not? Yes No

So whomever Tammy chooses will roll right up to her apartment, doctor’s approval in hand.

Problem solved.

Good work Tammy! You’ve solved the STD problem! Everyone, applaud Tammy! She’s earned it.

11. Why should I choose you? (I am only looking to have one fwb relationship at the moment.)

“Well, uh, my name is Kevin, and, uh, I’m really good at sex, and uh, I made this one chick cum like 17 times in one night so, uhm, that’s why you should pick me.”

OR

“Greetings! My name is Brad and I’d treat you like the queen you are. Sure, we’d have sex from time to time, but I’d also take you on dates, out to dinner, to the movies, whatever your heart desires. I’d be honoured to be your King.”

Anyone else feel queezy right now?

12. If I choose you, how often would you be willing to meet in a month? (I will require sex whenever necessary sometimes at a moment’s notice)

Basically, “When I want something, you’ll have to drop everything you’re doing and give it to me.”

This is sounding less like “friends with benefits” and more like “slavery”.

13. Would you be able to host for meetings? Yes No

Based on her age, It’s safe to assume she doesn’t stay on her own. That being said, she’s making all of these demands before sex yet lacks any actual sex venue. Talk about entitled.

14. How many times have you had sex in a 24 hour period on average?

2.753 times within 24 hours. She'd love it just for the decimals.

Thanks for your time!

Be careful out there, Red Pillers.

Women like Tammy, Candy, Pix, Diva and Delilah are out there, resulting from hordes of betas mindlessly supporting their despicable/deplorable actions, justifying them as “normal” just for possessing a pussy. “It’s okay because she’s hot” on a grand scale. They’re aren’t used to such a large amount of constant and endless validation through social media, dating sites and real-world interactions.

If every man they meet calls them a Goddess, tells them that they can do know wrong and automatically support every decision they make, these women soon begin to mistake their horns for halos. They begin to believe it because no one’s telling them otherwise.

Be that one, Red Pillers. Don’t stand for shit like this just for sex. Sex isn’t worth your dignity, nor is it worth making these “Goddesses” any more delusional.