Dear r/seddit I'm currently feeling like shit but have learned a painful lesson that might help others - It has NOTHING to do with how you look.

dioxholster · 2013-10-13T17:09:14+00:00

Obviously she could see right through you

Mishraji · 2013-10-13T21:10:29+00:00

Your conclusion is only partly right.

It has nothing to do with your LOOKS ALONE

SexySmexxy · 2013-10-13T18:49:52+00:00

I click on him and find that he's short, overweight, not remotely attractive and working at one of our entry level positions earning nothing.

there should have been no competition on paper,

I'm not a pro or anything, and i wouldn't even call this a rookie mistake, this is a life lesson everybody should fucking know.

Looks don't mean nearly as much as personality. If you want to actually get anywhere in life, anything past a superficial level of something then you are going to need a good personality.

Think of all the complete assholes you knew, and look where they are now. Now seperate the assholes who brought something to the table and those who didn't.

You paycheck, car and clothing aren't what you bring to the table, they are the table. You go to the table and you bring you. No girl who isn't a golddigger ready to leave you in 10 seconds will actually stay with a guy just because of his possesions. You can't marry possesions.

If you are just a vapid, empty person with no depth then you will lose to the fat, poorer guy every single time because he has personality.

Some people might find this... news or be shocked but its the truth. If you can't bring anything to the table, then don't be so proud of the table.

89wasagoodyear · 2013-10-13T21:37:02+00:00

Don't be too hard on yourself. He may have just had a warm and friendly personality, regard and respect for this woman in terms of things above and beyond her physical appearance, has his life's priorities in order, good manners, a great sense of humor, good work ethic and etc. It is my experience that women go for these things far more than the job you have, type of car you drive and suit you wear. That's all nice, but if you have personality flaws and misguided priorities, it's probably not going to go well for you. OP, maybe you have all those other qualities, but didn't feel they were important enough to mention. They are very important, far more than the things you list. OP I wish you well.

entboarder · 2013-10-13T18:24:27+00:00

"How to make friends and influence people" might help you.

RefugeeDormin · 2013-10-13T19:46:38+00:00

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kawazuswiss · 2013-10-13T20:41:13+00:00

first of all, don't compare yourself to other guys, that's the first mistake. I can kind of relate in that being good looking and successful can kind of be a disadvantage, you become too laid back thinking there's nothing you need to do to get chicks, you have it all. It was only after not comparing myself to other guys and thinking how much better I am that I started attracting all kinds of girls. You are you and you can be the best version of yourself regardless if your "better" or "worse" than someone else, whatever the fuck that means.

browsing_from_tablet · 2013-10-13T21:36:33+00:00

As a short, out of shape guy with a crappy car, I can verify that this is true.

RGD365 · 2013-10-14T00:37:21+00:00

You sound like a total dickhead. That's probably why she wasn't interested in you.

grimpspinman · 2013-10-13T18:40:26+00:00

Maybe she likes shorter, rounder men, compared to taller slimmer guys. You never know, man.

SimplePickup5 · 2013-10-13T20:54:58+00:00

The difference was not game. This is not about acting attractive. It's about BEING attractive. It's your identity, stupid

thefunniest1 · 2013-10-13T19:40:23+00:00

Looks matter to get your foot in the door. Status and other things like that allow you to have a chance with more attractive women that are into that type of thing.

After that it doesn't matter too much

Riverboat_Gambler · 2013-10-13T20:15:23+00:00

Objectively, there should have been no competition on paper, she should now be my GF, but I have NO game, his was obviously better despite his shortcomings on paper.

Objectively, you have a bad personality. No wonder she wouldn't go out with you, christ.

rockcock69 · 2013-10-13T21:30:32+00:00

Bro it could be that you're not her type for real you shouldn't piss off on yourself just because there's just one girl you can't impress

narett · 2013-10-13T20:20:47+00:00

Haha well this is pathetic. Tall, slim, have a great job, make good money, drive an expensive car, always wearing expensive slim fit suits, and often told to be good-looking but you come across as having less depth than a sheet of computer paper.

2013-10-13T19:49:10+00:00

"entry level positions earning nothing."

He's lucky to have a job at all...You don't need to be so bitter to shit on him because he's working to earn, apparently "nothing".

PsyanideInk · 2013-10-13T22:19:17+00:00

Yeah... he probably has a much better personality than you. Because, as it turns out, women are people and tend to make dating decisions based on who they like, rather than their extensive spreadsheets of how much you make, and how well your suit fits.

Seriously, stop measuring yourself against other people. Your external "game" comes second to your inner game. Get that shit straightened out.

Mouthpiece · 2013-10-13T22:46:04+00:00

So tell us something constructive: how are you using the lesson you've learned with this girl to take positive steps to acquire some game, so that you can be mailing top-shelf kitty by the end of the year?

NewLineCinema · 2013-10-14T02:31:11+00:00

Dude, you have no idea what happened.

She could have been seeing that dude for awhile before you even met her.

She could be into that type of guy.

You might be overestimating how you look.

You have no way of knowing why it didn't work out with that girl.

AndrewnotJackson · 2013-10-14T03:07:57+00:00

Or he just has a huge penis.

nobody2000 · 2013-10-13T22:50:00+00:00

You should let this galvanize you as it has done for me. You know what's important now, and you can shoot for the stars.

I do think that being fashionable is important. It helps me feel good about myself, and it does give you a modest bump in value. You should work hard for any incremental improvement on yourself - it's what the best golfers do - even if they shave fractions of a stroke off their game, it's good.

A friend from high school who I never saw as a romantic prospect lives far away but I'm friends with her on Facebook. She's an HB9, smart, athletic, she's definitely the whole package.

Well - her profile picture is of her and her boyfriend - a dude that looks exactly like me. BAM - mindfuck. This isn't a Kevin James on 'King of Queens' situation - this is real life. I'm overweight (but losing weight through diet and exercise), and so it this guy.

So yeah - looks - they're worth something, but not as much as many make it out to be.

uglybunny · 2013-10-13T23:36:14+00:00

She was then moved to a project that I manage

Personally I proceed with caution when it comes to women at the work place, and I stay the hell away from women I manage.

I took her out for lunch a few times (in a work context)

I'm not trying to be harsh, but big mistake. You want to meet outside of work so that you're not in a work context. This is to protect yourself professionally as well as to increase your chances of actually getting somewhere.

In my opinion, meeting someone for a "business" lunch and flirting with them might give the impression you're asking for a quid pro quo. Asking a co-worker if they want to meet for a drink after work shows interest. Drop the pre-text. Any woman you really like deserves to be given the straight dope, especially when it comes to showing your desire and building attraction.

I pretty much boil it down to this: Kino while in a work context? Meeting with the HR manager. Kino outside of a work context? The path to bang-town.

I would also avoid doing the Facebook thing until you've almost completely closed the deal. For some reason I find the flake ratio is much higher if she can satisfy her curiosity about me by looking at my profile.

It sucks when someone doesn't reciprocate the feelings you have for them, but you'll be fine. You may have struck out with this lady, but you'll meet someone else.

sandgoose · 2013-10-14T02:02:50+00:00

She doesn't give a shit about you, and the fact that you're her superior creeps her the fuck out. Don't date people you work with.

Reliable_black_man · 2013-10-13T16:40:59+00:00

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heyyou11 · 2013-10-13T18:53:14+00:00

There is always the chance she was dating this guy during the time period you were trying to arrange meetups. Heads up you might have still crushed this guy. It's hard to know, and though you claim you have no game, you still have no proof this guy does either. He could have just gotten lucky.

GorillaJ · 2013-10-13T21:12:33+00:00

You come off painfully insecure in nearly every facet of your life. You rush to portray yourself as fantastic and impressive due to your accomplishments, but what do we care? You hammer in how much better than this other guy you are on paper, and then obsess over this issue..

I wouldn't even worry about game, dude, you don't really need game. You can't hide how much you look down on yourself with cocky plays. Figure out why you're so down on yourself and work on that.

typtyphus · 2013-10-13T19:33:43+00:00

Maybe she thinks you're out of her league.

bigmachine · 2013-10-13T18:31:39+00:00

you are correct sir. nothing to do with looks. all with the swag or attitude and how you carry yourself.

erikon · 2013-10-13T20:26:25+00:00

not very much related, but I'm so curious to know what car you drive

secantstrut · 2013-10-13T21:43:17+00:00

You sound like an asshole and arrogant. Thats why the other guy got the girl.

2013-10-13T21:57:50+00:00

I think I know what the problem is...

You think having money, a nice job, wearing a nice suit and driving a nice car makes you an interesting and attractive person to other interesting and attractive people.

In actual fact you sound like you have the personality of a plank of wood.

Lucky escape for her I'd say.

Corastin · 2013-10-13T20:08:39+00:00

She would also feel inferior if she were your girl. I guess it is quite common.

SomeGuyInDeutschland · 2013-10-14T13:10:57+00:00

I for one am happy OP and to this realization. It may be obvious to others but we all want to tell the world when we finally make sense of something.

HappyJerk · 2013-10-13T16:20:59+00:00

Heh. Yeah it sucks when a girl chooses a guy that is objectively worse than you in every way, just because he played her right and you didn't. But then again, you also have to realize that every girl is different and is basically a bundle full of fucked up emotions, so God knows why she didn't pick you.

EDIT: I think this post got targeted by some downvote brigade or thing like SRS

nomis_nehc · 2013-10-14T00:40:42+00:00

Haha. You friend zoned yourself real early on. Sorry buddy.

NevEP · 2013-10-14T01:48:51+00:00

You are not your fucking khakis.

annoyedatwork · 2013-10-14T01:49:03+00:00

♫ Pretty women go walking with gorillas down my street ... ♫

horrorpink · 2013-10-14T01:58:08+00:00

Maybe it's not your game, or lack thereof, that's the problem. Maybe it's just about how conceited you are. That's never an attractive quality.

humpaa · 2013-10-14T01:58:47+00:00

good personality > shit personality.

OP has straight up admitted it.

Caudata · 2013-10-14T06:21:58+00:00

Soubds like you've spent all your time making money and you didnt learn the other aspect of life.

youre playing it safe and beating around the bush for weeks. Take risks, but not the rapey-baby-kicking kind, and dont be afraid when you get shut down. You're a man, you can take it. Remember the higher the risk the bigger the reward. Just dont be a rapist-baby-kicking-dolphin-stabbing-maniac.

HurbleBurble · 2013-10-14T09:42:09+00:00

Or maybe he was compatible with her...

mister_zd · 2013-10-14T09:48:36+00:00

One could interpret a man with an expensive car, expensive clothes, someone who puts too much effort in how they look as overcompensating for lack of personality and confidence. Which is what I believe you are doing.

Willem20 · 2013-10-14T10:15:58+00:00

Nope, it doesn't necesarilly has to do how you look.

But for fucks sake man, it does give a fucking benefit.

Im 192 cm, I work out effectively, which gives me a good muscular look, I have a light beard which I keep trimmed and look maintained, i am a prooud follower of /r/Malefashionadvice and dress well, I have a good haricut which suits me really well and gives me the 'modern man'-look.

All of this gives me situations where I don't even have to approach or or try hard to attract women.

Looks don't need to matter, but if you take good care of yourself, give yourself some worthiness, it doesn benefit your interaction with people in general.

clls · 2013-10-14T11:17:12+00:00

at first the girl wasn't that hot to you, but because of her personality you really really liked her. she is with a guy that isn't that hot, but now she really really likes him..

I doubt that it's about 'game', maybe they were just more compatible or maybe he just has a better personality. maybe you're not as pretty as you think. who knows, really

Deebo33 · 2013-10-15T05:53:47+00:00

Don't let that phase you. I am willing to bet that he is caving into her hard. He is giving her everything she wants and is telling her everything that she wants to hear. Trust me those relationships don't last, she will eventually get bored of his niceness ("oh you deserve better", "You deserve better than me") and she will look for someone who is more attractive and more successful.

helserikdomogfamilie · 2013-10-13T18:43:07+00:00

Thanks man, I'm not the most ripped dude you'll meet, always a little insecure about that. Good to know it accounts for less than I thought.

m1l4droid · 2013-10-13T19:31:27+00:00

You mean to tell me, me working out my ass off, literally, to get game, is for nothing?

Jayboyturner · 2013-10-13T21:00:24+00:00

I agree, it should be obvious looks aren't everything. Personality is the most important thing, and if you're not very nice then don't expect to get worthwhile and fulfilling relationships.

todayismyday2 · 2013-10-13T21:05:55+00:00

If you could learn body language, that would do 90% of the game for you. Other things (verbal stuff) would just fall into place due to hormones. Other people, have to deal with stereotypes in their head (that they don't have a car or that the girl does not like your height (and trust me - if ylu think it's not true, it does not mean that girls don't think)), unlike you. Be happy and stop complaining that it has nothing to do with how you look, because it really does have. It's just NOT an excuse not to outperform yourself, like everyone thinks it is.

swaglessness1 · 2013-10-13T21:03:13+00:00

I call bullshit. All you need to do is be good to average looking. People say "beauty is skin deep" or whatever, but in reality people (men and women) judge you at first glance. As an ugly guy who is friends with mostly attractive guys, I know the whole shutout moment or "who's your friend" moment. Don't tell me it's not about how you look. Maybe you're not as good looking as you think, or came off as conceited.

Title	Dear r/seddit I'm currently feeling like shit but have learned a painful lesson that might help others - It has NOTHING to do with how you look.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	164
Comments	132
Date	October 13, 2013 3:28 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1ocwly/dear_rseddit_im_currently_feeling_like_shit_but/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/dear-rseddit-im-currently-feeling-like-shit-but.1359862 https://theredarchive.com/post/1359862

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