How can I stay the nice guy?

gutaus · 2013-12-27T01:35:30+00:00

First, open more girls, then flirt more. The thing with nice guys is not that girls dont like to be treated well. It is that these guys dont flirt and they see sex and relationships as a transaction. I am nice to you and you give me sex.

You can be a good person and get laid. Flirting and body language is great at this.

flynavy88 · 2013-12-27T02:59:39+00:00

You're confusing "nice guy" with "good guy" - a nice guy believes being nice will get something back, namely sex and a relationship, whereas a good guy wants sex and relationships but isn't a douchebag to get it

wanked_in_space · 2013-12-27T05:30:13+00:00

'Nice guy' is the term used for someone who is nice to women in hopes that his behavior will get him sec with said women.

You want to be a good guy or an ethical man. The term 'nice guy' just makes me cringe.

xiko · 2013-12-27T03:38:00+00:00

Read models from Mark Mason.

joshsway · 2013-12-27T14:46:58+00:00

There is a difference between nice and being a pushover and being "asexual". A more realistic analysis of this statement is actually that NON-SEXUAL guys finish last. Be nice, but be SEXUAL.

se_d_d_it · 2013-12-27T07:51:44+00:00

There's a huge difference between a nice guy and a "nice" guy.

Shubrook · 2013-12-27T14:45:08+00:00

Imo, the 'rule' that you can't be a nice guy is really a rule that you have to respect yourself. You can clearly do both at once. Being assertive, communicating what you want and acting in your own best interests can all be done without being a dick.

bluedolphin4 · 2013-12-27T04:27:32+00:00

It seems like other comments have covered this, but the main separating factor between "nice guys" and "good guys" is desperation. As long as you don't come off as needy and dependent on the girl you're talking to, being friendly and honest with them shouldn't hurt you. That being said, you still should make sure that you aren't boring and have an interesting personality.

PuempelsPurpose · 2013-12-27T14:50:34+00:00

I'm the same. I just rely on the fact that women will see me for what I am and they will either immediately or eventually recognize that as what they want. I don't go to clubs very often but in terms of girls I have ongoing relationships with, that approach is pretty much 100% for me. I know I can become the man in every girls life if I'm just being myself.

exhibitionistcouplez · 2013-12-27T20:16:32+00:00

Be interesting and hilarious.

I'm a nice guy. I don't ever do the "I don't care" keep aloof thing. If I'm interested I act interested. If I'm attracted I act attracted. I too have gotten to an age where I don't have the time for and have better things to devote my energy towards than game playing.

I just have things to talk about. I'm funny and I make girls laugh. And I'm confident in myself. If a girl isn't interested that's fine with me, it means not compatible not that I don't measure up. That lets me be myself completely.

The thing about "the nice guy" that makes him bad is that he is self repressed. He is not himself because he is afraid that if he is no one will like him or he won't offend anyone. When "nice" is really a synonym for "non-offensive" and not "genuinely cares about others" that's not a positive attribute of any kind. It can be neutral, if you're a non offensive person. I'm not. I like fucked up humor and goofy and corny at times and other things that some people will have strong negative reactions to for whatever reason.

Other people have strong positive reactions. Those are the people I befriend and date.

You can treat people how you want to be treated so long as you're a positive force in the lives of people around you and are still fun to be around. Being blunt isn't bad at all. A guy who can walk up to any woman he likes and express sincere interest or attraction without being afraid of rejection is a guy plenty of women can find very sexy.

destinys_parent · 2013-12-28T08:00:21+00:00

You can be a nice guy by simply not being a dick. You can be assertive and confident and still be a nice guy.

patatahooligan · 2013-12-30T00:47:06+00:00

I haven't finished No More Mr. Nice Guy yet but I've read a singificant portion and it's very relevant to your question. Problem is a lot of guys in our generation have been taught to feel fundamentally flawed because of their masculinity and feel they have to be this nice guy who buys other people's affection by putting other people's needs before his own. In truth this attempted trading of nice behaviour with sex or whatever is creepy and insulting to most people even if they don't realise it. Hence, a culture where "nice guys" get the cold shoulder and feel like outcasts of society.

Read the book yourself and get a very clear understanding of when something you do is actually nice or it's part of this "nice guy" syndrome. By separating the two and eliminating the latter you will be able to be a nice guy without people losing respect and attraction for you.

In the meantime, while you're working on the book, a few short ideas to ponder:

Being nice to people should be at a reasonable cost to yourself. Holding a door open for someone is a rather insignificant sacrifice of your time and energy. Lending a friend 20$ for a week is a cool thing to do if you know you can expect this person to pay you back without hassle. Canceling plans you've made or putting your dreams on hold to accomodate other people's problems, on the other hand, is unfair and disrespectful towards yourself and people will be weirded out by this.
Doing big favors for people when you don't have a meaningful relationship with them is very uncomfortable for them. They feel like they're in a big debt to this complete stranger and they're stressed out. Everyone likes receiving a compliment or being invited to a social gathering. But if you do something extreme, bying someone you don't know well an expensive gift for example, you put them in a difficult position. They would never have done the same for you because you're not really friends but they don't know if you expect them to repay the favor in some way. They feel confused at best or tricked into being indebtedd at worst. They are justly angry at you.
Sometimes being who you are is going to create friction and there's nothing you can do about it. Do you think someone treated you disrespectfuly? Let them know. Don't accuse them and don't try to make them feel guilty. Just calmly state that you felt unfairly treated. It might be uncomfortable but you have to draw a line and show people that you have standards about your relationships with others. In the same vein, don't hide your opinions just because you know someone at your table would disagree if you stood up for what you believe. If you sense that it's creating too much tension then it might be best to change the subject but don't pretend to change your mind or let them dismiss your thought as invalid.

Hope this helps. Do read the book and keep in mind that being a genuinely nice guy is different from being that creepy nice guy nobody likes.

bigfike · 2013-12-27T05:23:23+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	How can I stay the nice guy?
Author	illa_scrilla_forilla
Upvotes	38
Comments	30
Date	December 27, 2013 1:30 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1trxnu/how_can_i_stay_the_nice_guy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-can-i-stay-the-nice-guy.1363623 https://theredarchive.com/post/1363623

Comments