Something that I am never going to understand...

St31nway · 2020-06-09T19:41:24+00:00

“You will never be criticized by someone who is doing more than you. You will only be criticized by someone doing less.”

DoubleConversation4 · 2020-06-09T19:51:17+00:00

Why do people try to bring you down

Crab mentality

Why do your friends make fun of you

Crab mentality and they think that you're a loser for not living your youth

They got manipulated by the media

Why do people call you “lame” or a “nerd”

Social programming, they don't even know the reason they're shaming you

Just that they've seen the term of nerd being used against people like you and they use it too to look cool

Why is it so hard for people to see the multilayered benefits of self-improvement?

Humans are comfort seeking creatures

Self-improvement is stepping out of comfort zone

OpenComparison · 2020-06-09T20:13:42+00:00

They can’t spend time alone. In a world of a million possibilities, they’re afraid.

Afraid of the future. Afraid of a 9-5 career. Afraid of credit. Afraid of finances. Afraid of learning. Afraid of failure.

They want a group of people that are just like them. That are afraid just like them.

Instead of tackling their fears head on they would rather live life in a blissful ignorance. Living life in the wind and taking what is given to them by the hands of determinism.

We grab life by the helm. We are the masters of our own destiny, the captains of our own fate.

Human_Extreme · 2020-06-09T19:48:45+00:00

People with no succes want to see people with succes fall.

If you're not a "while you were partying, I studied the blade"-type guy. Then you have nothing to worry about. Just don't forget to have some fun man. Grinding is important, but doing something non-essential once in a while will benefit you as well.

Take care!

Relaxredditrockstar · 2020-06-09T20:49:27+00:00

Why can’t you just realize that people will shit on you regardless of what you’re doing and grow some thick skin.

Alzatorus · 2020-06-09T22:33:16+00:00

You doing what other know they should be doing (but lack the motivation) makes them feel inadequate and like they are failing (which they are). "Misery loves company" - rise above it and succeed.

ViolentInteger · 2020-06-09T20:54:39+00:00

Why do people try to bring you down when you’re on your self-improvement journey?

Because you're putting pressure on them to up their game, which they don't want to do. They also don't want you to be more successful than they are. Jealousy.

Why do your friends make fun of you when instead of hanging out with them every single day, doing the same things and wasting money; you choose to go to the library to study?

See above. Also, this can eventually cross the line where they are simply not your friends anymore. Keep your eyes open.

Why do people call you “lame” or a “nerd”, when instead of organizing parties, you wanna form a book club reading and discussing financial advice books?

Because they have different priorities than you do. And they find your actions to be threatening (again, see above). Start minimizing these people in your life so they don't drag you down.

Why is it so hard for people to see the multilayered benefits of self-improvement?

Because they aren't ready to. Nobody can force them to want to improve. Either they arrive to the same conclusion themselves, or they don't. Sometimes this takes years or decades. Sometimes it never happens.

This isn't your responsibility. Focus on your own path, and cut out toxic people who get in your way.

brianmcg321 · 2020-06-09T22:13:13+00:00

Misery loves company.

Pink_Hanna · 2020-06-09T22:44:22+00:00

All the things you mention are part of "group mentality". Keep in mind that just as a chain is as strong as its weakest link, a group of people is a smart as its dumbest member.

Bigboyleggos · 2020-06-10T00:55:29+00:00

Your asking us why people shame you for forging your own path and living your life instead of doing it the "right" way? The "right" way is the way everyone else does it.

What is the "right" way? Get a good gpa in HS so you can get into a good college.

Get a JOB after college that pays good so you can buy that big house with the white picket fence and a new kid hauler.

Marry that single mom and spoil her and HER kids with the *princess treatment. She *deserves it!

Be loving and understanding throughout you seperation, its your job to be patient while she *finds herself!

Be HAPPY to pay child support while ex and her pizza delivery BF live in what used to be your because its your job!

No matter how confident and successful you are in following YOUR PATH *They will still tell you your doing it wrong by THEIR standards.

If a dude is shaming you for this: A) hes jealous your not living the same hell he is. B) its your father in law, hes blue as fuck, has spent his whole life with his head up his daughter and wifes asses and wants you to continue the same way. C) Hes blue as fuck, never been past 2nd base with his long distance gf of too many years and shes giving you the eye.

Understanding is easy..... why the fuck do you give a fuck? Why are other people making you angry? Laugh at their shit and keep on-keepin on. A year ago a drunk inlaw lost his shit and took a swing at me when I told my wife no. His reason..."You're not allowed to tell her no, you do everything she asks"

I struggled with this for the longest time I swear my inlaws make up a deeper shade of blue every day!

Dont waste your fucks on this shit, ya only got so may fucks to give, if you give all your fucks away to others how will you give a fuck about your number one?

Ben_06 · 2020-06-10T07:51:40+00:00

Welcome to the real world. The vast majority of men are more interested to talk about boobs, pussy and ass than financial freedom and health.

As soon as you are on a self improvement journey, your (loser) friends will feel threatened. If you get better than them, they will be jealous of you.

Don't ask yourself why people are like this - it's like asking why do we need to breath oxygen to stay alive.

Get rid off the losers. Better be alone than with the wrong people.

LeatherBoundWisdom · 2020-06-10T01:12:34+00:00

The short answer, they are all shit tests.

The long answer, when someone says anything, since it must be said to someone, it's a social interaction, subject to the various social motives and incentives. It isn't a straight reflection of one's thoughts or beliefs, but some social jab with strategy. Shit tests clearly follow those incentives. Ie, I try to shit on you as much as I dare, you shit on me as much as you dare, and equilibrium forms corresponding to the strength of our frames. Each interaction is a new battle for psychological territory.

For gaming girls, the man conquers entirely the frame of the girl. For interactions with men, I find the best is when you're approximately equal in strength of frame. You don't kiss your friends ass, but neither he yours. You can both shit on each other and listen intently with respect when appropriate.

It sounds like your frame is too weak. Work on strengthening it. As far as these current friends, whether you think this now uphill battle is worth fighting is up to you, but I'd personally prefer to monk mode and then make new friends.

Lateralanouncer · 2020-06-10T01:30:07+00:00

Because men have been divided and conquered. The band of brothers is no. Anything masculine is bad so every man/boy is for himself.

antariusz · 2020-06-10T06:47:12+00:00

Eh, just to be contrarian...

Sometimes people that think they are "self-improving" need a reality check that the things they are doing are not actually going to improve their lives...

For example: people that fall for MLM schemes think they are "improving themselves" and love to spread the gospel about how this is going to revolutionize their life and solve all their financial woes... but in actuality are just annoying.

IXseed · 2020-06-10T10:56:31+00:00

You're disrupting the pecking order. So when they see you moving up they have to test to see if you're really about it or just putting on a front, because your acting "out of bounds".
You're not spending time with them and avoiding them. Now if you're on your grind, that's fine but understand some aren't gonna be hard like that.
It's lame depending on your situation. If you're 25ish and learning about finance and trying to build, ok. If you're in college and using that to avoid building a social life you could see that as lame.
People don't wanna improve against their will. We tend to think we have time to do it later when we're young so when that's pushed up against us we resist. Also look at yourself. If you're constantly hitting ppl over the head with "self improving" they're not gonna wanna be around you.

mrmaskfawkes · 2020-06-10T15:43:23+00:00

The reason people will put you down its not because of their ego or their hatred of you for doing it. It's because they don't see the value in it and don't see why you want to do it. Most people are caught up in the moment or the way they live, but don't try to see it from your view. Me for instance one day I was telling someone I wanted to lose weight and they said I sounded like a women. That was a bruise to my ego, but later I realized that it shouldn't have been. That person projected the way they lived onto me and intern I didn't think to value what I was doing enough to me to get past it. My advice: Don't take it personally and value what your doing more than the words of people who don't have to live with your choices. People will always talk and put you down, but ten years down the line you'll see they had no clue that what you were doing was working ahead of them. Edit : grammar)

strongerthandeath97 · 2020-06-10T16:47:09+00:00

Because they are jealous.

I was fat kid all my life and then I lost all fat went to like 9% body fat with six pack abs,got broad shoulders and lats with tiny waist creating v shape,with perfect spartan chest and big biceps.I havent been too huge neither skinny,my muscles size was aestehtic and moderate,something between model and bodybuulder.I have just changed my self description,if you knew me you wouldnt recognize me if you saw me again.I was so low body fat with a lot of muscles,I looked awseome,especially it was a thing because before that I was fat and ugly,I also lost all pimples and my face becomed so clean and fresh.

However when I was fat and ugly noone was telling me that and noone cared,but when I transformed myself then a bunch of dudes that I knew would come to me to ask me how much I train ,i would tell them 3 times a week and when I told them they were just making faces and telling me how that is so much.They were telling me that if they would train that much,they would look way better,and ironically they never trained in their life.

They would always criticize me or try to bring me down in some way.All day long they would talk about my body and find something to make fun of. Even my father has becomed jealous of me,trying to make me to stop training,which I find sick,but it was way more subtle than with friends.

Ironically when I was fat they didnt even notice me,no one have critized me.

beard446 · 2020-06-10T17:03:48+00:00

Why do YOU care, is the bigger question. Do what you want to do and fucking own it, others will naturally accept it and admire your courage to be different and stick to your guns. I used to second guess and be extremely self conscious of everything I did but now I could walk down the street naked without a care. People respect me way more than before.

MattyAnon · 2020-06-10T17:53:23+00:00

Why do people try to bring you down when you’re on your self-improvement journey?

You going up makes them go down relatively speaking. Crabs in a bucket.

Why do your friends make fun of you when instead of hanging out with them every single day, doing the same things and wasting money; you choose to go to the library to study?

Basically the same. You make them look bad, so they drag you down. Find better friends.

Why do people call you “lame” or a “nerd”, when instead of organizing parties, you wanna form a book club reading and discussing financial advice books?

Because it bores them so they attack it.

Why is it so hard for people to see the multilayered benefits of self-improvement?

Because people are lazy and stupid.

I guess I really have outgrown some people...

Yep. Find better friends.

Stupyyy · 2020-06-09T21:57:19+00:00

Cause they know you are doing progress and they are not so they'll try to ridicule you

entrep4 · 2020-06-09T22:31:47+00:00

Why do people try to bring you down when you’re on your self-improvement journey?

You being better than them makes them feel bad.

Why do your friends make fun of you when instead of hanging out with them every single day, doing the same things and wasting money; you choose to go to the library to study?

You being better than them makes them feel bad.

Why do people call you “lame” or a “nerd”, when instead of organizing parties, you wanna form a book club reading and discussing financial advice books?

You being better than them makes them feel bad.

Why is it so hard for people to see the multilayered benefits of self-improvement?

They do, they're just too lazy to actually do it

fichgoony · 2020-06-09T23:19:49+00:00

Nobody likes change. The ones that do want to change are doing so to better themselves. The ones that dont are comfortable. Something to be taken from TRP is to never be comfortable, do not subject yourself to not improving and getting better.

When other see it, it changes their perception of you. The open minded ones will encourage, support, and be proud because of the shared mindset. The non open minded ones will bring you down to whatever measure they see fit. Let them do what they want but know that they are not your 'type 1' friend. And note the the ones that try to bring you down goes to show that you are ascending to the best version of yourself. If anything look at it from a different perspective, that is you are gradually getting towards your goal.

So don't stop, let it just be the fuel to your fire.

Mikejonz111 · 2020-06-09T23:25:54+00:00

Because your frame/success etc is a threat to their image (failure). In other words, you doing good makes them realize they’re doing bad therefore as a defense mechanism they will try to insult you to protect their beliefs - it’s all done subconsciously (they’re not realizing it)

Call it jealousy/envy.

Noodlesoupe2 · 2020-06-10T00:21:33+00:00

I’m gonna say something different from the pro-workaholic circlejerk going on and say that if you constantly shove your self-improvement down other people’s throats and can’t have fun once in a while people are going to see you as a holier than thou stick in the mud. You might not mean to come off this way but other people will be annoyed if you have an air of superiority bc other people like to relax and have fun once in a while. Don’t hang out with the party crowd if you rather read books all day.

TheRedApprentice · 2020-06-10T00:22:47+00:00

Crabs. Your friends are actual crabs.

Livecrazyjoe · 2020-06-10T00:25:04+00:00

Why ask why. Learn how not to give a fuck.

ppvknifefight · 2020-06-10T00:37:39+00:00

It's human nature why they do you that way.

georeddit2018 · 2020-06-10T02:02:56+00:00

Stop giving a fuck. Keep doing your own thing.

Filmguy000 · 2020-06-10T02:48:22+00:00

Because we as humans are all fundamentally not content with our lives. So if someone makes changes to improve, people will notice and feel resentment for that person achieving something they didn't. Essentially it's a primitive form of coping. This behavior can be found among people of all ages and social classes.

It's like the whole bucket of crabs analogy. If there is a bucket full of crabs, there is a solid chance that the ones that try to climb out will be pulled back in. Don't be that crab. Trust me, it took me too many years of my life to realizes this.

vwowv · 2020-06-10T05:13:33+00:00

If you have bro friends you have to keep them seperate from your bookclub friends. The part I see that's definately on you is you don't ask your bros if they want to join a book club. You need several circles of friends that don't have any/much overlap. Learn to manage more than 3 circles of friends.

kingofclubsmorde · 2020-06-10T06:13:04+00:00

Because they get a reaction out of you with the banter. Try to hold on a poker face next time and look at them silent. They'll grow out of it eventually when they'll recognize that they can't try to project their failures through you anymore.

Xp3kt · 2020-06-10T06:47:41+00:00

Crabs in a bucket

dark_rabbit · 2020-06-09T23:00:59+00:00

I'm curious how old you are? In short, no they don't, in fact its raising the bar for everyone else and they're asking for pointers on how to do the same. I ask because I'm in my mid-30s where self betterment is very much a thing. If I was in high school, I can see how my friends might be immature enough to act that way.

BlueBrye · 2020-06-10T00:42:20+00:00

It's a multilayered thing, but ultimately it's their insecurity manifesting. Seeing successful and aspiring people forces individuals to look in the mirror and re-evaluate themselves which in turn highlights their own misgivings. It's alot easier to be dismissive or devalue people and their hard work than confronting yourself.

CartographerLopsided · 2020-06-10T02:31:50+00:00

Thats life man, Nobody said it is easy. Just keep improving yourself cut the people who are toxic.

Askmeiwontsaynot · 2020-06-10T02:57:03+00:00

People are shit, do your own thing, follow your own path

2020-06-10T05:41:36+00:00

People get envious and jealous, so they try to put you back down to their level.
I don't understand the question. Friends can have banter, but if all they do is make fun of you and don't hang out with you, then they're not real friends and you should stop hanging out with them.
Because that's a lame and nerdy thing to do. You can do whatever you want, it's your life, but don't expect people to think the same way you think -- their idea of fun may be different to your idea of fun. That's fine, just get new friends who share your idea of fun.
People don't want to put in the work and effort that self-improvement requires. So, instead, they just ignore it.

You sound like you're still in High School, I am too. It's nonsensical to believe that the majority of people will be on board with self-improvement. Most of the kids at our age are more focused on parties and superficial ideas of status. It's their loss. If they don't want to invest in their futures, then that's their problem. Focus on yourself.

You already know that your "friends" don't really care about you, so drop them and stop caring about them. You're better off being alone than with fake friends. Always trust your gut.

jm51 · 2020-06-10T07:24:30+00:00

To clarify, you want all the advantages of being a winner, with no comeback from any of the losers you currently associate with?

yoaleks · 2020-06-10T07:30:14+00:00

Crab like mentality

flyinghorse1 · 2020-06-10T10:11:55+00:00

If you grow it threatens their mediocrity.

GlowInTheDarkDonkey · 2020-06-10T10:37:10+00:00

A lot of self-improvement is just another form of masturbation, and people aren't usually inclined to want to be a part of that.

A lot of self-improvement is just another form of self-deception, and people don't want to have to humor that.

A lot of self-improvement is just being a sheep to wolves, and some people don't want to encourage such behavior.

tl;dr A lot of self-improvement is just shifting ones ignorance from one area to another, without actual growth.

alphakari · 2020-06-10T13:18:47+00:00

They're probably giving you shit just to give you shit. I doubt if you pinned them down and asked them if studying is for losers they'd actually say yes.

Get over yourself.

ktrucklover2 · 2020-06-09T20:02:26+00:00

[deleted]

Title	Something that I am never going to understand...
Author	redpillasap
Upvotes	171
Comments	67
Date	June 9, 2020 7:34 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/gzu8dz/something_that_i_am_never_going_to_understand/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/something-that-i-am-never-going-to-understand.673148 https://theredarchive.com/post/673148

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