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[–]Dodechaedron 150 points151 points152 points 4 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Do you mean that confidence is more 'natural' when you have achievements to back it up? I agree. Otherwise being confident is a plus. Being arrogant is a minus but I wouldn't equate "confidence without assets" = "arrogance".
[–]PiantGenis 29 points30 points31 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Homie is trying to show confidence when really he's selling arrogance and hasn't quite figured out the difference. The post itself is a perfect example.
[–]adorablehomepets 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
what is difference ?
i always struggled with it.
[–]PiantGenis 35 points36 points37 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Carrying yourself in a positive way, being humble, self-aware, non-reactive, these all display confidence. Boasting, trying to gain validation by proving others wrong, always being right, flat out rejecting feedback, all these come off as arrogant.
a more elegant definition: Arrogance is the need to convince yourself and others that you're good at what you do. Confidence is being convinced of your strengths but fully aware of your weaknesses (which you know how to address)
[–]Minty_MantisShrimp 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
My guy out here with the facts
[–]brownies 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I was thinking about this recently, too. I'm no expert, but this is the framing I landed on so far:
Confidence is self-acceptance and self-understanding: You have some sense of your own strengths and weaknesses, and you have the peace that comes from knowing you're working on improving the things that you can change. "Bad" things that happen in the world are just more data to help you, and you're comfortable knowing they're not a judgment on your self-worth.
Arrogance is self-rejection: You loudly insist that you are something other than what you are, hoping you can be loud enough to convince yourself. "Bad" things that happen in the world are a rejection of this claim, so you end up taking them personally and getting defensive to protect your "identity."
[–]PiantGenis 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
spot on. you can smell the arrogance in every reply op has made too. Tons of really great data points here for self improvement if he chooses to accept them though!
[–]LimiTrix[🍰] 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Personally I associate confidence with being unaffected by the outcome. This means that you should do what you want to and disregard the outcome to an extent. However it becomes arrogance when at least one of the possible outcome is negative. An example would be acting slightly funny for the sake of lighting up the mood is a sign of confidence while insulting someone just because you don’t care what happens is a sign of arrogance. Cmiiw.
[–]ChutiyaChutney420 27 points28 points29 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
By that definition no rich, good looking or successful person can be considered arrogant. And no unsuccessful, unhealthy poor person can be considered confident.
What you say is way too vague and wrong
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
[–]Lon4reddit 17 points18 points19 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I think that this is the right answer to OP. Humans can be confident in themselves
[–]Woujo 43 points44 points45 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
No. Wrong. This is just OP making excuses for not being confident.
Women evolved to like the feeling of confidence even when nothing backs it up. Tons of losers with nothing going for them get women because they act confident.
No. Wrong.
[+]VeliVoy -17 points-16 points-15 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Man come on
[–]GO_Zark 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
No, Woujo is correct. You can want the world to behave in a certain way and that's all well and good, but reality doesn't behave in what we consider "ideal" ways a lot of the time. Humans are emotional beings and usually make decisions based on emotions and then come up with logical justifications for those emotion-based decisions later.
A self-confident person usually makes other people feel positive emotions when they're around that person - safe, relaxed, excited, joyous, aroused, etc. Humans like feeling those emotions so being around someone who creates them is attractive.
If you look at it from a logical frame of reference, that might not make sense. But when you look at from an emotional frame of reference, it makes complete sense.
Further, self confidence shouldn't be dependent on specific status symbols. You can (and I say, should) feel good about yourself for your accomplishments and those don't have to be tied into typical "attraction switches" like fitness, network, wealth, etc. You can be self confident about your grades, how well you care for your pets or plants, your high score in Rock Band, basically whatever you want and it will be attractive to someone out there.
The point of the whole sub isn't "you have to be x" but rather "polish up your presentation and put your best foot forward, here are some typical ways to do that" because we like shortcuts and this is how reality functions.
[–]Severe-Ad9174 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
He wrong tho???
[–]VeliVoy -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yes
[–]VeliVoy -2 points-1 points0 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Snakehead004 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Close but I don't agree with this part:
Those are the douchebags I speak of and they'll rarely get quality woman. Just be genuine and life your best life. Woman will follow. Guaranteed.
[–]daring_innovator 15 points16 points17 points 4 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
Confidence in & of itself is sexy. It can even be self reinforced through: Abundance, Love, experience, self improvement, knowledge, great body, money, power, dick game, game itself, learning from past failures, etc. But really Its the internal qualities that make the person a rockstar. Its the internal work that needs to be done and only done by you is how confidence is built & only through repetition, failure & self improvement.
[+]mykeslaier44 -8 points-7 points-6 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
dick game
Is this how normies cope with having no size lmao?
[–]pua_max 29 points30 points31 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
What about being confident in your social skills? Being able to make her feel heard, challenged, inspired, and calmed.
[–]Snakehead004 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Woah buddy this is r/subduction not r/personal growth!?! These dudes think EQ is a black market viagra
[–]BostonWeedParty 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Mmm usually people who are faking don't come off as having more confidence than they should about something. In fact they are more likely to come off as incongruent than anything
[–]Thin_Protection5616 25 points26 points27 points 4 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
This isn't true at all.
Confidence signals social success and status. Thus, it is inherently attractive to women.
[+]VeliVoy -11 points-10 points-9 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Yeah, success and status
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]mykeslaier44 -2 points-1 points0 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
So you're sending false signals then lmao.
[–]King_Bricen 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ah no just because your not successful doesn't mean you can't be confindent
That's not flase signal's you can just be confident in yourself as a person what you have or what you do can have nothing to do with it
[–]Thin_Protection5616 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Exactly
[–]mykeslaier44 -3 points-2 points-1 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Thus, it is inherently attractive to women.
Incorrect, false confidence is easily mistaken for insecurity or mental illness.
Funny in your post you said it comes off as arrogance, not insecurity. Stop making excuses for yourself, it's only hurting your ability to improve.
[–]TANKER_06 9 points10 points11 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I am confident in my abilities when it comes to my career, and my personality when it comes to social situations. I know I'm average looking at best and have an average income. I'm not rich, nor have I won any Nobel prizes. Does that make me arrogant? No.
Confidence is a state of mind. Based on the dictionary; "Confidence is a feeling or consciousness of one's powers or of reliance on one's circumstances."
Arrogance, however, is an attitude. Based on the dictionary; "Arrogance is an attitude of superiority manifested in an overbearing manner or in presumptuous claims or assumptions."
They are not mutually exclusive. One could be confident and arrogant. An overly successful salesman could be extremely confident in his skills and be arrogant to his colleagues because he knows he can get away with it based on his confidence in his skills and performance as a salesman.
Confidence without anything to back it up, either material or psychological, is just called false confidence. Perhaps one could try too hard and think confidence is arrogance and therefore, act like a dick like what you are alluding to.
Playful arrogance isn't all that bad too. I always play the cocky/arrogant guy when making jokes, saying wild things that would otherwise get me slapped if I didn't have a smile on my face. I once again must emphasize the word "playful". Don't be arrogant and shit on people's day with a grin, which would just make you an even bigger dick.
[–]geo930 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Wrong.
[–]atomant88 9 points10 points11 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Nah
[+]VeliVoy -11 points-10 points-9 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
What are you saying man
[–]atomant88 13 points14 points15 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
im saying youre wrong. confidence is sexy. period. your own definition of 'having something to back it up' is judgmental BS. and not everyone is so judgmental.
[–]BostonWeedParty 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This right here is truth OP listen and learn and stop making excuses.
[+]VeliVoy -9 points-8 points-7 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
No man you shouldn't say things like that
[+]VeliVoy -13 points-12 points-11 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
[+]VeliVoy -6 points-5 points-4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]drewcer 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Gtfo dude this is incredibly wrong. The difference between arrogance and confidence is that with confidence you’re not afraid to fail. You’re not afraid of being socially rejected. You’re not afraid of not looking cool. Confidence comes from within. It’s not based on anything besides your willingness to step up.
Arrogance is about all those things you “have” and the belief that having them makes you better than other people.
[–]spacemangoes 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
With confidence you can get girls. If you can back it up, you can retain them
[–]VeliVoy 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Facts
[–]Working_State_2521 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I don't really have a status, not a lot of people know me and financially I absolutely suck. Despite this, I'm doing just fine because I am comfortable with myself
Idk about you tho
[–]punisher1005 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I'll try to explain. My girlfriend knows I care for her and would move mountains for her. But I don't need her.
I love her and I want to take care of her. But I don't need her.
I want to be a great man to her but, I don't need her.
If she wants to leave or cheats on me , same goes for me, okay bye, kick rocks. I will feel bad but I know in myself I will be okay.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Well I hate to break it to you then but it’s not a good metric to use for someone’s value then. Men are just mostly egocentric fucking idiots.
[–]Laura2_point_0 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Confidence is very sexy.
[–]Snakehead004 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
100% nonsense. Cringy douchebag stuff comes across as arrogant. The stuff you see from "pua" artists and lots in this sub is cringy.. But that's not real confidence. It's bs arrogance and is painfully obvious for anyone with a decent amount of EQ. So if you're faking confidence it will be obvious, yes.
[–]HowToStud 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
All you need is self belief
[–]MO_drps_knwldg 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Believe you’re the prize, but actually be the prize. Both are needed.
You can have great qualities, but unless you authentically believe that you’re a valuable person, you won’t convey attractiveness
If you believe you’re a prize, but don’t have anything going for you, you can still attract women, but it won’t be sustained
[–]Intelligent-Dingo-64 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Some girls love arrogance
[–]FaithInStrangers94 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Arrogance is arrogance whether you’ve achieved things or not.
Unfortunately it is an aphrodisiac for many women though
[–]atomant88 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
only naive and insecure women
[–]VeliVoy -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
It is, I also know women who get wet just talking to arrogant men but in general, a confident man with a solid backing is going to get more chicks than an arrogant man who has nothing
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Arrogant men get more women, confidence isn’t enough women need to have it shoved in their face. Arrogance will make women think he’s self confident then a actual confident man. Look into how arrogant and cocky men do with women. A confident man might not be aggressive in the way that player guy will
[–]VeliVoy 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
How do they do it?
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Arrogance shows willingness to offend which means the guy doesn’t need the girl because offending could result in her leaving walking away rejection etc. Also if he’s arrogant a women perceives that he’s been like this all the time so he’s essentially a winner in all the things he does. I said perceive he could be a loser broke but I know people I been that broke loser and we all had girls regardless. One more thing a arrogant man kicks the fuck off her pedestal he’s not tryna impress her or make her like him. A confident man can embody all these traits but he’s most likely a bit passive, women aren’t the body language mind readers this forum has made it out to be or arrogance wouldn’t work so well.
[–]VeliVoy 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
So how exactly do you be arrogant? Like talk highly about yourself and stuff? Or just be straight up rude?
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I do more body language, but it’s also frame I’m trying to see if she’s good enough for men and I test and qualify hard. Smirking attitude of I’ve seen it all and I seen girls like you before. Sure you can talk arrogance but I do more body language with a little talking but more testing and qualifying. “I like fun girls I only date fun girls are you fun at all?” It’s a common thing to qualify here but with a arrogant frame it will come off as rude a bit also “what do you have besides your looks?”. Look it up and play around with it
Confidence is a result of your belief in your competence. Arrogant people are insecure in core and only act "confident" to get validation. People who are geniunely confident never come off as anything else.
Confidence is also very context dependent and is pretty much only built by repetition and mental self-reinforcement. Someone could feel very unconfident in social situations but feel very confident making shots in basketball for example. Self-esteem is how much we value ourselves and affects our confidence levels.
It seems like you are blaming things outside of your control to protect your ego. Maybe you should shift your focus to things you can control, take some action and try changing your beliefs about women.
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
idk man lots of heavy not great looking dudes have smokes near me (they're prolly hung and rich tho) lmfaooooo
I can give you something solid to back into…
[–]VeliVoy -2 points-1 points0 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Just something I've experienced personally
[–]passengerpigeon20 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
What “personal experience” is this to be specific? Do you live in Scandinavia? In my own experience, when I confidently approach a girl, it is much more likely that she is actually flattered by my approach and lets me down nicely, rather than being creeped out - even though I am a fat, ugly, short autistic guy.
South Asia
[–]passengerpigeon20 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ah, in that case I'd imagine not a lot of advice pertaining to picking up girls in nations with a casual dating culture can transfer over.
[+]penis_in_my_hand -6 points-5 points-4 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
If confidence doesn't have something to back it up it's arrogance not confidence.
The difference between arrogance and confidence is simply this: confidence can be backed up. Arrogance cannot.
That's why you can be "confident in" something but you can't be "arrogant in" something.
Arrogance is just fake confidence.
Exactly 😌 You need to have something to back it up
[–]VeliVoy -3 points-2 points-1 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]emilyjadeofficial 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I think there’s a fine line for both. Like whether you do or don’t have something going for you, I don’t want you to be so un-confident that you’re self-deprecating, but also not so confident that it comes off as arrogant. I don’t care whether you “actually” have something to back it up or not 🤷🏼♀️
[–]RickyRiccardos 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
OP, this is just a limiting belief you have…
Wrong kind of woman in what sense? I've seen arrogant guys attracting tons of women.
Looks like I found a goldmine....Tell me more about that
[–]GWKBJ7 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This probably wont land but no. True confidence is sexy. And no, you most likely do not have it.
[–]fangclan 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
it's good to be confident regardless of what you have. A guy doesn't need those things to be confident while also not being arrogant.
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