What went wrong?

Vouch33r · 2018-12-12T16:51:08+00:00

You acted like a computer program who executed red pill at all costs. It is normal that when you dont want to be her boyfriend, she will no longer chase you. You got what you wanted. Alpha Behavior will get you short term mating strategy. Pump and dump. You got it so be happy. If you want a girlfriend, then dont outright say no, but you have to agree eventually and she has to know about that possibility, at least subconsciously. And if you didnt want a gf but merely a plate - plates break eventually. Suck it up, next time you'll be smarter.

Shittybillyall · 2018-12-12T16:56:58+00:00

She wanted to be exclusive you did not. Done and done. Not every girl wants to remain plate status

Killmepls2018 · 2018-12-12T16:34:57+00:00

Too much alpha, she hasn't invested enough in you emotionally. Don't view things too red pulled, sometimes it's just normal human interaction.

xKo17 · 2018-12-12T17:50:16+00:00

If you out-alpha they will begin to think you do not care for them enough or express enough emotions. I honestly just learned this a few months ago, I am 21. Was in your same exact position and made the same exact mistake. In hindsight it sucked for awhile but on to the next.

Edit: You did not want to be exclusive. Only after the fact when you realized what you think you are missing out on do you think you want to be exclusive. She does not just want to be fwb.

Psychological_Radish · 2018-12-12T16:54:42+00:00

How do you expect us to give a proper assessment with no background or context? There just isn't enough detail here.

Speaking in general terms, Alpha fucks are short term by definition. I don't understand what the problem is, because it seems you didn't like her enough to want to go exclusive anyway. Many girls will walk away at that point. You can't keep plates around forever.

If you wanted to keep her around for a potential LTR, then you fumbled things by being too short with her. Girls need to believe you're attainable for them. The proper response would have been something to the effect of "I'm not ready for an exclusive relationship right now, but I wouldn't rule anything out in the future. I really enjoy spending time with you and would like to keep seeing you."

If you really don't feel that way, though, then it isn't right to tell her what she wants to hear just so you can keep tapping that.

floresw4 · 2018-12-12T16:57:10+00:00

Jesus you don’t have to act like a red pill robot unlike what some on this sub would have you think. Acting like a human being doesn’t immediately stamp “BETA” on your forehead

ALLTHEUSERNAMESRFUKI · 2018-12-12T18:47:42+00:00

It's important to mention that again, you were too Alpha, thus you succeeded in what being an Alpha accomplishes: pump and dump. If you honestly want a long-term relationship, you have to be both Alph and Beta. Ex. You have to pull the chick, but also be able to raise the damn kids and be there emotionally for her.

DaddyIssues6 · 2018-12-12T18:32:47+00:00

She wanted exclusivity but you didn’t, whats the problem here? Didn’t you achieve what you practiced for?

mustard5 · 2018-12-12T18:00:20+00:00

It seems to have gone perfectly well. Both of you drew a line in the sand concerning your expectations and given that you couldn't come to terms, the relationship concluded.

Do you think you would have benefited from compromising yourself?

-saltymangos- · 2018-12-12T18:48:54+00:00

she wanted to have you and you didn’t want to have her, long term.

plain and simple. she tried and you didn’t budge. this is obviously a good strategy if you want to fuck girls and not have any feels if they break, but a shit one if you want a LTR (obviously).

TheStumblingWolf · 2018-12-12T19:10:26+00:00

People aren't robots where you can set up "if <...> then <...>" statements and control their behavior. You need to learn outcome independence so this sort of stuff doesn't matter to you.

RedPillAlphaBigCock · 2018-12-12T17:59:03+00:00

You can treat good quality girls a bit better with more comfort

Girls with high self esteem (rare) can see through dickhead game - just be cool mayn

keelo44 · 2018-12-12T19:54:43+00:00

Sounds like this girl was a potential LTR & not a plate to you, otherwise her cutting contact shouldn’t matter at all. You treated her like a plate and used her until she broke, plain & simple. If you wanted to date her eventually then you should’ve gave her a little more hope instead of just going straight red pill on her when she started wondering about a relationship.

Your red pilled to a fault if you couldn’t see what went wrong here.

red_matrix · 2018-12-12T20:43:00+00:00

OP what did you want - a girlfriend or a plate?

Divine_Instrument · 2018-12-12T18:18:45+00:00

Girls do this. 2 weeks isn’t a long time. She wanted beta and exclusivity and you wouldn’t give it to her so she’s out looking for a beta while also applying some dread to you because she’s “gone.” Stay no contact until she reaches out and she will probably come back. If not give it 4-6 months and reach out. If and when she does come back titrate in just a very tiny amount of comfort and Beta here and there. On your terms of course, not when she demands it.

Keep in mind, plates do break. You may not have done anything wrong. She just wanted a boyfriend and you didn’t want to be one. Case closed.

mismm · 2018-12-12T19:06:38+00:00

Hm, plates break, that's why they are called plates. And they usually do so when the plate wants to stop spinning, ie, wants commitment.

Ansec · 2018-12-12T19:36:39+00:00

It's honestly a balancing act. I guess that's why they say spin plates. You went too alpha. The thing is that women will accept different levels of that.

If your goal is LTR then it's a numbers game. You really have to find the woman that fits you like a puzzle piece. Some one that compliments your life and you compliment hers. And there's not just one woman that will do that. There's millions. So learn what you did wrong, correct it, and try again with someone else.

omega_dawg93 · 2018-12-12T19:43:53+00:00

if you're under 25, why worry? you didn't want to be exclusive, so get more plates and enjoy your youth.

you'll have time to get all serious about this later (post 32).

faissaloo · 2018-12-12T19:59:41+00:00

TRP literature puts too much emphasis on alpha game because most everyone is trying to become a hypermasculine man-slut. Be more beta if you want a lasting relationship.

awalt_cupcake · 2018-12-12T22:56:46+00:00

Bro checkout an article of mine called "She wants Monogamy when her pussy isn't getting her what she wants" in my trp forum post history.

Girls get a harem of guys and reach for the highest before she gets knocked all the way down to the one that does finally commit. She got to your peg and you knocked her down by refusing to commit. She went down to the next peg and etc. Finally someone got her and she's a loyal girlfriend^TM for now. She's hurt too. Her ego said she could have it all but when she reached for the top she fell hard. So being a girlfriend is the right thing to do which includes shutting the door on you. Ghost. She may come knocking in about 5 months or more.

seedster5 · 2018-12-12T19:03:31+00:00

Jesus this is what's wrong with the red pill. It's turned into stupid MGTOW. Red pill is about shit tests and comfort tests. It's to give you the knowledge on how to survive modern relationship with the sexual revolution. What you did was treat your girl like a human sex toy. He'll I should take out the human part. You don't treat your bros like that.

Zech4riah · 2018-12-13T11:41:33+00:00

Only misunderstood TRP concepts made you believe that.

Only unknowledgeable trp guys made you believe that.

When the girl talks about commitment for the first time, the relationship has hard expiration date. It depends of the girl how long it is. It may be 2 weeks, it may be 6 months.

The guys who keep bragging about plates they have had for years (after the commitment talk), keep them around machvellian style (giving false hopes about commitment, throwing a bigger bone once awhile etc.). You kept your frame and behaviour congruent and respected her as a human being. The down side is that she got frustrated and left. The positive side is that she left because of frustration - not because loss of attraction which means that you can get her back later.

Now, wait for 4-6 months (if she doesn't contact you) and after that time send her a casual message and ask how she is doing etc and if it seems good, try to arrange a date if she doesn't have BF etc. If she agrees, continue where you left. Meanwhile game other girls and expand your roster.

PS. TRP never tells you not to talk about ANY feelings. Only the negative ones and/or in negative way which make you seem weaker.

dtyler86 · 2018-12-12T20:18:54+00:00

Women are humans. Humans don’t like their time being wasted unless they’re getting something g out of it. You got what you wanted, she didn’t. Game over.

My biggest personal rule is: if you have to ask, you care more than you realize.

recon_johnny · 2018-12-12T20:36:23+00:00

Everyone's said about the plate v. gf, which is true.

However, there's the Push and Pull you have to master.

That dynamic is key to maintaining attraction and interest. Keep Pushing all the time, and she will do what happened...she thinks you don't want her. Pull a few times, and she'll be invested.

steppenwolfofwallst · 2018-12-12T20:48:13+00:00

This is an area that tripped me up in the past. The bottom line is that you have to balance power/aloofness with making her feel good. As long as she knows you're alpha and you regularly hold frame, you absolutely should show emotion, feel emotion, and even express it. There's a reason guys who are good with women are called "sweet talkers" and "charmers." The way you describe this, it sounds like you came across as either boring, dumb (a two-word reply?), or even autistic (never spoke your feelings?).

I told two girls they were hot the other day. Now, if they saw me as some needy beta, that would have been bad. But, both of these women know other women want me, they know I am actively talking to other women, and both are angling for exclusivity. So in this case, telling them they are hot is a huge dopamine hit to the brain. If I just sat back and didn't engage them or get them feeling something, they'd be gone by now.

Jsieijejeieokkd · 2018-12-12T21:15:55+00:00

Good answers here, my only addition is that Push-Pull only works if you pull sometimes.

Narcofunk · 2018-12-12T22:33:07+00:00

Been there too recently.. If it's anything like my case, she had options, and you were one of them. She moved on to the next guy and you should move on with your other options. She might contact you back at some point. Or maybe not, does it really matter? Stick to the plan, you didn't necessarily do something wrong.

maljo24 · 2018-12-12T23:49:20+00:00

You are learning about TRP. It has its limitations.

walawalawa · 2018-12-13T00:45:36+00:00

This is where congruency is vital to understanding the Red Pill. Guys when they first learn game see it as a super-power. Then the girl starts to poke holes into it aka shit-test.

If you don't believe what in what you're doing you're only acting and then something like what you described will happen. If all that happened and you didn't care...then you would be fully Red Pilled.

You're experiencing what many of us did...a misalignment between your thoughts and actions. Red Pill isn't a set of actions it's a set of beliefs...a mindset.----Game is the set of actions that deliver the results.

OfficerWade · 2018-12-13T01:11:30+00:00

There’s two sides to the game but most wont talk about it.

You have to stop being too cool for school. If you think she’s asking you to be exclusive in desperation, or lack of abundance you are dead wrong. She dangled a carrot in front of you and the universe is using the stick approach. I Hope you can repair this, friend.

UnbreakableFrame · 2018-12-13T04:46:26+00:00

Everyone keeps saying something along the lines of "she wanted exclusivity and you didn't.", but that's clearly not the case or the issue at hand. The issue (and the reason you posted this) is actually this: you wanted exclusivity (or at least some form of LTR) and pretended you didn't, so when she left, you became upset. If the first statement was true, this post wouldn't exist. It's not true and therefor we are here discussing this topic. Being alpha isn't about having no feels. Being alpha is about getting what you want out of life. If you want to be exclusive with a girl, you can do that. You just have to do it within your frame and on your terms.

You were actually operating under a form of covert contract. "If I pretend I don't want you, you will want me more." That's not alpha. It's a form of LARPing out an otherwise alpha concept, which reads more like this: "Just because I'm uninterested in committing to you that doesn't necessarily mean you won't continue to want to be sexual with me." You were trying to feign indifference to commitment as a means to secure her loyalty and continued interest in you. That's simply not a healthy strategy and that's NOT a correct understanding of the RP concept you are trying to apply.

rAFCdadHUSBAND · 2018-12-13T05:50:06+00:00

+1 "I KEPT LIFTING"

-i think the OP hasn't got enough credit here yet-

+1 Made a plan to be Alpha and follow redpill to.the.letter. Overshot, but holy shit it's refreshing to read "wuz 2 Alpha" instead of "i wuz such nice wut hap'n?"

+1 for holding the line and executing said plan.

+1 if he learns to calibrate better in the next relationship.

Possible -1 for whining.

rAFCdadHUSBAND · 2018-12-13T05:58:28+00:00

We need to know the age of the girl ...

Boy wants to fuck.

22yo gf wants to fuck get knocked up and be a mom with a father who will be present, hopefully. Make her mother proud.

32yo single mother of 2.3 kids just wants to fuck.

Men sometimes forget that sex is about reproduction for the girl, it's a deep seated biological drive that may carry a lot more weight than your 'game'. I can read about game from books, her game is HARDWIRED IN EVERY STRAND OF HER DNA.

This may be what actually went wrong.

INNASKILLZ2K18 · 2018-12-16T04:51:15+00:00

You have to work out what YOU want...and how to play it by YOUR terms. Do YOU want a LTR, or pump and dumps?

To me, pump and dumps and plates are good...but it gets old after a while.

The real aim of pump and dumps, in early phase...is about developing yourself, losing g neediness, losing approval seeking, pedestals, all that stuff. Working on YOU.

After these mindframes have been integrated, you can work with more long term sorta relationships...but you can do them on your terms, and keeping your frame.

Girls still want you to display those alpha traits...but like others have said...add some comfort. Enjoy them, while they last...it's more fulfilling than pump and dumps...but maintain your deeper beliefs, it's on your terms.

And make sure she is always meeting your needs, and offer comfort as a reward.

sonnydanger · 2018-12-13T02:37:33+00:00

You went full alpha mode, which works when you actually have an abundance of broads 24/7. But in this case, i'm assuming she was your main piece so it was inevitable that it would fail. Also, don't take redpill word by word, at the end of the day redpill is a toolbox, use the right tools for the job.

Whisper · 2018-12-13T06:16:32+00:00

Sperg-like typing detected.

This is about becoming more attractive, not a concise series of buttons you push to mind-control every chick.

phareux · 2018-12-12T20:14:56+00:00

She will probably hit you up in a couple of weeks, then you can just hit her with “do u wanna hook up just for fun?”

SmartAdhesiveness · 2018-12-12T19:14:27+00:00

How can anybody answer what went wrong if you don’t say what you wanted out of the relationship?

fromnj32 · 2018-12-18T06:21:35+00:00

She's an adult and you're an idiot who takes the advice of redditors whose experience with women is limited to when they checkout at their local grocery store. I am late to this thread but damn you need to hear it.

FwoGiZ · 2018-12-12T19:23:21+00:00

Not enough info to give a proper assessment but
I'd say things could have gotten wayyyy worst without RP! She prolly needs someone to nag, to bitch at and stuff and obviously you were not gonna put up with that BS so you dodged a bullet bro.

It could also be something you did too much, not enough, not the right way, not at the right time....

Title	What went wrong?
Author	Rkingpin
Upvotes	84
Comments	102
Date	December 12, 2018 4:18 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/a5jknl/what_went_wrong/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/what-went-wrong.70450 https://theredarchive.com/post/70450

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