Girls ask me out regularly... and I hate it

norwegiandoggo · 2024-01-07T18:20:51+00:00

Your post is essentially asking why women reject you quickly on a first date.

For us to give you any relevant advice we have to know what you said / did on the date. Most likely, it's something you said or did that turned them off.

AssistTemporary8422 · 2024-01-07T18:27:52+00:00

If all the girls are leaving the date early you may be trying too hard and turning them off. Maybe make some female friends and learn how to just be chill and just have a conversation with them. If she has asked you out, you don't really have to do much, just be a normal chill person and kiss her at the end of the date.

nazo3515 · 2024-01-07T20:45:45+00:00

OP I deal with the same issue. The whole “mirroring their identity” is what we had to do to survive our childhood. It goes hand and hand with people pleasing. The good news is, you’re half way there since you’re supposedly attractive enough to have women go up to you. The bad news is, to fix your other half that’s more mental you’ll need to do more work within yourself. I’m currently trying to fix that part of myself as well, so don’t worry it’s not just you & you aren’t alone! Good luck

LogicalChart3205 · 2024-01-07T18:13:24+00:00

Ah my diamond shoes are too tight

entrepreveur · 2024-01-07T18:14:03+00:00

if you have an illness, then yes, your dating pool is going to be smaller. you just need to

get used to rejection
don't let your illness get in your way. this is probably why they're leaving you btw. it sounds like you're letting self pity and low self esteem get the better of you, which comes off as insecurity, and women can sense that. you need to accept who you are and love yourself in order to build confidence, then you can start winning women.

Just_bad_with_names · 2024-01-07T18:40:27+00:00

Mate, chill. Just try to walk us through a couple of possible ways you go through your date and let's see what the issue is. If it's just about the first dates, it's surely fixable. Most likely something you say or HOW you say it must be a little odd.

It could also be that your conversations / style doesn't match the vibe you give. Which is why they are confused and walk off.

VrilHunter · 2024-01-07T20:46:29+00:00

You sound like you already know what you're lacking. Work on it. There ain't no excuse in life to not become better. Grab like by the balls!

CharmingRejector · 2024-01-07T21:43:04+00:00

The massive happiness I get from being liked by them quickly turns into frustration, when they leave the date early.

Can you describe a few dates to us; the vibe on the date, what you did up until she left, and what you talked about before she left? Also, is there something you can pinpoint that might prompt a girl to leave early?

They always leave early. I don't know what it is - my mental illness? The fact that I have no identity and always mirror them? That I have no life?

To this I would normally advice men to re-write your script into a positive one. So, the above sentence I'd simply rewrite into:

They want to stay with me, and go home with me. And if the leave early, it's because they want me to walk them home, and come inside for "coffee" or "tea." You know what I mean... ;) I'm on top of my game. I have a cool identity, and the girls always love it when I mirror them. I have a meaningful life that I fill with everything that's important to me.

Repeat this affirmation before bed-time when your mind is most suggestible. You might think that it's lying to yourself. And perhaps you're right! But since the subconscious cannot distinguish between fact or fiction, it still builds new neural pathways in your brain. So, you still end up changing your perspective on the world to a more productive one.

But you mentioned a mental illness? You don't have to reveal what it is on here (in fact, it's probably best to keep it off the internet), but how do you think it's affecting the women in your life? You mention that you're able to keep it under wraps, so is it really the problem you think it is?

I know some peeps who suffer form auditory hallucinations (voiced in their heads) but the girls they date ofc don't know this, and as long as they keep it under wraps, there's no need to tell their date unless they become more intimate or go steady. To me these guys appear completely normal, but ofc inside they suffer. I just think it's important to note that even quite serious mental illnesses might not preclude you from dating, bcos it's usually not visible from the "outside" so to speak.

There is some reason, but it hurts so much to see these extremely interested girls turn into almost disgusted! just a few minutes later.

Man, that sucks to hear... You say this takes just a few minutes, tho? To me that sounds like it shouldn't be too hard to figure out what it is that changes their mind so fast. From there it's perhaps possible to make some changes to they'll stay longer.

The good news is that you're actually getting dates tho. There was a thread in here that asked how many dates most peeps have, and most of them answered between 0 to 3 dates a year. Food for thought.

All the best!

KingOnixTheThird · 2024-01-07T22:18:36+00:00

Did Kanye West make this post?

delux2471 · 2024-01-08T02:58:06+00:00

Sounds like dating shouldn’t eve a huge priority in your life right now.

ROBYoutube · 2024-01-07T18:23:48+00:00

The fact that I have no identity and always mirror them?

Creepy in the extreme.

That I have no life?

Boring in the extreme.

Why are you upset that people do not want to be around this for very long?

FlynnRideHer1 · 2024-01-07T18:40:47+00:00

You say that you have no identity

But at the same time, you tell us that you have worked on yourself a lot and turned yourself into an attractive man. What exactly did you do to work on yourself? Because it sounds to me that this is where your identity lies

One thing that I think would help on these first dates is some radical honesty. Something like "I was severely abused as a child and it left me broken. I've come a long way but I still struggle a lot with socializing. I often mirror other people because I still don't understand who I am". This gives the other person an understanding about your situation and, importantly, more sympathy and patience

Miguell7 · 2024-01-07T20:27:21+00:00

Surprise Surprise that looks and status only get you so far, if your personality and character are weak as hell.

yungdagerd1ck · 2024-01-07T20:53:35+00:00

Bro thinks we believe him

V-Future · 2024-01-07T20:07:39+00:00

Suffering from success

MrAnonPoster · 2024-01-07T18:55:20+00:00

You are missing the social skills. Work on that.

SnooHesitations4922 · 2024-01-07T20:59:19+00:00

You're just not grasping polarity.

The girls are asking you out which means they have high initial interest. High interest women are the most prone to dropping that interest as fast as they gained it.

Think about the things about these women that you are attracted to; maybe sweetness, submissiveness, lack of drama.

Female attraction and male attraction are different. If you are attracted to sweetness, a sweet girl will be attracted to sourness. A drama free girl will be attracted to chaos. A submissive girl will be attracted to dominance. A girl that sees one guy at a time will be attracted to a guy with other women.

So the first time you act sweet or submissive towards her, or display lack of options...she drops interest instantly because u broke the polarity. This happens when u agree with her or say yes when u really don't want to or you repeat a compliment, or you are too eager for intimacy

Significant-666 · 2024-01-07T18:28:00+00:00

Hire a dating coach

offinthewoods10 · 2024-01-07T18:35:25+00:00

I’m no expert but some therapy may be good for you if you aren’t already.

Besides that social skills are just that a SKILL. Some are better than others but anyone can learn. You are no exception.

One thing you can do right now and will help you significantly is to slow down and listen. Listen to what they have to say and learn to ask good questions. Most people don’t have anyone in their life that will actually listen to them being that person is refreshing.

Have you ever tried teaching the things that you are knowledgeable about? You say you spent the last 8 years getting your looks right. There is no way you aren’t an expert or very knowledgeable on style or fitness or whatever you did. Talking about those things can help you too because you know what you are saying is right but how you are saying it might be wrong, use those topics to calibrate your communication.

Listen to comedians and figure out why they are so funny, they are conversational and communication experts, they are real. Listen to them and you will start to pick up on their behavior and start doing it yourself. I used to be not funny at all. Now I like to think I have a great sense of humor and try to always get the people around me laughing.

Also happiness doesn’t come from women, it comes from yourself and is bolstered by those around you. Ask yourself are you happy by yourself? You spent 8 years getting your looks right and you did it, that’s an achievement in itself, women are flocking to you. What’s spending a little more time learning to communicate with them? It’ll be a piece of cake for you. Put in a little work and you’ll be set homie.

Shadow__Account · 2024-01-07T21:21:19+00:00

Use that frustration to analyze where it’s going wrong and improve until it goes right. That’s exactly why you feel that frustration, to motivate you to change things and improve.

Separate-Bake8773 · 2024-01-07T21:32:16+00:00

It would be helpful to know how you get their attention in the first place? are you well trained? looking rich? a models look? funny guy?

Longjumping_Act9758 · 2024-01-08T01:47:12+00:00

I know why they leave.

You care too much.

RunIntoTheW4ll · 2024-01-08T01:57:16+00:00

How old are you if you don’t mind me asking?

H8beingmale · 2024-01-08T11:46:01+00:00

99 percent of women will never ask a guy out first

metti2233 · 2024-01-10T21:26:28+00:00

In a nutshell - what did you changed in the past 8 years and what advice would you give us?

Title	Girls ask me out regularly... and I hate it
Author	Yellow_Squeezer
Upvotes	0
Comments	77
Date	January 7, 2024 6:05 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/190y6i6/girls_ask_me_out_regularly_and_i_hate_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/girls-ask-me-out-regularly-and-i-hate-it.1428637 https://theredarchive.com/post/1428637

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