Beta gets the girl, not the alpha?

skyking007 · 2014-04-20T02:24:08+00:00

To be honest you just sound like a judgmental douche, who thinks is better than everyone else , be humble and don't try so hard.

ithearrow · 2014-04-19T23:11:13+00:00

When it doubt, check your intentions

Duhy · 2014-04-20T04:20:13+00:00

It sounds to me like you've lost in one department: genuine interest. You make it sound like you're following a formula, a definite strategy in order to win out on the women you want in your life. Being "alpha" (I'm starting to hate that word) isn't only about being aloof, and abundant. It also comes with not looking outwards for comparison, or being able to pass the word "beta" onto others. Your friends won because they showed genuine interest, and showed that they actually care for the girls they're going for.

There was a few posts here on seddit that discusses exactly that. The goal of seddit is to improve yourself but also to become someone who can offer and improve the lives of others after improving your own. Sounds to me like you're in a mindset where you're still competing with your friends all the while trying to prove yourself to others, rather than to try and conquer the problems and move forward on your own.

As for your example, it sounds to me like the girl's already head over heels for your friend. It doesn't matter what he's doing wrong at this point, she's into him. Those "things" will either bug her at some point after the honeymoon phase, or she'll learn to tolerate them. Either way, not a good comparison point.

Usually, that's where I lose a lot of girls. They'll turn me down, and say we could still be friends.

You've pointed it out earlier already, but yes, you're most likely missing the physical contact, and building rapport before you specifically ask a girl out. Explicitly saying date is great, given you don't emphasize it (assert, not emphasize. There's a difference)

Example: "Well, it seems I've found that fun side of you. How about we meet up, and I'll show you my idea of fun? If you're boring though, the date's off! smirk" versus "Hey, let's meet up next week? I'll take you out. I mean as in, I'm going to take you out on a DATE, okay?". One sounds fun, exciting... where as the other just sounds... eck, robotic, scripted?

Edit: To add to this, through the methods I've learned over the past year and a half in seddit, I was able to find a girl I truly enjoy being with. Apparently, I won her over because I cared more about ensuring my friends looked good around others, and I'd always try and let others see the best of my friends, especially around girls. I learned that from a post somewhere in seddit, and realized it's more important that everyone around me feels good about themselves first. The rest follows. The mentality is, if everyone feels good while being around me, then I don't need to purposely try and qualify myself at all. I'm around good company.

Edit 2: That being said, boosting your friend's confidence levels means you'll be around a group of confident individuals, which in the end works in your favour also. I mean, unless you're worried you'll be overshadowed? But if that's the case, you're doing it wrong already.

pretty_sheep · 2014-04-20T01:58:56+00:00

Well your whole idea of being "alpha" sounds pretty immature. It probably is very obvious and you just come off as a dick / try hard.

DudeWithAHighKD · 2014-04-20T07:12:40+00:00

Being alpha doesn't cure what seems to be a shitty personality.

lasagnaman · 2014-04-20T04:14:27+00:00

they ask girls out in the most wishy-washy ways (e.g., "when will you be free?... ok, what do you want to do?" or "we should hang out sometime").

Are they actually DATING those girls or just hanging out with them in some fashion that could be construed as nonromantic?

okipandemonium · 2014-04-20T08:07:06+00:00

girls aren't some prize or game to be won.. i think when you come off like an alpha, girls can detect that and it turns them off...

i think the whole alpha and beta thing is bullshit... you treat a woman as if she's a person, listen to her, make her feel special, have fun, she's gonna appreciate you at the end of the day.... whether you went about it in an "alpha/beta" way

seddit can get out of hand. they just encourage you to be bold and brave and just start talking to girls. i think it is helpful and does have its advantages, but its not an automatic blueprint for success. Just cause you made eye contact, initiated a conversation, and seemed confident doesn't mean a girl is going to appreciate you and want you in a romantic relationship. IT does help, but it's not an automatic key to success...

If you're going to use touch or kino, do it in a way where you're comfortable and by the way HAVING FUN...

If you're naturally a kind-hearted person that's nice, don't try to alter yourself into an asshole if you're uncomfortable in having that jerkoff demeanor.. You're literally treating girls in a way you don't want to treat them all because you read some posts on the internet about how being an asshole gets girls.

I think what guys tend to forget is girls like to have fun. and lot of times, a guy that teases them or is mean to them is fun. a guy that doesn't reciprocate their feelings and ignores them is fun. That's why girls like "jerks" or "mean guys". Not cause of the actual teasing or whatever "insert what you think "jerks" do"....

In the same way, you can make a girl have fun and have a good time by being yourself. That's way better than trying to approach them with bunch of seddit recommendations you're not comfortable applying.

And I know i made a lot of general assumptions but this wasn't aimed towards you. This is just for everyone that relies too much on seddit. No hate man. All love..

In the end, never take yourself too seriously and be comfortable in your own skin because it's the only one you got.

TLDR; HAVE FUN

HappyJerk · 2014-04-20T01:36:32+00:00

You might be trying too hard to come off as "cold" and look uninterested. Also you may just be hanging out with weird girls.

2014-04-20T14:42:13+00:00

It can be easy for betas to get dates. Doesn't mean that much if nothing actually happens. A lot of beta guys take a low risk-low reward approach. Girls may be friendly to them and go out on a date with them, but it doesn't necessarily mean that anything more happens. Hell, sometimes it's more like, "Thanks for the free food! Here's a little kiss on the cheek and a pat on the head so I don't feel obligated to put out and you feel like you got somewhere." Except with much less cynicism and much less exaggeration. Shut up, you get the point.

Lots of girls are going to turn you down. That's fine. It's better to get a clear answer rather than to beat around the bush like most guys do. You want a personality that's somewhat polarizing (at least in the context of PUA). It means you're not afraid to be who you are. That's a good thing, as long as you're -NOT- being sociopathic.

Someone mentioned to "check your intentions", and I think that's pretty good advice. Being high-energy, a leader, etc. are good things, as long as you're coming from the right place (i.e. non-needy, outcome independent, not validation seeking, offering value, etc.). Otherwise, it can be incredibly off-putting, creepy, etc.

It's funny how a lot of guys in this thread are calling you a judgmental douche (without even knowing who you are), all the while being judgmental themselves. Projection at its finest. Don't listen to the keyboard warriors. Dating advice forums tend to attract mental masturbation.

Fiannaidhe · 2014-04-20T04:04:26+00:00

http://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/comments/23fuuy/has_anyone_been_hit_on_by_someone_using_pua/

watermelonpickle · 2014-04-20T06:52:45+00:00

I've got this friend. We'll call him Auggie, we've been speculating lately that he may be schizophrenic, he's not bright at all, and is an all around odd individual.
Last Tuesday, my friends and I were hanging out and Auggie gets some girl he met off of tinder to come over and hang out with us. He also gets her to go to our local Applebee's trivia night with us.

The entire time, he was making an ass of himself, he was telling us he absolutely knew the answer to questions he later admitted to having no idea about, when he went to the bathroom the girl would kind of laugh and ask us what's wrong with him. She was showing much more interest in me than she was in him. She would re-initiate conversation with me and play footsies, etc. After her saying "fuck you" to me I said "really? in the restaurant?" to which she responded "I don't think I'd be able to say no to you" as she looked me up and down and grinned.

But, all of that aside. I wasn't all too interested in her, and kind of took those things with a grain of salt, that and I didn't want to step on Auggie's toes. Fast forward, to our surprise, she ended up sleeping with him in spite of having acknowledged how bizarre, unintelligent and unsettling he is, and in spite of having shown interest in one of his friends.

What was the difference that got him laid? He was putting forth genuine effort, with genuine interest and genuine intentions, and escalated physical contact.

I think some other people have commented on this, but it seems as though you are doing things kind of robotically and approaching for the sake of approaching, rather than approaching because you genuinely want something with that person. Even when you find success this way, it won't be as satisfying because you won't genuinely want what you end up getting from that approach. It seems like you're wanting validation, not to actually form a bond with another person.

There's a good chance I'm wrong, I make mistakes too. But none the less, I felt inclined to give you my two cents. Hopefully you can take something from it, but if not, that's cool too.

nosesandsight · 2014-04-20T08:18:23+00:00

This reeks of a troll post

giffengoods · 2014-04-20T16:21:15+00:00

Your friends are probably more physically attractive than you are. Be honest with yourself.

If they have the confidence to send a shirtless pic, sounds like a) they're pretty good looking b) they're confident.

klownkillah · 2014-04-20T17:53:00+00:00

Claims to be intelligent, but doesn't know the correct use of "whom"

You're an idiot

Diece · 2014-07-07T05:56:59+00:00

I saw something similar at a party once, dude walked in we'll call him Steve so said 10 word the entire night and had sex with the hottest girl there. Dude was a fucking boss.

CaptConstantine · 2014-04-19T23:50:28+00:00

What does HB mean?

hmott3 · 2014-04-19T22:38:08+00:00

Would you even want his girl? Its quality not quantity.

However its well known sub consciously females will often select beta males they can control to help raise off spring when they are ready to settle down. This doesn't mean they love them and treat them right, and its also well documented these guys often end up raising another males children with her. That alpha guys kid she really lusted after no doubt.

If your doing well, you know it, keep it up and it will work out for you in the end.

Shubrook · 2014-04-20T01:58:37+00:00

You may not be telling the girl that you want to fuck her before you ask her on a date.

Don't tell her with your words, tell her with your body and your eyes. When she tells you, with her body and eyes, that she knows you want to fuck her, then ask her on a date.

Crescendo91 · 2014-04-20T07:43:46+00:00

Women are some of the most immature creatures purely because like children, they like everything to be as low-pressure and easy as possible. Putting a label automatically does the opposite. Puts on pressure and airs, somehow women can't handle that and bail. That and plus it makes it easier for them to rationalize behaviour such as flaking on you for someone who has stronger game than you. Cant be slutty for seeing two, maybe three guys in a single night if all you were doing was "hanging out." Thats why girls always respond better to "hang out" than "date." doesn't matter how you phrase it, purely because in the end if your game is strong enough, she'll know your intentions. But you are right, never ever supplicate.

Title	Beta gets the girl, not the alpha?
Author	giffengoods
Upvotes	17
Comments	46
Date	April 19, 2014 10:17 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/23gu8l/beta_gets_the_girl_not_the_alpha/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/beta-gets-the-girl-not-the-alpha.1287033 https://theredarchive.com/post/1287033

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