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[–]ragnarlodbrok1992 79 points80 points81 points 11 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
Always. Cry. Alone. This will make You to think about what is making You sad and You have better chance to make some good, thoughtfull decisions.
[–]mr_qq21 points22 points23 points 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Right. We are only humans and got bad moments too. But always. cry. alone. This rule is not applying to funerals and other tragedy but try to stay calm as much as you can. Less crying makes it more truthful.
[–]ragnarlodbrok1992 6 points7 points8 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Less emotion showing makes it more truth- and meaningful. This should be another principal of RP theory if it is not right now.
[–]Thursday0882 points3 points4 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I apply this rule to funerals as well. I was always told, "you need to be strong for everyone else that can't be, you can cry behind closed doors."
[–]HalconeroCanuck 25 points26 points27 points 11 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
I don't think this should be a catch all rule for all circumstances. There's circumstances where it's good for men to cry with other men.
Example, my best friend gets divorced, swallows the pill, and eventually a group of us best guy friends decide we're going to do a full week hike to conquer one of the peaks of the Rockies. The entire time every lets it all out. There's swearing, joking, all of us are giving each other a racial ribbing (I'm Jewish, he's Native American, a black guy, and a Russian dude; people wouldn't understand that guys talk with each other in that way without any malice).
Anyways, getting back on track. On the 4th day we're all pretty bearded, smell like shit, have had copious amounts of camp food, and we're all tired and sore. After about 4.5 hours of climbing/scrambling we finally hit the peak. For our friend there, the divorced one, it felt awesome to accomplish that too the point where he started crying with a mix of cathartic excitement, happiness, accomplishment, and everything else.
And you know what? We all joined in to make it a giant bro moment. Did it feel weak? Nah. There was strength in that big fucking group cry. We felt amazing, strong, confident.
It's okay to let it out every once in a while, especially in moments of male triumph with other males.
[+]648262-7 points-6 points-5 points 11 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Sorry to take a shit on your awesome experience, it does sound like a great thing.
You felt good because you shared the experience of climbing the mountain with your friends. And you was part of your friends frame of accomplishments.
You did not feel good because you cried. Crying was only a reaction to the overwhelming feeling of accomplishment.
Climbing = strong
Crying = weak
[–]HalconeroCanuck 12 points13 points14 points 11 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
Dude, no worries. Part of TRP is being able to disagree without losing confidence, or getting riled up about it.
We'll have to disagree, man. Crying has a social context, and there have been times in human history where crying in certain circumstances was the masculine, strong thing to do.
So who cares if crying was a reaction to an emotional feeling of triumph? I would say it's more red pill to be unapologetic and confident in honest emotions, especially with other males, than bottle them up. Owning your tears, let's say in moments of triumph like that mountain, not apologizing for them or holding them back can be a huge measure of confidence.
We often perceive the red pill man as a stoic. I would say that especially with women that should be true. When you're with other males though, and more specifically with other alphas, be honest with how your feeling, including any reactions to how it is. Don't apologize, because it can tell your bros that they either need to tell you to man up, or so that, as my one friend said "don't apologize for your tears like a pussy man. You just accomplished some tough shit and it's cool to show that."
[–]ICYWINDE-1 points0 points1 point 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
To me, tears show you've done some tough shit as a man. Recently my fish died, I broke up with my fiancee (dodged a bullet there, thanks guys), but I learnt to man up. I'm focussing on regaining my figure now and I already knew from the start that the fish would die.
I cry when I'm really tired and/or drained. Drunk too.
[–]needless_pickup_line35 points36 points37 points 11 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
Who are you trying to impress when you're alone in your room? If life has you feeling down and you need to cry it out, then don't be ashamed. That being said...
Never EVER cry in front of a woman. It doesn't matter if it's your wife, your plate, your daughter, your coworker, or your neighbor. There is nothing women despise more than a weak man. Whether accurately or not, they will judge you as weak if you become that emotional in front of them.
Men might become uncomfortable if you cry, but are empathetic enough to understand the depth of despair that leads to such a public display. Women might be superficially sympathetic, but they are incapable of understanding a man's problems and deep in their heart of hearts they will resent you for weakness.
Weak men have the greatest need of our mercy, but through their weakness they show they are unworthy of it.
[–]I_Wear_Jorts511 points12 points13 points 11 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Women might be superficially sympathetic, but they are incapable of understanding a man's problems and deep in their heart of hearts they will resent you for weakness.
Interesting point you bring up. I think one of the reasons many women hate it when men cry is because they are viewing it from their own "lens." Women are taught from a young age that crying can be used for manipulation. When they see a man cry they instantly equate it to the crocodile tears that women use to get their way.
Embarrassingly, I cried on the phone after an old Ex dumped me. She sat silently on the other end and when I finally calmed down, she told me to "grow the fuck up" and "stop trying to guilt trip her." This was coming from a girl who once cried because I proved her wrong in an argument. When men cry, they legitimately are deeply upset about something. Women will cry during fucking movies or when they have a "bad day." That is why a woman will never feel sympathy towards a man's tears. From her view, they are inauthentic.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Just wanted to say I wish I had more than one upvote to give. My experience has been identical to yours
[–]OakTr3E0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Good post. This is something I needed to hear repeated and does explain some of my (confusing) experiences with some women. Even those who I have thought of as "genuine cryers". Maybe they weren't so genuine after all.
[–]rpscrote0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
damn, this is potent. I've never looked at it this way but it makes so much sense now. Seriously good comment
[–]soccerplusaviation9 points10 points11 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I almost wholly agree with you, but if you are crying because you lost a loved one, than yeah, u should be allowed to cry in front of your wife or daughter.
But yeah don't cry in front of them because of life circumstances, it means you don't have the balls to take charge of your life.
[–]Sniff_the_rag3 points4 points5 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Cried in front of a girl I was seeing, had just found out the second I left home to a boarding school my little brother got raped for a year straight by my older brother. Sometimes crying is perfectly acceptable.
[–]Endorsed ContributorrebuildingMyself1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
It helps when you need to jettison a crazy woman out of your life to feign weakness. Dumping her in a normal fashion backfires and you get stalker behaviors, etc
[–]OakTr3E1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
If you can do the act then yeah I can see it as useful :D
[–]Endorsed ContributorrebuildingMyself0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yep. As many tears as she shed for every little thing (including being frustrated that I won't forgive her infidelity), the minute I started doing the same thing was when I could see her respect, attention (and tingles) for me evaporate
[–]flexiblehold1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Crying at some funerals is ok (like at the death of a close loved one, or someone who died tragically), but yes, that's the exception.
I´m glad I cried when my ex broke up with me. Maybe we would have run the risk of gotten back together again otherwise. She sat there stone cold while I did it as well. My old BP self needed that harsh and humiliating treatment :p
But after swallowing RP. I think I agree with crying alone if you feel the need. I cry extremely rare, even when I was BP I didn't cry very often.
A thought though. Crying may let go of tension but maybe it can soften you if you do "embrace it". I am not trying to be macho here and calling people pussies for crying. I am just wondering if it would be stupid to cry with "the wrong mindset".
"Life is so unfair and its ok to cry says TRP, I´ll do it in the shower whenever"
vs
"This really upsets me, I feel awful --(crying)-> ok what can I do about it? Time for action!"
[–][deleted] 16 points16 points16 points 11 years ago | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
[–]Disherecarl 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thanks I'm still new to the whole active redditing thing.
[–]Gimprome 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Asktrp is for specific scenerios and personal situations, this question is based on theory. It is perfectly fine in this section.
[–]jacks_not_surprised6 points7 points8 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It's been a long time since I've cried it, but when I did, it's pretty cathartic. It's like 'okay so I did the crying too, now the only thing to do is to get up and do something about the shit I'm in'.
Don't cry to others tho! Cry alone!
[–]yummyluckycharms7 points8 points9 points 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
It's okay to cry if you are alone or with close male friends.
Never cry in public Never cry in front of a woman - public or private
Case in point, I once saw a mate breakdown and cry at his grandmothers funeral. I was there offering support, and I thought he and his girl at the time were rock solid as they were engaged. She dumped him 2 weeks later as she had "lost attraction to him". Oh and she kept the ring.
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
the sole act of crying doesn't shatter a relationship. however, I do believe if he's the type to cry in front of his girl then he also spit too much beta game to keep it going
pre-TRP, I cried in front of my STBX wife when she was on the fence about leaving me. lo and behold, she left
[–]yummyluckycharms1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Perhaps - one never really knows what goes on behind closed doors.
However, women do loathe weakness in men, and I do believe that due to gender stereotypes, crying is a perceived weakness for many. Combine that with hypergamy, where most women will always have one hand on the next branch, there isnt really a good reason to show any weakness
That is - unless you want to drop her and crying is a convenient way to get her to do the dirty work
[–]TakeYourSoma17 points8 points9 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Jesus wept.
Sadly in our society it is generally bad form to shed tears in front of others, barring certain circumstances. Even then, there's a difference between your eyes welling up and just bawling.
Alone though? Shoot, who's watching?
[–]bohemian_fappsody4 points5 points6 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I often cry at weddings, as I mourn the loss of my fellow man.
[–]OKJaded3 points4 points5 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Tears are a signal of helplessness. A visual cue of distress. Never show these in public, for they display your helplessness to all.
When women say its OK to cry in front of them... It's not. It's a shit test. Don't fail it. (99.999% of the time)
[–]zeb_atlas154 points 11 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
"Crying: acceptable at funerals and the Grand Canyon" ~ Ron Swanson
[–]gggkin2 points3 points4 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
There are health benefit for crying. Something about releasing certain hormones to combat stress or some shit like that. That's why women cry all the fucking time at even the small shit. Because their "stress tolerance" is lower than men.
I think it's perfectly healthy for men to cry since human are biologically wired this way. It's like jacking off periodically, or expressing your troubles to your friends, etc...
The trick is to do it in a way that will not cost you, for ex:
Instead, find a safe environment to cry instead:
[–]Zuglife992 points3 points4 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I heard a quote somewhere but unfortunately cannot reference it.
"The only event that causes a MAN to cry is the death of his mom or dog".
Personally I believe crying is a great release. I haven't cried from pain since I was 16 years old (and I've dislocated my shoulders multiple times), however I have cried from emotional pain/stress a couple of times. Not very often, and always alone - but it really does help. After you finish crying, you feel this biological urge to 'man up' and it seems to help.
[–]svogliate3 points 11 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Men occasionally cry. It's part of life.
There's a difference between being in touch with your emotions, and being ruled by them. The former is healthy; the latter isn't.
[–]deadlee_1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
apply duct tape. continue.
[–]ModMachiavellianRed1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Suck it up like a man or solitary cathartic cleansing?
Either AND/OR. Whatever you need. Just don't cry in front of people who depend on you or look up to you, it will drive them bat shit.
[–]otiswild3 points4 points5 points 11 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
IMO it's OK to tear up when confronted by the mystery of true greatness of spirit, typically as evidenced in bravery and sacrifice. Thermopylae, Stamford Bridge, The Alamo, Bastogne, Rick Rescorla, Gordon and Shugart, William Wallace, etc.
Anything not involving life and death? Go out and punch a bag or chop some wood.
ps: you may tear up after reading this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thomas_Baker_(Medal_of_Honor)
[–]SelfishStoic2 points 11 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
This is going to sound brutal, but crying is something that babies do because they know no other way to express discomfort or remove it. Men should express discomfort by removing uncomfortable stimulus. The few occasions where it makes sense are un-rectifiable situations like death of a loved one. But even that should be handled stoic, and accepted as a part of life. Its difficult to do so in death, but its something to aspire to be.
[–]GunsGermsAndSteel0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
My wife sees me cry once or twice a year. It happens more than that, but she generally doesn't know about it.
I prefer for her to see me as a mountain of strength.
[–]hamstercide0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I never cry but I'm wondering if I should. Instead I just get bitter, hateful and angry. I know I sound "edgy" or whatever but it's true. Crying, even in private, would make me feel like a bitch and like less of a man. Like "they" (the people who are trying to tear me down) won. Fuck 'em, I'd rather kill them all.
[–]alpha_n3rd0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I know, right? I haven't cried cried since I was 10.
[–]1kingofpoplives0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Crying to purge is great, best done alone. I wouldn't even want to do it in the presence of male friends, since I know it would make them feel awkward as fuck.
Not the way you want a woman to see you.
Although in high school, the day before I was set to leave town for college, I cried in front of my gf. She cried too and then I got blown in my car. It was a very emotional, coming of age type moment. Fond memories...
[–]samsonkeane 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
There is no woman who wont think less of you for crying in front of them, men who you have a close relationship with (which I think is something that is very important to have) will think differently - but not necessarily less - of you.
One of the most important things that took me way too long to understand is that any close psychological and emotional connection with somebody else cannot be found with a woman and must be found amongst other men.
[–]CDBaller0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Always cry alone. You shouldn't be crying more than once...like every 6 months on average. Whatever happens in that room, just happens. You resolve it, you find a solution or at least start looking for one and you come out reborn and ready to face the world.
[–]dclozr 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do. My former self would cry to a girlfriend...now if I need to I go in my car drive around and find a spot to do the deed. Crying is necessary for your emotional health, being a bitch and crying in front of your girlfriend isn't.
[–]Dynamite_n_Gasoline 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Its the same as masturbating, OP. Every once in awhile you reach that breaking point and need to de-stress. Here are some ground rules, Never do it in public, never do it in a way that if you were caught by loved ones you'd be shamed for life, and never do it so much that it becomes your only way to relieve stress.
[–]RedPillFusion0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I posted on this a week or two ago. Search "Nobility and Hypergamy" here, but your post belongs on /r/asktrp.
[–]Josh_The_Boss0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Crying is fine, as long as you're alone. Just don't indulge in it and make sure you spend more time fixing it than you do feeling sorry for yourself.
[–]SpongeCroft0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Don't be a pussy and start to cry about everything.
It's just human and OK to cry tho. Just don't get into that "omg everything is so fucked I am so fucked I have to cry now because I can't do anything" mindset. If something extraordinary sad happens, you have to sometimes.
Like that ragnar guy already said. Cry. Alone. Maybe with a bro/friend present, but NEVER, NEVER EVER cry in front of your girl. She may say it's cute and she wants you to show this kind of feelings, but you KNOW it makes you look weak in her eyes.
[–]Do not send modmail to my personal inboxCrazyHorseInvincible[M] 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This belongs in asktrp. Removing. Please repost there.
[–]ChadThunderdick -1 points-1 points-1 points 11 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Is it really this common for adult men to cry? I honestly haven't cried in like 15 years. The saddest I've been in my adult life was when a close relative died, but even then I didn't cry. I didn't try to hold it back, it just didn't happen.
[–]alpha_n3rd0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago [recovered] (0 children) | Copy Link
I haven't cried cried since childhood. I might get a little welling now and then, like when somebody dies, but not enough to make tears.
[–]tallwheel0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah. I guess some do. I'm basically the same as you, though, as I can only recall one time I've cried in my entire adult life. There were other times alone when I tried to cry in order to let some shit out, but I literally couldn't do it. Crying seems to have been weeded out of my behavior somehow. Not sure if it's from my Dad or society, or my male genes or whatever.
[–]648262-1 points0 points1 point 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I have no scientific evidence for this, and it is only based on my own experience and reflection.
I cry when I do not know what to do and have given up, but do not like to face the consequences.
I don't really cry because of this, and there is usually something that can be done instead of crying.
Cry if you must, but know that it doesn't solve anything. Apparently it has a degree of therapeutic effect in terms of dealing with shitty consequences, but I prefer actions instead.
[–]BAZOOMERANG-2 points-1 points0 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Sometimes you just have to cry, like when the Doctor regenerates or your favorite character dies in that anime you watch or game of thrones. Sometimes you just have to.
© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.created by /u/dream-hunter
[–]ragnarlodbrok1992 79 points80 points81 points (8 children) | Copy Link
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