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[–]gstwin89 322 points323 points324 points 5 years ago (58 children) | Copy Link
Well, if she doesn't text you. Than she's not interested. Don't stress it. Just move on.
[–]El0vution 45 points46 points47 points 5 years ago (57 children) | Copy Link
Even if she IS interested, she may not text him. He should have asked for her number.
[–]JambalayaGreenerbort 148 points149 points150 points 5 years ago (45 children) | Copy Link
I think it was the right move seeing as how she was at work. Asking someone to give you there number on the job doesn't feel right.
[–]maplemario 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Dunno. As long as you pick a good time. Just put your phone in her hand and make it clear its so you can let her know when you need a +1 to a concert.
[–]cookiesforwookies69 -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
“Asking someone to give you their number on the job just doesn’t feel right”-
How does one meet people, then? Wait until your day off or until you see them on the street? He liked her specifically, he should be able to ask her out
(Not for nothing, but she’s a strong independent woman and not a child. If she’s not interested, she should be able to say no and he should take it in stride. )
[+]gstwin89 -27 points-26 points-25 points 5 years ago (42 children) | Copy Link
It depends tho, if you feel like she doesn't have time such as cashiers than yes its the right decision.
In some jobs girls will get in trouble if their boss sees them with their phone but in that case you can ask her to tell you their number instead of giving her your phone.
But i personally prefer to avoid giving her my number and instead take hers. If i have her number, i have full control of the situation and don't have to be in the situation you're in with the question in the back of my mind wondering when she will call.
Also as a man you're responsable for making the move. By giving her your number, you just made it her responsibility. You're changing the roles. Unless she's a bit masculine, the chances are low she will reach out to you.
[–]sharararara 20 points21 points22 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Hard disagree.
Women at work feel OBLIGATED to make customers happy, or their job might be at risk of the person complains (could be about literally anything)
Giving her HIS number puts the play in her hands, and takes the pressure of "smile and nod and be good" at work off.
[–]sharararara 7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (40 children) | Copy Link
Also, you sound like a complete control freak mysoginst.
As if a woman wouldnt POSSIBLY text a guy bc "inappropriate".
Times have changed, buddy. We like taking the reins too, you should allow it sometime. You might actually enjoy yourself.
[–]gstwin89 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (39 children) | Copy Link
I assume I'm talking to a woman right now?
I'm not saying that woman shouldn't or wount make the first move or text. I'm saying that as a men you should step up, and take control by making the first move.
I grew up in these "new times" and i have never ever seen a woman take the first move. I've seen woman hinting and inviting men to make the move but never seen or have friends who experienced woman taking the first move.
So its all cool that you want to show how much of a strong woman you are but if the majority of the men are going to put the dating responsibility in the womans hand, than we will be fixing the overpopulation problem rather quickly.
Also I can't help but notice how offended you feel by my comment. What's up with that?
[–]sharararara 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (38 children) | Copy Link
I'm not offended lol. Not remotely, you dont matter in my world at all, aside from some reading material as I wait for my hair to dry.
People make moves on each other all the time. There is no reason to need to "control" the situation, especially when giving out your number makes YOU the vulnerable one, instead of vice versa.
Personally, its refreshing to see a guy think about things from another perspective than his own (talking abt OP here).
Are you this condescending to every woman you come into contact with? "Prove you're a strong woman" ...how did I even TRY to do that? You think saying I'd make the first move makes me a stronk woman? That's not even a touch of what makes me stronk. That's just a character trait.
[–]gstwin89 6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (37 children) | Copy Link
According to the Cambridge dictionary the meaning of condescending is: treating someone as if you are more important or more intelligent then them.
I never said woman are dumb or cant do something or weak. I told you my experience and perspective on dating. I also said that you are a strong woman which is somewhat a compliment based on how hard you are trying to tear me down to represent woman.
Which is condescending, which makes you a hypocrite. Lol.
[–]sharararara 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (36 children) | Copy Link
Yup. You're right. You got me.
[–][deleted] 5 years ago (35 children) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
[–]jjakot 36 points37 points38 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
A girl will always text you if she’s interested, girls feel more comfortable this way cause at least if she isn’t into you you don’t now have her contact details and she’s not at risk of being hounded by a guy she was just entertaining
[–]sharararara 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This. Also, we get busy in our lives as well, so just be patient.
[+]reversedbydark -8 points-7 points-6 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Not really, a man should send the first text setting up the date. If anything this makes girls feel uncomfortable cos they can't be truly feminine if they have to make these types of choices.
[–]dmajor85 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
She should initiate the contact after that he can set up the date
[–]reversedbydark 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I agree with you major, she should initiate the contact...and lapdances should be free after the 5th drink but that's not the world we live in is it...
Let's assume that they're both at least avarage looking or above. Even an avarage girl will have way more choices than the avarage guy...therefore she doesn't need to initiate and she won't.
She ALREADY agreed to hang out, the right move after that would have been smth like:
'Cool (responding to said willingness to hang out), why don't you shoot me you instagram page (or number) so we can keep in touch there.' (hands her the phone)
Then wait a couple of days and set it up at a fancy place and mention that she should wear a dress.
Set, match.
[–]dmajor85 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Put too much thought into it and it won’t work keep it simple if the woman is interested she will reach out keep texting to a minimum and set up a date
[–]reversedbydark 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
No need for 'too much thought'...you only need game and it will work for most of the times.
[–][deleted] 7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Asking for someone’s number creates a pity/pressure situation. Many girls just provide a number to get the person away or to appease.
Leaving her your number shows that you are interested (which was obvious when you approached her) and splits control of the situation, meaning - you initiated the potential date, and she can choose to make it happen or not. If she doesn’t call, she’s not into you.
[–]dmajor85 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Nope he did the right thing let them chase u
[–]El0vution 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Learn to separate theory from practice. You can’t rely on them chasing you until you’ve built enough value in their eyes. He’s just another average guy in the gym.
[–]dmajor85 -2 points-1 points0 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Um she was attracted she signaled him he gave her the number the value is in the interest how he handles her going forward is what matters
[–]Particular_Visual531 20 points21 points22 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Look, you can be friendly and interested. Act just like you did when you talked to her. You want her to know either way, you're so cool and confident that its no big deal. So you're now semi-friends/acquaintances so act like it. Instead of just scanning your membership card continue to talk to her. Even mention concerts that are coming into town, but don't ask her out again until she shows that she is interested. Be cool and confident, she'll be impressed even if it doesn't work with her.
[–]double_prong 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
^ is the good advice buried in this sea of bad advice.
When you do ask her out again, sell the event as well as yourself. Give her reasons to say yes. And do get her number (for "logistics") when you ask her out, giving your number is infamously useless.
[–]TheBYOBShow 26 points27 points28 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If she text you great. But if she doesn't, just be normal and smile at her. Some women are a bit gun shy. Then if she says she wants to talk when your at the gym. Say you have my number abd walk away. There is also she lost the card, or a co worker guy took it.
Just be normal like nothing happened. Smile and chat with her if the situation presents itself.
[–]FireBreather2992 27 points28 points29 points 5 years ago (50 children) | Copy Link
Great that you tried. However did you feel any chemistry or sexual tension from her? Also, why didn't you directly asked her out instead of giving your number?
[–][deleted] 48 points49 points50 points 5 years ago (46 children) | Copy Link
Cause she’s in a workplace and I didn’t want to put her in a position where I literally just introduce myself 10 mins ago to then just say “hey let’s go out sometime”. She’s a student and a worker, so I’m sure she can’t think of an actual time slot off the bat. Also I’m sure about 80% of the males that go to my gym have probably try to ask her out too from the start and most likely failed so, didn’t want to be a statistic and felt like my approach was less pressure based.
[–]petoburn 16 points17 points18 points 5 years ago (37 children) | Copy Link
I am a woman and completely agree with your approach, totally the most likely thing to work with me. I wouldn’t have liked being asked for my number, or out on a date straight away. I wouldn’t mind being given the option to text you. I’d be friendly, but not persistent next time you see her. She may have been burnt pretty badly by past gym goers, she may be seeing someone at the moment. Don’t ignore her for sure.
[–]sharararara 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (36 children) | Copy Link
Same here! All these men giving their opinion and the women saying "This would work."
I mean, I'd listen to the people that are the "target audience"
[–]petoburn 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Yeah I cringe at all the men saying he should’ve asked for her number rather than given his. I have texted two people who gave me their number while I was working. I have never given me number to a guy whose asked while I was working. Huge red flags that they wouldn’t even realise the potential to make a woman uncomfortable.
[–]sharararara 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Seriously. I'm in a whole debate with some "alpha male chest bump bro" right now In another thread here. Its insane.
[–]petoburn 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Haha I saw that and decided not to chime in, he’s a lost cause.
[–]sharararara 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If Only I were so intelligent lol
[–]reversedbydark 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
No disrespect to the ladies, but guys should never ever take dating advice from girls. So no, I wouldn't listen to them and neither should this guy.
No disrespect again.
[–]sharararara 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
Why not?
[–]reversedbydark 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
Because girls don't know what they want, even if they think they do. Or just give you advice that isn't really practical...while men are practical creatures.
That's just the reality of it all.
But there is advice that objectively works based on the experience of other guys...why not use that??
It's the only real way to keep your mental health and get laid at the same time from what I gather from this sub. (wasn't talking about myself btw)
[–]sharararara 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Riiiiight. Ok then.
[–]reversedbydark -2 points-1 points0 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
I get it, I'm full of it. :) Please educate me what should he have done or what should he do to bring this home?
You obv know better so let's hear it please.
[–]sharararara 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Would you listen?
[–][deleted] 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]sharararara 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Thats definitely anecdotal.
[–]FireBreather2992 -3 points-2 points-1 points 5 years ago* (17 children) | Copy Link
No offence madam, but any guy with even a bare minimum experience in getting girls will ever take any dating advice from a women. I understand that you mean well, but women just can't tell a guy what to do to create attraction in another woman. That is something a guy must find out on his own by trying again and again.
Secondly, I as a guy have a LOT more experience getting girls that you do so I think by simple logic my opinion matter because it is based on real life tips, rather than your wishful talk.
To any guy reading this post "Don't ask a fish how to catch it"
[–]sharararara 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (16 children) | Copy Link
I mean, how could I not take offense to that? Lol
[–]FireBreather2992 -3 points-2 points-1 points 5 years ago (15 children) | Copy Link
Okay I'm assuming that you're a lesbian, so when you talk to a girl you like you have to feel the chemistry between the two of you. If it is there then it mostly doesn't matter what any of you say or do because you are busy enjoying each others' company. But the same thing won't happen when you talk to a guy because you have no chemistry and hence you can't truly understand.
What you are talking about mechanical processes which do matter but not more than the chemistry.
[–]sharararara 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Why assume Ii'm a lesbian?
[–]FireBreather2992 -3 points-2 points-1 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Why else would you be in this subreddit? And there are no straight women on Reddit. Lol
[–]sharararara 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Man, this shit gets old.
Seduction goes both ways, my dude.
[–]sharararara 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
Men and women can definitely enjoy each other's company without needing to bone as well.
[–]FireBreather2992 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
Yeah, you can always just make out and go second base before going all the way!!
[–]sharararara 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
Anyone can do that though.
Unless they dont like you, thennnn..... /shrug
[–]reversedbydark 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You didn't want to go for her number for whatever reason, I understand...what about her instagram or something where you can dm her??
Don't give the choice to her man, it's you who needs to make the choices like it or not.
[–]FireBreather2992 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
You didn't answer the first part of my question. Also, you may have been less pushy but you're stuck in a would she wouldn't she thought process, I mean you have given her complete control which is worse in my opinion. It would have been better if you would have just had simple conversation with her first 2-3 times to feel her out and gauge her interest level, then directly asked her out, this always works for me anyway.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I def sensed some kind of chemistry, she was easy to talk to and very friendly (And that is breaking out of the "Friendly" work character shes obligated to be). Sexual tension...I guess not really?
[–]DakiAge -5 points-4 points-3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
He doesn't have enough self-confidence to do that.
He literally invented lots of excuses to answer your questions.
Its excellent that you're aware that they all prob do the same thing and you're willing to try still AND you put the play in her hands.
A different approach sets you apart from the rest, guaranteed.
[+]DakiAge -9 points-8 points-7 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
You guys were looking at each other for weeks so you should have directly asked her out.
You also speak like a loser so have some self-confidence.
[–]sharararara 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Ew.
[–]DakiAge 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Everything is obvious so why should he waste his time with "getting her number"?
Been there, done that...
[–]superchalupa 23 points24 points25 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Great points here! Ask specifics, make concrete plans, not generic i'd-like-to-hang-out-sometime. Something like: "Hey, I see that $BAND is playing in two weeks at $COOL_LOCAL_VENUE. I would like it very much if you would go with me. Will you go with me?" If the response is positive, you can expand and create a date: "We can grab a bite to eat before the concert at one of my favorite local restaurants! I'd love to show you the artwork there, they always have the best local artists and their $APPETIZERS are to-die-for."
If the response is negative but she seems open, get her number and try to hash out a specific day you can do something.
[–]DakiAge 22 points23 points24 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
This isn't the u/programmerseduction sub (:
Php objects are unnecessary (:
[–]bonkers799 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I was really hoping a reddit user gad that reddit name...
[–][deleted] 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]Railionn 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I mean it sucks having someone cancel on you 3 times, I agree on that. But you could just say that to her, instead of ignoring? There's a chance it was all for legit reasons and she apologized
[–][deleted] 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Railionn 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thanks, that makes much more sense! Good move. Fuck that.
[–]double_prong 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You almost played it right. You're right to stop giving her much attention, but wrong to act like you're hurt or that you care. You can act friendly but busy (so you can't stop and chat), and maybe ask her out again in a couple months.
She'll get the message that flaking doesn't fly.
[–][deleted] 17 points18 points19 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Don’t listen to the guys saying “never leave it up to her”. I think this was the right play here.
[–]reversedbydark -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
You can think anything you want to but it wasn't the right choice man.
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
There are exceptions to every rule. An at work approach where they can get in trouble for giving out their phone number seems like a completely valid exception.
[–]reversedbydark -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ok, what about socials? You're missing the point, it's not about her number man...it's about you having a direct line to her to set up a date.
[–][deleted] 5 years ago (17 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 12 points13 points14 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
That is what I'm thinking. Shes at work, I didn't want to feel like I was "Pressuring" her by asking for her phone number. I rather just give my number and if she is interested and when she is not in a work environment, she can text me.
If she doesn't text me at all, thats fine too, I'll still go to the gym, greet her like I normally would, and go about my day.
[+]TheSunshineMan -6 points-5 points-4 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
This is horrible advice.
Seriously this is brought up almost daily - the guys who understand women and game always say to get the girls number, not give it out.
Seriously don't listen to this person.
[–]xMellow 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Seriously this is brought up almost daily - the guys who understand women and game always say to get the girls
I agree, cause normally girls are too scared to send the text.
[–]TheSunshineMan -2 points-1 points0 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
This sub must be filled with noobs as I've had a half dozen people wanna battle me on how I'm wrong about this on different posts today.
[–]double_prong -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It's 99% noobs.
THIS
[–]TheSunshineMan -4 points-3 points-2 points 5 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
You did well. Its generally preferred when the guy gives his number
This is horrible advice. This sounds like advice a woman would give.
Rule #1 - don't take dating advice from women.
[–][deleted] 5 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
[–]StillSadAboutJiraiya 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Women don’t know what they want. If you ask them they’ll say, smart, funny, and kind. When you show them these qualities they wont pick you because your missing the one thing they wont say which is physical attraction. Women tend to lie because its safe and they dont want to sound shallow. Hence Rule #1.
For a lot of us, physical attraction is tied into the other traits.
[–]TheSunshineMan 7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Funny how I totally called that out and was 100% correct.
[–]Jameskeenan718 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
I also think that asking for a number so soon can make the girl skiddish sometimes... I’ve found that asking if she has an Instagram can be effective. Most girls are super responsive to their DMs on there... plus it gives you a platform to continue flirting on (comments, responding to stories, etc) instead of not having the opportunity to interact again until you go back to the gym. Just my two cents.
[–]TheSunshineMan 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
We can agree to disagree.
Girls use IG/Snap etc to find reasons to disqualify and NEXT guys.
Sure they may keep you as a fan / follower / beta orbiter text buddy - but not meet up date etc.
This is pretty much standard GAME 101 methodology.
If a girl is serious about meeting you, she'll give you her number.
[–]Jameskeenan718 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yep there’s more than one way to skin a cat. I’ve seen people be successful and unsuccessful across all mediums. The important thing is to get a line of communication going in whatever means you see fit. Just because I’ve had more success with IG over phone number exchange doesn’t mean it will be the same for someone else. But yea we can all agree that you never leave it up to the girl.
[–]TheSunshineMan 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
And then they always want to argue with you..
The quickest way to dry a girls panties is over texting or simping on their social media posts and stories.
Hahahaha yeessss.
What is up with these dudes on this sub?
I guess it is seduction, not relationships.
[–]TheBurningStag13 10 points11 points12 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
For your sake mate, I hope she calls.
I can imagine how..uncomfortable the situation might be if the time came to go back to said gym and she hasn’t contacted you yet.
If she hasn’t, I wouldn’t pursue.
Personally, I write off smiles/friendly behavior as just that, she’s working and wants people to enjoy their time at the gym. I commend you on your approach, but let her make the next move.
[–][deleted] 12 points13 points14 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thank you.
I've gotten 50/50 feedback on my approach.
1 side is saying I did the right thing and not applying pressure by asking her out off the bat or asking for her number right away, and letting her contact me if/when she feels comfortable doing so outside of work
The other side is all telling to be like "I AM ALPHA MALE *POUNDS CHEST* GIVE ME NUMBER NOW" which I feel is a bit aggressive after a 10 min convo in HER workplace.
I'm sure she gets hit on, on a regular basis and I didn't just want to be THAT guy asking for her number or time/day so early on. I rather her be comfortable enough to let her know that if she wants to hit me up, thats cool, if she doesn't then oh well, thats fine too.
[–]lizzardplaysruff 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Having been in this position myself ( getting hit on by patients/customers/ clients) I think you handled it well. Even if she doesn’t text you, continue to be cute, funny ,charming. She might just need more time to get to know you. Lots of creeps and psychos out here. Be patient. If another month goes by with no “escalation“ on her part….give it up and move on with your life. You tried, at least you put it out there. Good luck, nice gym dude!
[–]jareo123456789 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That awesome 👏🏻 let’s get ittttt If she text you then super awesome if she doesn’t then you got your reps in anyway
Game and talking to girls is just like working out gotta put in the reps to build the muscle (game)
[–]Whiskey_Water 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Giving a paper business card is awesome, but I recently got a black metal NFC card that allows me to program exactly what pops up when I tap the person's phone. Change it to my business info when I know I'll need it, or show a screen that lets them choose their favorite social media, or shares my contact info with my favorite curated playlists, or shares photos and my phone number, or gives them a calendar to choose a date and time to meet up and updates my calendar with their info. If the situation changes, all you do is pull out your phone and select a different goal/action to present the next time it is scanned.
There's also a QR code on the back that I can make do something totally different when I mix business and pleasure. Just a thought in case anyone is interested. I'm not here to shill any brands. Searching "NFC business card" will get you what you need at probably a third of what I paid.
[–]Railionn 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
She said she'd be down to be a +1, I wouldn't stress it. She'll text.
[–]doggie_smalls 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Fantastic that you went through and have her your number! But if she doesn’t text then don’t get too upset by it. Don’t ruin a good thing you two already have
[–]kidmikey13 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If she doesn’t call/text before you next go to the gym, just be your regular nice guy self that you were all those weeks before the day you gave her your card. If she isn’t interested, she might become so when you act normal. If she is interested and just got distracted/sidetracked, seeing you will be a reminder.
Good luck.
[–]Legitimate-Lies 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I have a cardinal rule of not hitting on women at work unless they initiate (cue the Reddit hive mind saying “be more masculine”) I adhere to this rule cuz she is obligated to be courteous to you cuz she can get a nasty call later of some BS about “how she was so rude to you”.
On the other side, dynamic seems alright but I wouldn’t over think it
[–]Eunner 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I don’t want to force you to make a move you feel uncomfortable making, but there is one thing that will always be a make or break factor in the seduction process: Mindset. If she doesn’t text you by the next time you see her do not act as if she isn’t interested, if you do act that way she DEFINITELY won’t be interested. A mindset I’ve always tried to implement is to always assume the girl is interested. Now this is not an invitation to grope her or get sexual off the bat, but have a mindset of “She likes me andShe is lucky that a guy like me is talking to her”. Now all of what I just said may sound very strange but trust me, it works.
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
You should’ve just took her number
She didnt offer it.
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ask and you shall receive
[–]jjwondor 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Seems like there is a balance of comments saying that you did the right thing and that you shoulda got her number. Which is right? 🤷♀️
I think what it comes down to is that she’s either into you or not. And regardless of whether you get her number or give her yours, the outcome is likely the same. If she’s not into you, she’s not gonna text you or text you back. So what’s the difference?
But good for you for asking her! I think it’s well delivered. And I also feel that there’s a cool aspect to having a business card - kinda seems like you’re a bit of a big deal, ya know?
Gave her your bcard? :)) Come on man!
You should have asked for her number or one of her smedia pages man...man are responsible for setting up the date, making the date a fun experience and getting the girl to bed.
If she doesn't call you it's kinda over and it's your fault...she even said she'd be down for it man.
Don't go over to talk to her unless she gives you a sign that she'd want you to.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Giving a business card is wrong. It’s putting her is the masculine position of initiating conversation. What do you expect her to send you? Why do you have your business cards at the gym? And why do you have business cards at all? Business cards were for the time when you couldn’t save a number in a phone.
[–]Legitimate-Lies 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Nothing wrong with business cards, I carry them with me everywhere cuz I’m an independent mechanic. Easy way to network
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Honest question: do you hand them out on your own or only when people ask for them? And do people follow through on calling you after handing them out?
[–]Legitimate-Lies 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I would say both. I got the hook up on cards so I luckily have the freedom to give em away like candy.
Being into fixing/modifying cars is a big part of my identity (it’s both a hobby and my current career) so more than likely, if someone talks to me, I will reference it at least once. Sometimes they ask for my card, if not, I’ll mention that I do side work, have a lot of my own equipment, am knowledgeable about all makes/models and also other engines (small engines or diesel) and I’ll give it to them. My idea is that I’d rather have more people knowing I fix stuff with my card in their wallet than less. That’s also another reason I give the card away. “Oh no my car broke down. Hey wait, that dude last week gave me his card! I’m gonna call him”. I am also blessed with very supportive friends, family and customers so I do have a decent word of mouth.
I do get follow ups from the cards. Statistically probably not as much as word of mouth, but outside my own advertisement through conversation or just me posting non stop fixing stuff on my socials, the cards are my only form of actual advertisement, and it’s such a nominal cost that I think anyone with a business would benefit. It also makes it seem more “professional” to have a business card (I literally work out of my garage or my beat up truck).
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
That makes sense. When I worked as a financial advisor I found that business cards never led to anything, but if I got their number and told them I would call them, then it would move things forward. I suppose it depends on the industry. Thanks for the response
[–]Legitimate-Lies 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah my skill set is definitely in a much different sort of need. One of the reasons I chose trades is the fact that a lot of people don’t do them
On the seduction side of stuff, I also agree I wouldn’t have handed out my number on a business card, but I have a theory (tried and trued in my own experience) that having that card for my own side business is a DHV because it shows I work hard, developed a skill, and have the aptitude to run my own business (if you can call it that. Very rudimentary I only take cash and don’t do it full time cuz I’m a lead tech at a dealer)
[–]Crosismitosis 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Never leave it up to her. She might be curious about you, but that may not be enough for her to reach out.
“Is there a way we can stay in touch?” This is a non intrusive alternative.
[–]TheSunshineMan -5 points-4 points-3 points 5 years ago (13 children) | Copy Link
I gave her my business card and put my personal phone number on the back of it.
You most likely won't hear from her for a few reasons:
You didn't show confidence in yourself by getting her number - you did it the beta shy male way of "here's my business card please oh please call me"
Women hamster wheel these things in their brain too much - should I text him, ok I will, no I won't, I can't decide, what if he rejects me, I'll do it later, now it's been too late and it'll be weird, I just won't message him, and she never does.
Be a man and get her number next time.
[–]superchalupa 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
OP did a great job here. Improving himself. Approaching an interest in a respectful way. Sure, getting her number would have been better, maybe next time they talk, but there's not much to criticize here. Approaching somebody who is "at work" and is forced by their job situation to interact with customers is not ideal as she likely gets hit on daily. Doing it the way he did is probably the most respectful way to do it.
"be a man" - silly.
"beta" - Also silly.
You dont need to perform masculinity. There is no universal definition of being a man/manly and attempting to police what other people consider 'manly' is silly. The research that gave us "alpha" and "beta" wolves turns out to have been flawed and that's not how wolves work in the wild. Applying a flawed concept from the animal kingdom doesnt make it any more valid when applied to humans.
Worrying about whether what you are doing is "manly", "alpha", or "beta" is detrimental to your mental health as well as the mental health of those around you.
Demonstrate self-confidence and that you are comfortable in your own skin. Be interesting by having interests and a life not centered around finding a mate. Be ethical and demonstrate reliability. All these things will help you live a fulfilling life and having a fulfilling life is attractive. Abundance mentality, not falling victim to one-itis will help your mental health.
[–]TheSunshineMan 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Alpha and Beta are super simple concepts that most people understand, that's why people use them.
[–]Visualize_ 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
lmao what the hell this is super ironic saying women hamster wheel things in their brain when that is exactly what you are doing.
It's more optimal if OP got her number, but he isn't not a man for giving her his number. The percent of success might be lower if the ball is in her court, but it just comes down to if she likes OP or not. And based on OP's assessment, she is more than lukewarm, so just giving his number is probably fine.
[–]TheSunshineMan 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
lmao what the hell this is super ironic saying women hamster wheel things in their brain when that is exactly what you are doing. No.
No.
It's called optimizing everything to put the odds in your favor as much as possible.
Why are you even here if you don't want to improve your game?
[–]Visualize_ 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I honestly think you are retarded. OP clearly is improving his game.
Calling him not a man and saying what he did was beta is just straight cringe. The funny part is part of seduction is effective communication which clearly you suck at considering how you form your comments that could easily be constructive
[–]TheSunshineMan -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
My original advice is spot on.
Sorry I don't hold is hand and give him a bunch of balloons and throw him a party for handing out his business card to some random chick at the gym.
[–]Yokowi 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
It's funny to read ya all's stories saying how this and that works like...No ish,dude. There are about 8 BILLIONS of people. Regardless of what technique,there is guaranteed at least 1 person it works on. Not to mention 90% of posts here are fake AF anyway. It's like a Wattpad for weirdos 🤣
[–]TheSunshineMan 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I run optimized game - because I want to fuck as many girls as possible for the time I commit to gaming.
[–]struthanger 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Hunt or be hunted 😎
[–][deleted] 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]TheSunshineMan 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
It's about putting the odds in your favor to meet and bang.
You're odds GO WAY UP if you get her number vs giving her some lame ass business card.
So pretty much all of the guys in this thread who are good at game with the top threads, all the legit pickup artists and other guys who have slept with hundreds to thousands of women are wrong.
This isn't even a debate - this is talked about almost daily in this sub and others - you don't have a clue what you're talking about.
So have all these interactions with women, give your number out - and lose 75% of the girls that you could easily bang by just getting her number instead.
So purposely getting way less girls than you could have - sounds lame.
[–]reaperXD024 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
😭😭 I thought this post was talking about something else for a second
Ok?…
[–]Spidey007 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It’s obvious he wanted to read about bullets
[–]youreimaginingthings 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I think you couldve been the one to text her idk. But yea if shes not interested, go back to exactly how you were treating her before (friendly hellos etc)
[–]Western-Cartoonist-1 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
i would suggest
this way the girl can look at your pictures and videos of you outside of the gym and gets a more well rounded view of you as a person. this lets a girl get more comfortable with you...and potentially more attracted - and with DMs she has a built in way of contacting you (and vice versa)
Well on my business card, I also included my IG name on there. So she has that info too. And my IG has all those qualities ☺️
[–]Western-Cartoonist-1 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
perhaps...but you can ask for a girls insta and its not as stalkerish as asking for a phone number
[–]BoringMann 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
We will need an update.
[–]Slow_Environment_782 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
She’ll text if she’s interested. If not just continue to say hi and leave it alone. She may have a boyfriend. On to the next one. Good luck.
[–]maplemario 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
As for what to say:
If you have a concert coming up you’d like to invite her to, try to fashion an opening and mention it. Don’t just bring up that she hasn’t texted you or whatever.
[–]MBicks 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Good for you for shooting the ball. Whatever you do keep shooting with the momentum it’s bound to eventually fall
[–]Lawrie_aa 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Say "I'm sorry that I didn't hear from you. I hope we can continue that conversation away from the job".
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