How to determine if a girl is the right person to marry?

HeIsMyPossum · 2022-02-06T18:50:51+00:00

There seems to be a lot of weird information on here mostly because I'm guessing a lot of people in this sub aren't married.

I think for me it was a realization of a few things:

1) The initial attraction/infatuation stage is always going to be a rush. For me, this was the 10/10 feeling because everything is new and nove

2) Getting married, you are "giving up" on that same type of rush, or at least as consistently. You'll always find those moments, but they aren't quite the same.

3) I put giving up in quotes because it's not quite right. I would say you're trading it in. You're trading in novelty for consistency and depth. Having a partner who has been with you through all kinds of shit is just a different game all together. You develop a shorthand of sorts, and your communication can just enter another level. I can tell how my wife is feeling in just about every situation, and vice versa.

The hardest part is that you just can't know what it's like until you're in it. For me, a childless guy, it reminds me of what having kids would be like. From the outside, it's easy to see the negatives, but difficult to see the positives. Married seems like you'll be tied down, not have the freedom, worrying about another person, etc. But the positives are incredible, I just don't know if I can transfer them to you via text.

The best advice I would have is keep building a relationship, and at some point the desire to go find others and give up what you have seems foolish. You'll always dream of "the chase", but that's kinda all you miss. That's when you know. On the marriage side of things... It's much better here. Never once regretted my choice for a moment. I've been with my wife for 10 years. We have an impossible connection.

2022-02-06T15:28:42+00:00

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revralph89 · 2022-02-06T18:52:13+00:00

Honestly considering most guys on this subreddit are incels, or don't genuinely have the guts to go and actually talk to women in real life with success take a lot of these comments with a grain of salt. With that being said in my opinion there's no perfect or straight forward answer to this question. At the end of the day you want to meet someone you have a genuine connection with beyond physicality. Someone you would consider a legitimate friend who you enjoy doing things with on a regular basis. Relationships can be hard, but at the end of the day If you understand love is a choice, and the grass is greenist where you choose to cultivate it, you'll have done everything to the best of your ability. Keep in mind comfort also leads to complacency so make sure to be about your purpose and don't lose your edge as a person in the process.

paco9208 · 2022-02-06T18:53:33+00:00

I think it's about you, having worked on yourself enough to attract and maintain high quality relationships. You'll also have the maturity to know if a good relationship is worth making permanent.

But, in general, don't take advice from degenerates with attachment issues on these matters.

the_boss_jos007 · 2022-02-06T16:44:36+00:00

You can have a list of requirements (things you want in a spouse). I used to have an extensive list but realized, nobody could check all the boxes. I suggest you think of what you really want in your spouse and have 3 or 4 musts that have to be met. Mine are we have to have the same belief system (I think this is so important) wether you’re a Christian, atheist, muslim, etc if you don’t have the same belief system is going to be rough. I think this one should be a the top for everyone.

FaithInStrangers94 · 2022-02-07T00:55:23+00:00

How to know if you’ve found true love (in my opinion):

1) you feel like you can be unapologetically yourself with them and they appreciate it - you don’t need to put on a facade

2) you generally feel uplifted after having spent time with them

3) you can have discussions which don’t devolve into arguments

4) you always have their best interest in mind - even if it slightly inconveniences you (and expect they will do the same with you)

5) you have similar underlying values and morals (not necessarily similar interests)

In reality you’ll always have to make compromises to be with someone and the initial attraction will fade away for the most part - however with the right person it’s absolutely worth it

StereoFood · 2022-02-06T17:16:25+00:00

She respects and admires you.

MO_drps_knwldg · 2022-02-06T23:15:16+00:00

It sounds like a cliche, but communication ability is the number one personality trait you need to look for. A woman who can honestly and respectfully tell you how she feels.

If you both can’t effectively communicate, the relationship will crumble and you will both be on a path to misery.

Superb-Bank9899 · 2022-02-06T18:01:13+00:00

Picture yourselves in 20 years. Does she have annoying habits? If she does then you are making an informed choice. If she does not then you are in the infatuation stage of the relationship and not ready to commit.

ezekiell_86 · 2022-02-07T08:50:20+00:00

She has a career and could be independent without you
She's financially stable
You challenge eachother intellectually
You have similar goals in life
You share interests and hobbies
You love eachother
The sex is great

EDIT: I'm married 10 years. If I could have a do over this would be my check list

Destryster · 2022-02-06T21:40:39+00:00

When you find someone that genuinely takes into consideration the hardships and good times needed to be there for each other is what Marriage is traditionally meant for. You can “like” anyone for that matter but when you love someone you dont need anyone else to provide that level of connection for you. Its hard to dictate what a true marriage lifestyle should be as in the western world everything is skewed in the favor of women, however you will know in your heart mind and soul if this is the one person that’d you want to spend for the rest of your life. Nowadays marriage is for women, divorce is for women and even if they cheat: its for women. Dont get married early and regret your wonderful life, there’s plenty of time to meet great people out there that will put in the same time and effort you do in them. Basically dont be stupid in love and play your cards right, you will build an amazing family that’s worth fighting for and look back with true satisfaction. 👍🏽

PushOrganic · 2022-02-07T01:29:47+00:00

Dude have you not seen the cheating that happens within marriage? You have to game your wife forever

ShingyMo · 2022-02-06T15:38:56+00:00

I was always told that there are no stupid questions, but you seem like an idiot.

If you need to ask this question, she is not the right one for you.

RProgrammerMan · 2022-02-06T19:28:00+00:00

I think being honest, understanding responsibility and having good morals are important for marriage. I also think it’s important to not just be attracted to each other but have compatible personalities so that you feel like each other’s best friend. I think you have to be 1) close friends 2) attracted to each other and have 3) compatible life circumstances (age, lifestyle, location). Recently I’ve attracted women that were pretty, my friend or close in age but not yet someone that’s all at once. I think the purpose of game should be to attract large numbers of women to increase your chances of finding a quality partner, some fall down the rabbit hole of game and never make it out.

Obi2 · 2022-02-06T18:09:05+00:00

Look for lots of green flags and little red flags, protect your assets, have her sign a pre-nup, move to a state with equal parenting as default and no spousal support, take pre marital counseling, stay engaged as long as possible, consider not getting married plenty of times…. And then if you pull the trigger pray daily.

lifeofideas · 2022-02-06T22:04:53+00:00

Marriage is a lot like going into business. You want a business partner that is really dependable, a hard worker, and careful with money.

recyclablebanthas · 2022-02-07T12:56:08+00:00

1

We don’t want to game for our entire lives, do we? At some point I need to pull out, get married and build a family.

The first thing to realize is no matter what way you game, you affect what kind of people you're attracting into your life. And frequently, it's like a mirror:

If you're distrustful, it's more likely you'll act in a way that repels trustworthy people and attracts people one probably shouldn't trust.
If one wants casual sex, one will attract like-minded people and repel those seeking LTRs. (Or, curve ball, one can often also attract dysfunctional people who think they can and should be converting causal sex seekers into LTRs.)

2

And one issue is, the longer one has been gaming for casual sex, the more likely it is that one has gotten attuned to casual sex partners, which has some side effects, like being more likely to:

See someone stable and trustworthy as simply boring and a chump.
Write well adjusted people off as being unable to keep up with the night life or whatever lifestyle goes along with ones pursuit of casual sex.
Let maladjusted people in and end up trying to make ill-advised LTRs with them.
See healthy communication as weak or needy.

So you might consider a "detox" of sorts. It can take a while to undo however many years of habit built up from gaming for casual sex.

There have been some good lists of qualities here, but your radar might be way off; you might have trouble seeing a good thing.

Cut yourself some slack if it takes time to recalibrate.

It can help you make sure you're cultivating some social circles that don't revolve around game or the places where you frequently game.

Sup3rHD · 2022-02-07T03:30:50+00:00

Dont marry, you will lose Everything

reaprofsouls · 2022-02-06T18:41:29+00:00

Wait for her to become a woman first 😎

IanWorthington · 2022-02-07T00:27:25+00:00

You will marry the wrong person.

PrintergoBrrr2020 · 2022-02-07T00:45:47+00:00

Look at her parents. Are they divorced or does she come from messed up family. Avoid her.

determinator94 · 2022-02-06T20:56:12+00:00

Here’s how you know (even while you’re in a relationship) - you play the game (hopefully better) until she’s done playing the game. Sorry to say this, but dating/relationships is all about who wins and who loses.

2022-02-06T15:39:56+00:00

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ScrumNoobie · 2022-02-06T22:26:53+00:00

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2022-02-06T17:09:48+00:00

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DoctorForesight · 2022-02-07T14:24:06+00:00

Lol no hymen, no diamond

iluvreddit · 2022-02-06T22:36:18+00:00

Actually if you always pull out, you’ll never have to get married

recyclablebanthas · 2022-02-07T00:22:14+00:00

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St4rBr1ght · 2022-02-07T00:50:08+00:00

https://www.nytimes.com/2016/05/29/opinion/sunday/why-you-will-marry-the-wrong-person.html

This article is very insightful. What revs you up vs what is wholesome and rewarding to you long term are often at odds. Know where you are on that dichotomy.

NewCommonSensei · 2022-02-07T01:52:49+00:00

Think about it when you’re in your 30s

BravePigster · 2022-02-07T03:07:51+00:00

Try living with them for a year to see what type of person they are when both comfortable, and pissed/panicked, both are things you wanna know before dedicating your life to them.

emily_tangerine · 2022-02-07T03:21:50+00:00

First of all, you don’t have to do anything.

schmidter7 · 2022-02-07T12:37:04+00:00

I wouldn't get married. It's a raw deal for men. You commit your time, emotional engagement, and resources, and she doesn't have to commit anything in return. If she divorces you, you still owe her financial stability and she owes you nothing.

If you really want marriage...

Does she look at you with adoration? Does she respect you? Is she loyal? Does she try to win your affection frequently? Does she support your goals, adopt your values, show interest in your hobbies? Are there any major life goals/values you don't share? I.e deal breakers. Do you both want kids? Religion? Etc?

Creepyunclexd · 2022-02-07T14:16:43+00:00

She is loyal.

ScrumNoobie · 2022-02-07T17:35:45+00:00

Before you marry check “darius m” latest videos on YouTube. You need to learn that is women divorce you they will benefit and be incentivized huge. You will regret it. It's important you see the consequences of both sides and then use your best judgement. I wish you luck

escope7 · 2022-02-07T20:11:12+00:00

Take this with a grain of salt as I’m an unmarried 20 year old, but the biggest thing in my opinion for a lasting relationship is shared values.

Things like •Do you both want children? •If you value honesty over hurt feelings or sparing feelings instead of honesty •Do you value stability or more freedom •I like to think of anything that would be a major conflict in raising and instilling values in a child, what could you compromise and what are you unmoving and what will the compromise and what are they unmoving on?

Other than that, enjoy each other’s company. Find someone who you can share your life with, but who isn’t your life.

You’ll probably go through a lot of failed relationships before you find a girl you want to marry, and that’s a good thing. Those failures will teach you what you can and can’t accept, and other lessons about relationships.

Lastly make sure you have self respect. Respect your girl and make her life better but don’t let her walk on you ever, always establish boundaries when needed.

AirSpacer · 2022-02-07T22:35:10+00:00

The biggest decision that you’ll make in your life is who you choose to marry. You should be physically attracted to each other (eventually degrades over time which is understandable), y’all should level each other up in some way, y’all should be able to talk through what you value and the decisions you’ll make, and lastly, y’all should determine your plans for creating wealth (who is the breadwinner and how will you get there) and the accompanying lifestyle.

I am not married but these are the thoughts I have about the person I’d want to marry and at the core of what I think would make for a solid foundation.

These are important and serious conversations to have. I know a lot of people who loved the idea of marriage but didn’t take time to have an honest talk with their partner and are struggling (financially, emotionally, and other reasons). These are easy conversations to start but require a high level of maturity and understanding.

Title	How to determine if a girl is the right person to marry?
Author	Equivalent_Feature23
Upvotes	149
Comments	105
Date	February 6, 2022 3:20 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/slz4gr/how_to_determine_if_a_girl_is_the_right_person_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-to-determine-if-a-girl-is-the-right-person-to.1267405 https://theredarchive.com/post/1267405

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